Follow an interview from an anonymous GPHS student about their experience living with PTSD and how it has impacted their life and education with this monthly Mental Health Column. Scroll to the bottom for an opportunity to share your struggle and experiences for our upcoming issues.
Disclaimer: This article discusses sensitive information regarding mental health that some people may feel uncomfortable with reading. Statements made in this article may trigger those faced with the same challenges. However, the goal of this article is to help those who may be struggling and to shed light on the struggles of different mental disorders.
We all have beautiful stories. This is one of them. Everyone's experiences are different, but your feelings are valid. You are strong, amazing, and a person with an interesting story, no matter what it may be.
PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. A lot of people associate it with individuals who come back from war, but that is not always the case. It is a pretty common mental health disorder, affecting roughly 3 million people in the world. Some other causes of PTSD can be sexual assault, abuse, death, etc... PTSD is a serious mental illness and should be taken seriously, just like everyone who deals with any mental health disorder. Please be patient with yourself and others around you.
I have decided to tell my story because I know how it has affected my family and I know it is affecting other people as well. I want them to know they are not alone and they have people to reach out to and find shelter there.
I am not diagnosed but I do know I have it. I have been told by counselors and mentors that I have all the symptoms and most likely have had it for a while.
It doesn’t look like anything for me. To most people I am just a very mature and happy 15 year old, but I have a lot of my own struggles. I don’t trust anyone no matter how nice they are to me but I am still kind to them. I just don’t share any information until I really know them (interviews are different). For me, it is typically towards men and boys I guard myself and make sure I have help if I feel something off. PTSD also makes it very hard to have high self esteem and self worth. I recently have been getting better about it, but for almost 11 years it was really hard for me and I know that those two things are very important. Confidence is key.
3 years ago it was very stressful and depressing. I had terrible hygiene and grades and very bad “friends” who had gone through abuse like I have. Slowly in the last 2 years I have gotten much better. I have good hygiene and amazing grades that my family and I are very proud of as well as my one true friend. I have acquaintances but I really only need my best friend. As I have grown older, I have realized more that I don’t need a boyfriend or girlfriend to make me feel better I need myself and that all social media did for me was influence my depression and bad decisions.
A regular day now tends to be very good. Although, I still have struggles some days. Most of the time I feel fine but it still hurts me. I'm just very thankful to be getting over this so consistently.
I miss my best friend during online days especially since her and I can barely text because of our schedules. I also miss talking to people daily. I know I said I don't trust easily but that doesn't mean I'm not social. I love talking to people and seeing if they will help me in life and if they will be good for me or not. If not, I tell them and we go our separate ways. PTSD does somewhat make it harder because what I have gone through makes me feel like I have to have attention and it isn't on purpose it just happens and then I realize I may seem needy or clingy and that isn't how I want to come off to people.
Some days it's really hard because my younger sister and I tend to get into arguments very quickly and it makes me feel like a terrible older sister because I love her and know she has been through the same stuff I have and I should be there for her and it really puts me in a low mood. Some days I don't even want to leave my bed. Other times I feel wonderful and then just drop. Not sad but like I lose all motivation and just wanna sit there and do nothing.
Finding a healthy bond or relationship, telling others if I feel a negative way about their words or actions, asking for help, and finding good influences. I tend to get into abusive relationships with guys. They always somehow put me down or control me in some way and I have a really hard time sticking up for myself so I just let it happen until I find someone to help me get away. That being my mom or my best friend. I also am self conscious about asking for help because I know I am smart and I know I am pretty and I just don’t want to look dumb for asking for help. To people I know I am really good at school and never need help, I am starting to work past it but the fewer kids in class the more conscious I feel.
Well since before I was born, the father I had was very abusive to my mother and she was just like me. She had come from abusive parents and bad influences so naturally she was drawn to him. After I was born he was just so mean to me my whole life and he was mean to my sister and mom. I saw all this growing up and I never knew it was abuse until about 3 years ago. He would verbally, emotionally, and mentally abuse us. It was such terrible abuse that no one believed us and 19 years later people are finally believing my mom. And it took me 9 years to be believed. He would abuse us in more ways than that as well. I can’t even say all the things he has done but I know that this is barely anything he has done.
The lowest point was 4th-7th grade. I was very depressed and actually suicidal in 4th-6th grade. I was exposed to dangerous things on social media and dangerous people. At that time in my life, he had removed my mom and wouldn't let us see her or talk to her and that was what really hurt because he would tell me things like, “Your mom hates you and wishes she never had you! She only wants your sister but since she can’t have her she left because you are a **** up!” and that just killed me. I couldn’t take it so I turned to social media for “love” and never found what I was looking for. I have never cut or hurt myself, thankfully, but I have wanted to in the past.
I do a ton of creative writing and art. I also embroider but painting is my heart’s desire.
Don’t talk about it at all and if you see or know someone just be there for them and left about stupid stuff. Remind them that they are loved and are needed as well as they are beautiful or handsome and are a caring person. For me, I need love and I need attention. That is just how I am and I’m sure it isn’t just me who is like that.
Most people think it is only from sexual abuse but it isn’t. It comes from all sorts of things and it isn’t just from abuse. It could be from loss of a loved one or from an accident or crash. Everyone has a different way it appeared.
Please do not hurt yourself, there are so many people who love you and care about you and it may not be shown all the time and you may not feel like it but it is there and it is hard to cope with but I know you can do it. It just takes time. Don't take things for granted and when you are mad at someone never say you hate them because it will hurt you in the end too as well as it is a waste of precious time, words, and breath.
Grants Pass High School Has Licensed Therapists:
Kris Stuart- Mental Health Counselor
Mr. Baxter - Options Specialist Counselor
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Hotline:
US: Text HOME to 741741 to be connected with a Crisis Counselor
They are there to help. If you need it, please ask. You do not have to fight this battle alone.
It's the last issue of the year! Wow, what a journey. I loved hearing all of your amazing stories and please don't disregard me as a friend moving forward. I am so incredibly proud of you, you are amazing, beautiful, and deserve all the good in the world. Although I am heartbroken that you beautiful humans have to go through the horrible things you have gone through I appreciate your willingness to tell me your stories.
