THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF RAM CHANDRA

Early life


I was born  on Sunday the 30th April, 1899 at 07.26 in the morning  (vikram Samvat 1856, aka era 1821, Baisakh Badi Panchami - 04 gharhi 55 pal)

My father was Rai Bahadur Shri Badri Prasad, Honorary Special Magistrate I Class. My mother told me that during childhood I did not have the inclination to eat food as children generally have. I would not eat by myself, even when served food, unless someone else put it in to my mouth. At every stage of my life my mother  taught me the lesson "Be honest; do steel". The effect of her training was that this became part and parcel of my living.

Up to the time a baby begins to speaks or think, the suggestions of it parents and others effect the corrector that just begins to form, and the suggestions become part of the young one's life. the child 'becomes' the meaning of the suggestions. When he reaches boyhood the suggestion of the parents and the other persons continued to work a good deal. Since thinking starts from this age, he begins to forms himself, and his surroundings also effect him at this age. further on he becomes like a coiled up rope of which the coil remains undisturbed, event if burnt. Parents should have sufficient regard for this aspect of childhood life and should see that only what is right is spoken to the children. A baby can also take the impression of the words spoken by its parents, even though it has not developed thinking or understanding. As such, one must be very conscious in speaking even before babies. One must not utter any non sense before children. The example of Abhimanyu of Mahabharat is well known. Aarjun had described to his wife the way of breaking the 'Chakkravuh' when Abhimanyu in her womb. Abhimanyu was about 16 years of age when the Mahabharat war started. He told his uncles that he could break in to the 'Chakkravuh', and so got it, but he could not return, for Arjun had not spoken to his wife about how to get out of it.

I am giving you another example of my own in this matter. After some time when I started meditation, I one day found myself as a baby of two or three months lying on a soop (winnowing basket), the plaited implement used for hooking grain under the rays of the sun. I thought this over and concluded that I must have been laid on the 'soop' by my mother on enquiry confirmed it, and confirmed it, and said that she had done for several times.

During my childhood (at bout the age about the 06 or 07) I often saw my mother performing traditional worship. I requested her to teach me the 'puja' (worship) she was doing. She used to apply sandal-wood-paste on my forehead and I felt happy in the thought that I had done 'puja' that day. This went on for some time.

From the age of nine I felt a kind of thrust for reality and I remained confused and perplexed just like a man drowned in water. I then started reading 'The 'Bhagavad Gita' but it did not bring to my view the condition I was craving for.

I asked my priest to proscribe the method of worship would give me the realisation. He told me to recite "Ram" ,"Ram". I did this also for seven days at the fixed hour but I could find no change in my condition. Afterwards I tried idol-worship. I noticed that it was dragging me back instead of taking me forward and I was compelled to give it up too.

These things could not quench my thrust. This period of confusion went on till the age of 14th. I was praying all the time for a good and capable Master and decided that if I went at all with this idea to any one I would definitely accept him as my Master.

At about the same age I developed a peculiar instance by which I was able to recognise my cloths by smell. This developed to the extent that at the age of 14 I could know the character of a man by the smell of his perspiration.

Some time later, I became interested in philosophy and began to think out the problems in my own way. It was at the age 15th or 16th that I wanted to read philosophical books. I ordered Mill's 'Utilitarianism' and went through a few pages of the book. A thought arose in my mind that if I studied such books I would write their thoughts as quotations, and originality would be lost. I closed the book and put it aside, and developed my own thinking. From my very child hood who ever saw me, whether he was a relative or a public man, thought me to be a dunce. I had a very unassuming nature and it is still there but the phase is changed. Now people think me a simple man.

At the age six I started studying under a tutor. A year later, I contracted typhoid and took about a year to recover. During the interval of illness I forgot I forgot I had read up to that time - and it is still surprising to me how it happened that I forgot every thing  and my mind was like a clean slate.

My school life was dotted with failures, the chief chief cause was being Mathematics. I spoiled my whole carrier. My tutor used to give me some home home-work. The questions in Arithmetic's I always procrastinated. I now give a ridiculous story about myself. Once it happened that did not solved the questions. I began to think "now I shall be beaten by the teacher because I had not worked out the questions". In order to avoid the beating, I put my finger in a hole in the wall where there was a wasp-hive, to get stung by the wasps. When the tutor came I told him that I could not solve the questions because wasps had stung me. I was saved from punishment but, I tell you the beating of the teacher would not have been to so troublesome as the sting of the wasp was. When I reached the age of 16, love for Literature- English, Urdu and Persian developed. Geography was my hobby and I read volumes on that subject. Really speaking, up to that age I was not at all interested in reading.

In all my work honesty is paramount. Once I found a rupee in the school-compound. I handed it over to the Head-Master to give it to the person who had lost it. He was elated with joy and sent out a slip to all the classes, praising my honesty. During my school days I used to go to the school riding a horse which my father had purchased for me. I was  greatly interested in riding. I practiced riding even without a syce (groom).

During this period of education mesmerizer friend of mine used to treat people for diseases. I felt interested, and began to think of the basic point which the mesmerizer develop. I came to know that it is nothing but concentration and the moment of energy for some work, pregnant with thought. Some time later, a relation of mine came to me and told me that he was also mesmerizer. I request him to teach me the art. But he was not going to teach me so easily unless the old ways of service to him were adopted by me. I told him "when you come next, I will teach you mesmerism without doing any practice." Since my brain had become philosophical and correctness was also there, with its help I stared I started curing patients, but not not on any large scale. When that relation of mine came again, I told him "what I can do you cannot; test me if you wish".

It happened once during my school days my Headmaster suffered from colic-pain. I caught hold of his thumbs with my hands, putting my thumb on his, and pressed "electricity" for a minute with the suggestion "you are alright now". Immediately the pain ceased and the patient to sleep. From then on, if any boy got hurt in games he would be sent to me for healing.

I was a good hockey-player and was captain of the class team. Once at school during a leisure period the Headmaster refused to issue the games equipments, and I gave up games for good.

It was my good luck that during my schooling, the teachers used to love me very much, and always extended their hands to hap me whenever required. Since I was interested in Philosophy I used to write essays about philosophical matters. Dynamics of the mind was a characteristic of the essays. My English-teacher was also a philosopher, and he was surprised how I could write such philosophical thoughts which he had read in his B.A. class. This thinking has helped me much in taking up research work in Yoga in my present Spiritual carrier.

I have given results of the research work in books, articles and letters. At Sitapur there was a good gathering and I suggested that the saints of India should take up research in Yoga, which has not so far been done. Research work is not very difficult but people find it difficult. The first criterion is that the worker must be a Yogi of high calibre, with full experience and knowledge of all the super-conscious states. The thinking should be correct. Even if you think only a little that must be correct and the single of the heart should verify it. People do not care to find-out what the divine instruments for the work are. Mind thinks and heart gives signals for its correctness. The heart gives signals of different nature. To understand them them is rather difficult. so far I could not find words to express this thing satisfactorily. But if a man practices he will 'know' the nature of it. It has come to my experience that every living organ of the body itself speaks when you concentrate over it. Concentration is one of the instruments of relation only. You can not 'get' God by concentration. In concentration you are one-pointed to a certain object, while in meditation your subconscious only waits for some thing. Since your thought is for the Divine, you wait for Divinity.

