Funny Jokes/Riddles!

1. What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, they just waved.

2. I have 89 eyes, 65 ears, 43 mouths, and 18 noses. What am I?
   A liar.

3. Why did the bicycle collapse?
   Because it was two tired.

4. What’s big, white, furry, and lives in a desert?

A very lost polar bear.

5. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
   Because her class was so bright.

6. What did the baby corn say to the mommy corn?
   Where’s pop corn?

7. What did the human say to the vampire?
   Get a life.

8. What can you serve, but never eat?
   A volleyball!

9. What stays in the corner but travels all over the world?
   A postage stamp.

10. What has no rooms, no windows, no roofs, no door, and no ceiling?
    A mushroom.

11. What gets wet the more you dry?
    A towel.

12. What breaks when you say it?
    Silence.

13. Why do you go to bed?
    Because the bed won’t come to you.

14. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
    A post office.

15. What do computers eat as a snack?
    Computer chips!

16. What is the longest rope?
    Europe.

17. What starts with a T, ends with a T, and has T in it?
    A teapot.

18. What’s a ghoul’s favorite position in soccer?
    Ghoul-Keeper.

19. Where do you find the world’s largest spider?
    In the World Wide Web.

20. Can February March?
    No, April May.

21. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
    Because they make up everything.

22. Why can’t you write with a broken pencil?
    Because it’s pointless.

23. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
    Then, it would be a foot.

24. What do you call a bear without an ear?
    B

25. Why does Peter Pan always fly?
    Because he neverlands.

26. What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don’t look! I’m about to change.

27. What has three letters and starts with gas?

A Car.

28. What's Santa's favorite singer?

Elf-is presley!!

29. What do you call Santa when he has no money?

Saint Nickel-less (Nicholas).

Food And Drinks Jokes

1. When is a riddle not a riddle?

When you put “G” in front of it (griddle)

2. What can rise without even sleeping?

Bread

3. Why did the coffee cup go down to the police station?

To report that he had been mugged.

4. What do trees eat their ice cream out of?

Pinecones

5. What do you get when a bunch of grapes try crossing the highway?

A traffic jam

6. How does a cucumber know when it’s trouble?

It’s in a pickle

7. What drink always comes to your rescue?

Lemon- aide

8. Why are chefs mean?
   Because they beat the eggs and whip the cream

9. Why can’t you tell secrets in a grocery store?

Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beanstalk.

10. What do you get from a spoiled cow?
    Spoiled milk.

11. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
    Because they would crack each other up.

12. What did the syrup call her sweetheart

Honey

13. What do you call a fake noodle?
    An impasta.

14. What nut is like a sneeze?
    A cashew.

15. What do mugs build their houses out of?

Cup boards.

Funny Sentences

1. I broke my finger today. On the other hand, I’m okay.

2. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

3. I'm so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

4. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

5. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.

6. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.

7. I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.

8. Don’t be sad because sad backwards is ‘Das” and das not good.

9. Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that.

10. Working in a mirror factory is something I can see myself doing.

What do you call...

1. What do you call a man who likes to work out?
   Jim!

2. What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
   Lily!

3. What do you call a woman in the middle of the tennis court?
   Annette!

4. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
   Roberto!

5. What do you call a boy hanging on the wall?
   Art!

Knock, Knock

1. Knock, knock
   Who’s there?
   Robin

Robin who?

Robin you! So hand in your money.

2. Knock, knock
   Who’s there?
   Lena
   Lena who?
   Lena a little closer, and I’ll tell you another joke!

3. Knock knock

Who’s there?

I am

I am who?

Don't you know who you are?!

4. Knock knock

Who’s there?

Ice cream soda

Ice cream soda who?

Ice cream soda people can hear!

5. Knock, knock

Who's there?

Cargo

Cargo who?

Cargo beep beep

Fake Funny Book Titles

1. “How to be taller” by Stan Dupp

2. “Speaking French” by Lorna Lang Wedge

3. “Close Shaves” by Ray Zerr

4. “How to be Shorter” by Neil Down

5. “Famous Frights” by Terry Fied

6. “A Terrible Nightmare” by Gladys Over

7. “Horror Stories” by R.U. Scared

8. “Exercise at Home” by Ben Den Stretch

9. “The Cold Pond” by I. C. Man

10. “The Long Walk to School” by Mister Bus

11. “The Hole in the Ceiling” by Lee King

12. “The Monster” by Eve L. Spirit

13. “Explosive Materials” by Dinah Might

14. “The Omen” by B Warned

15. “The Sahara Desert” by Rhoda Camel

16. “The Jail Break” by Freida Prisoner

17. “The Arctic Ocean” by I C Waters

18. “Easy Money” by Robin Banks

19. “The Millionaire” by Iva Fortune

20. “The Stingers” by B Keeper

21. “Cracking Toilets by Night, Pooping by Day” by Plumber Karma

22. “Toots and Boots” by Karen Boomer

23. “Nothing” by Help Less

24. “ The Earth is Flat” by J. Alien51

25. “All my friends are dead” by D. Dinosaur

26. “How to inhale oxygen”by A. Lung

27. “How to Hop”by Gary Grasshopper

28. “Great Eggspectations” by Charlie Chicken

29. “Love at Christmas” by Undra Mistletoe

30. “New at Life” by Babe E.

31. “ I am still fat” by Hippo Potamus

32. “Wendy Sucks” by Mr. McDonald

33. "Temperature" by Luke Warm

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