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Recently I saw a TikTok video titled - What if you had to support your family with your fantasy football success. So as we end Week 8 of this fantasy football season, hoping that the NFL season and fantasy football would never end, we're left judging our choices from the draft, wondering why we left all those points on our bench, and trying to figure out if we're going to make the fantasy football playoff, or if you'll be competing against Glen to spend a long drunken period at Kilroys. So let's get into my Playoff Prediction ranking, where your percentage to make the playoff is also the amount of money you're bringing in to support yourself and the fam.
Nice Diggs (100% - 100K) - This boy has his own Draft Kings agent because he wins so much, let alone how wealthy this family would be by having the best odds to win the big ol' trophy this year. 2nd most points in the league this year and the 2nd least points scored against him. No one is competing with Nice Diggs and he's still making them feel bad. Like a CEO taking all the money and not caring about anyone else. But who cares if he wins!!
Team Keegs (99% - 99K) - As the league's leading scorer on the year by more than 30 points all the while having the 2nd most points in the league scored against you, just means you're out here being a DOG! With a team like this, you'll be supporting your wife and taking all of the Jamaica honeymoons you want while having a run for the championship. You lost 1%/1K for not watching game and getting distracted by being in Jamaica.
Throw Bombs (95% - 95K) - Let's be honest. I'm kinda a lock. And it would also put me in a position where I don't have to worry financially. I'm not coming home stressed because of work. Fantasy Football is treating me well. Life is good.
PP (80% - 80K) - Things start to get a little less certain here. You can do pretty well with 80k depending on your lifestyle. There's also a pretty good chance you get into playoffs. But 80k won't do you good in the city, and you might have to be frugile with how much you're spending on drinks, especially if you got a fam. There's an opportunity for a raise or two depending on performance, but life's not too bad.
Chicago Dogs (70% - 70K) - Dogs walked into a good situation and have just been holding on. At a 70% chance of making the playoffs and a 70k salary, you're doing pretty well for yourself. But is it really because of your skill set? You're sitting 10th in the league in scoring. Do you really have a good skillset, or are you just the best available in your division that pays you that paycheck.
Victorville (50% - 50K) - On the bright side, the 50K you currently have is WAYYYY better than what you had last year. Always a threat to put up a ton of points, or to absolutley dud. Kinda like a salesperson. You make 1-2 HUGE sales per year, then you have to kinda live on that. With a 50% chance to make the playoffs, they need to be the last one in and the last one out, putting in the hard work. Are you willing to do it!?
Jack N' Goff (38% - 38K) - As the first time out of the playoff prediction, with a 38% chance to make it, you're not the most comfy only making 38k a year. You could make it stretch, especially if you're not the sole bread winner, but you ain't raising a family off of this. Now, as things start to heat up, your STUD goes down for possibly the year?? That doesn't feel good. Kinda like if the only boss at your work were to get fired and now you're stuck working with some fugly bish who smells like KFC but... ya need the job so you can't say anything.
Forklifts 2.0 (35% - 35K) - Them forkys are likely livin like their neighbors, black. At 35% to get into the playoffs, they're gonna need a run and they may need to also do a little bit of stealing in order to have a chance. They have been pretty much gang raped at this point in the year, having the most points scored against them, but who knows. Maybe with all that work, you can turn it into a business and make a little more than 35k for your family.
Ehlinger? Hardly Know Her (21% - 21K) - 21K aint even feeding the fat squirrel that raids pumpkins and gourds from your porch, let alone providing for a family. As wild as it has been, you have both the least points scored in the league and the least points scored against you. Sometimes you do have the favor of the man above. Your 21% chance to get into the playoffs would say otherwise.
Excel Extraordinaire (19% - 19K) - From the ASS himself, "I'm going to need to win out in order to make the playoffs." You may also need to sell your body in order to have a chance at the playoffs (I wouldn't put it past your) and providing for Bri, your 2 dogs and 2 cats, one of which slept with me last weekend - whore. As the reigning champ, I wouldn't like to be in your position.
EDAWG (17% - 17K) - You've been a single bachelor for your entire life and you life with some roomies. 17K actually may be pretty solid for you. Unfortunately, it doesn't look good for getting you into the playoffs...
Erie Elves (4% - 4K) - Sure, you could get some governmental assistance, but at this point you're pretty much livin' on the streets of NYC, bud. You may get more money if you wore a pink shirt and held out a cup saying how bad your fantasy football season is. You'll need some free handouts at this point, maybe even a warm soup kitchen. You're not supporting a family here, none the less supporting yourself.
Does anyone have a chance to flip into the top 6 and make a playoff push? In just a few weeks we will find out!!
TO THE RESULTS...
Week 8 RESULTS
Matchup of the Week
The PP May Already be Dead (5-3) vs Team EDAWG (3-5)
In the MOTW the BLESSING got started off on a high note. While the PP doubted himself, the blessing took care of things and put PP into the top 5 of the league, looking like a PP that is ROCK SOLID and ain't gonna blow his load in the next few minutes... i mean weeks. DHop looks like an absolute STUD in Arizona and is proving that you don't need Performance Enhances to play well, although it hasn't been proven he's NOT using them this year...Nick Chubb continues to put out RB1 performances week after week, and while Najee has been a bust, PP may be turning out to have the best middle draft picks on the year. Will he ever find a QB? For EDAWG he can be encouraged that Aaron Jones has been playing better, although relying on a Bengals team that looked pathetic this weekend doesn't look like a key to success.
