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Welcome back to your favorite "let me take a break from my actual responsibilities and go take a crap for about 15 minutes as I read about a fictional team that means more to me than my wife".
This week the easy thing to do would be to talk about the injuries running rampant in the NFL. Some could say the most injuries in the NFL ever. Some could also say that's recency bias. Whatever you want to say, I don't care. Because instead of that we are going to start a new opening part to these blogs that I will call - Commish doesn't have time for this bull shit and instead is going to have AI put something together. So to get things going, a little background of my AI prompt.
There was this weird time in middle school/high school where I enjoyed Young Adult books. Who the hell knows why. Some may call it yearning for love. Others may just call it soft porn. Only the wet crusty sock in the corner of my childhood room would know the answer to that question. During this time I read the book called "The Pact". The Sparky Spark Noted Notes Edition is that the chick, Emily, shoots herself silly at the playground merry-go-round but the boy who agreed who would do the same, suicide pact, ends up not going through with it. He was accused of murder. The whole book goes with people trying to prove his innocence. At the end, they pulled the trigger together. How sweet. Somehow he wasn't guilty, which was kinda bullshit too. Now why the hell did I just give you a book report? Well hopefully you put it together that the Daddies now have a pact too. And what did I ask AI to write about. Well...
Imagine a group of friends playing fantasy football, but instead of their teams thriving, they're having a terrible season—week after week of devastating losses, injuries, and failed trades. Their frustration builds to a point where they jokingly (or half-jokingly) create their own "suicide pact," mirroring the emotional despair in "The Pact."
Like the characters in the novel who felt trapped and overwhelmed by their circumstances, these friends feel cornered by their poor decisions and bad luck in the fantasy league. Just as Chris and Emily were influenced by the pressures of their relationship and family dynamics, these players are overwhelmed by the competitive nature of fantasy football, which leads to exaggerated emotions. The humor in this comparison comes from the absurdity of equating something as trivial as fantasy football with something as tragic and irreversible as suicide, though both illustrate the concept of feeling hopeless and out of control.
If you ask me, kinda bullshit AI thinks that our emotions are exaggerated or that it would be absurd for something as meaningful and life giving as the best damn fantasy football league in the entire existence of ever to be compared to something as meaningless as life. I mean, this isn't even eternity that we're talking about here. AI did get the hopeless part right tho.
Anyways, I also wanted to give you some historical stats on how bad this last week was for us too and extra motivation to join the pact, if you haven't already.
This week the daddies averaged a team score of 88.65. Which over the last 4 years of Daddy History, we have average a team score of 100.72. Which may not sound like a whole lot until you realize that this week was actually the 3rd lowest in daddy history.
The two weeks that were lower in average were Week 2 of 2023 (87.68) and Week 16 of 2022 (88.49). During these two weeks, there were only 2 teams that scored under 80 points. This week we have 4 teams that are under 80 and 7 teams that were under 90.15!
And while we still suck, we are off to the RESULTS...
Week 2 RESULTS
Matchup of the Week
President (Alvin) Kamara Harris (2-0) v. Jacksonville Jacks (1-1)
Clearly, the The President is shutting down the entire city, town, province, village of Jacksonville because the President must have came into Jacksonville and said something close to "they're eating the dogs" and the Jacks started to revolt on themselves. In all honesty the Jacks outperformed 5 other teams and at least they took their shot at the President. They still missed and then were seized and likely shot themselves, but they took their shot. The Gus Bus needs to leave town. Colby Parkinson needs to Park himself off of this team, and Stafford needs to shove a staff up his rear end to try to forget this week. Maybe grab a Naber and put him in next time. HOLY KAMARA. I saw a video about morman kids favorite cuss words - frick won by far. But if Kamara was from Utah I feel like a HOLY KAMARA would be a winner. Who would have guessed that Kamara would go for 4 touchdowns in week 2 and almost have a 5th. The rest of the team, besides the "TE" played well, but when 1 guy can do this, does anything else matter?
Prediction: Mr. Prez (CORRECT): 1-0
Ass Prediction: Mr. Prez (CORRECT): 1-0
Special Guest Prediction: Mr. Prez (CORRECT): 1-0
Pitts On That Thang (1-1) v. Sir CoxAlot (2-0)
Sad tweet :( We Pitts'd on that Thang, but turns out it doesn't matter when you get CoxAlot. We may have to Pitts on our own Thang going forward. What was bad in week 1 for Pitts was even worse in week 2. A lack of production from this RB is starting to cause serious issues, especially when there is a backup RB on the bench scoring 18.6 points... Jayden Daniels and the Commanders offense looked good but they couldn't find the endzone. Which isn't good for anyone but the kicker... who was on the other team. Speaking of the Cox, it seems news got out that Chris Godwin's actual name is Rod Christopher Godwin. He is the Rod God who had the first 7 completions for Baker. Kupp even got hurt to slow down the Cox, who could now be 2Cox0Kupps. Henry and Barkley continue to prove that they are studs in this league. This was a down week for the Cox who still put up 114 points. Ouch.
