stuff

Daily Dose of Doggerel or, stuff you wish you hadn't seen.

This is just stuff that I wrote, frequently in response to stupid stuff I read.

============== How's your day?

Another day, another dollar,
this crummy market makes me holler
my life savings, my family’s wealth
and with it goes my fragile health.

Dow Jones mocks my every move,
my financial wealth does not improve.
The nasdaq too falls like a shot,
and with it takes, my oft dreamt yacht.

The S & P and Russell too
seem as if they had the flu.
While oil and gas, and land and gold,
Those are what, last year I sold.

I want to scream and cry and shout
what is this market all about?
I wish I may, I wish I might
See all my stocks go up tonight.

Tis not to be, at least not lately.
Their grand decline appears quite stately.
A dollar here, a quarter there,
soon I’ll not have a shirt to spare.

Visions of when I was a kid
and down the hill, on snow I slid
gay and happy, and out of school
unaware at all of just how cruel

Life could be, in my old age.
All those years, my working wage
hardly won, and carefully saved
the road to my retirement paved

only to see, like the Goodyear blimp
as gas escapes, just going limp
my whole future, all my dreams
evaporating, with dying screams.

My golden years, my dream vacations
to distant lands, exotic locations
are leaving in a puff of smoke
was life really just a joke?

So how’s your day, ya feelin’ grand?
What’s the future you have planned?
Ya workin’ hard, savin’ your pennies,
Hoping next year they’ll turn into twenties?

Yeah, sure, okay, I guess they may
Don’t always happen but then hey
you may be different, you may be lucky
and not wallow in a pig pen, mucky

So go ahead, work all your life
through all the sweat, and tears and strife.
Buy your stocks and bonds and futures
but don’t lose your portfolio sutures

To keep it together, happy and growing
with Walmart, Google, ML and Boeing
and GM and Yahoo and Honda and Ford
and maybe some Nissan also on board.

So have a good day, really quite grand
in fact, they ought to strike up the band
to cheer you on, make you happy,
(that’s the end of this tale, so sappy).

==============

Asteroids, Dinos, and Aiiieeeeee.

You should be careful, what you say,
because on one bright summer day
a meteor may come your way.

Out of the blue when least expected
a real huge rock may be directed
and to it’s wrath, you’ll be subjected.

Just like the dinosaurs before you
who really hadn’t the slightest clue
and whose fine world was blown askew.

It’s really quite a rare event
when to the earth, destruction’s sent
and new life starts it grand ascent.

To every life, there is a season
and rarely is there a good reason
nor are there ratings done by Neilson.

But life on earth while pretty nice
there comes a time to pay the price
and well you might take my advice

and make your peace with your Creator
‘cause if you wait until it’s later
the place you’re standing may be a crator

and by that time, it’ll be too late
the comet will have sealed your fate
no matter if you feel irate.

The fireworks will be quite grand
oh no, it won’t be at all bland
you’ll get to see it all, firsthand.

Last it was the dino’s turn
to rule the land from stem to stern
till the comet put them in the urn

that then allowed mammals to
ascend the heights and to debut
a new order, with me and you

at the apex, or so it seems
taking the planet to new extremes
with our dreams and selfish schemes

till now just look at what we’ve done
blanketed the earth so that the sun
will heat the sea, it’s well begun

and now the likes of you and me
from dr
ought and storm, and quake will flee
like callus folk, the bourgeoisie.

I wonder which will get us first
hurricane’s surge, or desert’s thirst
though a comet’s surely the worst.

To rain destruction, fire and doom
and turn our future into gloom
the planet we’ve spoiled will be our tomb.

So say goodbye to those you love
there’ll be no peace or shining dove
the world will surely be rid of

those who’ve despoiled her bounteous face
her beautiful plains, and magnificent space
and finally it’s time to replace

the thoughtful species, the planning test
will soon expire, with all the rest
who ruined the place, with zeal and zest.

So look at the sky, watch for the star,
asteroid or comet coming from afar
the whole world it’ll likely char

and put an end to this desecration
this spoiling of the Lord’s creation
by wiping out the population

and making way for a species new
to inhabit this wondrous planet blue
Hmmm, will it be, a kangaroo?

Lin Lyons

==============

Bush Blues

He ain't been workin on the railroad. or much else that's good.

I been workin on the tax cuts, all my White House day.

I been workin on the death tax, tryin to make it go away.

Takin money from the poor folks, is the way to go,

they don’t even see it leaving, billions don’t you know.

Cheney is da man

doin all he can,

of morals there’s a dear-r-rth.

Chevron’s getting rich

selling oil which

is messing up the earth.

Daddy’s trying to leave me millions, in the family will.