Prediction: PP - RIGHT (1-0)
Ass Prediction: PP - RIGHT (1-0)
Guest Prediction: PP - RIGHT (1-0)
Throw Bombs, Bang Moms (5-3) vs Lake Erie Elves (2-6)
Bombs - Thrown, Moms - Banged. Elves - Effed.
The Elves rely on Cooper Kupp to outshine everyone and this week, he wasn't even the best WR within this matchup. Kupp continues to do well for his team but similar to the Green Bay Packers AND Brandon Cooks "crypted" tweet, the Elves REFUSE to either deal him or get him any help. And until that happens, you are likely to continue to see similar results week after week for the Elves. It doesn't help when Moms had a player in CMC that had the 5th TD Trifecta in NFL history. Have the Elves won their last ever game?
Prediction: Throw Bombs, Bang Moms - RIGHT (2-0)
Ass Prediction: Throw Bombs, Bang Moms - RIGHT (2-0)
Guest Prediction: Throw Bombs, Bang Moms - RIGHT (2-0)
Ehlinger? I hardly know her! (4-4) vs Team Keegs (5-3)
Team Keegs was not the high scorer of the week on his wedding weekend, but he did come away with a W while likely not watching a single ounce of NFL football, while sitting on a plane then on a beach with a cold, boozy drink in his hand that some underpaid mexican likely made for him. Hopefully he tipped him. So while he wasn't the highest scorer of the week, he likely gets the most action this week ;) His RB tandum continues to produce this year and DJ Moore has finally found life in Carolina once they got rid of CMC. Hardly Know Her did bring some action this week, having the highest score of any losing team. So good for a team that has struggled to put up points, just a rough outing. Just so he is aware, if he would have started both Lions RB's instead of Devin Singletary he would have won this week... Maybe that's why he has since traded possibly the better RB of the group? Who know's this plan. Just hope he does.
Prediction: KEEGS - RIGHT (3-0)
Ass Prediction: Keegs - RIGHT (3-0)
Guest Prediction: Keegs - RIGHT (3-0)
Chicago Dogs (5-3) vs Forklift 2: The Forks Return (3-5)
In a battle of Forks vs Chicago Dogs i'm picking Forks every time. I mean I wouldnt choose to eat my hot dog with forks, unless its cut up in some mac & cheese, but then it's not very Chicago-y, but still you would think that Fork > Dog. Anyways, Alvin Kamara was the true RB1 on the week scoring 3 touchdowns, 2 through the air. Who would have thought that the Red Rocket, Andy Dalton would give life to anyone!? & while the Dogs didn't have anyone else play fantastic, they are hitting their stride right in time in order to be consistent. And in this season, all we could want is some consistency. The Forkies tried to Fork and ended up Sporking. While a great and versatile eating tool, sometimes not beneficial when you need a fork to get the job done - like Pasta. On the bright side, the Forks look to have life while starting their new QB Jalen Hurts, and even put up good points with their #1 pick and top 3 RB on his bye this week.
Prediction: Chicago Dogs - RIGHT (4-0)
Ass Prediction: Chicago Dogs - RIGHT (4-0)
Guest Prediction: Forklifts - WRONG (3-1)
Jack N' Goff (3-5) vs Victorville Vengence (4-4)
This one hurts. A week after the Jacks beat me, they go on to lose to Victorville on the week that they don't have Patty Mahomes. Who would have thought that Kirk Cousins and Geno Smith would be a good QB battle. Tony Pollard looked like a certified STUD this week with Zeke out and could prove to be an incredible pick in the draft that we all thought was too early. Tyreek scored 25.5 points this week, good enough for WR4 on the week WITHOUT scoring a TD. Jonathan Taylor may or may not be a bust but it doesn't look like it matters for Victorville. For Jack, it's clear that Jamarr was missed this week "awh noise". It hurts even more that Pickens put up an absolute dud monster, and we're not talking about toilet poops, but instead that big ole 0 on the scoreboard. How hard is it to get 1 catch. I could even do that. And i'm not even a 6'3" black athletic speciman. Anyways, the right hand is tired for Jack. Lets see if they can come back with their left.
Prediction: JACK - WRONG (4-1)
Ass Prediction: JACK - WRONG (4-1)
Guest Prediction: Victorville - RIGHT (4-1)
Excel Extraordinaire (3-5) vs Nice Diggs (6-2)
Diggs was excited about ETN on Thursday night, and i mean...rightfully so. Maybe even warranting a name change. But no one would have expected Foreman to come out with a 30 banger while dragging his nuts over Excel Daddy's face in Marshawn Lynch fashion. I'm sure Diggs was not happy with the .7 points he got from Adams, a career low in a game that he played the entire time, but he was okay with it when it meant that Derek Carr put up less than 2 points from the QB position. Justin Herbert comes back next week, which helps. AJ Brown is an absolute FREAK, in a Kimbo Slice kinda freak way, in Phili, and the rest of this team is either on a new NFL team or a new fantasy team after this week. So who knows what to expect. Also, if you pick against yourself, although correct, you don't deserve to win. Better not do it again.
Prediction: Nice Diggs - RIGHT (5-1)
Ass Prediction: Nice Diggs - RIGHT (5-1)
Guest Prediction: Nice Diggs - RIGHT (5-1)
Week 8 Results
Commish
5-1
ASS
5-1
GUEST
5-1
Full Season Results
Commish
31 CORRECT
17 WRONG
64.6%
ASS
27 CORRECT
21 WRONG
56.3%
With Love, Commish
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