Willingness vs. Wilfulness

WILLFULNESS IS . . .

• Willfulness is refusing to tolerate a situation or giving up.

• Willfulness is trying to change a situation that cannot be changed, or refusing to change something that must be changed.

• Willfulness is “the terrible twos”—“no . . . no . . . no . . .”

• Willfulness is the opposite of “DOING WHAT WORKS”

THE GOAL: REPLACE WILLFULNESS WITH WILLINGNESS!

WILLINGNESS IS . . .

• Allowing the world to be what it is and participating in it fully.

• Doing just what is needed—no more, no less. It is being effective.

• Listening carefully to your Wise Mind and deciding what to do.

• When willfulness doesn’t budge, ask: “What is the threat?”

How can you feel the difference between when you are willing and when you are willful ?

• Clues that you are being willful: extreme thoughts like “No way!”; muscles tightening.

Reference: From DBT® Skills Manual for Adolescents, by Jill H. Rathus and Alec L. Miller. Copyright 2015 by The Guilford Press.