I been workin with the congress, tryin to pass the tax cut bill.

We don’t want to have to share it, with the ones we fleeced

taking oil from the forest, on U. S. land we leased.

Thievery is the way,

from the USA,

poor folks ain’t got a prayer.

They think they’ll be rich,

and pay the death tax which,

just keeps the country fair.

Now the liberals got elected, power they will flaunt.

Health and fixing social security, is what the liberals want.

Don’t know where they get their money, poor folks ain’t got none,

Cause I bumped up all their taxes, golly that was fun.

We got my tax cuts goin

Now my fortune’s growin

Bigger ev-ery day-y-y

Dicky says I’m right,

Rove is a delight

Greed’s the White House way.

Sa-ddam sort’a fooled my daddy, over in I-raq

So I sent the U.S. army, now the liberals want ‘em back,

But the job’s not really done there, got to Stay The Course

Got to tell the true believers, I’ll stay on this dead horse.

The church is on my side

even though i lied

to get us in this war.

Now we're getting shot,

it's not part of the plot,

and there ain't no exit door.

Lin Lyons

==============

Island Evolution

When animals get really stranded

on an island where they landed

and they multiply unchecked

there’s an interesting affect

then, it’s smaller, that they grow.

Because food often does run low

those who require less to eat

are better able to compete.

But what I wonder when I read

and I think you will concede

the Galapagos tortoise larger kin

quite a giant, must have been.

That enormous giant tortoise

must have been a turtle-saurous

and when she laid her saurous egg

was it longer than a giraffe’s leg?

And turtle soup, oh what a feast

I’m sure that it would feed at least

a group, a clan, a whole town

why maybe even Churchill Down.

Now this is silly, but it’s true

smaller forms from large ones grew

many times, in many places

when isolated on island spaces.

So don’t question, or even doubt,

shrinking’s not what it’s all about

many animals followed the same progression

and dinosaurs are no exception.

Lin Lyons 2006

==============

How's school today?

If you read history you will learn

how schools teach, is your concern

and if your kids turn out real dumb

then highly paid, they won’t become.

‘cause in this world, the more you know

will really help your mind to grow

whereas if your school you skip

just because you think it’s hip

then you will find yourself behind

and presumably you’ll not mind

if next year, like every lout

they wrap you up, and kick you out.

Learning is the future’s key

if a success, you’d like to be

so study hard and read your books

and disregard the dirty looks

that losers give to those who work

because they think you are a jerk.

There’ll come a time, and fairly soon

your education will be a boon

and earn a job to be the boss

when all the rest are at a loss

to earn a buck to pay the rent

‘cause being cool, ain’t worth a cent.

Lin Lyons 2006

============== Daily Dose of Doggerel

Evolution’s tail.

You and I, and all the rest

are here because we are the best

at killing off our competition,

driven by our blind ambition.

Our DNA, I’m sad to say

uses us in a frightful way

to reproduce (it’s not obtuse)

to make more of it, I do deduce.

And one fine day, in some small way

a nucleotide seems to go astray

and attach it self in the wrong place

(it’s really, mind you, a disgrace).

And rarer yet, that new location

provides you or me a good mutation

and gives us the ability

to increase our fertility.

And pretty soon, under the moon

our family will sing a brand new tune.

We’ll have more kids and they’ll grow bigger

and crowd out the rest, with new found vigor.

Or maybe we will find the key

to living on land, instead of the sea.

With all that space, we’ll find a place

to raise our children, full of grace.

==============

Bird flu? Who cares.

The new bird flu

might visit you,

and if it do,

you'll be real blue.

it ain't much fun

'cause when it's done

you will not need

no hot dog bun

you'll be real dead

that's what i said,

your ashes will be,

on your yard spread.

your beloved pc

you will agree

won't help you much

despite your plea.

you'll be defunct,

your existence junked

your remains will be

in a hole plunked.

Laugh all you want

that flu you taunt

will sure come back

your corpse to haunt.

So laugh away

and be real gay

when flu gets here,

you'll be passe.

There's some who say

that we're all way

too worried, and

we needn't pray.

But soon we'll see

what the future'll be

and who gets planted

under the oak tree.

planning will be key

you're not interested we see

someone may miss you,

but it won't be me.

Lin Lyons 2006

==============

Global Warming?

It’s getting warm, it’s getting hot.

Some here think it’s all a plot.

Liberals say we’ve gone to far,

and now you need to junk your car.

Park your car, get on a bike.

Or use your feet to take a hike.

Walk to work, it’s good for you.

Gasoline, you must eschew.

But cons reply, Please tell me why

you’re making all this hue and cry

there’s nothing wrong, we’re all fine

in fact our country’s just divine.

