Tips I Learned From Going to Therapy so you Don't Have to 

*Disclaimer- This is not professional advice, this article should be regarded as entertainment. Take everything you read with a grain of salt and always consult a qualified professional before making a substantial change in your life.  If you or anyone you know is dealing with a serious medical emergency call 911. 

If you or anyone you know are dealing with thoughts of suicide, you can call the suicide hotline at 988. 

Why People Go to Therapy (and How to Work on Those Issues Yourself)

When people think of therapy, they often imagine intense sessions focused on deep-rooted issues or trauma. But the truth is, therapy can help with so many aspects of life that affect our daily happiness and sense of fulfillment. If therapy seems unfamiliar or out of reach, here’s a rundown of why people go to therapy and some therapist-inspired tools you can try to work on common challenges yourself. Think of it as a beginner’s guide to self-help strategies backed by psychology.

1. Stress and Burnout

Why Therapy Could Help:

Many people seek therapy because they feel overwhelmed, stressed, or burnt out. This kind of stress isn’t always obvious—it’s often the quiet, persistent feeling that there’s too much on your plate, leading to exhaustion, frustration, and even physical symptoms like headaches or trouble sleeping. Therapy helps people pinpoint what’s causing their stress and gives them tools to manage it in a way that doesn’t drain them.

How You Can Work on It Yourself:

• Start Setting Boundaries:
  One of the biggest causes of stress is feeling unable to say "no." Start by identifying small things in your life where you can set boundaries. For example, if you’re always answering work emails after hours, set a rule for yourself: “I’ll stop checking my work email after 7 PM.” It might feel uncomfortable at first, but protecting your time can significantly reduce your stress.

• Practice Small Acts of Self-Care Daily:
  Self-care doesn’t have to be a big event—it’s anything that makes you feel better or recharges you. Start small by dedicating five to ten minutes each day to something relaxing or joyful, like stretching, listening to your favorite song, or enjoying a cup of tea without distractions. Over time, you can build up to longer periods, and it’ll feel like a natural part of your routine.

• Mindfulness and Deep Breathing Exercises:
  When stress builds up, it’s easy to feel like everything is urgent. To counter this, try practicing mindfulness or breathing exercises to bring your focus back to the present. One simple way to start is to take five slow, deep breaths, focusing on how each inhale and exhale feels. Apps like Headspace or Calm have guided sessions to help you get comfortable with these exercises.

Therapist Tip: A lot of therapists recommend journaling about what’s causing stress and writing down possible solutions or actions. This process helps to make things more manageable and often reveals small changes that can ease your stress.

2. Building Self-Esteem and Confidence

Why Therapy Could Help:
Low self-esteem can affect your decisions, relationships, and even the way you see the world. People turn to therapy to get to the root of these feelings and learn to appreciate themselves. Therapy helps individuals examine the beliefs and past experiences that may be affecting their self-worth and gives them tools to replace self-doubt with positive self-talk.

How You Can Work on It Yourself:

• Start with Self-Compassion:
  A good starting point is to be kind to yourself, even if it feels awkward at first. If you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so bad at this,” challenge that thought. Would you say that to a friend? Probably not! Try replacing it with something supportive like, “I’m learning, and I’m getting better each time.”

• Set and Celebrate Small Goals:
  Confidence builds with small wins. If you feel like you’re not good at something, try breaking it into smaller steps. If public speaking scares you, maybe start by speaking up in a small group or practicing in front of a mirror. Celebrate each step, even if it feels small—every bit of progress helps you grow more confident.

• Write Positive Qualities and Accomplishments:
  Take a piece of paper or a journal and write down things you like about yourself, achievements you’re proud of, and strengths others appreciate in you. Reading this list regularly can help you build a more positive self-image. If it feels hard to get started, ask a friend or family member what they admire about you—they often see strengths that you don’t!

Therapist Tip: Therapists often encourage people to challenge negative self-talk by reframing thoughts. When a negative thought pops up, like “I’m not good enough,” try listing evidence that contradicts it, like times when you succeeded or felt proud.

