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WOAH. WHAT THE FLIPPITY FLYING FRICK. But i thought Blogs were predictions this year. But I thought Results came in a podcast. But but but. Well shut the front down, open up the back, and be ready for something new this week because we've pulled a suprise oopsie through the backdoor that you very well may turn into your new favorite thing for the rest of the season.
Yes, that is right. You heard it here first. THE BLOG IS RETURNING FOR RESULTS ONLY, with the Podcast switching to Predictions. There is some logistical mumbo wumbo jumbo that I won't bore you with, just know that this is in your best interest...although likely not in your employer's interest as we are more likely to barge into the middle of the day and "disrupt" your work.
And while this blog isn't necessary "the first time" for a DDFL Results Blog, I will give you a list of the things that were freaking incredible the 1st time, and are just okay after that...You know the feeling:
Your first BIG BOY check. Most of us all worked some minimum wage paying job. Whether it was on a campus, working security, fast food, or at a flower shop, those things sucked man. Not only did the job suck, the pay was horrible. But now most of us, adult daddies as we are, got our big boy job. And that first direct deposit check hit that bank account. woooooah momma.
Piping a golf ball with your driver down the middle of the fairway. Finally you didn't swing too hard, you got rid of that nasty slice. It felt...easy
Hitting your first big parlay. Sure, as you increase your wagers you get another dose of oxytocin, as with any addiction, but hitting the first one. Yall it makes you feel like you'll be a millionaire quitting your day job in another week.
The very first time you nut, or even better, when some girl makes you nut. Doesn't even have to be the time you lost your virginity, a handy will do. But all that spunk stored up, feeling it for the first time just come bustin' out. Straight sniper distance.
Big sleeper here, but how about the first time you tied your own shoes. You got the bunny ears and the loopdy loop all jazzy and nice. No more velcro. You out and crusin with them tied shoes now. Oh, and showing those to your mom or grandma. SHEEEESH.
That time you watched your favorite movie for the first time. Was it Shawshank Redemption? Forrest Gump? Inception? Fight Club? Star Wars? Saving Private Matt Ryan? The Lion King? The Sixth Sense? - Regardless of whatever it was, or even how ever many times you have watched it, it doesn't measure up to that first time.
A little dumbed down but how about that first kiss 💋 Did it go like this - 💋 and twist, 💋💋 and twist!? Yall my first make out session it was mouth open for a good hour, straight tongue fighting, saliva swappin, and I left feeling like a million bucks.
How about that first time taking an Adderall or a Vyvance? That zero'd in focus and concentration. Sure, times after that are great. But when it hits you hits you that first time and the world suddenly slows down and makes sense. woah.
Your first shot of Malort. Did you enjoy it? Well no... but it is memorable. And it's incredible for that reason. You'll never get that back.
Cocaine
Oh yeah, that curse thing. Blake's sorry a** couldn't figure out how to get a win when his opponent only scores 83 points. Pathetic. So it's gonna look a little different now. We all need rest. It took a break this week as we reevaluted things going forward. When one curse ends, a new one is sure to begin.
You'll find out on Thursday's who the curse belongs to instead of being surprised the following week and then get to watch as the curse continues it's WRATH throughout the season.
To the words that I have missed oh so much this year - TO THE RESULTS...
Week 8 RESULTS
Matchup of the Week
Forklifts 2: The Forks Return (3-4) vs Lake Erie Elves (2-5)
I think we owe a big thank you to Peyton. Not for them winning the game, but for this being the week that the Erie Elves finally saw their demise and accepted fate while following into sole possession of last place in the league, leading the way for the punishment. Don't we all have fond memories of drunk Glen. Awh. He can blame his loss of season on Russ for not cooking or Rodgers being old, or even renaming yourself that creepy elf. But at the end of the day, a good manager turns around a bad team, or at the very least, they don't let them continue to spiral. There was a reason for optimism at the beginning of the year. But what do you have now? Just a bunch of little rascals and a gold Kupp.
On the other side of things, the Forklifts took ADVANTAGE of their trade week, even with 2 of the players they got having their bye. So again, they put up almost 110 points this week while having the QB5 and RB16 on bye. Largely thanks to the RB1 on the season, Austin Ekeler, having another HUGE week with 30.7 points. Look out for many more sequels for the Forklifts as the season progresses.