Jobs are up, and taxes down,

and all you do is moan and frown.

True it’s warming, but we conclude,

that we’ll be growing far more food.

Is that a problem, that’s really bad

it sure seems to make you mad.

We’ll grow more rice corn and wheat

And all will have enough to eat.

But don’t you see, that’s just not so

‘cause it takes rain for crops to grow.

And places that are now just right

will turn to desert, over night.

Because the weather’s really fickle,

farmers’ll be in quite a pickle

too much sun, to little rain,

it’ll really be more than a pain.

But then again, it could be worse

this warming just might be the curse

that tips the balance, upsets the cart,

that glacial melt could be the start

Of global cooling, wind and snow

and temp’s worse than 20 below.

The gulf stream is a fragile thing

and melting glaciers could well bring

A new ice age to this green land

let me tell you, it won’t be grand

to see that ice some two miles high

cover Montana in the blink of an eye.

The gulf stream you see really critical

and this debate shouldn’t be political

If it fails, and just stops running

the world effects will be quite stunning

The lack of heat, in northern states

will leave them in most dire straits

Folks will all leave, they’ll have to go

South of the border, down to Mexico.

What happens then, what will we do

will border guards allow us through

To change their culture, take their jobs,

You know they think we’re really snobs.


(2b continued zzzzz...)

Lin Lyons 2006

==============

Foorprints--dinos & men

Foorprints--dinos & men, Oh My

What’s that in front of my cave, passing by

I hope it’s not hungry, gee, oh why

in this shallow cave, with my wife did I

hide with my dinner all juicy and smelly

(I really did need some food in my belly)

I’ll admit that I’ve been a terrible sinner,

but I don’t want to end up as a dino dinner.

The ground is a shakin

that dino’s sure takin’

his sweet time passin’ by

this just could be goodbye.

OH WHAT, where am I

in bed, thank goodness, my

nerves were about to give out

and the neighbors pro’ly heard me shout

that dinos were chasing me

past that old pine tree

into the cave, in the dark

when I was supposed to be on Noah’s ark.

Lin Lyons 2006

==============

-- Where Did Dinosaurs come from --

Where did dinosaurs come from

Just can’t wait to ask the dumb

They seem to think dinos may be

younger than a bristlecone tree.

That people drew their pictures on

the walls behind their cave front lawn

and maybe then they frolicked in

the lake with all the dinos kin.

Appears to be your limited vision

To limit yourself seems a poor decision

but if it upsets the world you’d like to see

I guess that’s what you need it to be.

Fossils and science and geology

seem to much for your technology

a simpler explanation you think viable

would be to just go read your Bible.

It tells all that you need to know

we wouldn’t want your horizon to grow

beyond what seems to you apropos

to be in your book, 2000 years ago.

When most thought the earth was flat

and was the center or everything that

existed, and people were here to

give God all that He was due.

Earth air water and fire were

what made everything, including myrrh

And people only need to read

the Good Book, in order to succeed

In attaining their eternal life

well that, and being good to the wife,

and God would come to usher them in

to the pearly gates of his heaven.

Now we don’t want to burst your bubble

And cause you all strife and trouble

but there are some seem to think

you ought to go and see a shrink.

Lin Lyons 2006

==============

Dedicated to some of the brilliant minds here.

(Or is 'burnt out bulbs' more apt?)

You know who you are. (well, maybe not.)

Do you like to cuss

at the likes of us

is that the limit

of your imagination

do you have no brain

did you leave it in the rain

did forget it down

at the railroad station

does it hamper your style

when your head contains a pile

of the remnants of

a cranium castration.

do you run into a tree,

are you outwitted by a flee

when you venture out

in this great nation.

Then you’re in the perfect place

when you show your face

on the yahoo boards

to display your aberration

‘course you could just leave,

no-one here would grieve

if we didn’t have to view

your obvious retardation.

We’re all sorry that

your intellect’s so flat

your parents both think

you’re a family aberration.

Well we hope that’s true

and that you’re not deja vous

that you’re not the peak

of your family’s adulation.

-- to be continued --

Lin Lyons 2006

==============

"The Working Poor Blues" (to the tune of Turkey in the Straw)

Oh, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer

in this great country that’s run by der fuhrer,

to the East jobs are heading, and poverty’s a spreading

And our president is the world’s biggest perjurer.

My, tongue is a gapin, and my belly button’s scrapin

On my backbone now, and today ain’t shapin,

up t’fix my pocket book, and just one look

will tell you that there ain’t no escapin.

Oh, poverty’s a drag, it’ll make you gag

To see how far behind Bill Gates you lag,

Why I ain’t got a cent, for to pay the rent

And my dinner comes from a doggy bag.