Some persons say that conscience is their Guru and they follow it. Conscience is made of Mann or Mind, buddhi or intellect, Chitta are consciousness, and Ahamkaar or egoism. Unless all these are purified and come in to balance, conscience can not give the True Voice. So purrty is needed in all faculties of the mind. People may try to do research on this. I am telling you some thing very good. Suppose you are thinking some thing out for a solution and you know a little, but correct, at that time. Keep that idea in the subconscious mind and the problem will come clove. You can have the verification after solving it. Meditate at the point where the true picture of reality is seen and your heart will be thoroughly satisfied.

I predicted some things during my boyhood and they came true. For the interest of the readers, I tell how a man can predict the things to come after hundreds of year. In the left part of the head there is a superconscious state which gives answers to every question. I had discussed this in my book "Efficacy of Raj-yoga in the light of Sahajmarg". Any one who thinks about coming events directing his thoughts to that spot will "know". The thinking should be without any pressure of the will, and in a natural way. If he applies pressure the effort becomes unnatural, and the result is grossness. This method be adopted very calmly. Piety is also needed for this method.


II

ADULT LIFE - EMPLOYMENT


I married at Mathura at the age of 19 and I got a short-tempered wife. Her name was Bhagwati. She died in the later half of 1949. I was also very short-tempered at that time. But I learned tolerance in her company. That helped me in my spiritual pursuit also. When I went to the feet of Master, my rage began to fade away. I complained to Him many times about in my diary. After some time He asked me a question whether, in my angry mood, senses are lost. I said "not at all". He confirmed that senses were not lost. There after, even the rage, I behaved properly.

Now I am telling the secret of success in all matters. Remove doubts and develop confidence in your self, you will succeed in all your pursuits. Really speaking, if any body wants to poison his will he should create doubt in him self. Honesty and serious ness in all work brings good fruit. I left all these things as useless and started deep reading exercise, which used to keep my mind very calm. I could hold my breath for seven and a half minutes. I practiced it for about six years, and gave it up all together when I reached the feet of my Master.

Some how I came to know that there was a good guide Samarth Guru Mahatma Shri Ram Chandra Ji Maharaj at Fatehgarh (UP). I was temped to go there as soon as possible. One fine morning the 03rd of June 1922 I reached the feet of the Master. When I sat in meditation, as I was directed to, I found a condition highly convincing to me. Immediately the thought arose "I have found the Master". My decision mentioned earlier compelled me to take Him as my own Master. After back from my Master I continued the practice, but not so deeply as I had to appear in the Metric and S.S.L.C. examination. After passing the examination, I took up service in the Judge's Court at Shahjahanpur on the 12th January 1925, and retired as 'Record-Keeper'. My Master, who served in the Collect-orate of Fatehgarh, who also retired as a Record-Keeper. The Officers under whom I served were very happy with my work, and valued me very much on account of my honesty. My general behaviour with my fellow clerks was extraordinarily good.

In my life I always place justice higher than self advantage. For instance a colleague of mine had joined service a couple of days earlier than I. In the following years we were transferred to different sections, and latter were reposted to positions with the same designation and Grade. It happened that my colleague joined this new posting a couple of days later than I did, thus officially becoming my junior. When a vacancy of the next promotion arose, my colleague applied that he should get the promotion on the ground of the original date of his appointment. My officers, who were more favourably disposed towards me, summoned me in this connection. Even though it was a tempting occasion for substantial personal benefit, I told them the fact that my colleague was the senior, though he had joined the present post later, and he should be given the promotion. He got it ,and developed a great regard for me.

If I fell in to any official difficulty, every one from the lowest to the highest would sympathise with me. Not only that, my Officers also were very helpful. The Officers used to trust me so much that ever draft or order I prepared was signed without any hesitation. I also took care to draft, orders faithfully and carefully

It so happened that a clark, on account of caste prejudiced, teased me so much that I make up my mind to resign service. I had been appointed to this post for the first time, and did not know the work. He did not help me at all; instead, he always spoke ill of to the Munsarim (Office Superintendent) of the Munsif's (Judicial Officer) Court. The result was that I went to the Munsif and told him all the facts including my intention to resign from service.

Mr. Mahraja Bahadur, the Munsif said "as long as I am here you must not resign. I will tech the work, because I will not get such an honest man". And he did so. When I was encouraged by him I began to study the Acts and regulations, and learnt some other work also. Honesty pays in the end; and dishonesty only in the beginning, if at all!

In a month's time, with hard work, I was quite prepared to do the work allotted to me nicely. I had also told the difficulties to my father and said to him "I want to resign from this post and if you will not allow it I will commit suicide". My father replied "leave the service immediately". But I continued in the service As I was encouraged by my Officer. I had no enmity with that man and never changed my behaviour towards him. In other words, I behaved with a little love also with him. People call me simple. I think they are right in so calling me. The incident developed to such an extent that I was ready to commit suicide, but I never change my behavior. A little love was also there, because my motto is "if any body does not do his duty to me why should I leave my duty to him?" In other words, if any body falls short of his duty why should I fall short of my duty to him! What I do for you, it is my duty; what you do not do for me, it is your duty. It is also my nature that if any body obliges me an inch, I try to repay it. But what so ever I may in return, the obligation remains the same.

I am sorry to write that Nature's curse fell upon him and no body is left in his family. After his death I supported his son who was also an employee of the Judge's Court, but he also died. People do so many awkward things in their short tenure of life without minding the club of justice from God. My officers wrote the following remarks in my character roll -

1) "I was satisfied with his work. He is a quiet soul, and good at his work" (02nd September 1929)
2) "He is efficient and hard working, and has given me full satisfaction with his work. He has an enviable reputation for strict honesty". (05th January 1949)
3) "As Munsarim his work has been thoroughly satisfactory. He is a careful and hard working Official, and is generally known to be scrupulously honest." (06th July 1949)
4) "Efficient and unassuming ; deputed to be scrupulously honest".
5) "He believes in leading a pious life and adheres to that principals to in his official life". (03rd July 1953)
6) "An unassuming and quiet worker with a very good reputation for leading a saintly life." (17th January 1955)
7) "He leads a very saintly life and adheres to his high principals in his day-to-day affairs, and is very caucus of his duties as a record-keeper. He had effective control of the record-room and I was very much satisfied with his work." (21st February 1955)
8) On retirement - "He earned an enviable reputation for honesty and disciplined life; worked assiduously but in as unassuming manner and can, I think, served as a model for the ministerial staff which is the poorer for his retirement".

I also got a letter of honour from Shri A.G. Khare, President Prantiya Bharat Sevak Samaj.


III

AT THE FEET OF THE MASTER

A I mentioned before, I reached the feet of the Master on 03rd June 1922 to receive transmission from HIm for the first time. As the effect of it I felt that I had moved up to a level where the surroundings were very much different from those of the external atmosphere. This feeling persisted, and I remained in the condition for several days. I started meditation not on divine light as is prescribed in the Shri Ram Chandra Mission, but on my master's form, seeing Him in my heart. This was quite spontaneous and  automatic, and I went on with it.

