Growing up in my neighborhood was different than growing up at school. In my neighborhood, I was more myself. Everyone around me was more like me which made it easier to connect. I felt like I had to change as a person when started going to private school. years ago. I didn’t have all the cool things other kids had. I didn't go on all these great vacations. It was embarrassing for me, and I was uncomfortable at times. When people asked me about stuff I did, I most definitely lied. I was a different person trying not to be the odd one out. 

Going to St Luke's for the first time in 6th grade I remember how everyone already had their people. Everyone had people who looked like them, acted like them, or who they connected well with. Then there was me. I dressed differently than everyone looked different. I wasn't the same as other people. I remembered how great everything was before, I fit in, I was myself. When class time came, I could hide with my hoodie and AirPods. The teacher asked everyone their names, one fact about themselves, and what they did this summer. I sat in the back of the class so I didn't have to go first. I was able to listen to other people. I remember listening to other kids and feeling uncomfortable. They would just keep talking, “Oh, I went to Paris in the first month, then I came back and had to leave to go to Italy,” said a kid in our class. 

“I spent my whole summer in California,” said someone else. 

I started to sweat as the teacher got closer. I didn't know what to say. Everyone went to these great places while I stayed home and enjoyed playing basketball outside with my friends. “Ethan… Ethan, what did you do this summer?” my teacher asked. I didn't want people to judge me so I lied. 

“Well, umm... I went to Florida for basketball.” I knew it was wrong to lie, but I wanted to fit in. I sat down at lunch with people, and everyone there really connected; they all seemed so alike. Hearing them talk about their lives and their summers made it seem like their lives were so perfect. They talked about swimming in their pools after school, going on their boats in the summer, and bragging about how good their lives were. 

When they asked me what I do for fun, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to seem boring, so I lied again. “Well, after school, I like to go swimming too,” when in reality, I just played basketball for my team or for fun. 

Later in the year, I found two kids who, even though they didn't look like me, were like me. 

We were able to connect and were able to relate to each other. I was able to open up and be comfortable sharing about myself. We played video games outside of school with each other. They even played basketball and football. I didn't have to live this two-faced lie of life pretending to be just the same as others and connect to what they do. 

It is tiring and really hard trying to pretend to be someone you are not. I have learned to just be yourself, I gained there was no reason to put on an act for other people.