Lin Lyons 2006

==============

Do your taxes seem to make you ill?

Does the IRS inspire your heart burn pill?

Do you think your politicians should all be shot?

Does writing that IRS check make you really hot?

Well, here’s the answer, don’t you pay.

Save all your money for a rainy day.

Tell those Revenue agents to just go away,

Cause you’re just not payin’ any more today.

Let’s borrow a few trillion from Asia

They got lots, why it’ll just amaze ya

They’re rollin’ in dough, cause we all shop

At the big box store that sells their slop.

Hey, not to worry, just borrow on credit

just keep on building our debt and let’it

make our future so bright and rosy

That we’ll all stay home and feel real cozy.

The debt will get so high I bet

we’ll all break out in a real cold sweat

and the market’ll crash, it’ll really smash

why there won’t be enough for petty cash

You’re doing real well, we can tell

The debt don’t seem to ring an alarm bell

You just don’t see that there will be

a price to pay for your shopping spree

The dough you spent, that you didn’t make

From the next generation, you will take

To go buy rice, would be real nice

but you won’t be able to pay the price

you’ll be out in the yard, looking for food,

anything you think that might be stewed.

And stave off hunger, make you feel

not so starved, hey a potato peel

would be just great

Get up so high, it’ll reach the sky

When your kids say bye

---not done yet, obviously.

Lin Lyons 2006

==============

More school.

You must consider this,

your thinking is amiss,

In that there is no bliss,

Get out of school.

Our kids don’t need your story,

Your thinking’s kind of hoary

ID’s not a real story.

This ain’t April fool.

The teachers think you’re dumb,

your mind must be real numb,

go ‘way and suck your thumb,

Wipe up your drool.

We’re teaching evolution

That’s really the solution

We want no mind pollution

Darwin’s really cool.

Education’s our main aim.

Go 'way with your mind-game,

It is a stupid claim,

Go preach in Istambul.

Our schools are really great

religion’s not in debate

Go home with all your freight,

Jump in your swimming pool.

High school’s a place of learning,

for knowledge kids are yearning,

Good grades they will be earning,

When they know you’re a fool.

Dover’s no backward town

They shot their school board down

Replaced the local clown

Who was religion’s tool.

Then Kansas did pop up

To ID they said yup

In ignorance they'd sup,

Bowing to Robertson’s rule.

In Georgia you did find,

Some thought we were designed

By some ethereal mind

An idea from their church school

That was eventually sunk

It was a bunch of bunk

to toss out with the junk

and send to the cesspool.

Is that the end this

We might well reminisce

and send to the abyss

this mind bending toadstool.

We wish you'd go away

Back to your church to pray

and there we hope you'll stay

‘Cause here you are uncool.

Lin Lyons 2006

==============

When you’re out, hunting for quail,

you better stay on a well worn trail.

If Cheney’s about, and has his gun,

you might find your self with the urge to run.

Don’t forget to wear track shoes,

they might come in handy, so you won’t lose

When Cheney takes aim, if you’re in luck,

there’ll be something near, maybe a duck.

But whatever you do, watch out that you

don’t get lost, way out in the bayou

Cause Dick don’t need no hunting stamp

So you’d do well to head out’a his camp.

Unless, of course, you were thinking Kevorkian

And you’re getting close to an octogenarian

You can save your heirs a fair sum

by wandering round the front of Chaney’s gun.

But you gotta watch out, they can’t collect

your insurance

If the VeeP should entice you, just quietly invite you,

if you’re a friend he might, you should abstain,

stay close to home, no don’t you roam

‘tis far better to be alone, than wander on the plain,

your health I implore you to retain

from hunting with the VeeP, you should abstain.

Don’t ask whether he, has paid his license fee

He don’t need one, no siree, not Bush’s brain,

out for a day of hunting play

The caged quail quakes, when a bead he takes

out by the lakes, then he takes aim,

our hunting VeeP, of oil fame.

He’s out to get, a prime target

(he’s not a vet, that’s not germane),

but take a shot, on the back lot

you just cannot, watch with distain

our grand vice president shoot some mundane

republican lawyer and cause chest pain.

The pellets flew, when the bead he drew,

a quail to slew, but fate did ordain

that lawyer’s fate we would debate

a turn would take in quite great pain

==============

Redneck doggerel

Red rover, red rover,

let Georgie come over,

There’s lies to be told

and WMDs to behold.

While down here in Crawford

we’re drivin our old ford

to the park over yonder

where we all might ponder.

