Phantom Planet

You know that joke about The Strokes just being Gap models with guitars? Well, Phantom Planet leading man Alexander Greenwald is not only a real life Gap model, but also, supposedly, he’s become a Stroke? Phantom Planet centerpiece Jason Schwartzman recently left the band in order to focus on his new sitcom, “Cracking Up.” Since Schwartman’s departure and Greenwald’s move to focal point, apparently, the band has gone from covering “Say It Ain’t So” to “Brainville” overnight.  

Upon the success of the teen-drama, “The O.C.,” Phantom Planet gained a last-minute hit with their thematic song, “California.” The momentum must’ve been enough for the band to not only get label support for their followup record, but they also managed to pull in Flaming Lips producer Dave Fridmann to help gain credibility. Moving from a fun, pop band to a moving art band just can’t be done overnight, no matter how cute you or your bass player may be.

Songs like “You’re Not Welcome Here” and “Know It All” work for Phantom Planet if for no other reasons than they don’t sound exactly like someone else’s song and warrant repeat listens. The majority of Phantom Planet sounds like a straightforward rip-off hidden under clever production and ugly album artwork. Alex Greenwald’s mega-hooks were once pretty - bland, but pretty. Greenwald is still bland, but now he’s dirty, and clearly jumping the gun on imitating Julian Casablancas imitating Iggy Pop.

The single “Big Brat” manages to squeeze in a retro 80s drum machine intro before a Nick Zinner guitar riff gets ripped off and then repeated for the remainder of the song. The hook has three or four people singing from what sounds like the wrong room in the recording studio. Fans, this is a prompt for you to sing along. Get it? Phantom Planet is an arty sing-a-long party. How arty. Let’s hope Jason Schwartzman has better luck with his sitcom

Really, Phantom Planet’s new garage opus isn’t really that bad. In fact, its not bad at all. It’s not bad, it’s not good; it’s really just nothing, nothing at all. Had Phantom Planet been around in the 70s, their lack of creativity would’ve made them a joke. In 2004, having a cute singer and a TV theme song means something. In all honesty, most recent rock bands just aren’t that good, but I can usually find something about them that doesn’t make me mad. That’s not really the case with Phantom Planet. Now that the Wes Anderson connection is gone, so am I. Keep wearing your Gap clothes, wasting good producers’ time and ripping off current trends, and no one will be listening to you in six months.    5/10

Written by G. William Locke