মায়া, রং, আশা

জাদুতে বিশ্বাস

ছেড়েছি ছোট থাকতে,

বহুকাল আগেই।

আগে রং এমন

পানসে ছিলোনা - যেন

চিনিবিহীন চা,

যা মোর পছন্দ।

ইন্দ্রধনুর আশায় নেই।

ধূসরময় গগন

মিটিয়েছে সেই

ইচ্ছে, যা কভু পুরণ

হবেনা। লাভ নেই।

আম্মু বলতো প্রায়,

ঈশ্বর আছে মোর জন্যে।

বলো, তাহলে,

কার পানে মাথা

ঠেকাই এখন; প্রভু না

তার পত্রবাহক?

ছাড়ব কি বিশ্বাস

একেবারেই, যেভাবে

ছেড়েছি মায়া?

কঠিন কাজ নহে

লালস হতাশার জন্য

আশার পরিত্যাগ।

গোটাকয়েক রং

এলোপাথাড়িভাবে

মেশালেই পাবে

একপ্রকার ধূসর,

তবে বিশুদ্ধ নীল রং

বানানো কঠিন।

তা তৈরি হয়না

অপ্রত্যাশিতভাবে

তার খোঁজ পাওয়া যায়।

তবে প্রত্যাশা

প্রায়শই ডেকে আনে খুব

গভীর হতাশা।

আজকাল হতাশার

প্রত্যাশী আমি, চাই তার

তৃপ্ত আলিঙ্গন।

তবু মনে মোর

ইচ্ছে হয়, একটুখানি

নীল দেখার, যারে

ঢেকেছে ধূসর।

সাদামাটা নিরাশা

অতটা খারাপ

লাগেনা যখন

ধূসর সরিয়ে নীল দেয়

উঁকি। তখন মোর

পুনরায় জাগে

আশা রঙিন মায়ায়, মোর

জীবন ফিরে পাই।

magic, colors, hope.

I stopped believing 

in magic long ago, when 

I was five, I think.

Colors have never 

seemed as bland as they do now - 

like unsweetened tea

that I quite enjoy. 

I've stopped waiting for rainbows. 

Greyish skies suffice

my longing for that 

which I never had, nor will 

I ever, perhaps.

My mother would say 

God has plans for me in store. 

Tell me then, who shall

I turn to now for 

guidance; the messenger or

the Divine itself?

Or should I just stop 

believing entirely, like 

I did with magic?

It's easy to do - 

abandoning hope for a 

lustful hopelessness.

Combining any 

random mess of colors will 

undoubtedly yield

some form of grey, but

 the perfect tint of blue can't

be manufactured.

No, it is, rather, 

something you stumble upon 

when least expected.

But expectations 

seldom lead to much more than 

grave disappointment.

These days I've come to 

desire disappointments, and 

embrace them wholly.

And yet sometimes, I 

catch myself hoping to spot 

a glimpse of clear blue

hidden beneath grey. 

Monochromic hopelessness 

does not seem as bad

when the grey curtains 

part, revealing soft blue hues. 

Then, once again, I

begin to believe 

in magic, colors, and hope,

and I am revived.

연애시: 당신 없이는

그날 밤에 내 시계가 멈추었어

너는 나와 헤어졌을 때

어떻게

아마 내 아픈 마음이 내 손목까지 번진 것 같아

시계도 아파진 것 같아

그렇게 나는 너를 원했어

네가 뉴욕에서 나에게 왔을 때

어렸을 때 일에 대해서 이야기했을 때

언젠가 나는 너를 사랑하면 좋겠다고 생각했어

하지만

프로비던스에 돌아왔을 때

너는 내 꿈을 그냥 죽인 것 같아

지금은 단풍이 프로비던스에 벌써 도착했어

여름의 로맨스는 끝났다고 단풍이 나에게 알려 줘

하지만

나는 아직도 내 꿈에서 네 몸을 봐

네 윤기 나는 검은 머리가 내 베개에서

네 짧은 손톱 내 머리를 쓸어올려

네 단단한 황갈색 피부가 내 손 밑에

네 분홍색 입이 나한테 뽀뽀하고 있어

네 지혜로운 영혼

너는 내 이름을 외쳐

하지만

매일 아침 정신을 차릴 때마다

다 없어져

아직도 내 시계가 안 돼

Love Poem: Without You

That night, my watch broke

When you broke up with me

How?

