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My brothers and I loved baseball.
It was all about baseball.
We lived and died baseball.
We had a baseball field in our back yard.
I was All Conference, All State, All American.
Then it became about girls and baseball.
I was raised in what many would consider to be a typical family environment. My dad was a steel worker and my mom was a homemaker. My dad was a very worldly person but a very successful one. He was constantly chasing after the things of the world like cars, trucks, snow mobiles, campers, vacations, and many other things that money could buy. My mom was a very devout bible reading praying Christian that had the responsibility of taking me and my 3 siblings to church.
At a very young age I was exposed to a few boys molesting each other. They lived just down the road from my house. They tried to pressure me into doing what they were doing but I was scared and confused. So instead of giving in I ran away and told my parents what had happened. Even though I said NO and ran away it was still a very traumatic experience for me and could very well have been the start of my biggest enemy, LUST OF THE FLESH!!
When I was in elementary school I was at a friend’s house and I accidently came across adult magazines and videos. I briefly looked through them and then went on my way. I never told anyone what I saw and thought it was innocent and that it was no big deal. As I was getting older I remember being up late watching TV on many different occasions and seeing phone numbers for phone sex flash across the screen. That was pretty intense and eye opening for me. I remember calling the phone numbers that I saw more times than I can count. The lust of the flesh and sexual sin started to get a hold me.
So now I was into my teenage years and I discovered girls for the first time. In other words I started to show an interest in them. I would look at girls in a very selfish and lustful way. I remembered for quite some time what I saw in those magazines, videos, and phone sex line commercials. I could not get rid of all those images. I wanted to do many inappropriate things with girls based on what I saw in those magazines and videos.
I had sex for the first time when I was in high school. At the time I thought sex was the best thing ever. Little did I know that was it was the beginning of something I could not control. It was like a runaway freight train. It was all about sex, magazines, videos, phone sex lines over and over and over again. It was bad and out of control. The lust of the flesh and sexual sin had a massive hold on me.
While all this was going on I still had a life and wanted to keep my lusting and sexual sin a secret. My siblings and I as far back as I can remember were always involved in sports. My brothers and I loved baseball. It was always about baseball. We lived and died baseball. We even had a baseball field in our back yard.
I was a very strong left handed power hitting first basemen and pitcher. I had a very promising baseball career leading up to my senior year in high school. I was All Conference, All State, and an All American baseball player my senior year. I was drafted by the San Diego Padres organization my senior year. From there I went to play baseball at college for 1 year where I had more and more success.
With all the success and popularity I dived into more sexual sin, chasing after the lust of the flesh. I thought because of my popularity nothing could touch me. So now it was about girls and baseball. I even decided to start drinking to make myself more popular. This lifestyle was all going on while falling further and further into sexual sin. I knew it was wrong but never knew what to do or how to truly come to terms with it.
From college I went into the minor leagues to start living my dream of playing major league baseball one day. Just two months into my career with the San Diego Padres organization, I blew out my pitching arm and that ended my career and life as I wanted it to be.
During this time I got married, but not even marriage could stop my desire for sexual sin. Marriage could not and would not cure or free me from the sexual sin and the constant lusting. I struggled for a while with not being able to play baseball and even a few times tried to make a comeback, but nothing ever came of it. I worked a few jobs that I never liked. I was really stressed out with trying to provide for my wife all while being depressed from not playing baseball any longer along with chasing sexual sin.
After not getting anywhere working at a few dead end jobs I decided to go into business for myself. I started a lawn care and snow removal business that prospered almost instantly giving me way to much free time and giving me more opportunities to dive into all kinds of sin especially sexual sin. Meanwhile my wife and I had hopes of having children and starting a family. We struggled at first to get pregnant and then after 8 months my wife finally did get pregnant. Unfortunately, early on in the pregnancy my wife miscarried.
It was at this point my wife and I saw a fertility specialist because we were unable to get pregnant after a year of trying. Then we quickly found out that according to the doctors that getting pregnant was never going happen. So because of that I poured myself into my business and more lusting and sexual sin. A few years after the doctors told us we couldn’t have kids we decided to adopt two children internationally. I remember thinking that this journey of adopting kids and having kids would cure my lust and desire for sexual sin, but I was wrong. After bringing our two children home from the other side of the world, almost immediately my lusting and inappropriate sexual sin skyrocketed. I was out of control as I did my best to keep it hidden from family, friends, and clients.
Just a few years after adopting, my wife miraculously got pregnant. After that pregnancy, she got pregnant two more times. It was wonderful and inspiring to see our many prayers answered. I was so happy for her and for us, but all those miracles, blessings, and answered prayer didn’t keep me from diving deeper and deeper into more lusting and sexual sin.
At this point even though on the surface my business was great, had a wonderful family, and many other things I knew if I died I would go to hell. I knew I would be lost forever. I was certain I had gone so far that hell is where I was going to spend eternity. I was always in church and was raised to pray and read the bible. I asked Jesus Christ into my life at a young age but turned my back on Him countless times. I always did enough just to get by. I would put on a show for everyone all while dying inside with absolutely NO hope.
What ultimately turned me around and shook me was my amazing wife. Even more than that it was an AMAZING GOD!! This amazing God sent His Son Jesus Christ to save me completely from the inside out! My wife earnestly and faithfully prayed for me for years and I mean years that I would stop the lusting and stop the sexual sin and truly seek repentance. She always prayed that I would truly find FREEDOM IN CHRIST!! When I finally came around and really gave Jesus Christ my whole life it was utterly amazing. I can’t even begin to put into words what He did for me. For the first time in my life I felt transformed and complete in Him. I am so thankful for a strong and faithful praying wife. I am thankful that God put us back together again and never stopped loving me and my family.
Right now as I look at my awesome wife of more than 12 years and our 5 miracle children, and a business going into its 11th season. I am completely undone by how much God loves me and my family. Today, I am free. Today, I’m blessed beyond measure. Today, I know my future is in God’s hands. Today, I am safe and walking victoriously because God sent His son Jesus Christ to save me. Today, I am a wholly transformed son of God. Today, the cares of this world, lust, and sexual sin do not have a hold of me because I am absolutely saved and set free and truly complete in Him. I am happy to testify that my wife and five children are also saved and set free serving Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. It doesn’t get any better than that!! To God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit I give all the praise and glory!!!
Real Life Stories Christian Testimony Books
Jim and Carla Barbarossa
Phone: 219-762-7589
Email: jimbarbarossa7@gmail.com or jim@step-by-step.org
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