I sincerely took up the method of meditation after I past I passed the S.S.L.C. and Matriculation Examination. Within six months, I saw in meditation that the whole of my heart was filled in soothing light, and a plant full of light was imitating forth light from its branches and leaves. I continued practice. Six months later, I noticed a peculiar thing in my heart that my heart reciting the word - "ohm". This we call 'ajapaa'. How does it start? If the Master infuses it with His divine power it starts immediately. If it is left to the 'abhyaasee', it gives a shaking to the heart twice or thrice when it starts. It also starts through out the particles of the body which we call 'anal.

Some people have practiced 'Ajapa' by reciting 'Mantras' repeatedly in the heart. It is artificial. If the practice of reciting is given up for some time, 'agape' is gone. Introduction of the true state of 'Ajapa' is possible only if the power of transmission. Transmission is the only thing which takes the 'Abhyaasee' to the higher regions. Self effort fails after reaching some region because as you go up you in contact with the subtle force of Divinity, and it pushes the 'Abhyaasee' down because he can not get at it. There the Master of the high caliber who has command and over the regions is needed.

when 'Ajapa' started, I was so proud of it that I said to my Master "I have got agape now". When it gets a toy baby is very happy.
as he grows old, happiness also travels on. Similar was the case with me. When my Master given me the knowledge, I came to know that I have to swim the unfathomable ocean.

In 1924 I felt an ubiquitous force present in every animate and inanimate object and particles. I was drowned in the sea of wonder. I felt God pervading every thing like broad day light.

These things are but a grain of Divinity in caparison to the higher states. A man should never be satisfied at any stage he comes across, because "on and on" is the voice of experience. The things went on, and I entered region after region by His grace. during the summer vacation I started playing cards, deviating four or five hours a day to it. It continued for a week or so. The result was that during my time in bed I use to remember playing cards instead of thinking of my Master, as had been my practice. My Master told me in a dream " you should give up playing cards". Since that time till to day I have not plaid cards at all.

During meditation an other change in my inner feeling was that the idea of God seemed to be lost to me, yielding place to that of my Master, and Master alone. To me there was no God but my Master. I went on with it regardless of all other things, till I reached the level expressed by my Master in the following words in a dream when He left the mortal frame : "I became 'thee' and thou 'I'. Now none can say that I am other than thee or that thou art other than me".



It was a very happy day in deed when, at Fatehgarh, when my Master used to hold the annual spiritual gathering or Bhandaaraa, I suddenly experienced by Master's grace a state of absorption in Brahman similar to His own. It repeated itself three times. I felt convinced that it was the real state which I must achieve. Since then I began to adjust myself to bring about the real state. It was not a mere conception that I was in that state, but some thing real started to awaken in me. I went on doing all that silently without telling it even to my Master.

The Master's remembrance across in me the very day He had transmitted to me for the first time. So I was continuing it with three things together - constant remembrance of the Master; adjusting myself to bring about that condition of absorption or layavasthaa which my Master had; and reading and experiencing what was happening in the region I was in at that time.

As I said before, I started mediation upon His form within my heart. In the beginning the form remains in view but after some time the vision begins to fade away, till inly a reflection, aakaar, remain. this too melts away after some time and only an idea remains. Besides this, I used to meditate upon His complete form placed before me. The subsequent stages involved in the process are also similar. After some practice the form grows subtler and subsequently begins to fade away, leaving in its place a mere idea of it. when that too disappears, the abhyaasee should take it as a mere supposition that it is there. Later on, when that supposition too vanishes, there comes the second stage. but this come naturally and automatically, and not willed effort to create this condition. At this stage the abhyaasee begins to feel himself as the Master. If he is sensitive enough, he then begins to feel that all parts of body, limbs, etc. are those of the Master. Here again I shall repeat the same warning that this must also develop naturally and automatically, and not by willed effort. If the abhyaasee goes along in the correct manner, the body idea will soon begin to vanish. He will begin to feel that the body is neither his nor of the Master. But still he should have the idea theta his body is that of the Master. When that idea vanishes, he should suppose that he is the Master. In the end, when the supposition also fades away, the process will bring itself to the third stage - that is the soul within the Master. This will complete all steps automatically, after which there remains neither the idea of the body nor of the soul. He is no where now, and the task is practically over. When I was in this last stage of meditation on soul, I was asked by my Master in a dream to meditate on the soul itself and He told me the process also which was as below :

"lie down straight upon the bed without movement and meditate upon soul for some time."

I did it for full month, taking leave from the Office in order to devote maximum time to it. It was all due to the grace of my Master, and Master alone, that this process came to my mind automatically each step it self giving a clue to the next step.

Of-course my Master never asked any body to meditate upon His form, and I am proud that I was the only person who adopted this process though there were many others who used to have His remembrance of and on. After completing this entire process I thought of bringing in to effect the negation of negation and had started doing it while Master's grace showered on me in torrents. Soon after wards my Master revealed to me that He would have have taken some more time but, since I had started the last process, He was compelled to allot work to me. Otherwise it would not have possible for me to train others. This will come later on. During my abhyaas or practice I felt a strange experience that every thing in the world, even the bricks and stones, leaves and flowers, were radiating the force of Divinity all over; and liking and devotion were so great that I wanted to embrace even thistles in love. It lasted for about a week or so. Then another thing opened which I have dealt with mostly in my book "Towards Infinity". Many other things followed about which I informed my Master from time to time through letters. He also replied a few letters.

On the morning of the 15th August 1931 I found an utmost Force or Power both within and out side me which, my inner voice assured me, had been bestowed by my Master. My Master had gone in to state of Mahaa-Samaadhee on the night of the 14th august 1931, but I had not known about it yet. This was the usual system of transfer of Power adopted by saints of caliber. It was infect the merging of the Master in to me.

When I came beck from my office in the evening, my cousin informed me about this said news of the passing of my Master. It came as a terrible shlock to me, and the impression of the shock lasted for years; and it is still there, in a some what reduced state. I took leave from the office to go for the condolence, but I developed diarrhea and the whole leave period was spent in sickness, which was ultimately pronounced to be cholera. The diarrhea lasted for several months after wards. After recovery from Cholera, I saw Him one day in a dream at about seven a.m. in the morning. He asked me "What is the condition of diarrhea?" I said "It is continuing". He said that I should give up Pathological treatment. I left it from that very time. He then asked me "what is your spiritual condition?" I said "This, you know best". I meant to say that it was His responsibility. He said "is it so?" I said "yes my Lord". He then gave me a jerk of transmission. I found that the whole of my body from top to tow was filled with spiritual force. When He gave the second jerk my heart was about to burst and I felt extreme pain in my heart. A third jerk would have ended my life, but for this very purpose Rishis of yore practiced penance in the forest for several years, sacrificing every thing at the alter of Spirituality. So it was not purpose on my part to have requested Him to stop the transmission. I had been to Master for this very object at that time. I was gaining it, for no prize. I expressed myself in another way. I said "Oh Master, I do not care if I die". When H heard it, He was almost startled and stopped the transmission.

