The number of bridesmaids and groomsmen you choose should depend on the size of your wedding. In general it is good to pick one groomsman per fifty guests as groomsmen double as ushers. Since many brides like to have their wedding party balanced on both sides of the altar it is common to have the same number of bridesmaids as you do groomsmen. Remember, it’s okay to be discriminating. If you have someone you consider to be an on-again, off-again friend then it is perhaps better to air on the side of caution and forego inviting them. You can’t take back an offer to be a bridesmaid or groomsman, once it’s made and they agree, you are committed, so be sure that the people you ask are the people you want to have up there with you, in photos, and speaking at your reception! Just as with honor attendants, it is perfectly acceptable to have individuals of mixed genders in your wedding party. Additionally, wedding party attendants should be able to:
• Pay for their attire and requested accessories (not including flowers)
• Arrange their own transportation
• Be timely regarding travel arrangements and attire
• Be on time for wedding related events
• Attend rehearsal and other pre-wedding events as able (rehearsal should be non-negotiable)
• Assist whenever possible
• Be attentive to guests
• Supervise any child attendants
• Assist the bride as requested
• Participate in the receiving line and bouquet toss
• Lay the aisle runner
• Greet guests and escort them to their seats
• Know the seating order as explained by the best man
• Hand each guest a program
• Clean up ceremony site after ceremony
• Help with directions
• Assist disabled guests
• Help to dance with bride, mothers, bridesmaids and other single female guests
• Co-ordinate the return of their clothing with the best man
Bearing in mind that you want those closest to you and who can fulfill the job requirements will help to limit the number of people you have to choose from. Consider also that these positions are traditionally filled by family, especially in-law siblings, as a way of showing that they are as much a part of your new family as you would like to be of their old one! It’s a great way to soothe any ruffled feathers and extend an olive-branch if there have been any conflicts.
It is important to note that if you choose to have wedding party attendants of the opposite gender in the different parties you will want to let the photographer know. Letting them know ahead of time that you have a best woman or a man’s maid helps them plan better shots and prevents accidental insensitivity during your special day.
Having children involved in your special day depends predominantly on your family, friends and preferences. In general children under four should not be included in ceremony affairs. Unless they are very old for their age they may refuse to walk down the aisle or act out in the middle of the ceremony. In general it is safe to say that children between four and seven can be flower girls and ring bearers. Children between 8 and 15 can be junior bridesmaids, junior groomsmen, and pages, while those between 9 and 12 can be candle lighters. It is also perfectly acceptable to choose not to have any child attendants, especially at a wedding where children’s attendance may be discouraged.