Coping With a Miscarriage

Miscarriages are more common than most people think. Approximately 15-20% of all confirmed pregnancies end in a miscarriage during the first trimester of pregnancy. The numbers may be higher since some miscarriages occur before mothers know that they are pregnant.

In most cases, a miscarriage is not preventable and there is nothing the mother did to cause the miscarriage. The most common reason for a miscarriage is a chromosomal abnormality that would not allow for the normal development of a fetus.

Although miscarriages are not uncommon, most women and their partners experience one as a significant loss. Unfortunately, people around the couple may discount the importance of this loss, making them feel even more pain associated with this important event in their lives. Couples often dream of the child that is developing in the mother’s womb, share their joy with friends and family members, plan for their future family and begin to prepare for the baby to come. A miscarriage takes all of that away. The dreams, joys, plans and preparations come to an abrupt end.

Surprisingly, being unable to see or feel tangible evidence of the new life that was developing can bring a new level of grief the parents were not expecting. Coping with the loss for the couple and their children, parents, siblings and others close to them takes time but can be made easier by following these guidelines:

1. Understand and allow for the fact that everyone will experience a miscarriage in different ways. Some will feel intense grief, some will see the miscarriage as a sad but common event and others will be grateful that the life was ended before it could experience pain and suffering. Each person’s reaction is unique and just represents their way of coping and should never be judged as right or wrong.

2. Encourage those who are grieving to express authentic emotions and watch for signs that they may be getting depressed. This will be obvious if they are unable to care for themselves or family members, are sleeping too much or unable to sleep, experiencing rapid weight loss or weight gain or unable to attend school or go to work. If you have concerns about a loved one, refer him or her to a licensed physician or mental health care provider.

3. Come up with a way to commemorate the life that was lost. Some people find that naming the child, giving it a place in a published family tree or creating a dream box with items that had already been purchased for the baby helps them grieve. The point is to get in touch with the life that was lost and encourage the grieving process.

4. Talk with other moms and dads who have experienced a miscarriage. Those who have been through this experience can offer support and encouragement for future pregnancies. While it is normal to fear future miscarriages, the vast majority of women who have a miscarriage are able to have successful pregnancies in the future and carry a baby to full term.