 Now I relate here the effect of that transmission. I found that for several days He was seated in every pore of my being and in every particle of my body. It continued for some time. This is a highly developed stage which the saints crave for. It shows the full absorbency in the Master.

I used to write my condition to my Master but I did not keep the copies. When He ordered His discipline to record their spiritual condition in a diary, I started keeping a copy of it also which will follow now.


IV

1928

The chief purpose of the diary is that an abhyaasee remain attentive to his condition because he has to write about it. when an abhyaasee remains attentive to it, his anubhav or expense develops because concentration is there. Concentration is the divine instrument for revelation. People are the of the opinion that if there is no concentration, meditation is useless. I can emphatically say that a man can never 'get' God by concentration, because in in concentration you are on pointed and you are not waiting for any thing, while in meditation you wait for some thing and that is God. Waiting produces a sought of attraction automatically on account of continuous effort.




 It develops to such an extent that you can call a soul to you. If the attraction comes to the Zenith, the greatest soul cannot refuse to come. Man's power is known by man because Godliness. There must be some thing opposite to it. Therefore we develop Divinity in us to such an extent that the whole system is divinised ultimately. That is, in short, the whole of the senses may return to their original state. In other words, the higher centers take charge of the lower centers and begin to work in them. Not only that, the Divine centers take charge of their higher centers. Now geometrically, the lower centers are in the chart of the higher centers and since the Divine centres are now in charge of the higher centres, the lower centers come in the charge of the Divine centres. And thus divinity begins to work with all details.

All these things can be easily achieved if some how we get the Capable Master. A Capable Master is on who can bring out the full transformation of an abhyaasee by means of transmission. A Master must himself be merged in the Divine. He is really the Master. Years are saved if we get such a Master. People will say that it is very difficult to get such a Master. But I can say it is equally difficult to get a deserving disciple.

It will not be out of place if I repeat my pet sentence. The true cry of the "aspirant brings the Master to his door". We have come down, now we are going up, so we arrive at the subtle forces of Nature and to get at them is not easy for the disciple. The Master is definitely needed there. If a man some how reaches a certain stage by self effort and he is unable to go up, a sort of grossness or, according to Ouspensky, curvature is formed. My Master had also said thing before Ouspensky had put it in.

Now the changing conditions I felt at the feet of my Rev. Master are given in my diary since the time I started it. I am taking in brief, mostly avoiding the date on which I felt each condition. A writer says "if any body wants to know the spiritual condition he may see well by dreams coming to him. If the thoughts are pious the vision will also be good and one will see the dreams like that". So pity is necessary every where.

For this, in our Sahaj Marg system, methods of cleaning are also given and the Master laid stress on it. Dr. K.C. Verdhachari of Tirupati, has said some where that the cleaning system is found no where except in Grains in Jainism. When the heart purifies, a man sees the dream; when the thought comes in contact with the kantha-chakra or 'Pharyngeal Plexus', it is the Maya in grosser form. I could know this thing. Once I was sleeping and my mother suddenly woke me up. I found that I was in 'Kantha-Chakra. If a man practices to go in to Kantha-Chakra he can see waking state also. A doctor in America says that the toxins we accumulate during the day are consumed at night by dreams.

When I was in the Heart Region I used to see the saints of Awadhoota Character at least three times a weak. A man some times becomes charmed and influenced by the light he sees, of by the condition he has. He does not like to part with it and remain drowned in that condition. It can happen at any stage of development. If an awadhoota transmits, he has to transmit the whole lot, with result that the abhyaasee himself becomes the asadhoota. But there is no place for awadhoota-gati in the Sahaj Marg system, because we proceed to balance every thing form the very beginning. Further it is refined un-naturalness, to which the Sahaj Marg system does not give entry.

After ending the travel of the heart-region I reached the region which is subtle. I used to see that the other saints both grahstha and virakta producing in me the subtler condition, and this thing continued before I came to my present state.

During my mediation, as I wrote in my diary, I felt a peculiar condition which the following couplet will reveal -

Sar rahe akhtiyaar men, sizdaa voh sazdaa hee nahnee ;
bandagee aur hosh qufr hai, bandage hee naheen ;

"That bending down in prayer wherein the control over one's head is retained is but a misnomer.
That surrender and submission in limitation of awareness is blasphemy and not surrender."

When you go to the Master for the sake of spiritual training you generally trust that he can be of some uses to you. When you have experience, then faith develops. Submission, at its highest peak, becomes surrender. How to achieve the state of surrender is the general question among the minds of persons who have realization as the goal. Surrender means no "I" or, in other words, to wash away the idea of "I sens". pore this easiest way is that we should feel dependency on God almost all the time with attachment and devotion. If you try for surrender "I" is there, which develops, making it stinger and stinger. In this way instead of trying to jump in to the water one jumps in to the fire. Now follow extract from my spiritual diary :

04th April 1928 :

I sat for meditation in the morning and experience great peace and tranquility. Peace used to be experienced and reverted to its original condition. In the state of extreme tranquility a line of verse struck me :

"How long shall this bud remain concealed behind this curtain!"

Then there was some thing, after which I only remembered the last words. "God's Grace Mercy will descend."

05th April 1928 :

There was peace of mind and an almost changeless condition. Dreamt in the night that I visited the Holy Shrine of Prophet Mohammad in Mecca. There I felt vibration at a point above the 'trikuti' or 'Cavernous-Plexus' and also force of some kind which had its link with the head.

When I used to go to Master, people used to come to Him for realisation. Now most of the persons who come to me want only for peace. Time has brought such a change. Restlessness is prevailing every where. Every body is hungry for peace. But the difficult is that no body knows what peace is. If one who worships God daily is some how not able to worship one day in the morning, he feels restless; and when he does it, satisfaction is there. People think satisfaction is peace, so they are not peaceful, but only satisfied. Actually restless comes from peace or rest which burrows its way to Divinity. Peace is the substance we want and restlessness is the instrument we use. What we gain from restlessness is peace. Restlessness gives you advancement of Divinity.

The state of peace is dormant, while the state of satisfaction is active. Peace at the ultimate state becomes non-peace-peace, and satisfaction at its ultimate state becomes gross and heavy. Peace touches the silent aspect of God, while satisfaction touches the active art of God. Satisfaction is the production of man, where peace is the production of God.

06th April 1928 :

In the morning some impact of passion was felt. The rest of the condition remain as it was.

There is nothing to important for a man for passion. Passion have been related indifferent ways in the scriptures of all religions. The true picture is some thing else. The jerk of energy jerk of energy was passion. It was pregnant with all the forces required for creation. It came from the highest intelligence because that was the component factor to give movement to the will of God. It also came to our share, but its beauty was lost because "I" viewed it from different angles. The centre of the highest intelligence and of passion is the same. It cannot be annihilated in any way or by any method, because it exists in to acton that it which is necessary for man. Man cannot enter in to the spiritual unless he is moved with force towards it.

09th April 1928 :

In the evening I was a victim of anger without any cause, the duration of which was about an hour.