Prediction: Pitts On That Thang (WRONG): 1-1
Ass Prediction: Sir CoxAlot (CORRECT): 2-0
Special Guest Prediction: Sir CoxAlot (CORRECT): 2-0
The Year of the PP (1-1) v. Chicago Dogs (1-1)
Ever been in the showers with the dudes and you look across and this dude just has a slong. Just flacid as all get out, maybe uncircumsized, and just wobblin, hanging, flapping between leg to leg. That's what it must have felt like to be the PP in this matchup this week as their team got DOUBLED. Something that pretty much lasted from Thursday night all of the way into Monday. Cook cooked. Achane ate, Bowers asked for Moore Rice, Chase got chased, and Richardson was, well not rich, son. Almost a clean sweep for the Dogs with Chase and Richardson falling well shor tof expectations. Should they be worried? Possibly, but looks like there is a supporting cast ready to do enough. On the flip side, every single player for the PP under preformed (Jerry Jeudy on the bench was the only one to play better). Kelce looks old. Diggs is not the main target hog he once was, and Herbert likes to play for a coach that likes defense and to run the ball. Not sure what kind of "Year" the PP was expecting but it's not looking hot.
Prediction: C Dogs (CORRECT): 2-1
Ass Prediction: C Dogs (CORRECT): 3-0
Special Guest Prediction: C Dogs (CORRECT): 3-0
ComeBack Story (2-0) v. My White Chubb Hurts (0-2)
I vote that the name needs to be switched from ComeBack Story to CumBack Story. Probably a much different story between the two, but there is no ComeBack needed for the new dad in the league. Honestly kinda pissed he thinks this league is easy right now. Especially when you have a midget running as QB1 for you team. When you find a Jordan Mason in the rough it feels like hitting a TopFlight into the woods and coming out with 2 ProV1's, a couple of TP5s, and crabs after banging that hooker that was in there. Even no AJ Brown can stop this man. White Chubb has historically been a solid team but this year can't seem to get it up. They should go get some Viagra, call in a masseuse, pop in some zyns and see if anything can get this team up and rolling.
Prediction: White Chubb (WRONG): 2-2
Ass Prediction: Cum Back (CORRECT): 4-0
Special Guest Prediction: Cum Back (CORRECT): 4-0
Tarkington Crawdaddies (1-1) v. The Bald Bison (1-1)
Bad bad bad bad bad. Tua dead. bad bad bad. Amon-Ra good. bad bad bad. You even broke a record for how bad. 76.5 is the lowest total for a winner in draft daddy regular season history (the loser bracket championship last year was the only one ever lower 68.5). bad bad bad bad bad. Rashid Shaheed good. bad bad bad bad bad. Puka hurt.
Prediction: Bi-Son (CORRECT): 3-2
Ass Prediction: Buy Sun (CORRECT): 5-0
Special Guest Prediction: Bye Son (CORRECT): 5-0
Team Keegs (2-0) v. ASS-ville Amphetamines (0-2)
2 for 2 on being 0-2 the last 2 for the ASS. Who, as an ASS, is a #2. hehe. This week you found out why you didn't like Joe Mixon, who looks like he is hurt and may miss a bit of time but when your number 1 pick goes on IR and doesn't play a single game, you may find yourself in this situation... Likely was a needed pickup, just not helpful. Keegs didn't look great, but at least your top pick played because that is what helped you win this one. Breece Hall looks like he will take rushing attempt and check down time and time again until he dies. Think about it like Aaron Rodgers throwing his whip as he plows through the... okay we'll leave things there. DeVonta Smith got to be WR1 in the Eagles offense and continued to show why many thought that he would be in that positon regardless this year. Somehow Keegs moves onto 2-0. In Josh Allen he trusts.
Prediction: Keeeeegs (CORRECT): 4-2
Ass Prediction: ASS Amp (WRONG): 5-1
Special Guest Prediction: Keeeeegs (CORRECT): 6-0
G-Train Rats (1-1) v. Victorville Vengeance (0-2)
Are the Rats and the Vengeance two of the top teams in the league this year?? In this battle that scored more points than any other matchup and had 2 of the top 5 teams this week by points scored, these two teams looked like they knew what they were doing... Good for them! We did say in the blog last week, that is now released, that we expected this to be a good matchup and honestly it came through. The Rats relied on Bijan this week and correctly started Baker in that red hot TB offense. Collins makes every single catch thrown his way and Ridley could have had an even bigger day if not for betting too much and dropping them balls. Vic probably won't read this. But it amazes me that his team does this well. He wins this if he plays JSN instead of Kirk. maybe next week vic.
Prediction: Train Rats (CORRECT): 5-2
Ass Prediction: Train Rats (CORRECT): 6-1
Special Guest Prediction: VV (WRONG): 6-1
Week 2 Results
Commish
5-2
ASS
6-1
Special Guests
6-1
Full Season Results
Commish
10-4
ASS
9-5
Special Guests
6-1
With LOVE to all of you...
besides to those that did not upload the blog this last week.
<3 Commish
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