DECEMBER 30, 2018
Despite my fear of heights and roller coasters at age 8, I found myself strapped in the seat of a ride. I don’t even remember what sorcery tricked me into willingly waiting in line for it. Once that buckle clicked, I began to panic and my heart began to race. Then I realized that it was only a ride. I didn’t have to go through with it. So, I searched for whomever it was who started the machine, and yelled, “I don’t want to. I don’t want to do it anymore. Get me off!” It was too late. It didn’t work. One minute later I found myself upside down and screaming like hell.
Teachers, right now we are in the midst of disillusionment, the scariest part of the first-year teacher rollercoaster. They say that teaching is like a roller coaster with 6 parts, each matching up with the school year: 1) anticipation, 2) survival, 3) disillusionment, 4) rejuvenation 5) reflection, and 6) anticipation. I can’t lie. I definitely felt the jolt of disillusionment for a couple of weeks before winter break, so I can’t disagree that it makes sense. What I disagree with the most, though, is the name of this phenomenon. It’s called the first-year teacher roller coaster, but this is my third year on the ride, and I still feel it. What’s up with that? In fact, I have been on this ride every single year since I started teaching. So, it doesn’t really get better. It just gets different.
After reading several is-there-anything-she-can-do-about-her-grade emails by the end of term 2, I’m just done. I start to feel suffocated by parents, administrators, and students, and I think about quitting teaching. I Google “jobs for teachers but not teaching,” “social media jobs,” “writing jobs”. Sometimes I actually apply to those jobs. And this year I actually showed up to an interview. I guess it’s my way of dealing with the disillusionment.
However, I am going to do my fourth-year teacher self a favor, and follow this advice in the future. I want to suggest 5 helpful hints for us teachers to think through during this time of the school year to overcome our disillusionment. If anything, they helped me separate the truth from fiction. For example, did your students’ behavior really begin to worsen lately, or have they always been little turds, but now you’re just running low on the love and patience you usually offer?
Here is what I suggest:
You have to know yourself. Look back at something that has changed in your diet, personal life, or routine. Teaching has always been difficult and sometimes annoying and not worth it and tedious and tiresome, but you already knew that. So, why is it affecting you so much now? What’s changed? Maybe it’s worth waking up a little earlier to eat breakfast for the first time in months. Or schedule some time to take an exercise class at the gym to release endorphins. When I am stressed, I feel sluggish and working out is the last thing I feel like doing, but once I am there, I have these moments of mental stimulation that are more spiritual than a Sunday! I once cried during Zumba. But that’s a different story!
2. Take a Mental Health Day
Call in sick even if you’re not physically sick. For real! My principal actually encourages us to take a sick day and not a personal day when we feel disillusioned. Our students feed off our positive or negative vibes, and they will recognize our barely-there efforts. It is worth sacrificing a day of instruction if it means you will be more effective and productive once you’ve taken a mental health day. Oh, and really take a day off–no grading, planning, prepping, etc.
3. Get Excited About Teaching Again
When my anxiety and OCD kick in and I start to question the existential purpose of my life in the cosmos of the universe–I have problems, guys–I always go to my teacher temple: Barnes and Noble. I walk around the YA new releases, manhandle everything on clearance, and smell the overly priced scented candles by the leather journals. I want to own all the things! I also visit the office, school supplies, and dollar section at Target, which feed my unhealthy obsession with adorable and utterly useless knick knacks. It makes me feel giddy about using them in my own classroom.
4. Get Excited About Your Subject Again
OMG! I remember when my English department was teaching The Scarlet Letter, I felt like giving up and playing Easy A with Emma Stone to my students and saying, “Yeah, it’s basically that.” There are just some books that are meant to be read and not taught. So, when I read something I genuinely like, I feel a rekindled passion for my subject. I remember why it’s worth it and why young people deserve to learn from someone who loves it this way I do.
5. Find Your Tribe
Not all teachers are like you. Here you are, reading a teacher blog, you probably post about the fun activities you did with students on your social media, you talk to your family about your students as if they were your friends (okay, maybe your pets), and you look up professional development opportunities on your own. For some, teaching is just a job, but there are some teachers who have created a brand of themselves as educators.
In other words, teaching is life, and you actually enjoy this teaching thing. For a long time, I thought there was something else I needed to do than just being a teacher, but it turns out there is something more I needed to do than just being a teacher. Reach out to teacherpreneurs. Surround yourself with tribes of teachers who are authors, bloggers, content creators and sellers. Join Facebook groups and follow teachers on Instagram. Share resources and ask them real questions about real concerns.
Although intimidating and fast, roller coasters are often more fun with friends. I don’t suggest jumping off the ride, but there is no shame in hanging in there while screaming like hell. And as it often happens, there you’ll be, somehow convinced to ride it again next year–this time with anticipation.
Let’s stay in touch,
Dany