Week 4 RESULTS

Matchup of the Week

Tarkington Crawdaddies (0-4) v. Sir CoxAlot (4-0)

QB: Thankfully for the Craws, Patty Mahomes looked worse than what a plug and play of JaMarcus Russell would have been. Actually, his 56.9 points through 4 games this season is by far his worst start in his NFL career (2023 for 79.6, 2022 for 92.4, 2021 for 111.9, 2020 for 108.1, 2019 for 104.8, 2018 for for 115.3). Sure he is without his star WR and sure Kelce has been with T Swift more than with the bros, but it's no excuse for his slow start for a QB still in his prime. Unfortunately for the Craws, Joey B didn't look incredible either. He still technically got the matchup.

RB: Barkely "busted" on the Barkley standard but the Cox still let Henry loose and had this matchup won after his first play of the game. Najee is the consistent piece for Pittsburg, although Cordarrelle Patterson might have looked like the better football player. Tank Bigsby had a big play on his limited opportunites. Maybe in an offense that was...well better and more opportunities he would do better. Not a chance this week.

WR: Garrett Willson and Andrei Iosivas have both had boom weeks. This week it was not one of those for either of them as they both busted. & While Scarry Terry and the Rod God didn't boom this week, they didn't have to. It's just another example of guys on good offenses (who would have imagined we would be saying that about the Commanders).

TE: And in the year where there are "so many good TE's", Dallas Goedert is running away as TE1 as the only not broken part of this Eagles offense. Kmet is a solid piece, but imagine a baby bird nest where mom only brings home 1 worm. Kmet isn't getting it very often. Especially when DJ Moore is sitting in another tree just to steal the worm.

Flex: Without a phantom holding call and this spot goes the other way. This is just what Cleveland fans have been used to, getting screwed over by the owners themselves. Right Glen? Cooper has been a solid piece since the trade. Just didn't do it this week. Meyers played well as WR1 in Vegas.

D/K: Trash to all

Ultimately, no matter what my write up seemed to dictate, this was what everyone expected in this matchup. A craws team to continue to struggle while their other trade piece sits the pine hurt and while Nacua sits on IR, and while the Cox have an "off week" and still manage to put up 108 and almost double his opponent. As Jeremiah would likely say if it were your birthday, "It's a good day to be a Cox"

Prediction: Cox (CORRECT): 1-0

Ass Prediction: Cox (CORRECT): 1-0

Special Guest Prediction: Tarkington Crawsss (WRONG): 0-1

Special Guest Prediction #2: Cox (CORRECT): 1-0

ASS-ville Amphetamines (2-2) v. My White Chubb Hurts (1-3)

In a game of who can have the biggest pitty party, you have: my dog is sick vs our town was hit by a hurricane. In all reality, the government isn't going to provide any support or relief for either one of these situations because they just don't give a damn. But this week we realized that the less the ASS can do to actually manage his team, the better they are. The 126.44 points scored by Blake were his highest point total in all of the 2023 and 2024 seasons (besides his 154.6 point showing in the losers bracket last year to avoid elimination). So realistically in one of the hardest times for "ASS"-ville and their community, Blake may have scored the most points he will this season and didn't get to see any of it. He did tell me last night on the phone "how is Kenneth Walker playing? I debated not playing him coming back from injury. I hope he doesn't suck. If I lose because he sucks I might cry more." At that point KW3 had 6 rushing yards. He finished with some of the most impressive plays I've seen in football this year pulling a full somersault. If you include the Flex position, Blake probably did have the best RB group of the week. Something I hope he never finds out about. Chubb Hurts lost this match, but was probably okay with that after we hit the Pet Bet. Changes will have to happen in order for this team to avoid falling to the loser's bracket at some point this year. 

Prediction: Amphetamines (CORRECT): 2-0

Ass Prediction: Himself (CORRECT): 2-0

Special Guest Prediction: Amphetamines (CORRECT): 1-1

Special Guest Prediction #2: The Chubb (WRONG): 1-1

Pitts On That Thang (3-1) v. Victorville Villains (0-4)

YOU PLAY TO WIN THE MF GAME. First to 80. If Vic was awake he may have won this thing. But good things come to those that work harder dammit and I just wanted this thing more. Sure, "losing" $1100 was a bad beat, but if it means winning in this Fantasy Football League then sometimes you just gotta take the L. Jayden Daniels is HIM and the new Lamar. He has led more drives scoring points than he has had incompletions!!!! Gibbs and MHJ look like solid pieces to continue to build this team around. If we can find some help, the soonly new named team can continue streaking. Victorville tried their best but ultimately fell just 1 reception short of taking home a win on Monday night football. Can you be considered a Villain if you aren't winning? I would have to look back at the last 2 years of data to see the worst record for the champ after they win it because yall we might be close. If Pacheco can get healthy again this year then the Villains may be able to pull sometime together at the end of the year. If not, well, Good Luck Charlie. 

