Parenting a Child with Special Needs

Taking care of children comes with many joys and challenges. Parenting a child with special needs adds to both in numerous ways. Physical disabilities, various medical conditions, neurological conditions that cause behavioral problems, developmental disabilities and intellectual deficits are all types of special needs. There are many things parents can do to encourage kids with special needs so they can reach their full potentials.

First, parents need to be honest with themselves about their feelings regarding their child’s disability. It is normal to feel a sense of loss related to the ways a disability may affect normal development. Recognizing, acknowledging and discussing the feelings of loss can help parents release emotions that could interfere with being fully present with their child.

Second, it can be helpful to work with doctors, therapists, teachers and other professionals to understand the limitations that a disability may place on the child. By understanding these limitations, parents and kids can set realistic goals for development and achievements.

It is important not to discourage kids from trying things that appear to be beyond their abilities. This can unnecessarily discourage kids from pushing themselves toward a goal. We all know of kids who have accomplished tasks that seemed impossible, given their disabilities.

However, it is also important to recognize that accomplishing that nearly impossible task tends to be the exception rather than the rule. Pushing kids too hard toward a difficult goal can backfire and leave a child feeling defeated.

So, to find that balance between encouragement and defeat, parents might want to do the following:

1. Let the child identify a goal even if it appears to be beyond his/her ability
2. Offer resources to help him/her achieve the goal
3. Let him/her try and observe the child’s responses to failed attempts
4. If the failures appear to energize him/her to keep trying, encourage continued effort
5. If the failures appear to contribute to him/her feeling defeated and less valuable, redirect the child to try something that is more likely to be achieved

Third, celebrate every success with verbal encouragements and rewards. Remember, kids tend to value time with their parents and friends more than tangible gifts.

Fourth, parents should ask trusted friends, family members, teachers, pastors and others for help when they feel overwhelmed. Taking care of a special needs child takes a lot of work and energy. Parents will be better equipped to help if they are able to have time to rest, relax and get replenished.

Finally, recognize the positive aspects of having a child with a disability. Many parents of kids with special needs talk about the benefits of increased patience, slowing down the hectic pace of life, shifts in values and the privilege of learning from a child who is experiencing life from a different perspective.