The trailer to sell

out next to the well,

and guns to be shot

to fill up the pot

And school to be missed

‘cause, well we jist

thought we’re not yearnin

for no more book learnin.

But up there’s the still

that we surely will

be patiently lookin

to watch what’s a cookin

and listen for the sound

of foot steps on the ground

‘cause we’re ready to run

from the revenuers gun

and visit uncle Charlie

who’s a good crop of barley

that makes the best beer

to bring us some cheer

to help wipe the tears

we’ll be drinkin the beers

and hope next year’s still

cooks some mighty fine swill.

While we’re watchin the races

all fat in our places

high up on the hill

"Oh look, there’s Jake’s still"

Let’s go over and see

if there just might be

a flask or a jug

that the ugly old pug

might part with today

not that we’ve much to pay

for down here in the South,

we live, hand to mouth.

But down here we say

y’all should stay away

or we’ll get our gun

an you better run

or we nominate Bush’s cousin

for pres, he’ll be runin

and he’s even dumber

than the local number

that you all elected

to boss the most respected

country. Well the boob

sunk it down the toob

To the lowest lever

of respect that ever

the U-Nited States,

what ever it’s fates

Had ever been seen.

The world wasn’t too keen

to see us be vote’ns

for no mo repokins

they’d so riled up al Quada

that the world, just inside’a

four years had decided

the U.S. was misguided,

And elected a dingbat

to be pres, and all that.

What he did to the nation

to our consternation

was steal all our money

while him and his honey

and his buddy Rummy

got really chummy

with his Saudi buddies

and stash all the moneys

he saved on his taxes

while you’re workin your axes

off, down at the wall mart

(you don’t need to be smart)

But make sure that while

you see customers, smile

or you’ll have a bad morning

when, without any warning

you’ll get your pink slip

Don’t give ‘em no lip

just walk out of the store

and don’t come back no more

they don’t want to see

no more of thee.

So have a nice day

we’re glad to say

we hope that you’ll be

all right, you see

we do understand

you’ll be in demand

the army we hear

has openings this year.

Lin Lyons 2006

===============

As we get old, it should be told

sometimes we miss, we are remiss

to send a card, from the old bard

to let us say, on that special day.

That we are glad that we have had

a brother who’s as smart as youse

we’re quite impressed, the family’s blessed

we’re really glad you’re with us Brad.

But can it be, you’re fifty three.

Oh wait, I’m late that’s not the date.

My gosh, I fear that was last year

why this time you’re at fifty four.

And my, oh my, they go whizzing by

not nearly like when we were just ten

and every year, it was quite clear

would take forever to disappear.

So happy birthday, it’s not a doomsday

you’ll make it through, it’ll be a good day

and let me say, from my perspective

that now you’ve got a new objective.

All this year, you should contrive

to work and play, and stay alive

and if you’re lucky, you’ll arrive

at next year’s goal -- fifty five.

Sorry. Maybe next time I’ll start sooner.

All the more to subject you to.

Lin. 7/12/2006

=============

Roses are red, violets are blue

I’d rather be dead, than listening to you.

Violets are blue, roses are read

sometimes I think, I’d rather be dead.

Tree leaves are green, flowers are yellow,

keep walking by, don’t say hello.

Flowers are yellow, tree leaves are green,

seems that today, I’m keen to be mean.

Tree stumps are brown, poppies are orange,

no there’s no rhyme in the English language.

Poppies are orange, tree stumps are brown

and reading this stuff, sure makes me frown.

Daylight is white, nighttime is black

please will you cut me a wee bit of slack,

Nighttime is black, daytime is white

and now it is time, to bid y’all goodnight.

Lin Lyons 8/29/06

=============

When it rains, it pours, in Cherrapunji

when it rains, it pours,

better check your doors.

cause if they're open you'll surely get

more than just a little wet.

rain's not a mist or drizzle or drip

the rain is really quite a trip

to see it come just flooding down,

on the world below, as if to drown.

it doesn't just make a bit of mud,

but instead creates an awesome flood.

for days on end, there is a trend

for it to rain, without an end.

but 6 months later, it is quite dry.

the weather really has gone awry

it starts in June, and stops by September,

now that'd be a vacation to remember.

but as for the thrust of this assignment,

it could bear a bit of refinement,

when it rains, it pours, in Cherrapunji town

the wettest place, the world around.

11/21/06

=============

When you look up, and see a star

you know that it is very far

how far it is, is hard to say

but it really is a very long way.

Up in the sky, they shine and twinkle,

but inside, they're no rip van winkle

the fire inside is really hot,

a place for people, it's really not.

They heat the planets and other things,

circling round, like Saturn’s rings.

They turn the night to blazing day

and scare the midnight dreams away.

