Ask Thor

Cy Burr - Thor, I have a bit of a personal problem, though I’m sure many students can relate to it, and not just those at CVA. I’ve had a falling-out with one of my friends over Snapchat, and I thought we would go our separate ways, but I’ve been on the receiving end of several intentionally hurtful messages from them since then. I can’t avoid it - my phone’s always with me at home, but I can’t block them or I’ll be blackmailed. How do I survive, man?

Thor - Thanks for reaching out with this sensitive issue, Mr. Burr. It’s a terrible thing when any betrayal of trust happens, especially when modern technology doesn’t allow you to forget it. I would normally treat these issues on a case-by-case basis, but cyberbullying is such a widespread issue that I believe some general rules and advice need to be established so victims still have some control over the situation.

• Do not respond. I can’t stress this enough. The only way a conflict can escalate is if it’s two-sided. Ignore hurtful comments or threats, otherwise this offender will get the attention they are seeking and will search for even more by hurting you even more.

• Speak out about it. Regardless of whether you’ll be “blackmailed” by this offender, you must not let them scare you into holding back information about your digital interactions from somebody you trust. It’s only natural to search for support if you feel you are part of a toxic relationship. Keeping your emotions bottled up is not healthy.

• Block anyway. It’s the only way to be completely certain that you won’t receive any more [digital] threats or insults from this person. Explain to your trusted family member or friend what you are being blackmailed for, as well, and if it’s serious get a school staff member (or otherwise relevant official) involved.

I know the disastrous emotional effects of this incident may at times be too much to handle, Mr. Burr, but always remember that even in the online world you have the natural right to be treated with the same amount of respect as anyone else.

Newcombe, R. - Hey, Thor, I’m a freshman and walking around the high school is sometimes bewildering. I feel like I’m starting to make it in life, but I’m also being held to higher standards by my teachers. I’m well over halfway to graduation, but so many opportunities for classes, sports, clubs and other programs have opened up that my head is spinning. A little help, please?

Thor - Mr. Newcombe, we’ve all been there before. Entering high school is in many ways a step into a world which grants more freedoms, yet poses more challenges, than ever before in your life. This general anxiety, however, can be turned into motivation to fulfill the three following important goals by the time you graduate:

1. Find your place. You must start considering how to implement your interests and passions into the path you take during these last few years before college. When you are given a choice of classes or are selecting extracurricular activities to participate in, think in depth about which ones you will be most engaged in and which ones will educate you on the skills most important to you. Make use of your talents, but be sure to develop them through a work ethic fueled by your interest on the subject.

2. Make your mark. Now that you’ve selected the courses and other activities you think will challenge you to build the skills you appreciate the most, give it your all! First impressions may be important, but you’re going to have to work hard regardless of setbacks all year long to build a good grade and reputation. This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect - mistakes are natural - but you’ll want to prove to your teachers, coaches, and other instructors that in the very first year of your high school career, you’re willing to invest your time and energy in order to succeed.

3. Set up your future. As you said yourself, you are well on your way to graduation and it’s time to plan out what comes after that. Are you looking to attend college for a more white-collar job, or would you be more interested in a trade (vocational) school which prepares you for hands-on careers? I’ve answered questions in this column before that are specifically about this; when choosing a postsecondary school, you must figure out a balance between a convenient location, reasonable on-campus rules, and major/activity offerings that suit your interests.

Remember, my friend, that your senior year is closer than you think. The feeling of anxiety and responsibility, yet freedom, that you have entering high school will be even more magnified once you graduate. Using the above advice and following the path that you are most engaged in will make the process feel entirely more natural, and as long as you put in enough effort it’s going to be alright.