3. Finding Purpose and Meaning

Why Therapy Could Help:
Feeling lost or purposeless can be unsettling, especially during big life changes. Many people seek therapy to clarify their values, goals, and a sense of direction. Therapy helps people connect with what’s meaningful to them so they can make choices that align with who they are.

How You Can Work on It Yourself:

• Identify Your Core Values:
  Start by asking yourself, “What’s most important to me?” Write down your answers—family, creativity, helping others, or adventure, for example. Then think about how much time you’re actually spending on those things. Aligning your daily life with your values can bring a deep sense of fulfillment.

• Reflect on Your “Peak Experiences”:
  Think about moments when you felt proud, excited, or deeply happy. Where were you? Who were you with? What were you doing? These moments can give you clues about what brings you meaning. For example, if you felt fulfilled helping a friend, you might find purpose in volunteer work or a job in a helping profession.

• Create Personal Goals and Milestones:
  After identifying your values and passions, set small goals that move you in that direction. If creativity is important to you, start by setting aside an hour each week to work on a creative project. These milestones give you something to look forward to and help you create a life filled with meaning.

Therapist Tip: Many therapists encourage finding meaning through “small acts” aligned with your values. For instance, if you value kindness, make a habit of doing one kind act a day. These small efforts add up and create a positive routine that brings fulfillment.

4. Working on Relationships

Why Therapy Could Help:

Relationships can be challenging, and therapy helps people understand their communication styles, needs, and boundaries. Therapy also offers guidance on handling conflicts, building trust, and finding balance in relationships.

How You Can Work on It Yourself:

• Practice Active Listening in Conversations:
  Instead of planning what to say next, focus on the other person’s words, body language, and tone. Try repeating back what they said in your own words to show that you’re truly listening. This simple habit can help deepen your connections and reduce misunderstandings.

• Define and Communicate Your Needs:
  Relationships flourish when both people’s needs are met. Think about what you need—whether it’s alone time, more affection, or open communication. Practice calmly expressing your needs using “I” statements, like “I feel close to you when we spend time together without our phones.”

• Set Boundaries to Protect Your Well-Being:
  Boundaries help you maintain a healthy sense of self within a relationship. For instance, if you need downtime after work, let your partner or family know. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they’re about making sure you have the energy and balance to be fully present with others.

Therapist Tip: Therapists often help clients understand their “attachment style”—whether they’re secure, anxious, or avoidant in relationships. You can learn more about your own style through self-help books or online resources, which can give you insights into how you relate to others.

5. Dealing with Grief and Loss

Why Therapy Could Help:

Grief is complicated and can involve a mix of emotions—sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. Therapy helps people process these emotions at their own pace, honoring the loss while finding ways to move forward.

How You Can Work on It Yourself:

• Give Yourself Permission to Feel:
  Grief isn’t something to “get over” but to move through. Allow yourself to feel all your emotions, even the difficult ones, without judgment. Some people find comfort in crying, while others express grief through art or writing.

• Share Your Memories:
  Talking about the person or thing you lost can keep their memory alive and give you a sense of connection. Share a story with friends or family, or even write down a memory that’s meaningful to you. It can be a simple way to honor your loss.

• Create a Ritual or Tribute:
  Honoring the person or thing you lost with a small ritual, like lighting a candle or creating a memory book, can bring comfort. Some people create physical tributes, while others focus on acts of kindness in their memory. Choose something that feels meaningful to you.

Therapist Tip: Therapists sometimes encourage clients to write “goodbye letters” or letters of gratitude to what they’ve lost. Writing down what you wish you could say can provide a sense of closure and help you find peace.

6. Breaking Unhealthy Habits

Why Therapy Could Help:
Sometimes, habits like procrastination, overeating, or checking our phones constantly can take over. Therapy helps people uncover why they turn to these habits, especially when they’re ways of coping with stress, boredom, or loneliness.

