Transformation. What’s that mean for me? 

A catalyst, expanding, cutting deep, almost close to death. Like this little inner world has begun to end. Like being sucked by a void pitch dark, like a rabbit hole. To the unknown depths. Raining to open in on any unmet regrets. 

This little world now has led to feeling empty all around. But is that such a bad place to be? Because what if before, actions and choices just weren’t satisfying me. Happiness and abundance, hopes and dreams, before were far fetched while working in an endless parade that didn’t come so easily. It’s a celebration of what little can be realized. It’s of the idea of a long journey towards success and abundance.

What good would it be if I continued to project being happy without the sensation? The passion fruits of labor were received in due time. But they were just temporary until a couple of weeks, until next time. I’ll be of course grateful to have been a part of the parade, because I wouldn’t have realized I also wanted to try other fruits like mangos and strawberries. 

The parade only had passion fruits for currency, which weren’t satisfying me; thinking about other fruits has led me questioning. After resigning from the parade, I continued walking down to get hired across from the street. The hardware store was selling candy. 

That’s when I fell into the rabbit hole. I hadn’t noticed it from the ground as I was stepping onto the sidewalk. A mundane scary phase is what I’m faced with when dropping inside the void, like the inner world has finally shaken. 

To my luck, I caught a vine hanging before falling deeper inside. What a close call to have almost died in the void ‘cause who knows what’s down there. Survival mode has kicked in, trying to come up with solutions to reach the surface. 

Examining around to figure out the next move, I noticed a monarch floating gently into the unknown. Flying down into the sinking hole. How can this be? A beautiful butterfly exists. I’ve heard many stories about how nothing comes back from this place when I was working in the parade. The stories spoke of the rabbit hole, dreary when you hear its cry.

I sure have gone mad when letting go of the vine, curious to know where the butterfly will go. Losing myself to a storm that seems bleak until you hear the thunderclouds producing lightning. The bolts light up what’s inside, flora and fauna preparing for marching towards spring after hibernating.  Lightning has revealed itself in the rabbit hole wildlife. Funny how oblivious it was. Not noticing the storm was planning a calling that had been forsaken before, which always whispered to me especially during the parade. 

Who knew that a beautiful place was under the surface of emptiness.  Will you choose to be the true flower you’re always meant to be? 

Or will you decide to stay in the roots, contemplating and delaying the inevitable coronation that will sooner or later come to fruition just as the same, alarmingly and frighteningly. 

What’s life without a little risk? Falling into the void was terrifying in so many ways, but now you can decide to define what’s gonna change. You’d think the thunderstorms were nightmares the way they scream. But that’s where the real transformation exists. 

I think that’s what transformation means for me.

Bio

Alejandra Soto Morales is an SBCC student studying English and Writing. She performed her written piece Rabbit Hole at a concert in Santa Barbara Museum of Art. In reading Rabbit Hole, Alejandra hopes to inspire her readers to step into the unknown and to take some time in the day for introspection.