I would say I'm sorry for not having a blog last week, but in reality I'm not. You don't pay me enough to do this. Let alone pay me enough to care if I don't.
Hope you all enjoyed your break. Enjoyed watching Michigan win. Enjoyed your family. Enjoyed watching Michigan win. Enjoyed eating food. Enjoyed watching Michigan win. Now for some of you returning back from Thanksgiving break has no joy. Maybe you hate your job. Maybe you hate where you live. Maybe you hate this cold weather. And when i find myself hating where I'm at, you always need a few places to escape to.
My top places I use as an escape:
5. TikTok- how often do you find yourself lost in the world of scrolling. Cooking video, business advice, hot girl showing too much cleavage, guys kissing, cats, pokemon, fantasy football advice. The world is endless, especially when it comes to people making videos that I don't care about but somehow it finds me intrigued far more than I should be.
4. Video Games - I seldom play video games, but it when it happens... I tend to get trapped. I lose concept of time and I end up playing for like 6 hours at a time. I get done playing and the entire day has been wasted.
3. The Gym - First of all you may think - what a tool. What a douche who likes the gym too much. But recently it's been crossfit and I tell you what. I'm getting my butt kicked by a bunch of 65 year old ladies. and that's humbling. But when i'm there, nothing else exists.
2. The Garage - Maybe you're sitting in your car. Maybe you're pretending to clean something. Maybe you're making something. Maybe you're playing some stick and puck. Maybe you're just having a good ole' beer.
1. Bathroom - A Man's Throne. If you don't escape here, do you even belong in this league? Who doesn't love a nice line-up toilet tinker. Hell, sometimes I will just sit in the there - knowing full-well it is the one place that nobody will bother me.
TO THE RESULTS...
Week 12 RESULTS
Matchup of the Week
Throw Bombs, Bang Moms (8-4) vs Excel Extraordinaire (5-7)
Talk about overthrowing the dictator, grabbing a cock by the balls, or putting an excel sheet together so perfectly you automatically just bang all of the moms in the world to ever exist. Because gosh this week was a wreck for fantasy football* and my team put together a performance looser than a senior softball player from AU. In a week I thought I was going to put it together, and with a chance to put away the ASS for good this season, I came out flat (again like an AU softball player), and Excel just flat out looked really really freaking good scoring the highest score in the league this season!!!! Justin Herbert tore up the Arizona defense like expected, Miles Sanders came out with an RB2 week out of no where, and the Dolphins Defense looked like it hasnt been one of the worst all year. Go figure. One of those weeks. Bombs just need to put it back together before the playoffs.
Prediction: Moms - WRONG (0-1)
Ass Prediction: Excel - RIGHT (1-0)
Victorville Vengeance (7-5) vs Looking Forward To Next Year (4-8)
A name change is pretty fitting for Aaron's squad. Lucky for him, he still has to play for a chance to not get completely last...but drunk Aaron would be pretty fun <3. Or watching him eat some yummy breadsticks. anyways.... Vic continues to perform. Even with a big ol' dud from the TE, Vic still manages to put up over 100pts, something Aaron's team has only done twice this year. Many of us may have questioned Victor's draft strategy, many of us may be replicating it next year. Having a stud QB is something that Aaron never managed. But there are pieces here. Can they come together on the right week to avoid an end of the season disaster??
Prediction: Vic - RIGHT (1-1)
Ass Prediction: Vic - RIGHT (2-0)
Nice Diggs (9-3) vs Team EDAWG (5-7)
WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK... Nice Diggs CAN be defeated. Admist, it was by 3.4 points (if only Indy's D didnt suck), but hey, does Diggs even care at this point? ETN may not be available for Diggs the next week or two, but he should be back in time for it to matter. Plus his 5 bench RB's should be helpful in filling in somewhere. But the truth here is that the WR trio for this team looks wild...and this was a bad week for them. EDAWG managed to squeeeeeeeeeeeeeek out a win with Joe Mixon hurt. Somehow this keeps him in the playoff hunt but where are the studs on this team? Can they continue to win games with just good performances? Better cross your fingers, toes, and even with someone elses penis and hope going forward it's good.
Prediction: Diggs - RIGHT (1-2)
Ass Prediction: Diggs - RIGHT (2-1)
Team Keegs (8-4) vs Chicago Dogs (5-7)
I've read so many blogs and tweets this week that are talking about how KWIII is not doing as well as he did early this season, what happened to him, etc. and then I look and he still scored 16.4 points! He outscored Derrick Henry for goodness sake. Josh Allen lit up the Lions D, as expected, and came out with a QB1 performance while also having the WR3 on the week too in Amon-Ra. Gosh, his bench still scored well too. If keegs can manage this team well, lookout. The Dogs went away from their Viking Stack and lost a few points with Kirky on the bench....not enough to matter, but points are points. Especially when you're in a hunt in the "BAD" division which may come down to points. Justin Jefferson is a certified stud. but when 1 player amounts for almost 18% of your total points, and you have the 3rd least points in the league, it doesn't look good bud....
Prediction: Keegs - RIGHT (2-2)
Ass Prediction: Keegs - RIGHT (3-1)
The PP May Already Be Dead (9-3) vs Lake Erie Elves (3-9)
CAN THIS MAN BE STOPPED!?!? Officially the HOTTEST Daddy in Daddy this year as their win streak pushes to 7, the second hottest daddy of all time as Chris B Bacon had a win streak of 11 last year... do they need to lose before then? PP then went and doubled up the Elves this week. All PP needed to play was Josh Jacobs, Derek Carr, and Chase McLaughlin. Those 3 ALONE would have beat the Elves. On the bright side, at least their RB department put up a respectable 31.1. For the Elves sake, they are hoping that Kupp and Thomas make some late season comeback in order to save them in the losers bracket. You have been officially.... ELIMINATED.
Prediction: Elves - WRONG (2-3)
Ass Prediction: PP - RIGHT (4-1)
God Hates Forklifts (5-7) vs Geno, Help (4-8)
If God really hated Forklifts, would he let them win? Or does God allow for Free Will in order for the things he hates to still exist because of the Fall. Can Geno, Help blame this lost on Eve??? She was the one to eat the apple. After the win for the Forkies, where do they go from here? Do they continue to believe that God hates them? Is that their motivation? Their Haters, God, is their motivators???? It sure worked for Jalen Hurts as he turned in the QB2 on the week performance. Coupled with the continued career year for Austin Ekeler as the RB MVP and true RB1 on the season, the Forklifts have hope! Especially as Kirk and Cook both had off weeks. You know that most weeks they're not playing stud defenses and putting in a better performance. For Geno, their not out of it. They're barely in it. Kinda how I imagine fat people sex. You can't be out of it to call it sex, but how much are you really in it... With your tummies in the way, how does that work? anyways, that is Geno looking to string SOMETHING along to make the playoffs. They will need to replace James Robinson to make it happen...watcha gonna do, GENO......
Prediction: Geno, Help - WRONG (2-4)
Ass Prediction: Forkies - RIGHT (5-1)
Week 12 Results
Commish
2-4
ASS
5-1
GUEST
4-2
Full Season Results
Commish
42 CORRECT
24 WRONG
61.8%
ASS
38 CORRECT
28 WRONG
57.6%
With Love, Commish