How You Can Work on It Yourself:

• Identify When and Why the Habit Occurs:
  Start by paying attention to when you engage in the habit. Are you bored, stressed, or lonely? Recognizing the reason behind it is key to making a change. For example, if you tend to overeat when you’re stressed, try finding other ways to manage stress, like deep breathing or stretching.

• Replace the Habit with Something Positive:
  Once you know what you’re replacing, choose a healthier alternative. If you usually reach for your phone when you’re bored, try replacing that with a five-minute walk or a quick drawing. The goal isn’t to avoid the urge altogether but to redirect it into something more constructive.

• Set Manageable Goals:
  Instead of aiming to stop the habit cold turkey, try setting smaller goals. If you’re trying to cut back on social media, start by setting a timer for 10 minutes of phone-free time each hour. Slowly increase that time until you’ve created a habit of unplugging more.

Therapist Tip: Therapists often use “habit-stacking” to help clients replace old habits with new ones. For example, if you want to start meditating instead of scrolling on your phone, put your phone in another room and sit for two minutes quietly after putting it down. Gradually, your brain will connect the two activities, making it easier to switch over time.

Taking small steps to work on these issues yourself can make a big difference. And if you ever want more guidance, remember that therapy is simply a tool to help you grow, understand yourself, and live a life that aligns with what truly matters to you.

Here are some well-regarded resources and books that cover a wide range of therapy techniques, mental health topics, and self-help methods. These are great for anyone interested in diving deeper into self-improvement, understanding therapy, and managing mental health independently:

1. Books on Self-Help and Mental Health Techniques to Check out 

• “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” by Dr. David D. Burns
  A foundational book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques to help manage anxiety, depression, and self-critical thoughts.

• “Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones” by James Clear
  Focuses on building and breaking habits with small, actionable changes. This is useful for anyone looking to replace unhealthy habits with positive ones.

• “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown
  A wonderful read on letting go of the pressure to be perfect, building self-compassion, and finding joy in authenticity.

• “Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks” by Barry McDonagh
  Offers techniques for overcoming anxiety and panic attacks, with practical methods to break the cycle of fear.

• “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
  A guide to understanding attachment styles in relationships, a common topic in therapy that influences how we connect with others.

2. Books on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Practical Therapy Techniques

• “Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think” by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky
  A CBT workbook that’s often used in therapy for anxiety and depression, full of exercises to help reframe negative thoughts.

• “The CBT Toolbox: A Workbook for Clients and Clinicians” by Jeff Riggenbach
  Contains over 100 exercises based on CBT techniques, with actionable tools for everything from stress management to increasing self-confidence.

• “The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook” by Edmund J. Bourne
  A comprehensive workbook filled with techniques for managing anxiety, including exposure therapy and relaxation methods.

3. Books on Mindfulness and Meditation

• “Wherever You Go, There You Are” by Jon Kabat-Zinn
  A guide to mindfulness, this book shows how to use mindfulness as a method for managing stress, anxiety, and living more fully in the present.

• “The Miracle of Mindfulness” by Thich Nhat Hanh
  A classic book on mindfulness by a Buddhist monk, offering accessible practices for reducing stress and increasing presence.

• “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha” by Tara Brach
  A combination of mindfulness and self-compassion practices that can help anyone struggling with self-criticism or feelings of inadequacy.

4. Books on Understanding Emotions and Self-Esteem

• “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Kristin Neff
  This book explains the importance of self-compassion, with exercises to develop a kinder, more accepting approach to oneself.

• “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves
  A practical book on recognizing, understanding, and managing emotions in yourself and others—a common focus in therapy for relationship and self-esteem issues.

• “The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt” by Russ Harris
  Based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this book gives you tools to handle self-doubt and build confidence.

Each of these resources offers different tools and insights, making them valuable for anyone looking to explore mental health independently. They can also be a great supplement to formal therapy if you’re currently working with a therapist.