Gender is a unique and complicated subject, to say the least. It is a huge spectrum and is different for all 7.6 billion people on Earth. In this article, Hailie will talk about how sex and gender identity work and how they affect us in our daily lives
We all know the birds and the bees, but that is not just what sex means. According to Meg-John Barker, author of Gender: A Graphic Guide, sex is the biological makeup of men, women, or intersex people. Genitals, hormones, and chromosomes make up a person’s sex-- but do not determine identity.
Here is where ideas may become confusing, as gender is fluid and subjective for everyone. Barker explains that gender is how people socially identify, regardless of their sex, because that is the way they feel and express themselves. This includes views of gender norms, gender expression, gender experience, and identity itself. For instance, a male can still identify as male, even if he likes to present himself as feminine. Meanwhile, another biological male may present himself as feminine because he validly feels as if he is a woman. Now, that male identifies as a female and goes by she/her pronouns because that is how she feels, regardless of physical transitioning. Maybe a male presents as feminine, but identifies as agender. This is why gender becomes a complicated subject, since it is so fluid.
An easier way to understand gender is by thinking of a bowl of ice cream. Let’s start with the bowl. The bowl is going to be one of these variations and you may not get to choose it. Let’s say there are ceramic (male) and plastic (female) bowls sitting in front of you, all stacked into one pile randomly. You have to grab a random one off the top of this pile. Some people may accidentally grab two bowls at a time (this would be an example of the variety of intersexes because you don’t know if someone grabbed two different types of bowls or a variety of the same ones). Maybe they will put a bowl back and keep only one or maybe they will keep that bowl because they like it that way and it is totally okay for them to keep both. Some people will get ceramic bowls in hope of getting a plastic bowl or vice versa, so they trade it in for a different bowl that they wanted.
This is where things get fun. This is where you choose your flavors (your identity). You can choose as many scoops as you want and any flavor you want (male, female, agender, nonbinary, bigender, androgynous, pangender, genderqueer or even a combination of those.)
The toppings are how you decide to “spice up” your ice cream. This is how you make it exactly how you want it. It is the Grand Finale. From sprinkles and gummy bears to chocolate and nuts (short hair, long hair, makeup, no makeup, feminine presence, androgynous presence, masculine presence, etc.), you get to choose exactly how your ice cream looks. Gender is as simple as this, even though it can seem big and scary to understand or navigate through. You just have to figure out your favorite flavors and toppings but, when there is such a variety, it can be a difficult decision to make.
If someone you know identifies as something besides cisgender and/or comes out to you, respect them. You don’t need to “agree” with them (even though it is NOT a choice or opinion) to be respectful towards them. Coming out is a difficult thing that has caused countless LGBTQ+ so much fear that some would rather die than be true to who they are. Someone coming out is not about you so do not say phrases such as, “But in the bible…”, “That goes against MY religion”, “It’s just a phase”, “No you’re not”, “It hurts me that you’ve become ‘that’ group”, and the list goes on. Instead, ask kind questions to understand them better and become educated. You can even simply hug them and tell them you love them, and do research on your own. Organizations such as GLAAD and GLSEN have all kinds of information about the LGBTQ+ community.
No matter if you are gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, asexual, demisexual, androsexual, biromantic, panromantic, lesbian, non-binary, genderfluid, agender, bigender, transgender, demigender, cisgender, or intersex, you ARE valid. You are loved by so many. It is a long journey of experimentation and you will figure out who you are. It will be okay.
