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Me performing 'Queasy Calypso' in a downpour, in the rainy city, during The Manchester International Festival 2009.
The day was quite clear and pleasant, but mysteriously every time I was asked to get up to perform a poem, the heavens opened!
From 'We Are Poets!'
Flapjack Press 2008.
Get the Kindle edition from Amazon.
DIRT MAGNET
What’s the point of earwax,
And the slime that’s up my nose?
Why can’t I plant a seed in there,
And see if something grows?
Why is my belly button
Full of fluff and goo?
Why do spilt spaghetti hoops
Stick to me like glue?
Why is there always custard
Dried upon my chin?
And why do I make so much gas
That’s better out than in?
Why is there always soil
And grass stains on my knees?
Why do my socks get scuffed with oil
And always smell like cheese?
Why is half the garden
Underneath my nails?
And why does my hair tangle
Like a mesh of mad rats’ tails?
Why is that place behind my ears
Always thick with grime.
And why is my grey, unwashed neck
Worse than any crime?
Where does all that dust come from
That’s in between my toes,
And why is there so much of it?
My Mum says that she knows
The reason I’m so grungy,
It’s a power I exert,
The muck’s attracted to me,
I’m a magnet for the dirt!
From 'We Are Poets!' Flapjack Press 2008.
Queasy Calypso
If your tummy’s feeling funny,
And you’re running to the loo,
Here’s a list of things you just shouldn’t do:
Don’t jump around on a pogo stick,
Because if you do you’re gonna be sick.
If you’re green around the gills and feeling grim,
It’s not a good idea to go to the gym.
If your tummy’s feeling funny,
And you’re running to the loo,
Here’s a list of things you just shouldn’t do:
If you’ve got a fuzzy tongue and a fizzy dizzy feeling,
Do not go trampolining.
If you’ve got gut rot from eating unripe mangoes,
Don’t attempt to fox trot or try to tango!
If your tummy’s feeling funny,
And you’re running to the loo,
Here’s a list of things you just shouldn’t do:
If your belly’s aching and your head is thumping,
Do not go bungee jumping.
If you’ve been sitting on the toilet for hours and hours,
Don’t decide to try the rides at Alton Towers!
If your tummy’s feeling funny,
And you’re running to the loo,
Here’s a list of things you just shouldn’t do:
If you’re feeling ill at ease and you’ve got a constant sneeze,
Don’t join the circus and learn the trapeze.
Here’s my advice to you, what you should do instead,
Take the day off school and stay in bed!
If your tummy’s feeling funny,
And you’re running to the loo,
That was list a of things you just shouldn’t do
Copyright Helên Thomas 2009
Memory Beach
On weekends and holidays, in all sorts of weather,
With swimsuits and wellies we go to the beach;
With buckets of upside-down sand we build castles,
And dig moats around them that fill up with sea.
We gather dry starfish as brittle as biscuits;
Driftwood sandpapered and washed by the waves;
Pebbles, glass smooth, shaped by years in the ocean;
We sift through the flotsam for shells in shy coves.
We ponder the rock pools and wonder of mermaids;
Tell tall tales of jellyfish stings and jump clear;
Dare to touch seaweed and dead crabs, so stinky,
Jabbing and jousting a snapped craggy claw.
As pirates swashbuckling, we plunder dune islands,
Tumbling down gullies of hot windblown sand.
Playing cool cowboys and super Sioux Indians,
We slay mutant monsters until the day’s end.
Back by the bay, the tide’s turning, waves breaking,
Invading the shoreline, the swell of the sea
Floods moats; our fortress defences fall crumbling,
Collapsing sandcastles that sweep clean away.
Memory Beach: From 'Everybody Everywhere Stomp Your Feet!' and other poems by Helên Thomas, released November 11, 2011. Words Helên Thomas. Music Owen J.
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