Prediction: Pitts Pitts Pitts (CORRECT): 3-0

Ass Prediction: Pitts (CORRECT): 3-0

Special Guest Prediction: Cherry Pitts (CORRECT): 2-1

Special Guest Prediction #2: Pitts (CORRECT): 2-1

Just Here for the Beer(1-3) v. ComeBack Story (3-1)

He came, he drank his beer, he lost. He went home. He got Cum on his back. While Beer did break 100 for the first time this season, Tyler Bass let him down on Sunday night and now will be kicked on his Bass and removed from any further Beer gatherings. Pickens looked like he had life vs the bad Indy defense, Diggs found the endzone with a rush, and JT helped us win the Pet Bet before going down with an injury shortly after. The Beer could be set for a puke and rally as long as JT can stay healthy as Kelce finds a resurgance in this KC offense. Without a true WR1, it because Kelce1 season. As for ComeBack, they were forced to ride two young rooks to pound town this week. Brian Thomas Jr to his best game of his rookie season as he settles in as WR1 in Jax and as the 3rd best Rookie WR so far this year. Xavier Legette makes more sense catching the ball from a Red Rocket than he does talking. Still can't understand that dude. Aubrey still K1

Prediction: 6 Pack of Beer (WRONG): 3-1

Ass Prediction: Comeback (CORRECT): 4-0

Special Guest Prediction: New name, new game - drinkin beer (WRONG): 2-2

Special Guest Prediction #2: Comeback (CORRECT): 3-1

Chicago Dogs (2-2) v. Jacksonville Jacks (3-1)

Uh oh. Whats in the water in KC and why is their QB hurting every single of of these players. Rice needs to hope that putting his body in rice helps him recover quicker as we still don't know if he is out for the season. If he is, just like this matchup, the Dogs could be forced to eat a boiled dog bought from a dollar store that sat out and got cold. You would think that the Dogs have to make a permanent move away from Richardson as their QB. When he has been in he hasn't looked good. When he's not, the Colts look better. The Dogs studs will have their weeks, but this week they struggled to get anything consistent going. The Jacks, outside of Nabers, didn't look spectacular this week but they still won the game. Sometimes that is just what you have to do. With only 3 players inside the top 12 at any prospective position (2 of them being a defense and kicker), the Jacks may need to find some boom potential with Tyreek looking like he may try to get arrested and put away before he he has to suit up with the dolphins again. 

Prediction: Jackalopes (CORRECT): 4-1

Ass Prediction: Jacks (CORRECT): 5-0

Special Guest Prediction: Chicago Dog, pickle on the side (WRONG): 2-3

Special Guest Prediction #2: Dogshit (WRONG): 3-2

Bald Bison (1-3) v. President (Alvin) Kamara Harris (4-0)

Gotta feel for the Bison who put up the 3rd highest point total this week and still end up getting shot. Imagine you're a Bison just going through the field. You have made it through hunting season and you feel like you're doing pretty damn good. You have kids. You have a good field of grass and a pool of some fresh waters. Maybe even a Mrs. Bison who you get freaky with in order to help you both feel young again. Sure you're bald. But people still love you. You're doing pretty damn good and all of a sudden Helicopters come down in your MF field. Not 1, not 2, not the driver of Kobe Bryant's, but 7 helicopters and out of the biggest one comes this LADY. She has her body guards come and find you. You try to fight but they pull you from your family, tie you up by your legs like your split on some bed poles with Mrs. Bison, and that LADY PREZ shoots you in the head. Dammit the Bison were doing well the Prezident had to pull their connections and have enough go his way on Monday night to pick up another win and go to 4-0 being the top scorer this week...Even with realizing that Pitts sucks and put up a dud. (THIS MAN STINNKKS).  But beside that guy, Whooooof. I get why they were mad I traded you CeeDee. Bald Bison have a lot going well for them if Swift can play like the RB3 every week. Or at least every other week but finding a replacement at QB must be a top priority. Better days for the Bison as they start again.

Prediction: The PREZZZ (CORRECT): 5-1

Ass Prediction: His vote you had, the Prez (CORRECT): 6-0

Special Guest Prediction: 4 (and 0) more years, Prez (CORRECT): 3-3

Special Guest Prediction #2: Bisons slaughterd by Prezidents (CORRECT): 4-2

G-Train Rats (2-2) v. Team Keegs (2-2)

I still think this has been a great start to the year for G-Train and the Rats. Sitting at 2-2 and tied for 2nd in the weak out of Townies division. He put up 115 this week and is showing that his team has potential, even on a week where his #2 overall pick goes for single digit points. Surely will be better as he continues to lead on the Stack of Baker and Mike Evans, along with WR1 of Nico Collins. The other pieces are there too. But what needs to be said for Glen is that scoring points at the beginning of the year is NOT uncommon for the Rats. An early season score of north of 400 has been the NORMAL for Glennith. 

But can they stay healthy. Can he manage the roster through byweeks and injuries. I'm not doubting, just in a place of recognizing before we go and flip any script out here. For Keegs... oh boy. While last week we had the Cox go #5 in scoring all time, you just fell into the new place of #4 all time lowest score.

1. 34.18 in 2021 by Victor

2. 41.92 in 2021 by Glen

3. 45.96 in 2021 by Glen

All in 2021 and now you just brought 2024 back to the post Covid era. Better pick up your masks. Josh Allen was not your savior this week. Mr. Consistent Breece Hall had 4 yards on 10 carries. Devonta Smith and Christian Watson are both out. I just hope you don't put the next 10 weeks of this season into the rest of the bottom of all time list.

Prediction: Keegs - No Ekeler (WRONG): 5-2

Ass Prediction: Cops (WRONG): 6-1

Special Guest Prediction: Glenjamin (CORRECT): 4-3

Special Guest Prediction #2: Keegs (WRONG): 4-3