Hash Rules

  1. There are no rules.
  2. No poofters.
  3. See rule 1.
  4. The Grand Master (GM) is always right.
  5. When the GM is wrong, rule 4 applies.
  6. The Religious Adviser (RA) is always right except when rule 4 applies.
  7. No poofters.
  8. The Hash Statistics are always right. If there is a perceived discrepancy between the stats and reality then reality is warped.
  9. No stealing (see hereunder - definition of stealing): Stealing - the covert removal of another Hasher's property with the intention of depriving said hasher of such property for an indefinite period of time.
  10. No stealing, but borrowing is okay. (see hereunder the definition of borrowing): Borrowing - the act of covert temporary removal of another Hasher's property (property in this instance is confined to items of a portable nature and directly related to hashing such as mugs, bugles and run books). Substantial items such as kegs whilst being directly related to hashing should never be borrowed. At all times the property borrowed is held for a relatively short period of time and always returned in good order. Often suitable engraving to record for posterity the guile of the borrower enhances such property. Borrowing is a complex issue and where any doubt exists the GM should be consulted.
  11. No poofters.
  12. Rain is not permitted during Hash runs. The RA is personally responsible for ensuring that fine conditions prevail for a period of not less than four hours each Hash day from 15:00.
  13. No discrimination. Poms, Frogs, unemployed, dogs, women, NGO types, criminals, teachers, disabled, nymphomaniacs and even lawyers are all encouraged to run Hash. Alcoholics are particularly welcome. Athletes are tolerated in some Hashes. Athletes, dogs and women whilst permitted to run can never aspire to become Grand Master.
  14. Definitely no poofters.
  15. No competitiveness.
  16. Under no circumstances are poofters permitted to run Hash.
  17. No training. Hashers caught training will be deemed to have breached rule 15 and will be liable to punishment. A range of activities may be interpreted as training, and for guidance the following non-exhaustive list is provided: a) running other than official Hash runs. b) cycling (fornication on a push bike is exempt). c) visiting a gymnasium for any other purpose than perving on the aerobics class. d) using the stairs while lifts or escalators are available. e) servicing the wife/girlfriend when so pissed it is a marathon effort. f) stretching of any kind (though exceptions may me made for particularly beautiful women).
  18. All Hashers must commit to memory rules 1, 2 and 3 and be able to recite them at any hour of the day or night regardless of their state of inebriation.
  19. Poofterism will not be f**king tolerated under any conditions.
  20. No fighting on the Hash. This rule is absolute and the entire culture of Hash relies on strict adherence to this rule. If a fellow Hasher causes you immense displeasure by stealing your car or impregnating your daughter (wives are exempt) then belt shit out of him at some other place than Hash and on some other day than Hashday which is a day of reverence and tranquility.
  21. Poofters will be shot on sight. No poofters.
  22. Amendments to Rules 2, 7, 11, 14, 16, 19, 21 and 22 are illegal.

* Poofter:

1) Somebody that should not be on the Hash

2) A Whiner or Winger

3) Somebody that lets other people find trail

4) A Poofter