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I became introverted and socially awkward.
I was depressed and had low self-esteem.
I felt mistreated.
I was the youngest of three children and grew up in the household with my parents. I was a suburban kid who attended good schools and excelled academically. Alcohol was always abused in my home, but I just felt like it was a part of the family. It was the “pink elephant,” in the house that existed and was always ignored. I turned to food as my way of dealing with feelings that I could not describe. I became introverted and socially awkward. By the time I was fourteen, my overindulgence in food caused me to be overweight. I was depressed and had low self-esteem. I felt mistreated and was an outcast in my own mind. Although I played sports and had friends, I knew something wasn’t right. I had no one to talk to. I felt lost. I had no idea of the damage that the abuse had done.
When I was fourteen, my dad was admitted to the hospital for a long time. The years of alcohol abuse had taken its toll. After he was released, he began attending church and got “saved.” I remember everyone was so excited except for me. I had no idea what being saved was, and I had never dealt with my feelings of hating him so much. Years of being abused couldn’t help me understand how God could accept someone who had done so many horrible things. I graduated from high school and left for college. During my four years I did very well in the classroom. I partied every chance I got. I remember right before I graduated, I went to an event. Since I was the president of a well-known organization, I made the decision on who could and could not attend events. A guy came to the door and said, “Hey, brother, I don’t want to come into your party. I’ll just talk to the people when they come out.” He had a bible in his hand. As people filed out of the auditorium, he would approach each person asking them if they knew Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. I laughed as no one even stopped to listen to him. I didn’t understand what he was asking since I had grown up in the church, but this wasn’t something you asked college kids. As I turned and walked away, this was something that stayed in my mind.
After graduating from college, I returned home. I remember talking with my older brother. He told me that he was saved and had accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. It was at that moment that I asked him what that meant. Over the next year, I remember he and I were up at all times of the night. He would teach me about salvation, grace, mercy, and many other things. I watched how he lived his life, and it was amazing. Although I was learning, I wasn’t willing to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I was still living in sin, but the bible seemed very interesting.
My brother passed in January of 2001. I remember asking God how such a good person, who said he was saved, could die at such a young age. I was angry with God. I started to overeat again to feel better, and my self-esteem plummeted even further. I was lost for years. I had nowhere to turn. I avoided every church and distanced myself from anyone who professed the name of Jesus Christ.
One day in 2008, I received a phone call from the doctor’s office. They informed me that my blood test had yielded some unfavorable results. By now, I had a child and was still living a sinful lifestyle. I remember right before I went into the doctor’s office. My phone rang, and it was my sister. As I informed her of the situation, she told me I had to get saved. My words to her were, “If I go in here and this doctor says I’m healed, then I’m coming to church with you.” Sure enough, all subsequent blood exams showed that nothing was wrong. When I called her back with the results, she asked if I was ready to make Jesus Christ my personal Lord and Savior. She led me through the prayer of repentance, and I just remember crying the entire time. I remember telling God I wasn’t mad at Him anymore. I began attending church with my sister. It gave me a solid foundation. I began to do work in the ministry. Over the next few years, I held the positions of armor bearer, Sunday school teacher, and treasurer. It was a learning process and I enjoyed it. I learned a lot about the word of God, but something was still missing.
In 2013, I went through a divorce. I lost my house, and my job downsized. Instead of panicking, I prayed and fasted. The difference this time was that I had God by my side. I had faith that everything would work out, and it did. God showed me that I had to deal with my personal issues. I began counseling to work on my depression and self-esteem issues. I had a Christian counselor who taught me about generational curses and how to break them.
Today I love God more and more. I profess that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I have no hate in my heart and I have learned forgiveness. My self-esteem is very high, I am no longer depressed, and food is no longer something I use as a crutch. I am now part of a very dynamic ministry, and I am being challenged to go higher. I give God all of the glory, honor, and praise.
Real Life Stories Christian Testimony Books
Jim and Carla Barbarossa
Phone: 219-762-7589
Email: jimbarbarossa7@gmail.com or jim@step-by-step.org
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