The Truth About Confidence: It’s Not What You Think!

The Truth About Confidence: It’s Not What You Think!

Most of us have been told that we either “have” confidence or we don’t. But what if confidence isn’t really something you have at all? Instead, confidence is more like a habit—a skill you build over time by trying new and sometimes uncomfortable things until you start to feel at ease with them.

What Confidence Really Is

Think of confidence as a feeling you get when you’re comfortable in a situation, even if that situation used to feel scary. It’s not about being fearless or suddenly becoming good at something. Instead, it’s about exposing yourself to new or challenging experiences and learning to manage those situations. The more you face these challenges, the more your mind starts to feel comfortable, which we often call “confidence.”

Imagine riding a bike. The first few times, you probably felt a little nervous or even scared. But with practice, you got used to balancing, pedaling, and steering, and now riding a bike may feel totally normal. That comfort you feel now is your confidence. It didn’t come from nowhere—you built it by practicing.

Building Confidence Through Habits

So, if confidence isn’t something you’re just born with, how do you build it? The key is to keep putting yourself in new or uncomfortable situations until they feel manageable. Here are some examples:

1. Starting Small: Confidence doesn’t come from big, sudden changes. It’s built slowly, by trying small, manageable things. If you’re nervous about speaking in front of a group, maybe start by speaking up a little in a small group of friends. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

2. Pushing Through the Awkward: At first, new situations feel uncomfortable, and that’s okay! Feeling uncomfortable doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong; it actually means you’re learning and growing. Over time, you’ll get used to that uncomfortable feeling and start to feel stronger in those situations.

3. Noticing Your Progress: Look back on all the things you’ve learned to do that once felt hard, like learning to swim, riding a bike, or even making a new friend. These are all examples of confidence you built without even knowing it.

Common Misunderstandings About Confidence

It’s easy to think that confident people don’t feel nervous or uncomfortable. But even the most confident people experience nerves. What’s different is that they don’t let those feelings stop them. Instead, they’ve gotten into the habit of facing those feelings and moving forward anyway.

And here’s the good news: the more you practice, the more natural confidence starts to feel. Over time, you won’t even notice you’re “being confident”—you’ll just feel comfortable with the things that once seemed hard or awkward.

Being Kind to Yourself While You Build Confidence

Building confidence takes time, and it’s totally normal to feel awkward or nervous at first. If you ever catch yourself thinking, “I’m just not confident,” remember that confidence isn’t something you either “have” or “don’t have.” It’s a skill that you can build with time, patience, and practice. And each step you take toward building that skill is worth celebrating.

In the end, confidence is about learning to be okay with whatever comes your way and knowing you can handle it. So go easy on yourself, be proud of the small steps, and remember that confidence isn’t some magic trait—it’s something you build, little by little, every day.