They hold the planets, and comets and such

like a gigantic heavenly rabbit clutch.

With their immense gravitational force,

they’ll not allow, a solar divorce.

They shine their starry beacon light

far out into the galaxial night

attracting from the worlds afar

beyond the shiny bright blue star

A ship, containing a vicious alien

he's likely not Episcopalian

to come and colonize our watery world

and plant his flagstaff, all unfurled.

Now we don't want to worry or fret

let's not all work up a sweat

he might like a warmer climb

Venus might just be sublime

Or maybe he's a real romantic

(Saturn's rings are quite gigantic)

we could hope and just suggest

there he might find an alieness.

lin lyons 1/2/2007

=====================

To my favorite teacher.

please don't leave, don't go away.

all of your students want you to stay.

if you leave, we'll be so sad

if you change your mind, we'll be really glad.

it's not that school is our favorite thing,

but to our class you really do bring

a smidge of knowledge, a bit of fun

and to your class, some did run

to see what we might learn today

what gem of wisdom you had to say

we brought our homework, sometimes done

other times sadly, barely begun.

when we come back from out summer respite

we'll all miss you, we really should say it

your smiling face, and disposition,

to this school, you're a great addition.

so please won't you just reconsider,

we sure hope there isn't a higher bidder

we like you, we want you, this is the place

that most appreciates your smiling face.

lin lyons, 2008

=================

I think the tune is turkey in the straw.

Oh-h here comes a hummer

And it really is a bummer

Using all that oil,

Our environment to spoil.

Just a running down the road,

Dumping quite a load

Of C-O-2

That smells like poo.

Oh that S-U-V

That is passing me

Is a heading for the market

Getting’ food for ba-by

It’s exhaust is really stinky

And do ya really think-ee

That they need that big a car

For the baby food jar.

Then they drive down to the mall

Just to bring home quite a haul

Of underwear from Penny’s

And a doggie bag from Denny’s

When they stop at the red light

Do you think the guzzler might

Burn up as much fuel

As the whole high school

Oh, the Chevrolet Suburban and the Caddy Escalade

To mess up our environment were really made

And the Ford Expedition and theTahoe too

Are messing up the earth and making quite a stew.

There’s the Lincoln Navigator and the QX-56

Just to think of ‘em all it’ll make you sick

And Toyota Sequoia you’d have to agree

Is as far as you can get from a redwood tree.

-2b continued - or not. getting tired. lin lyons, 2008

lin lyons, 2008

=================

el nino

Have you heard of el nino

It makes it rain, it makes it snow,

It makes the weather really wild

And winter’s often really mild.

It’s called the southern oscillation

It messes with weather o’er all creation

It makes the water off Ecuador hot

While over near Indonesia, it’s not.

‘98 was a really hot year

In fact the heat was so severe

50 thousand souls went up to heaven,

4 times more than in ‘97

But what is this of which I speak

What makes the temperature peak

What drives that heat and snow and rain

That some folks think is such a pain.

It’s like a see-saw in the Pacific Ocean

A water event that sets in motion

A weather swing, a glorious thing

The snow pack makes the farmers sing

All over California farmers shout

And hoot and holler and dance about

O glory be, it’s about time

The sierra snows will be sublime

Water restrictions are finally over,

We’ll grow our fruit and wheat and clover

For several years, we’ve had it rough

Finally there’ll be water enough

To flood our fields and grow our rice

Oh my, it will be so nice

To worry about what crops to sell,

And not about our parched dry well.

Our oranges will be full and sweet

And even through the summer’s heat

We’ll water more, turn up the flow

And in the fall, our grain we’ll mow.

But what’s the difference, what is this

el nino that brings the farmers bliss

does all the world appreciate

the snow that we accumulate

alack alas, it’s not to pass

to say they did would be rather crass

el nino’s cause a hurricane

from southern Florida way up to Maine

but what about, what happens when

el nino stops, what happens then

ah ha, that’s good, I’m glad you asked

because that’s been our recent past.

la nina reigns, that’s not good either

it seems we never get a breather

Drought and fires and devastation

Beset our tired weary nation.

But that was then, and this is now

It’s time I stopped and took a bow

And leave us all a time to think

Because my printer’s out of ink.

Lin Lyons 2010

=================

Global warming, To the tune of Jesus Loves Me.

Global warming just ain't so

Cause the bible tells me so

Skeptics are God's chosen ones

Warmers are weak but we are strong.

Yes Limbaugh tells me

And fox news sells me

Beck is their bright star

we can see he's under par.

Oh my lord it’s getting hot

This seems like a liberal plot

To confuse what we’ve been told

That it’s really getting cold.

