Emotions come with specific ACTION URGES that push us to act in certain ways.
Often we escape the pain of the emotion in harmful ways.
These are common URGES associated with a sample of emotions:
FEAR → Escaping or avoiding
ANGER → Attacking
SADNESS → Withdrawing, becoming passive, isolating
SHAME → Hiding, avoiding, withdrawing, saving face by attacking others
GUILT → Overpromise that you will not commit the offense again, disclaim all responsibility, hiding, lowering head, begging forgiveness
JEALOUSY → Verbal accusations, attempt to control, acting suspicious
LOVE → Saying “I love you,” making effort to spend time with the person, doing what the other person wants and needs, and giving affection
ACTING OPPOSITE = act opposite to the action urge when the emotion is doing more harm than good.
EMOTION ----------------- OPPOSITE ACTION
Fear/Anxiety ----------------- APPROACH
• Approach events, places, tasks, activities, people you are afraid of, over and over; confront.
• Do things to increase a sense of control and mastery over fears.
Anger ----------------- GENTLY AVOID
• Gently avoid the person you are angry with (rather than attacking).
• Take a time out and breathe in and out deeply and slowly.
• Be kind rather than mean or attacking. (Try to have sympathy or empathy for the other person.)
Sadness ----------------- GET ACTIVE
• Approach, don’t avoid.
• Build mastery and increase pleasant activities.
OPPOSITE ACTION REQUIRES THESE STEPS:
1. Figure out the emotion you are feeling.
2. What is the action URGE that goes with the emotion?
3. Ask yourself: Does the emotion fit the facts in the situation? If yes, will acting on the emotion’s urge be effective?
4. Ask yourself: Do I want to change the emotion?
5. If yes, figure out the OPPOSITE ACTION.
6. Do the opposite action—ALL THE WAY!
7. Repeat acting in the opposite way until the emotion goes down enough for you to notice.
Reference: From DBT® Skills Manual for Adolescents, by Jill H. Rathus and Alec L. Miller. Copyright 2015 by The Guilford Press.