Perhaps my hurting soul spread its torment to my wrist,

Breaking my watch too, apparently

From how much I needed you

When you came and visited me in New York

And we talked about when we were younger

I thought that I wanted to fall in love with you

But

When we returned to Providence

You just killed my dream

Now, already the color-changing leaves have arrived in Providence

They tell me of the end of summer romance

But

I still see your body in my dreams

Your shiny black hair on my pillowYour short fingernails running through my hair

Your firm, tan skin under my hands

Your pink lips kissing me

Your curious intellect

You screaming my name

But

Every morning when I wake up

It all disappears

My watch is still broken

Decisión Fatal 

Dos opuestos se unen en mí, pelean por controlarme. 

Las costumbres de ellos, 

el mundo de los otros. 

Hay una batalla eterna 

para convencerme a actuar, no puedo elegir uno. 

Cuestionó cómo continuar. 

Una tradición profunda me llama, me limita, me cansa. 

Pero sé lo que debo hacer y no puedo hacerlo todo. 

Escojo uno y el otro muere; mi decisión será fatal. 

No puedo vivir sin uno, 

no puedo vivir con los dos. Hay una batalla eterna 

por convencerme a actuar, no puedo decidir cuál. 

Cuestionó cómo continuar. 

Al fin, la costumbre fallecerá, no hay lugar para él aquí. 

El tiempo me cambia, 

necesito triunfar.

Sans Titre 

Une larme tombe doucement, 

l’eau arrose le coquelicot. 

Il n’y a pas de griffes 

qui peuvent nous blesser. 

La clé de la vie n’est pas claire, 

on n’a jamais écrit ce que la vie doit être, l’encre de ton histoire n’est jamais sèche. Mais les gens savent des choses importantes comme lâcher quelqu’un 

si vous l’aimez trop.

Meriggiare dal bordo del mare,

La tua schiena: una foglia che si arriccia sotto il vento impetuoso.

Taci. I nostri cuori palpitano, ondulano come l’acqua

Ti ricordi?

Una triste meraviglia penetra tra i rami delle mie braccia 

E cade alle radice dei tuoi piedi,

Perché danzare una danza irrequieta con il sole

È un gioco sciocco che non possiamo vincere.

Così diventa la memoria senza più peso:

Mentre il mare lucido bagna le nostre caviglie

Tutto ciò chè rimane é uma spuma schiumoso.

To rest midday by the edge of the sea,

Your back: a leaf that curls beneath the impetuous wind.

Hush. Our hearts throb, undulate like the water

Do you remember?

A sad wonder penetrates the branches of my arms

And falls to the roots of your feet,

For dancing a restless dance with the sun

Is a foolish game that we cannot win.

This is how memory becomes weightless:

As the luminous sea washes over our ankles

All that remains is a frothy foam.

我回家了

Enter the world of dust with all in mind.

今天外面雨好大

The cherry blossoms float in the air,

可我连伞都没带

wilting after the summer rains.

本以为今天晴天

Fern shoots gleam in the sun,

所以还戴了墨镜

dwindling in the autumn winds.

结果直接撞到树

Golden leaves fall through the windows of the pavilion.

树上有只鸟

I soar while all stops,

鸟有俩翅膀

a state of emptiness and above.

一身花衣裳

Taking off the colors of black, white, yellow, red, and blue,

其实我知道

and coated with the blessing

与其看着鸟

or curse of gold.

不如多看道

The brightness of my feathers fails to capture the purity of the sun,

可我想看鸟

unable to cleanse the minds of filth.

我静坐在家里面

The monk and the other monk.

脑里还想着刚才

This one is good, or that one is bad?