Yes Limbaugh tells me

And fox news sells me

emails show it’s all a lie

When will this stuff go bye bye.

Sara Palin's joined the group,

saying warming is just poop

if you’re Alaskan you should know,

coal and oil's the way to go.

Yes Limbaugh tells me

And fox news sells me

Bill wants to know why,

Runs the show like capt’n Bligh.

Hannity likes to distort

Global warming he’ll report

Is BS we all know that

It’s just silly liberal chat

Karl Rove's on often

your mind he'll soften

he seems to think that

liberals all are just rat scat.

Romney’s on with Huckabee

Oh the spin that we will see

Health care is their cause this year

Stirring up the public’s fear

Yes Limbaugh tells me

And fox news sells me

They think that I’m dumb

Any more and I’ll become.

global warming is all fake

Created for the liberal’s sake

Science too is just all wrong

This is the denier’s song

Yes Limbaugh tells me

And fox news sells me

Science will hurt you

It’s a pile of cow do do.

Lin Lyons 3/10

=======================

Spring

Spring is sprung, the trees were hung

with snow and ice in winters vice,

but spring is here, that's great 'cause we're

about to see spring showers encourage the flowers

that come with the season, there is a reason

that winter dreary leads to spring so cheery.

The rain to cleanse the winter dens

of ice and snow and dreary woe

that has our psyche all yucky and spiky

the sand on our roads, dumped by truck loads

has left it's grit, you must admit

o'r all our moods, and winter foods.

but now it's spring and that will bring

gray skies you know, but not much snow

but warm and rain and bursting grain

yes, wheat to sprout without a doubt

for us to cut and thrash and winnow

and bake to bread by the kitchen window.

Our spring showers, clean and scour

our inner thoughts, our every hour

they make our day both bright and gay

and take our wintery thoughts away

we tend our yard and we discard

the tools and shovels, by winter scarred.

We leave behind our winter clothes

and rest our weary, runny nose

and take delight that the springtime sight

of birds returning in glorious flight

with summer song – you know you'd

have to be in a better mood.

So good bye winter, hello spring

it's time for another delightful fling

to lift our spirit, make us fly

take our spirits up to the sky

to laugh and sing and shout and say

this is spring, and a beautiful day.

Lin Lyons 2011

===================

Missing parts

First I lost some colon

Five inches were paroled.

Next came my gall bladder

Doc said if was full of mold.

My prostate comes out next

It's yucky, I've been told.

Now if I really don't need them

Why'd evolution put 'em there?

I don't need lots of extra stuff

to carry around everywhere.

All this stuff to go awry

doesn't seem at all fair.

When I was young, mom said eat your peas,

“It'll put hair on your chest.”

It would appear that dad ate his,

to that I can attest.

So I did, but migration seems to have,

given my barber a permanent day of rest.

Lin Lyons 2011

===================

Not done yet. Meter isn't right.


When you wish upon a Trump,

Makes no difference where you dump

Anything your bigotry desires

Will come to you.

USA, USA, USA, USA

If the Klan is in your dream

No request is too extreme

Muslims, Mexicans, non-whites too

All are in that hated brew

Anything your ignorance desires

Will come to you.

USA, USA, USA, USA

Anyone that's not like you

Probably is planning a coup

We must take out country back

Before they gather to attack

Anything your fear desires

Will come to you.

USA, USA, USA, USA

They're plotting to let ISIS in

And creating quite a din

Installing here Sharia law

On our freedoms they will gnaw

Anything your prejudice hates

Will surely haunt you.

USA, USA, USA, USA

Trump will be our country's savior

Preventing all our bad behavior

EPA, Planned Parenthood, and PBS too

Will all receive their republican due

Anything your intolerance dislikes

Will inspire your hate.

USA, USA, USA, USA

Our country will be great again

All the culprits we'll detain

Put 'em on a yuge airplane

Or a Mexico bound train

USA, USA, USA, USA

And there'll be jobs for everyone

When the cleanup is finally done

All the land will be well employed

And the country will be overjoyed

USA, USA, USA, USA

To see that our land is clean

And all those that were so obscene

Finally have been all cast out

Then there'll be no doubt

USA, USA, USA, USA

That America will be great again

The country of the great John Glenn

The country that leads the world

In the theater of the absurd.

USA, USA, USA, USA

Lin Lyons 2016

===================

Go Tell It on a Glacier .... (refrain)

Go tell it on a glacier,

Up in the hills and eve-rywhere.

Go tell it on a glacier,

That global warming's here.

