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I wanted to be a nun … I always believed in God.
I watched as my parents argued and fought … they divorced.
My dad moved to another state and remarried without our knowledge.
My mom believed she was a lesbian and took a female partner.
I had to grow up quick.
I was so angry that I became a wrecking ball destroying myself.
Gifts, you mean God appoints us gifts? Somehow as a young person, I felt God helped me define the gifts He had for me early in life, but it has taken the rest of my life until now to realize that was what was happening. Raised Catholic and attending Catholic grade school, my biggest desire at that time was to be a nun. I always believed in God.
I knew Jesus was there. But at 10 years old, life was not so much fun anymore. I watched as my parents argued and fought. I saw my mom falling down a flight of stairs, my dad’s badly cut up finger, and then there was the gun! They divorced. Things kept deteriorating in my family that I didn’t understand. My dad moved to another state and remarried without our knowledge.
I could have been angry and bitter, but Jesus started teaching me the gift of taking “bad” and turning it to “good”. So I accepted that I had gained a new stepmom who had a good heart. She showed my brother and me that we didn’t lose a dad, but instead gained a new family.
My mom believed she was a lesbian and took a female partner. My mother became very ill with Lupus and was difficult to be around. Her new partner helped us to stay stable. However, my mom took lots of medicine which made her dysfunctional. I had to quickly grow up. That’s when new gifts of mine came forth – caregiving, running a household and, along with my brother, we became kennel kids to over 30 dogs.
My escape became high school. My brother was able to go on to Catholic high school on a grant. My parents felt I wasn't smart enough so I entered the public high school that was laced with drugs, and found myself trying to fit in somewhere. Here is the miracle; Jesus was guiding me patiently to good friends, great teachers, and my high school sweetheart who I later married.
Married life was good, providing stability as well as two "new parents" who loved me unconditionally. Jesus blessed us with two beautiful children to raise for Him!
After being married about 15-17 years, temptation came my way along with doubt. I realize the devil couldn't stand it any longer. I believed him and made regretful decisions that became harmful to me and to those I loved dearly. The devil also brought feelings and I began to believe that Jesus personally took my mother, my stepmother, mom’s partner, and hardest of all, my father-in-law, when they died. I believed the lie that it was my punishment because I had sinned.
I was so angry that I became a wrecking ball quickly destroying myself by doing things I never thought I would do.
But because of Jesus of love for me, He sent my best friend's father to help me realize Jesus truly loved me and that satan had lied. Receiving that revelation, I chose to believe Jesus loved me and to reject the lies of the enemy who only wanted to destroy me and all I loved.
I returned to church. Opportunities opened up for my family to start a Pawn Shop business.When my children left for college, I felt the call from Jesus to adopt. My husband and I were obedient to that call.
It was very scary leaving the country and although some bad things happened, our faith was strong. We were rewarded with two more beautiful children to raise for Him!
However, working and raising the children at an older age took its toll on me. Once again, the devil saw an opportunity. I crumbled from all the pressure becoming unable to handle raising the kids and all the related responsibilities. I became isolated from other adults and friends feeling so alone and stagnant. In retrospect, I see that I was continually pouring out nurture to the children, but was not being replenished within myself. I felt dried up inside. The result was my 30-year marriage ended.
With the love of my family and friends, I started repairing the damage I created. It has taken a few years and good people around me to learn how to appreciate my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
Once I started reading my Bible again and surrounding myself with everything my Heavenly Father desired, I truly realized my gifts! I am finding my purpose! I am a child of GOD'S! The good news is, you are too!
Real Life Stories Christian Testimony Books
Jim and Carla Barbarossa
Phone: 219-762-7589
Email: jimbarbarossa7@gmail.com or jim@step-by-step.org
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