Anger and passion are the creation of the Divine. 'Lbha' - covetousness, and Moha - undue-attachment, are man's creation. No body can destroy God's creation, but we can only modify it. Destroy your own creation. When energy descended from near about centres, it worked for the creation. There were anticlockwise movements all over. The result of this movement was that matter was formed. The movement was not less than about three lakhs per second. Had the movement not been so strong, matter would not have been formed. It formed some matter and that is the basis of all creation. There was movement, and also movement in movement, causing different results. There was heavy movement. It caused some force which grew in to rage ultimately. All these came in to our share. Man is the epitome of the Universe. Since heavy movement was there it became a force of material character. When 'Will' touches its depth, it produces a sought of irritation which one feels when one plays with it. The cause of heaviness is unbalanced movement. If balance had not been disturbed there would have been no creation. For every progress, rise and fall are necessary.

11th April 1928 :

At 07.00 A.M. in the morning, emotion of love was aroused for a few minutes. Rest of the condition remained unchanged throughout the day.

12th April 1928 :

I experienced moderate condition at six in the morning, but could not absorbed in the mediation. Distracting thoughts remained till seven the morning.

14th April 1928 :

Between 04.00 and 05.00 in the morning I dreamt that I was dying, and experienced immense peace. A very fine condition persisted throughout the day.

The dying condition starts in all the plexus when it stronger than it is felt. I means that the abhyaasee has become absorbed in the condition of the center loosing his own identity.

Immense peace may perhaps be interpreted by the word Jnana. When pronounce Jnana, the flow of sound shows that some thing comes out of the root syllable, stopping at the last syllable. Jna-na. It shows that what is at the root should be at the end. When you are in touch with knowledge of the absolute, you bring in some thing as reality, displayed according to its different conditions. So Jnana is not simply knowledge for the purpose of knowing what one is or what one has in it, or what that is. Having Divine condition speaks of true reality. It is a sort of dance with certain movement reduced by its effect. And there are different stages in it which I have discussed in "Towards infinity". In short Jnana is not 'knowing', but 'having'. This is the condition when knowledge and acton become one. What the Divine displayed in its own realm, we begin to display the same in our realm with His power.

Actually speaking, at its highest point is the state of dissolution where remains nothing but the Divine. It is the Absolute in His own cadre and we become Absolute in our own cadre. He is Absolute - He is totally Absolute. Knowledge swims at the surface and the Real works as the base. So "Real" is the only knowledge. So when we have reality we become aware of it. 'Real' gives knowledge when it becomes Reality. The Reality begin and without is Jnana.

15th April 1928 :

The emotion of love was kindled for a short while at 09.00 in the night.

What is love, when I do not know why I love Him and what for? some times in the state of love, emotion follows. Some times a man begins to weep and some time he feels in the wood. Emotion no doubt, is a human weakness, but I may allow it as it happens naturally. It causes no harm but gives a little benefit. Generally, the weeping comes when a man cannot bear it; in other words he is wanting in the capacity to bear.

18th June 1928 :

At 09.00 in the morning while I was on my way to Court, I felt that the world is a playground of Nature in which everybody is longing for perfection but, having forgotten that, his real self is performing worldly acts. Perfection might have been taken as a subject for debate by saints. But to my mind it is very simple. In that condition man remains almost perfectly balanced, and the mundane world and the brighter world go parallel to each other. He feels no difference between this world and the brighter world. If the spiritual side is perfect, and worldly imperfect, I wold call it crippled perfection. Man must try to become a perfect human being being, not God. We have here not to spoil God's creation but to retain it in the Divine order.

20Th June 1928 :

Condition unchanged expect that in the night I experienced my own existence as that of Master

22nd June 1928 :

I had a dream in the night that I visited a certain place in the company of two my associates. There we met an 'Aughar' (misshapen) saint, a class Tantric saint, who told me "you are so much sunk in love of your Guru that you no have no care for your spiritual development. Both the urge and idea to wards development are essential".

05th July 1928 :

I saw an inspired saint in a night in a dream, and seeing him I at once went in to mediation of my Master. Upon this he remarked  " you are very cleaver". Some time later I reached another place where a saint was present members of his family. I related the dream to him. The saint transmitted to me.

Transmission is the utilization of Divine Force for the transformation of man. Man, as the thinker say, is a social animal. That means animality is there. He becomes a super animal and from supper animality to man, and from man, to man behind man. This is the transformation. Tendencies of the mind are changed, and he begins to do every thing in proper order. He begins to learn the proper use of the faculties. Mind becomes disciplined and, ultimately, comes to Divine order. Transmission brings about such a result. It is the instrument we use for this end. By transmission Divinity comes peeping in every stage of development and finally ends of Divination.

11th July 1928 :

In the morning there was uneasiness which lasted for half an hour.

Going beyond easiness is uneasiness. a man becomes conscious when similarities or same-ness is disturbed. As long as easiness is there, there is no disturbance. The state we acquire by the help of the meditation causes a repulse. When the out going tendencies of the mind come in touch with it, or in the other words, when the tendencies touch the field of easiness, it opposite is felt. so we should also try to calm down the out going tendencies of the mind. I now give you some thing about uneasiness. If some how a man can begin to feel easiness in uneasiness then it will not give place to the out going tendencies to enter in it.

17th July 1928 :

In the mid-day dream I saw myself on a 'chabutra' or dais close to my house where some persons were assembled . I was standing and a saint transmitted to me. I narrowly escaped falling down and was saved by the saint, but there was artificiality in the fall i.e. I did not fall down on account of the effect of transmission but I did it simply for show. This annoyed the saint. Master was also present there.

22nd 23rd July 1928 :

Just wrestler having physical-strength considers his whole existence as body, similarly I experience my existence as all soul.

02nd August  1928 :

Dreamt that a holy personality was expelling the topic "I am Brahman" to some body in my presence. Hearing this I felt "my existence and that of Master is one and the same", i.e. my experience was felt to be that of Master and the voice was coming out from in side "I am", and this voice continued to be felt as long as I was in sleep and dream; and even after waking I felt the same voice for some time.


04th August 1928 :

I dreamt that a Holy personality asked me to sit down and transmitted to me. I woke up, and after this I kept on sitting in meditation for some time.

 After years of practice when the meditation grows deeper and the thought begins to start one's upward march, one comes to a point where one feels "I am the power myself". It happens when 'Surat' comes in contact with glimpses of the Divine. It loses its own character and gains the Divine one. There one starts to feel "I am Brahman" I gave the meaning or 'Surat' in this way. When though comes in contact with soul, a third thing, a spark, is produced. This is termed 'Surat'. It needs to the Highest. Thoughts lag behind. They have no accommodation in the sphere of divinity.

After some time when 'Surat' leaps forward, it brings in the Divine character. The self has been effaced, so naturally one goes a little further and every step brings to its lot more of Divinity. So Divinity remains in his thought. Then he begins to feel the greatness, as his mind is also trained to feel it. There he develops to "all from Him (Brahman)". A step back reveals to him a part of the nature of God - "All is Brahman". This is the effect mid way between charging reality and going beyond. On feels "all is from God".

When all these stages are over an abhyaasee begins to feel himself as above all that has been set above. Thus the real character of Brahman and of himself dawns. going beyond, every thing is silent. And silence itself becomes silent.

The 'Diary' of onward dates sent to Rev. Master through letter;

"Revered Guide of both the world.