While Exxon folks are watching,

Their stock price day and night,

This whole wide world is cooking,

In fossil fue-led light. (refrain)

C-O-2 is rising,

All around the world

From power plant chimneys,

Clouds of coal smoke curled. (refrain)

Arctic ice is melting

Making travel hard,

With all that open water,

The Husky dogs are barred. (refrain)

Glacier Park is classic

With glaciers it's alive

There used to have a hundred,

Now there's twenty-five. (refrain)

---------------------

Oh when the Trump, comes marching in,

When Donald trump becomes the President,

You don't want to be in the US,

When Donald Trump comes marching in.

Oh when Mike Pence, comes marching in,

Oh when Mike Pence sits in the Senate,

You don't want to need planned Parenthood,

When Mike Pence comes marching in.

When Kelly Ann Conway, comes marching in,

When Kelly Ann Conway starts defend Trump,

You don't want to be on the Ethics Committee,

When Kelly Ann Conway comes marching in.

Oh when Scott Pruitt, comes marching in,

Oh when Scott Pruitt is head of the-EPA,

You don't want to live in Michigan,

When Scott Pruitt comes marching in.

When Andy Puzder, comes marching in,

When Andy Puzder is secretary of labor,

You don't want a minimum wage job,

When Andy Puzder comes marching in.

Oh when Tom Price, comes marching in,

Oh when Tom Price comes to HHS,

You don't want to go to the hospital,

When Tom Price comes marching in.

Oh when Steve Bannon, comes marching in,

Oh when Steve Bannon is Trump's advisor,

You don't want to have a full stomach,

When Steve Bannon comes marching in.

Oh when Steven Mnuchin, comes marching in,

Oh when Steven Mnuchin heads the Treasury,

You want to own lots of bank stock,

When Steven Mnuchin comes marching in.

When Nikki Haley, comes marching in,

When Nikki Haley heads to the UN,

You don't want to be a delegate,

When Nikki Haley comes marching in.

When Betsy DeVos, comes marching in,

When Betsy DeVos is Secretary of Education,

You don't want to be in school,

When Betsy DeVos comes marching in.

Oh when Jeff Sessions, comes marching in,

Oh when Jeff Sessions is Attorney General,

You can join the KKK or Storm Front,

When Jeff Sessions comes marching in.

Dec 2016

==========================

http://occupydemocrats.com/2017/01/11/george-takei-just-hilariously-ripped-trump-sex-tape-allegations/

Inspired by George Takei's; Tinkle tinkle little czar, Putin put you where you are.

Tinkle tinkle little czar,

Putin put you where you are.

In the White House office high,

American's to crucify

Tinkle tinkle little czar,

With Putin's wishes you'll comply.

Paul Ryan, McConnell too

Congress will become a zoo

Ethics, morals, rich tax cuts,

You'll pull from your g'mint butts

Tinkle tinkle little czar,

On this country you're a scar.

EPA, FDA, and education

They'll go on a long vacation

Rules and taxes and regulations

Will be subject to castrations.

Tinkle tinkle little czar,

As you wield your wrecking bar.

Hail the country's narcissist

This great nation's arsonist.

Health and wealth and dignity too

All our values you eschew.

Tinkle tinkle little czar,

Politics is now bizarre.

What a wonder to behold,

How this nation will be sold.

With our wealth you'll gladly traipse

Over to Putin to hide those tapes

Tinkle tinkle little czar,

Hide 'em behind the Kremlin bar.

Comfy in your White House chair

While the public does despair

Jobs and health and savings too,

all are gone because of you.

Tinkle tinkle golden head

The American dream is dead.

With ego great and morals small

You think that you'll have a ball

With every insult, you will tweet,

'Cause you just can't stand the heat

Tinkle tinkle little czar,

Every day seems more bizarre.

You're getting old, and that must hurt

'cause you've left a lot of dirt.

More and more, reporters look,

And turns out you're quite a crook.

Tinkle tinkle little czar,

There's much more with which they'll tar

Your thin orange needy hide

And dent your petty delusional pride

'Cause your past is pretty greedy

And your ego is really needy

Tinkle tinkle little czar,

You really want to be commissar.

Jan, 2017

=========================

'Twas pretty easy, in days of yore

when there were often rhymes galore

When the fodder was all about

and of the truth, there was no doubt.

When we had jobs and food to eat

and life was really pretty sweet

but now with covid nipping our heels

dismal life is what we feels.

Worrying when we'll all get sick,

If you're old, the arithmetic

is no longer in your favor,

how much left is there to savor?

We see our kids and smile a mite

and hope that we have raised 'em right

we hope their future disaffection

will improve with the next election.

Oh that I could find the phrases

that would soften our malaises

but time has stolen my creativity,

activity, proclivity, productivity and motivity.

Lin Lyons, April 2020

===============================