Emotional Intelligence: Building a Skillset For More Effective Communication
Written By: Stephen Barela, Intern - Office of Process Improvement
October 4, 2022
Consider the last time you had an interaction with someone close to you and it brought out the best in you, and what was the result? How about an interaction that brought out the worst in you, and how did you walk away from this? As humans, we are inclined to interact socially with others. During our daily activities, we experience an abundance of emotions, some good and some bad but it’s how we process and channel these emotions that has a lasting effect.
One of the most prevalent buzzwords right now is emotional intelligence. Simply stated, emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize and understand emotions while applying our ability to use this awareness to more effectively manage ourselves and our relationships with others. What does this look like?
Emotional intelligence is a skillset that can be learned. Emotionally intelligent people can more effectively recognize their emotions and express them on a deeper, more descriptive level. Maintaining a focus on “intent vs. impact” is important in building a robust EQ.
There are two competencies and four core areas associated with EQ:
Personal competence: self-awareness and social-awareness
Social competence: self-management and relationship management
Within each of these four core areas lies an abundance of suggested strategies to help master emotional intelligence, effectively improving the outcome of interpersonal interactions.
Personal Competence: Self-Awareness & Social-Awareness
Self-awareness involves accepting accountability, pausing to listen, and acknowledging emotional triggers. An effective method to achieve this is by checking in with yourself on a regular basis and acknowledging distractions as well as the level of personal presence during an interaction. The benefits of developing a high level of self-awareness include a reduction of confirmation bias, a conscious understanding of our reactions, and the ability to handle stress more effectively. Developing our self-awareness offers us the opportunity to build upon our strengths, controlling our reactions to others in various situations, and most importantly, how our emotions influence our behavior.
Social-awareness encompasses the concept of what we see and how we engage with others. Raising social-awareness doesn’t just benefit individuals, it has a ripple effect that others can sense. Introspective questions such as, “Do I pay attention to body language, am I present in conversations and actively listening, and do I try to understand people’s situations and respond accordingly?” Such questions offer an opportunity to acknowledge that there is more below the surface of an individual than what is being observed, recognized, and understood.
Social Competence: Self- Management & Relationship Management
When we’re facing a situation that challenges our composure, we have two decisions: react impulsively or pause and talk ourselves through what’s taking place on a physiological level. Being able to manage emotions entails considering all of the available options before making a decision, recognizing the lack of control in certain situations while still having control of our reactions and responses, and asking ourselves, “How would I feel if I were in the other person’s shoes?” Managing our emotional state helps us to realize that not everything requires an immediate response and taking a step back grants us a license to adapt to the situation we are facing.
The foundation of relationship management is built upon connecting with others through personalized interactions, acknowledging the feelings and concerns of others, having difficult conversations, demonstrating support, and most of all - being consistently authentic. There are three considerations to incorporate here: your needs, their needs, and the requirements needed to work toward a common goal. Learning to speak situationally, confidently, and honestly will facilitate the formation, sustainment, and deepening of every relationship. Knowing what to say, when to say it, and tailoring the delivery is paramount in relationship management.
It’s important to remember that mastering EQ is an ongoing process. Expanding the knowledge of ourselves and others can be achieved by incorporating various strategies into interpersonal relationships which will support the evolution of creating more positive and fulfilling interactions. It is a skillset requiring awareness, consistent practice and maintaining a mindful presence. Every one of us has emotional intelligence. However, it takes a conscious effort in the current state to arrive at a desired state, one of helping to build stronger, deeper, and more meaningful relationships.