May you live long! after due salutations, I beg to be submit that every thing here is well, I have a strong hope that your kindness will some day enable the boat of this humble and helpless creature to cross the occasion of life.

Now I am writing my own condition to your Holy-self. I had sent my diary from Lucknow to your Holy Self in which it was mentioned that I had a dream, and that the idea of "I" ness has begun to disappeared from the heart. After return from the journey, the state of "all is Barman" over took me. After that the idea of complete surrender and submission persisted throughout. Every thing was left under the will of the Master. This state disappeared after some days. Now these days, I am experiencing great fearlessness in my heart, but it is mixed with rashness."

Fear is the production of lower mind, and love the product if higher mind. Fear is also a mental fallacy. When love awakens, fear disappears. A stage comes to the spiritual aspirant where he fears for no cause. That means he is growing up to a state where a state of lower mind begins to bid farewell. When the lamp is extinguished, moths do not fall on it. When the seed is fried, there are more chances for it to germinate. When the sun of spirituality shines it brings glory to the  world, which only Ultimate consequences can weaves. And I am preparing 'man' for this task. I have a strong hope  that the people will reap the benefit of my work.

I had a dream on 09th October 1929 that I was I was going to the Court, and on the way I met a saint who started transmitting to me. That transmission was like the current of a current of a flooded river. But I sank myself a thought of my Master. After some time the saint stopped transmitting to me. I told him that his transmission was nothing, and thought to myself that he ever he ever experience a transmission of my Master, He would have known about it. The saint remarked "go away, I let you off easily." At that time the condition was uncontrollable. Hence the desire for an Ekka (conveyance) rose in me, so that I could reach the court. I noticed that two carts full of night-soil passed. I said that I would not go on them. I woke up after this and saw that a great soul was standing of the left side of my cot, casting His shadow on me. His face and body were extremely bright and were shining luminously. I was a bit frightened since I was awaken from sleep suddenly. That image vanished. Due to the effort of the dream I felt reeling sensation in my mind for two days, and my state was like that deaf mute. After this I had another dream in the same month of October that I was resting on a cot and my Master sat down on the cot towards the side of my feet. I moved my feet aside. He questioned as to why had shifted my feet. I submitted that I did so simply to make room for Him. In the mean time, another saint also arrived. And both the great personalities began talking to each other saying that the condition of Ram Chandra was good.

The then present condition was that I felt I was all reality. This state continued for two days. Later on it so changed that all awareness of my own existence was no more. There os neither any thought of this world nor of the other world - neither is there any feeling of affection nor any sense animosity. Previously I felt my existence as that of Master, but now the existence of Master too is not felt. The idea of Guru too is unfortunately lost. At time now I cannot meditate on my Master even if I tried to. There is neither peace nor tranquility.

I am rid of absurd emotions. Neither is there destruction in the mind nor single - pointedness. Neither any longing for union nor for separation. The thought seems to have dissolved in itself. Neither is there any worry nor any sorrow, nor happiness ecstasy. I fail to understand to name this condition. Nevertheless I do feel a pinch inside after much deep thinking.

Oh! Pang of Heart, at least thou tallest me the reality. I do not understand what this puzzle is.

Deaf and dumb state : Playing within your self in your character; touching your corner; being absent to your senses. This is the stage which a man arrives at when he crosses his own boundaries. This is not a permanent state. That is far higher than this. It is called changeless condition. It comes during the march of freedom. this is the end of all the activities.

Revered Master of both the worlds. May you live long!

With due respect, I submit that I have been writing my diary regularly. I feel that there is some Divine Force within me from head to foot, which is active and doing work. Intellect seems to be a bit sharpened. On meditation, minutest condition within becomes known, but I negate every condition and show indigence to them, the restrain my mind from going towards them. Various spiritual points arise to their own accord are on mere contemplation, but I do not feel inclined to words them instinctively.

24th to 27th December 1928 :

Much animation prevailed. Dreamt on 27th that I was sprinkling some scent on fire in the name of my Revered Master. A Pundit (Priest) was sitting to my left, and I was weeping in intense emotion of love. there after I reached the place of my Master and he himself related to me the entire dream. Then the Master, coming in to state of Divine ecstasy, gave me a push with his chest, pushing the middle portion of my chest. I began feeling pain. Another saint, present at that time, remarked that what was done to me might develop some trouble. I experience emotion of love in the morning and this state continued for many days.

28th to 31st December 1928 :

Emotion of love flared up from time-to-time and I longed to reach the Master.


1929

01st January 1929 :

I saw your Holiness (Rev. Master) in a dream. You transmitted to me at all points and also gave a particular transmission which produced heat in the entire body but caused no trouble.

11th January 1929 :

I saw a saint in a dream. He gave me such a transmission that it ran through entire body like electricity, and I felt as if a river of Divine effulgence was diverted towards me. Next day there was intensity to such an extent that neither did I comprehend any thing nor was there activity in the thought, as if there was a kind of insensibility inside. The moment I gave up work there was a flow of intensity.

14th January 1929 :

I felt in the morning that there was a thought, curtain in between me and my condition, and if that curtain was torn of, then I would come in to oneness with, and would devolve in to, that particular condition.

Thought is the rest of reality. The basis of words is thought alone. If thoughts are pure, the words will be pure and effective.

Devotion : Lashing in the wave of the Almighty with unawareness of the fact of what I am doing and for what I am doing it. The highest type of 'Bhakti' (religious devotion) is the unawareness of one-self, and of the process.

17th January 1929 :

I saw Master in a dream. On seeing Him the emotion of love was so intense that I began to lose my consciousness. In the mean time, my Master called me near himself and told me with pleasure that thou not a king, I was a leader in my privies birth and used to practice for God realisation, and that was why I had attended speedy progress in this life.

Revered Master of both the worlds. May you live long!

There are three main defects in this diary. Firstly, I have started telling lies, which I have always hated, but I do not know why and how I commit this, and later on I become conscious of it. The second thing which I have marked recently is ego. It stings in such a suitable manner that very acute understanding is needed to grasp. I realise it after it has done its stinging; or when I am lost in some particular thought then I feel its distinct entity.

Due to your kindness of affection, this sensibility is developing that before the onslaught of ego I become aware if its shadow and feel its reflection. Nevertheless, I am influence by it to some extent. At time I become conscious of it after coming completely under its sway. The third thing is evil passion which is being experienced from 28th February 1929. But its condition is mostly like that of electricity. Let loose in space running along with its atoms, i.e., presume for a moment that a current sensuousness is running inside the body but it does not touch me.

Ego : ego is said to have been abused by all by all the present and past writers. The ego gives you strength for all the work. It points out to you that you have got the power to do a certain thing. But we identify ego with the body, instead of with the soul. It is the production of God which you cannot annihilate. You should modify it.

Suppose a man has got an immense fortune and he is proud of that. He commits no sin because it does not do harm to any body. What happens as a result of it is that the wisdom of the man becomes blunt.

