Doubt

Trigger Warning: depression references

On that fateful day

when pen met paper,

the artist had feared change

at the first bold stroke,

a single ink spot in the snowy white.

But,

leaving nothing behind,

they said goodbye

to their old ways.

Unable to return,

go back,

saying

their heart

now

lies

with

the restless wind,

so powerful it can even snuff out

doubt.

Taken over by

their thought of freedom,

they took flight.

Then,

weeks later,

when we found them

again,

we could tell they were transformed,

giving up, fearing for the life that didn’t love them back

anymore.

They wanted

what

they couldn’t find.

They didn’t want

that once-precious gift

destroyed,

deteriorating. They

held fast

to the dream they once,

long ago, formed the promise they would never come back

from.

Turned to a stubborn, unwavering mindset:

the resolve to hold firm

without anything else

left

but hope.

But hope

left.

Without anything else,

the resolve to hold firm

turned to a stubborn, unwavering mindset

from

long ago; formed the promise they would never come back

to the dream they once

held. Fast

deteriorating, they

destroyed

that once-precious gift

they didn’t want.

They couldn’t find

what

they wanted

anymore.

Giving up fearing for the life that didn’t love them back,

we could tell they were transformed

again

when we found them

weeks later.

Then,

they took flight,

their thought of freedom

taken over by

doubt

so powerful it can even snuff out

the restless wind

with

lies.

Now,

their heart

saying

“go back”,

unable to return

to their old ways,

they said goodbye,

leaving nothing behind

but

a single ink spot in the snowy white.

At the first bold stroke,

the artist had feared change,

when pen met paper

on that fateful day.

Artwork: "Fire" by Julia Zhan