Week 6 RESULTS

Matchup of the Week

Sir CoxAlot (6-0) vs President (Alvin) Kamara Harris (4-2)

QB: Well if only this could have been the following week because after Justin Fields scores 23.7 points this week and is QB6 on the year it looks like he's getting the pine for an old, declining, cooking in the kitchen QB. But for the Cox the was thankful he played this week and apparently scoring 2 rushing TD is good for QB's. Stroud played well too but the Texans took advantage of the lowly Pats and coasted to a W. 

RB: If you would have told me that Saquan only scores 6.4 points I would think the Prez wins this one. But Derrick Henry looks like he may be the reincarnation of Zeus and never stop. Henry ran for 132 and 2 TDs. Kamara and Pollard combined for 133 and 2 TDs. Do you get the picture here?

WR: DK Metcalf says he fasts in the morning and then eats 3-4 bags of candies, especially gummies, every day. Most be something that happens in Seattle and and maybe he didn't have his allotment of gummies before playing on Thursday because he was basically erased from relevance. CeeDee says he wants jump balls but maybe he should have been saying subpar and then just telling the rest of the Cowboys they suck too. WILD to think the RodGod is WR2 on the year but that offense is hummmmmmmmmmin. Scary Terry is still Scary. but like in a good way. The pass game runs through him every week.

TE: The Prez actually won in this department. Helps when Goedert goes down on the first play but glad that Pitts isn't a pile of crap in this offense anymore. ATL did put up 38 points and all Pitts had was 3 receptions... so thats a bummer

Flex: Trey Sermon was a good thought, but it just wasn't the right thought. Kinda like banging the neighbor. A good thought, but not the right one. If you take away the Chase Brown 30 yard TD run then Chase Brown didn't do much but football also doesn't work by just taking things away after they happen.

D/K: Meh. Pittsburghs defense played well I suppose.

6-0. and in commanding fashion. Sir Cox really show that they not only have Big Dick Energy for one night, but they live by the wise words of Sammy Adams and had the "bartender make that mf'er stronger, I wanna go all night longer!!" Not only do they have the most points scored in this league by over 110 points, but they are on a 6 week winning streak and continue to be our lone undefeated team in the league. Will the QB regression back to Patty hurt the team in the future? Will the Prez ever get elected?? Find out next week on "Will we ever actually get another blog??"

Prediction: Prez (WRONG): 0-1

Ass Prediction: Humble the Cox, Prez (WRONG): 0-1

Special Guest Prediction: Alvin and the Chipmunks (WRONG): 0-1

Chicago Dogs (3-3) vs Bald Bison (3-3)

Teams and players that say they are going to suit up and then don't should be ordered to pay fantasy football leagues back some how. I'm not sure how, but they should. James Cook came out and said specifically that he was playing. Josh Peck would tell James "I ain't callin you a truther". Because as Monday comes around, and as the Dogs abandoned any Kentucky faithfulness, he had no RB to play. While the Bison did play Justice Hill who essentially wasn't a RB on Sunday, these mistakes still matter. Both of these teams have just been crushed by injuries lately as they were once humming. Bowers seems to be the team leader for the Dogs but when LV can't find the endzone, it usually just doesn't amount to being "game changing". The dogs need to pack up shop and head to a new Dog Stand in the hopes to regroup going forward.

Prediction: Bison (CORRECT): 1-1

Ass Prediction: Bison (CORRECT): 1-1

Special Guest Prediction: BBC, Bald Bison Champs (CORRECT): 1-1

My Chubb (1-5) vs G-Train Rats (3-3)

Rats rats rats rats rats rats. Do I feel bad that I traded you MHJ and White who scored 0 points this week? No because JJ also scored 0 points this week. Will I feel bad next week? probably not. rats rats rats rats rats. here is a picture of rats playing football

Prediction: Chubb (WRONG): 1-2

Ass Prediction: Unfortunately, the Rats (CORRECT): 2-1

Special Guest Prediction: G-String Rats (CORRECT): 2-1

ASS-Ville HURRICANES (4-2) vs Comeback Story (3-3)

