VALIDATION communicates to another person that his or her feelings, thoughts, and actions make sense and are understandable to you in a particular situation.
SELF-VALIDATION involves perceiving your own feelings, thoughts, and actions as making sense, accurate, and acceptable in a particular situation.
INVALIDATION communicates (intentionally or not, through words or actions) that another person’s feelings, thoughts, and actions in a particular situation make no sense, are “manipulative,” or “stupid,” or an “overreaction,” or not worthy of your time, interest, or respect.
Remember: Validation ≠ Agreement
Validation does not necessarily mean that you like or agree with what the other person is doing, saying, or feeling. It means that you understand where they are coming from.
WHY VALIDATE?
• Validation improves relationships!!!!
• It can deescalate conflict and intense emotions.
• Validation can show that:
We are listening.
We understand.
We are being nonjudgmental.
We care about the relationship.
We can disagree without having a big conflict.
WHAT TO VALIDATE?
• Feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in ourselves or others
Validate the valid, not the invalid. You can still validate the feeling without validating the behavior. For example: Validate someone feeling upset about a low test grade even though you know he or she didn’t study, but don’t validate the lack of studying that led to the low grade.
Reference: From DBT® Skills Manual for Adolescents, by Jill H. Rathus and Alec L. Miller. Copyright 2015 by The Guilford Press.