FIVE MORE MINUTES!!
End the Battle Over Phone Screen Time in Your Family
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Parent: “Get off your phone! Now!”
Child: “Five more minutes! I need to finish this video/game/reel/etc.”
Parent: “Getting on your phone is all you ever do! There is life outside that phone.”
Child: “There's nothing important!”
Parent: “Get off of it now, or else!”
Child: “I'm getting off!! Chill out!”
Parent: "Don't tell me to chill out!!"
Etcetera...
This phone battle between parent and child undoubtedly plays out across the globe thousands (if not millions) of times every minute, causing stress and frustration for all involved. Parents stress out on a daily basis trying to get kids off their devices so they can do real world things instead (chores, homework, spend time with family, bathe, breathe) while kids fight a losing battle against a technology that is designed to capture their attention and not ever let go.
I had a student a few years ago who started off the school year diligently doing all their homework and was performing very well in my math class. About three months into the school year, the student’s study habits abruptly and drastically changed. Seemingly overnight, the student stopped doing all homework and was always exhausted in class. Because they stopped doing homework, they did not have a good grasp of the material and subsequently started performing poorly on assessments as well. This was a dramatic change from the student that they were at the beginning of the year.
After a few weeks, the student confessed to me that for their birthday, they received their first cell phone as a gift from their parents and the phone had taken over their life. It was as if they no longer had any control over themselves, they were suddenly and thoroughly addicted to their phone. Social media, video games, YouTube shorts, Instagram Reels… These are all designed to dig their claws in students (and YOU!) and never let go. The student, who was a conscientious and disciplined student prior to getting their phone, conceded that they had lost control of themselves because of their new phone and it was causing them to fail in school and in other areas of life as well. They admitted that they needed to either stop using the phone altogether or that some limits needed to be set. Otherwise, they were headed on a very negative trajectory heading into the academic rigors and demands of high school.
This student was very mature and self-reflective in their assessment of their situation. However, not all teens have this kind of self-awareness. Parents try to help regulate and set limits for kids as house rules, but this process can be excruciatingly painful (and sometimes impossible to enforce) and often cause a rift in the relationship between parent and child. The resulting conflict is neither the fault of the parent nor of the child - I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the technology companies who know exactly what they are doing when they design their apps and devices!
There is a resource on the Apple iPhone that can help take the emotion and the daily interactions out of phone-limit-setting for kids. Did you know that parents can add their kids' Apple ID accounts under the umbrella of their family account and then be able control the following:
Downtime - Set your child's phone so that apps on the phone stop working between certain hours of the day
App Limits: Set time limits for specific apps or categories of apps
Using this tool on Apple’s IOS system can take the emotion and anguish out of getting your child off the phone everyday. Once it is agreed upon, the phone does the limiting for you. If you do use this tool, be sure you set the passcode (secret from your child) so that your child cannot change the limits. The child still has the ability to electronically ask for an extension (for 15 minutes, an hour, or the rest of the day), but you would need to approve of the extension by entering the passcode on your phone. Warning: Don’t ever let your child see or know your passcode or that will render this tool completely useless! At some point, they may find a workaround (they always do), but this is a good start.
The best time to set it up these limits is when your child first gets their phone as part of the conditions for having a cell phone. However, you can also definitely set up these limits even after your child has had a phone for a while. After all, you paid for the phone, the phone service and your internet at home!
There are certainly other limitations and controls that Apple allows you to put on the phone that I encourage you to thoughtfully consider (limits on content, limits on contacts, approval necessary for getting apps, location tracking, etc), but I wanted to highlight the two tools above because, as an educator, I know how much phone use impacts learning and study habits. As a parent, I know firsthand the un-fun-ness of the battle over screen time with my own children. Thus, I wanted to share this resource to hopefully improve the educational and family experience of as many families as possible!
Here’s a few resources to help you get started:
An article from Apple Support on how to use the Screen Time app on iPhones and iPads
I am not an Android user, but my esteemed colleague, Jen Gripman, gives the following advice to Android users: "The primary way to set up parent controls on Android phones is to go through Google Play, where you can set specific criteria for Games & Apps, Movies, TV, and Books. This most effective if you set up Family Link, which you can find out about here. And the Google Support Page for parental controls can be found here. This is also a helpful guide for parents."
So go ahead, SET IT & FORGET IT!
GOOD LUCK!!!
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