Prediction: Forklifts 2 - RIGHT (1-0)
Ass Prediction: Forklifts 2.0 - RIGHT (1-0)
Throw Bombs, Bang Moms (4-3) vs Jack N Goff (3-4)
Sad. The Monday night comeback that never was. Stevenson tried to shoulder the load, but that Bears defense was mighty beary. Basically mauled the Patriots similar to how that real bear mauled those two wrestlers
I'll save you from me sharing the pictures before they got to the hospital. We don't need our stomachs turning today.
I won't say much here because I hate to talk about me losing. 1. Jack played well. His team has looked really good the last two weeks and seem to be hitting stride. 2. Jamarr Chase balled out. He's the reason I lost AND he didn't even play after halftime. 3. The real reason I lost is because we talked about Keenan before the start and then you benched him for Pickens. I hate to admit it, but that is just good manager skills.
Prediction: Throw Bombs, Bang Moms - WRONG (1-1)
Ass Prediction: Throw Bombs, Bang Moms - WRONG (1-1)
Nice Diggs (5-2) vs Saving Private Matt Ryan (4-3)
While it is unfortunate that Nice Diggs lost this week, so did the other top half of the league. They sit in sole possession of 1st and having scored the 2nd most points in the league. But a showing like this week...even with Diggs on bye. It's rough man. I've said it since the early spot of the season, this time rides and dies on Lamar Jackson. Even with two stud wideouts, and an improved ETN, they struggle to score points if Lamar isnt scoring points this team is tumblin. Saving Private Matt Ryan has two questions to ask themselves after this week: 1) What do they do with their team name now that Matt Ryan isn't saving anything anymore. In fact he needed SAVED by Sam Ehlinger. and 2) After scoring lower than 92 points in 6 of the leagues 7 games, how does he continue to find matchups to exploit and win games. He is DESPERATELY waiting on a SWIFT return, and he may get just that going into next week.
Prediction: Saving Private Matt Ryan - RIGHT (2-1)
Ass Prediction: Nice Diggs - WRONG (1-2)
Keegs (4-3) vs EDAWG (3-4)
Joey B is the QB 3 on the season, but from weeks 2-7 he is the QB1. Safe to say that the Bengals team is figuring it out and Joey B is back to using is weapons. I hope that the fact EDAWG won this week, showing he is the superior brother, somehow makes it into his Best Man Speech. Keegs...I know you were busy this week. But this should have been your top priority. And as we venture into Wedding and Honeymoon season, who knows what youre line up may look like. What will you prioritize!?!?!?!
Prediction: Keegs - WRONG (2-2)
Ass Prediction: Keegs - WRONG (1-3)
The PP May Already Be Dead (4-3) vs C Dogs (4-2)
PP is quietly making a storm the last 4 weeks. They are on a 2 week streak, and over the last 4 weeks they have gone 3-1 and average the 3rd most points in that span. Sure they had an easy matchup this week and you don't want to blow your load where you don't need it, but have 2 of the top 4 running backs in the league with Jacobs and Chubb sure helps get things rolling. Plus having Hopkins back from his suspension may be bringing life back to their team, just as long as PP and Hopkins lay off the performance enhancers (Viagra) this season, you may be looking at a grower and not a shower.
Prediction: PP - RIGHT (3-2)
Ass Prediction: C Dogs - WRONG (1-4)
Victorville Vengance (3-4) vs Excel Extraordinaire (3-4)
I spell this name wrong every freaking time that I type it and it is because vengance isn't even a freaking word. Vengeance is, but the only thing that Vengance is would be a win stealing MONSTER that ruins the curse by beating them little excel boys. At this point, Excel is just VisiCalc, just an older version of themselves, not as good. Drastically knowing they need improvement in order to achieve their goals. Excel got to see the Bears win, but at the cost of losing by .5 points. Ouch. All while Tyler Boyd sat on your bench with 25.5 (WR3 on the week) and James Robinson sat in your flex with a big ole goose egg. Victorville made it through the week, escaping being at the bottom of the league, and continues to ride Patty Mahomes. Great win for Victorville this week.
Prediction: Excel - WRONG (3-3)
Ass Prediction: Excel - WRONG (1-5)
Week 7 Results
Commish
3 - 3
ASS
3 - 3
Full Season Results
Commish
26 CORRECT
16 WRONG
61.9%
ASS
22 CORRECT
20 WRONG
52.4%
With Love, Commish
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