09th & 10 February 1929 :

Excess of loathing in mood. I deem myself to be insignificant . There is so myth lethargy and disinterestedness in the mind that even pooja (meditation) performed with indifference and in name only. I is due to this state  that there is an excess of aversion, and adverse effect on the mood. from with in there is an urge for work, but lethargy proves to be a hindrance. I disclosed my inner feelings to you as my human obligation. It is with much effort, and after much thought, that I find words to express my condition, and to interpret my feelings in some measure, but I cannot say weather these interpretations are correct or not. One surprising phenomenon which I have noted at he time of recording my diary for your perusal is that while writing, my condition becomes dull and inactive, and some inner condition comes to the fore and gives its effect. This gives birth to a feeling similar to that of a man who has not taken wine but has only smelt it.

12th February 1929 :

condition intense at night, rest as usual.

15th February 1929 :

Did not attend Court, so much intensity. And in the noon felt an impact of ego.

Note : When I do not go to Court I experience intensity, but the intensity is like a blazing spark from which heat has been extracted, yet it retains its glow and glitter.

16th February 1929 :

In the morning it occurred to me during meditation that a jnani is one who does not lament over the past and is grateful for the present.

17th February 1929 :

Did not go to Court. Felt animation throughout the day. At the time of Satsang in the evening, a pleasing sensation was felt in the head and in the forehead.

20th February 1929 :

When I sat for meditation in the morning I felt that from the seat of the spirit with in to the forehead, which is perhaps the seat sensuousness, there was an extremely subtle link like a straight line and the two extremities of the link seem to be molten. After a while I felt as if the connection with the seat spirit was broken, and the though remained at the seat of sensuousness alone. As long as the link between the seat of spirit and sensuousness was there I felt, to an unparalleled extent, thoughts sensuousness and passions which I have hinted about in the forward. After a while, the state ceased to exist. There only remained a tickling in the forehead during the meditation. Thought is stuck to the seat of sensuousness. Peacefulness was so intense that every part of the body seemed to be  devoid of sensations. Hands and feet seem to be lying motionless, where ever they were placed. I was loath to make any moment. After meditation I felt some heaviness in the head which lasted the whole day.

21st February 1929 :

In the night a thought occurred that I should die now. There was an intense yearning in the heart for death which had an idea illustrated in the following couplet :

Death, of which the world is afraid, is a pleasure for me. When I shall die, and attain complete tranquility?

22nd February 1929 :

Throughout the day the longing for death, and thought about prefer-ability of death over life, persisted. Every thought that came to the mind was of longing for death.

 Going deeper in to the state with the absence of outside feelings is layavastha. There is a greater state which we can safely call "death of death". A man who reaches this condition never returns after the span of life is over. It is in this condition that the man actually feels that he is dead in such a very suitable way that the idea of death hardly subsists. That means it goes very very deep to the deepest core of the being, and the condition becomes part and parcel of life.

25th February 1929 :

Experienced evil thoughts at times, and also attachment for them. In the night saw a saint in the dream. He congratulated  me that I had crossed one stage, and said that the next one was also shortly going to be crossed.

26th February 1929 :

Thoughts  of sensuousness at the time of poojaa (meditation) in the morning.

27th February 1929 :

Thoughts of sensuousness from a little before the evening Satsang. I was in no mood for Satsang but when I thought I missing it, I experience a desire to sit there in.

When a man, on his march to freedom, reaches the trikuti or cavernous plexus such conditions occur. The symptom of reaching there is that the abhyaasee feels darkness around even in the sunshine.

01st March 1929 :

No change. In the night it occurred to me that I did not love my Guru. I was at a loss to understand how such love could be generated.

02nd March 1929 :

Last night while Master was transmitting I felt a sort of echo, and a rustling sensation from the middle of he backbone going upwards.

In the Sahaj Marg System during our march we come across different experiences relating to the different regions. The points of the spinal cord also begin to give energy for the approach.

Revered Guide may you live long!

I have to submit that I failed to find topics daily to record in the diary. The reason is that there is much preoccupation in the Court work which hinders the path. But God's will is to be obeyed .

My general condition, as I have been writing to you from time to time, is the same. but one thing has been added. Whenever I indulge in any worldly or spiritual assignment I feel I do not know wether the work is being done by me or by some secret being. Only a machine seems to be in action. even if I try to assure myself that it is I who am working, the doer is not perceived. In other words it seems as if various faculties, bestowed by God for different purposes, are working in their own accord. The hand does the work of writing etc. but I am unable to know who is working, because neither do I seem to be working nor does any other being appear to work. If I take myself to be a machine, it will perhaps explain my condition. My condition is like that of a pan of a balance. When some weight is kept on one pan it becomes heavier, and when the weight is removed both pans become balanced. To me this is analogy illustrates my total condition.

I dreamt that a fellow brother is telling me that Revered Master has sent a letter which contains two instructions for me. The first is that I am to consider the home as jungle. The other slipped from my memory, and I failed to comprehend its significance. Later, I saw a saint. He transmitted to me at Aligarh railway station. Then I dreamed that I was crossing a river which had a dry passage in the middle and the saint was standing on the other bank which was quite high. When I reached him he grasped my hands and pull me up. there after Revered Master transmitted to me.

Next day I saw Revered Master in a dream. I saw that I sass sitting on the floor at a distance of about four yards from him. The emotion of love was in full sway and intense to such an extent that I was totally unconscious, and some force in the head was pulling me  upward. Seeing this my Master beckoned to me to sit closer to Him and then I woke up.

Since a few days my condition was become such that when ever I think of doing some thing, lethargy does not permit me to do it. Every work is being procrastinated. If new clothes are to stitched, the time never comes for it. in case some ones across I ask him to do the work, otherwise not. Mostly I am not conscious of any other personal requirement excepting food. Very often I forget my meals. If my coat is short of a button, the missing button is replaced. There is procrastination and in difference in every work, particularly my personal work.

Revered Guide of both the worlds. May you live long!

With respects I submit that I am nothing the diary below, for the period 03rd to 29th March 1929. I was at Fatehgarh from the 29th of March till the 01st of April. After that the mind remained  puzzled due to indisposition and I could not make notes. I have started nothing agin nothing from the 11th April.

07th March 1929 :

The condition which formally used to prevail is changing. At times philosophical thoughts about nature and God resounded in the mind, but I paid no heed to them.

08th March 1929 :

Same condition prevails. I the evening felt anger over trifling things.

09th March 1929 :

In the evening you kindly transmitted at your end and I felt lustrous thought roaming in my mind. After that the condition that was colorless as long as I sat. In the night I dreamt I passed the examination. I do not know what examination. I was weeping in an over flow of love and was offering thanks to God.

11th March 1929 :

Condition unchanged. At 09.00 in the night thoughts regrading the creation of the Universe began to resound in the mind. I did not pay much attention to them. In the course of the former thoughts the troth regrading sat, raj, and tam began to be reflected before the mind's eye.

 I have already clarified those thoughts with you.

12th to 15th March 1929 :

No change.

17th March 1929 :

Flames of anger flared up during meditation in the morning. During the day the condition remained such that the world seemed to be a dream.

18th March 1929 :

In the evening, when I participated in the Satasng, for a fraction of a second I was in 'Samaadhee' and had a vague idea of some yellow color. Probably this idea may have been caused by constantly listening to talk about color.

