Week 14 RESULTS

Matchup of the Week

Jacksonville Jacks (8-6) vs Connor's Stalions (7-7)

Who would have guessed, winning isn't even important. In the MOTW and arguably the most important matchup for both of these teams of this year, Jordan Love got off to a rough start on Thursday night. Stalions even tried to play some mind games on if Love was the right choice or not, which he wasn't, but it doesn't matter when the rest of the team says "hey, take me like broke back mountain and mount me on my back" because they had this. Having 3 players score more than the Stalions 2nd best player is a pretty strong case for picking up a W. Hill and Adams, who have historically struggled this year, looked to both be back in their prime as they hauled in a collective 19 receptions for 224 yards and 2 TD's. On the flip side, starting a bucked up Bucky who had 4 touches before being sat the rest of the game and also starting Will Levis who looked worse than Trevor did last week after he took that hit. But these two teams can shake hands and move on to the next week knowing that its unlikely they see each other again this year. To the playoffs we go.

Prediction: Stalions - WRONG (0-1)

Ass Prediction: Jacks  - CORRECT (1-0)

Special Guest: Jacks - CORRECT (1-0)

Sir CoxAlot (11-3) vs Team Keegs (10-4)

Keegs picked up the win and dethroned Sir Cox. Was this Keegs showing his dominance or was it Cox just resting his stars on a week he didn't need them. He already picked up the #1 seed and then proceeded to set the scoring record in Daddy history in the process. Sure it's not a win but this matchup didn't matter for anyone anyways. Cox will allow his starters to rest another week. The big question is due to the actual NFL success of many of his starters, do any of his teams shut things down early causing Cox to panic?

Prediction: Cox - WRONG (0-2)

Ass Prediction: Cox - WRONG (1-1)

Special Guest: Keegs - CORRECT (2-0)

Jill Stein, I guess? (6-8) vs. Comeback Story (5-9)

... I guess you really don't need to win games to make it to the playoffs. For a guy that started the season 4-0, who would have thought that a 6-8 season where it came down to another guy winning his matchup to secure your spot would have been the way to make the playoffs. And while your bloodpressure may kill you at an earlier age now similar to Urban Meyer, you do get to move onto the the Playoffs and avoid the chance of choking on dogs all summer. On the real side of things, if this team can be healthy for the Playoffs they do have a solid chance of making a run...because we all know they won't have a QB. And, maybe even the mores historic part of this matchup, ComeBack has what I believe to be their first comeback of the season. Could this be a mess for the rest of the season or will they cum out on top of it? Jalen Hurts has looked great this year in route to QB4 on the season and a successful Eagles season. Unfortuantely this new offense in Phili is killing AJ Brown. A guy that is one of the most elite WR's in the game and being schemed out of games just by running sprints down the sideline. Eagles are winning, but AJ Brown isn't, which means Comeback may struggle in the Weiners bracket. Sincerely, Commish.

Prediction: Comeback - CORRECT (1-2)

Ass Prediction: Comeback - CORRECT (2-1)

Special Guest: Jilly - WRONG (2-1)

Just Here for the Beer (5-9) vs. G-Train Rats (6-8)

Another week, another guy in the starting lineup that doesn't score anything for the Rats. And while they were able to get away with it a few weeks ago, this one really came back to be a rat bite in the butt in a way that takes him out of the playoffs. The rats were kicked off the train and told to go back down to the sewers. Realistically, sometimes you just don't have the right week and even with an entirely healthy lineup and a defense that doesn't score negative points, the rats never really had a chance. The Beer brought the whole case to this party and they were shotgunning them on the way in. The first time I met Taylor might have been at a party at my house in Anderson. I think. And if that is the case, if it was anything like the performance he played this week against the rats, he probably ran the pong table all night. And while this doesn't take him into the playoffs, he is on fire and demanding them balls back right now. While Guerendo was a big key to the success this week and will likely be out next week, he will welcome Pickens and Taylor back to the lineup. At least the weiners party will have the Beer to go along with it. And I'm predicting this guy will only be there for the beer at that point too.

Prediction: Rats - WRONG (1-3)

Ass Prediction: Beer - CORRECT (3-1)

Special Guest: Beer - CORRECT (3-1)

Bald Bison (6-8) vs Victorville Villains (7-7)

Well that makes one team that actually did what they were supposed to. Villains might have had the easier matchup of the bunch but they took the win and in game to mean, lets go out without our stars and put up a whole hell of a lot of points. Welll when you have 1 WR who scores 3 TD's and then strike gold with the 3rd string Jets RB who looked better than Breece did most of this season i guess you end up in a pretty good spot. Victorville like to either score a whole lot of points or not many at all. This team could get dangerous as they get into the Playoffs and as a team that was probably picked against the majority of the season, he enters the playoffs again for a chance to defend his title. The Bald Bison are hurtinnn and if it wasn't for Charbonnet playing like a bonefide RB1 with KW3 going down, this could have looked worse. The Bison bank on the Lions duo of St. Brown and LaPorta do do the damage as "the studs" and frankly they just haven't been "him" this year. They are not bussin. They are skibidy ohio. And so are the bald bison. No Giyatt found. Not alpha. Not even mid.

Prediction: Bison - WRONG (1-4)

Ass Prediction: Bison - WRONG (3-2)

Special Guest: Bison - WRONG (3-2)

Tarkington Crawdaddies (6-8) vs. Chubbs (4-10)

ANNDDDDDD, the Crawdaddies finnish as the 1st team out from missing the playoffs. What a wild turn of events. They almost double up on Chubbs on points in for the week as they score a top 3 finish on the year (the other two being Sir Cox) scoring 152.75 points. Can we talk about Puka!?!?!? Imagine if this guy was healthy all season and didn't punch people and get suspended. He looks like a top 5 option in the entire NFL and someone that just isn't guardable. Did you know that Puka wasn't even his actual first name. It's Makea. Boring. He got the nickname Puka when he was a baby because he was fat and chubby. Which is what Puka means. Then for it all to come FULL CIRCLE for Puka to beat Chubbs this weak. Must mean we have a fat and chubby crawdaddy who is ready to slay the Weiners bracket with his screw. Hopefully Tarkington can reload for at least one more week. And hopefully the Chubbs can get back off the couch and put together a meaningful performance instead of leaving a guy who scored 2 touchdowns on your bench. Oh the agony. 

Prediction: Chubbs - WRONG (1-5)

Ass Prediction: Chubbs - WRONG (3-3)

Special Guest: Crawdaddies (4-2)

Chicago Dogs (11-3) vs ASS-ville Amphetamines (6-8)

I'm not quite sure the Chciago Dogs were ever really concerned in this one. I mean they had already locked up the 2 spot and were smooth sailing into the playoffs. They could be a mean dog and bite the ASS in the ASS taking away his playoff hopes, or they could let him skate by and put the fate in his hand. The Dogs decided to just toy around with the Amphetamines likely leading to an overdose on Monday night instead. With a 22% chance that Chase scores 22.5 more points than Ferguson on Monday night, Chase decides to tell the ASS to hold his beer and goes out and scores 33.4 more than Ferguson on Monday night. As a Bears fan I'm sure he doesn't hate everything Bengals, but after Monday night he surely has enough of a reason to despise the city of Cleveleand. And while the rest of the Dogs had an off week, sometimes you just need your Dogs to be your Dogs. & Chase is one of 'dem. Congrats.

Prediction: Dogs - CORRECT (2-5)

Ass Prediction: ASS - WRONG (3-4)

Special Guest: Dogs - CORRECT (5-2)