Helping Kids Cope with Bullying

We hear a lot about bullying, lately. It’s a common occurrence, but it’s nothing new. Most of us have been bullied at one time or another. But it’s different now. Some bullying takes place the old-fashioned way—face to face. But much of today’s harassment happens online where bullies can get away with much more hurtful behavior than they could in person.

Prevention

It’s quite likely your children may be bullied at some point. And while you can’t completely bullyproof your kids, you can help them build shields around themselves.

• Check in regularly. Ask questions: Have you seen bullying? Have you been bullied? Are you afraid of any kid(s) at school?
• Teach how to walk with confidence. Head held high, shoulders back, observe your surroundings—it’s a posture that minimizes the chances of being bullied.
• Set guidelines for technology use. This helps minimize opportunities for cyber bullying.
• Agree that you’ll be checking emails, texts and social media to help protect them from online bullies.

Coping mechanisms

If your family is confronted with bullying, you can offer some strategies for coping. Here are some suggestions you might offer your kids:

• Disengage by using humor or walking away, or by leaving an electronic conversation.
• Make your body look strong and large but refrain from being violent or aggressive. When online, you can make yourself “look” strong by using a profile picture with a confident pose.
• Set a good online example by posting your opinions without being threatening or aggressive in tone. For example:
• “I believe people should be able to participate in peaceful protests.” (clearly stated opinion)
• “If you don’t think people have a right to protest, don’t be surprised if a protester comes after you.” (Bullying tone)
• Identify a safe place to go, and a safe person to tell if being bullied.
• Rehearse how to get to that place and how to talk to that person.

How to step in

Although it is natural for a parent to want to confront the bully, that can get you in trouble. Instead, consider these approaches:

• Gather insights from teachers or other adults who have observed the bullying behavior
• Calmly talk with the bully’s parents
• Communicate that you want to work with them to come up with a solution for all parties involved

Make it a learning experience

Whether they’re victims or witnesses of bullying, your kids can learn from their experiences. Help them recognize the damage bullies can do. Encourage them to develop behaviors that encourage other kids rather than hurt them. Teach them to resolve conflict without resorting to bullying and to be a “Noticer,” “Builder” and “Connector:”

• A Noticer watches and observes how bullies behave
• A Builder tries to step in to help and encourage the person being bullied
• A Connector connects the one being bullied to the resources that can help stop the bullying

In a world that is more and more divided, bullying is becoming common. With a few basic skills, your kids can rise above the effects of bullying behavior.