我还是有点烦恼

Holding wine glasses in the girl’s hands,

全都因为那只鸟

or sending out in wagons through the gate.

但我突然意识到

Pictures of flesh blocks the eye of enlightenment,

我其实无法知晓

far from the ways of the Buddha.

树上停着那只鸟

Or is it the Devil-Buddha desire.

到底是只什么鸟

Lost and gone along his path,

反正头顶没有长犄角

pleasures from the purity of youth.

突然有点冷

Sweating in dreams, 

我也有点累

is he lost in the ways of the mountain?

其实有点饿

or in meeting Yama?

还是先吃面

Let fear of those who punish you not astray you.

好像其实是我忘记关窗户了

Born with this but given that.

算了无所谓先透透风

Which one did he abandon?

不过没有把花吹倒掉地上吧

Did he eventually fall into the depth of the trench?

花那么美风不会愿意吹它的

The beauty of the pavilion blinds his eyes,

反正就当作下雨浇了花

grasping for a drop of water,

也没所谓再买就好

yet the thirst was never quenched.

反正也不会特别贵

Jealousy, hatred, or desire.

好想天气快点暖和起来

Strolling around the garden,

不过这样吃面喝汤就会太热

lost between inside and outside.

有可能还是雨天雪天适合煮面

Feathers or snow,

我都逐渐有点忘记了

melting in the pond 

家那边下雨下雪的模样

but mirroring all deeds.

有一点点想念

Whiteness replaces the glory of the pavilion,

银装素裹

I witness all wonders.

我煮的这碗面

The pureness

好像是有点咸

of the monk or of the cat

是放了太多盐

then fades away from the realm of the pavilion,

还是我不吃咸

revealing the dirt hidden beneath.

想想是什么原因

Behold the teaching of the Buddha,

吃个面也好麻烦

bloom like the cherry blossoms in spring.

我怎么这么多变

Though meant to drift away,

吃个面都不开心

it brings pleasure and delight.

诶呀不行好迷茫

The pavilion has no mind but he has a mind.

怎么就变成这样

The cloud flounders upon the trees. 

算了先不要想了

Leaves whirling, green and gold.

觉得自己好搞笑

Smiling hysterically, 

怎么能想这么多

delusional or desirable.

吃个面都能头疼

Putting down the book of the Buddha,

我记得还有叉烧

and holding up the torch of desire.

啊怎么煮面的时候忘记放了

Did he hesitate before his decision?

没事要原谅自己

Will he be forgiven with his final repent?

反正只有我知道

I shall not tell those who ask,

面里面没有叉烧

the answer holds within the realms of Buddhahood.

要不然

The time is now, 

我再去烧个菜

flames consuming over the gleaming gold.

想忘掉自己没放叉烧

What may be lost in the pavilion,

放过自己吧

and what may be remembered.

不要渴求这么多

All adds to the scale of life and karma.

吃着这碗面

Am I free from the solitude?

就应该知足

or shall I fly back to the top.

静下心来

I may have fallen,

不被遣使

yet I once again follow down the path of the Arhat.

一切还好

Emerging from the ashes,

我侧耳倾听

sparkles of relic.

窗外风停了

The ways of virtue and grace,

雨也变小了

I hide them under the thick layer of gold.

我默默想起

Never forgotten

好久没联系

Benevolence, loyalty, knowledge, faithfulness, propriety.

那个他和他

When her secrets are found out,

也已经放下

he’s killed.

鱼行酒肆

I see myself lost in the roads through the mountain,

奈何良人

and reaching for water down the depth of the trench.

雨水袭香

Maybe I have found the withering beauty

忽逢樱花

in cherry blossoms

芳草淑风

and fern shoots hidden behind the bushes

硕果累累

or fruits when you look above your head.

衣锦还乡

Come back to Kinkaku-ji

梦魂归处

and see what you have forgotten here.

只觉谁与共

When you stand far enough

林深清浅月有阴

alone amongst the trees

照镜明

along the Kyōko-chi,

云上为谁攀

I soar above all desires.