NAME CHANGE ALERT!!! Sound the Sirens!! Tornado, Hurricane, Theft, and the name change sirens. All sirens that I am sure sound identical and are super helpful in distinguishing which one is currently going on. But no matter how loud Wrigley is howling at the sirens, the ASS surely came in and left a big ole mess - Taco Bell for Dinner and Waffle House for a midnight snack kind of mess. In a matchup of body parts that face away from your face (hehe back and ass), both of these teams actually delivered respectable outings as we have recognized that scoring over 100 is usually a way to find victory in this league. Unfortnately for the comebacks, they were 1 of 3 teams to lose this week while scoring over 100. Thinking of it, if Kim K doesn't have a Comeback story, then what is it? Could we see a possible name change to "Nutted In", "facial", or even "blue balled?". I guess we'll need to finish the story in order to find out. But for this chapter, and to finally get to football, the RB group, which has been led by Jordan Mason, massively disappointed because they both couldn't stay healthy. ETN finished with negative points which hardly ever happens for a starting RB and Jordan Mason becomes victim to the 49ers injury carousel. Meanwhile the Hurricans welcomes their newly revamped offense with Caleb Williams, KW3, and Diggs, who accounted for over 50% of their total team points. The big question is if Caleb Williams is actually good and if he can keep this up. With back to back 20+ performances and the last 4 games being against bottom 5 pass defenses, what will he prove as he faces tougher defenses later this year. We will wait to find out.

Prediction: Comeback (WRONG): 1-3

Ass Prediction: Ass (CORRECT): 3-1

Special Guest Prediction: Toes in the water, ASS in the sand (CORRECT): 3-1

Jacksonville Jacks (4-2) vs Just Here for the Beer (1-5)

In week 4 Team Keegs moved into 4th all time for lowest scoring week. Thankfully we can all depend on a Beer to help us feel a bit better as the 47.32 points scored moved him into the 4th lowest of all time. With Taylor's mental state after the poor performance this week, I can't imagine how the other 3 lower scores felt during their weeks. Barely having 1 player crack into the double digits of scoring. And if anything is even more disgraceful, the Jacks pulled their defense in the wild situation they would score -37 points and lose them the game. But hey, I respect the managing and you just play to win the game. This WR 4 some that the Jacks are holding on to are ready to explode at any week, especially if Deebo can continue to find the endzone on big plays...and doesnt have to play RB for most the game. Bigger games in store for the Jacks. The beers better keep drinking. and better hope that CMC will make a difference in the losers bracket. Upward and onward.

Prediction: Jacks (CORRECT):  2-3

Ass Prediction: Jacks (CORRECT): 4-1

Special Guest Prediction: It's 5 o'clock somewhere (WRONG): 3-2

Connor's Stalions (4-2) vs Team Keegs (3-3)

If you are ever watching horse races and fail to bet on the stallion, you already know you messed up. If you fail to bet on the stallion you know is taking PEDS and getting let out of the gates a split second sooner, you're just plain stupid. I did see a video of some guy taking horse electrolytes to help refuel and he hasn't died yet that I am aware of. Maybe there is a secret there. After a confident and non threatening Monday night Football filled with Josh Allen and Breece Hall (bums), the Stallions take home the Triple Crown and advance to 4-2 while being outscored by 9 other teams in this league (and almost a 10th). 40 more points have been scored against them but in all reality, at the end of the season, we just care about the W's and the L's and baby you better saddle up. On a brightside for Keegs, Josh Allen (QB5), looked much more like his normal self after scoring 21 points combined the last 2 weeks. Christian Watson is sitting on your bench also pissed knowing he would have given you 8 more points and the W. Hock and Jefferson come back next week too. Yippee.

Prediction: Stalions (CORRECT): 3-3

Ass Prediction: Keegs (WRONG): 4-2

Special Guest Prediction: Taysom Hill is ass, go Keegs (WRONG): 3-3

Tarkington Crawdaddies (2-4) vs VICTORVILLE VILLAINS (1-5)

the crawdaddiess..... ARE ALIVE!! Crayfish are most active at night and during warmer months. Crawdaddies are most active when around other naked and aroused crawdaddies. and as October gets rolling which is hopefully the Craws favorite month of the year. Sometimes a hot new fling can feel wild and entertaining but sticking with what you know can results in consistent reliable success. 5 of Tarkington's starters (as of last week) play in the AFC North. His bench then has another 2 currently in the AFC North, 1 guy that used to play in the AFC North, and 2 guys from either OSU or Purdue. Not sure how that really impacts how his team plays on the weekly but a cool fact i guess. But these are the crawdaddies that he hoped for by drafting some of these guys. Garrett Wilson has been force fed in New York but should be free'd up a bit soon. Amari hopes to learn how to catch the ball again as he goes to Buffalo, and Kmet just knows how to catch touchdowns. Partying occurred in Tarkington (which may just be a hidden name for Fat Dans) on Monday night. Victorville just didn't play enough defense on Monday. Plain and simple. The Zay Flowers and Lamar Jackson combo is still lethal and Dobbins reclaimed the backfield, but the Villians just got out played by the better team this week. Tough life being a villain with no friends. Knowing you have more points than 8 other teams in this league and yet only have 1 win. Silly Victor, don't you know that the villain never wins.

Prediction: Victor (WRONG): 3-4

Ass Prediction: Victor (WRONG) 4-3

Special Guest Prediction: Crawing to a W (CORRECT): 4-3