19th March 1929 :

In the evening my inner condition was having its effect on the outer. The entire world was merged in one and the same state. Unconsciously I was transmitting to the whole of Shahjahanpur. I tried to restrain the effects of transmission but I was helpless. The effect was emanating of its own accord from some inner sours. At 11.00 in the morning I again felt that deserving recipients were getting transmission from me.

20th to 24th March 1929 :

Condition unchanged.

25th March 1929 :

Irritated mood.

26th to 28th March 1929 :

condition unchanged.

29th March to 01st April 1929 :

Dreamt that I have received a letter where in the following is written -

To whom the glory justly due
To those who tried and hate subdue.

Revered Guide of both the worlds. You may live long!

My condition is as follows :
At times I am stationed at the highest pinnacle of imminence, while at others I fail even to see things at the back of my foot. Some times I find myself in a very subtle state, and feel that my thought is connected with some thing extremely subtle which gives extreme pleasure but does not seem to be related to the senses. and some times evil thoughts disturb me so much that I take myself to be a man of the world who has not even known alpha and omega of spirituality.

20th to 22nd April 1929 :

No change.

23rd April 1929 :

Between 10.00 and 11.00 A.M. in the morning it was felt that every human being resembled the Master. This feeling is experienced from time to time. Its revelation is like a bubble. This state has not developed so far.

27th April 1929 :


felt at about 09.00 in the night that a current of pure spirituality was emanating from me and going out, and a thought came to mind that similarly a current imitated from God at the time of creation of the universe, and creation came in to begin. Even now that current is the sambaed unchanged, provided it is seen with eyes of the heart.

28th April to 01st May 1929 :

No change.

02nd May 1929 :

Saw Revered Laalaaji during the night. No change.

03rd to 05th May 1929 :

condition unchanged.

14th May 1929 :

There was some liveliness in the morning after Samaadhee. Felt at about 11.00 that the Universe was replete with Divine love.

15th to 17th May 1929 :

No change.

18th May 1929 :

Saw a saint in a dream. I begin to weep under the emotion of love.

19th and 20th May 1929 :

No change.

21st May 1929 :

A revered saint was present was present in my dream. He said that my being had entered the tejas of the Revered Master, and I ought to be thoughtful of the tejas. I thought how I should meditate on tejas. Thereafter some person asked me to go home. The saint stated that I could accompany him in a car.

22nd May 1929 :

In the evening my condition remained such that I felt myself to be worthy of reverence, and it behove others to pay homage to me.

23rd and 24th May 1929 :

All though the day the above condition prevailed that others were to pay homage to me.

25th to 28th May 1929 :

Condition unchanged.

29th May 1929 :

Dreamt that I was going in an 'ekka' to the residence of Master. On the way a Faqir with a stick in hand met me. I touched the stick. He, too, accompanied me and derived benefit by sitting in the company of my Master. After submitting my salutation I touched the feet of my Master who remarked that I should His feet. Beyond that I do not recollect.

30th May to 03rd June 1929 :

Condition unchanged.

04th June 1929 :

Dreamt that I was going to Fatehgarh with some saint, and a crowd was traveling with me. It seemed that Fatehgarh, from theta  point, was of several days journey. Passing through all the stages I reached a place from where Fatehgarh was the next stage. Some thing had become visible one stage prior to the destination, but all of sudden the saint fell ill, and so I could not move from there. I woke up after some time.

05th to 07th June 1929 :

Condition unchanged.

08th June 1929 :

In the night there were many experiences which I felt in respect of the revelation of my condition. On awakening in the morning I forget every thing.

15th August 1929 : 

In a dream I saw Revered Mahatma Ji present with another saint. The saint was transmitting to me and and extreme peace prevailed. Master has asked the saint to give such a transmission to me that may not sleep. There was another Holy man there. Probably he was the person who resided with a saint at Bhogaon. He pointed out that Mahatma Ji was going to own every body, and requested to him to leave at least one person for him. Thereupon Mahatma ji laughed and did not say any thing (date not remembered). I saw another dream. I am going some where with school boys, accompanied of you(my Master) and another saint. You(my Master) have given one transmission to me. While walking I have come to a place where a passage is formed, and a vast grossness  filed spreads beyond. There is no water, but it gives a false idea of wetness. By seeing it one feels much refreshed and soothed. In short I enjoyed a nice walk in the dream. Beyond that I do not recollect.

On the way we came across a rover which was very wide. Just after some distance from the middle a passage was formed which was steep below and ran rising up wards. You (Revered Master) and I crossed the river. There was some water on the way. We thought that our feet would get wet. But water had no effect. Neither the clothes nor our feet were drenched. Then I came to my 'baithak' (assembly room) where my father used to sit. There a great Muslim Divine was present along with another saint and a personage. I did not recognize that personage. The great Muslim Divine asked that that personage to inspect my backbone. So my shirt was removed and the inspection was made. He seemed to be pleased with me. He remarked that the condition was very good, and there was some hint regarding the emotion of love which I bore for my Guru. He directed me to request Mahatma Ji Maharaj to pay special attention and to give special instruction to my humble self. I intimate Revered Laalaaji Saaheb accordingly. He also asked me to keep him informed regarding my condition. What he meant at that time seemed to me as if my humble self had been ordered by him to look towards him also.

01st November 1929 :

At noon the condition became intense. Dreamt in the night that I was having a 'Tonga' ride in Lucknow. I lost my way. Mahatma Ji came and guided me. Then I came on the right path. There was a 'Kothi' (A large house of birches or stone) there, and there were trees of different species. I paid no head to them. Moving from there I reached a room some where. The door of the room was closed from outside and there was no way visible. Mahatma Ji Maharaaj opened the door and took me out. And I felt as if I had been given an exile in the forest for twelve years and that was why the calamity had befallen me. There the picture of the 'Pandavaas' exile appeared before my eyes and I found that I was one of the 'Pandavaas'. Arjun is in fetters and chains. Bhima is sitting near the kitchen. Seeing the plight of Arjun I became much displeased because I considered myself to be on of the 'Paandavas'. I do not recollect weather I took my self to be 'Bheema' of 'Nakula', or one of the other brothers. I desired to punish the captors of 'Arjun'. But I came to know through 'Bheema' the only five minutes remained for the exile period of twelve years to end. So I restrained my self. The limit of twelve years period expired and I woke up. During the dream in my thoughts and those of the 'Pandavas' there was only this difference that the 'Pandavas' considered Lord Krishna as their Master while I took Guru Maharaj as my Master.

02nd November 1929 :

Condition unchanged. During the night the state 'I am the Master' came in to being.

03rd November 1929 :

Condition became intense at the time of noon and it was felt that some thought current was descending from head to feet and 'anahat' ('unstuck sound' heard when the spirit merges with the absolute) was in the sway, and the sound vibrations were being produced resounding in side the body. Dreamt at night that I was sitting across a bride with two brothers an a 'fakir'. The 'fakir' wanted to give transmission to me. But one of the brothers told him that I was initiated and he could not give transmission to me. The 'fakir' did not care and gave transmission to me. But was of no avail. Then one of the brothers began to transmit to me. But the other brother absorbed all of the transmission.The transmitting brother informed me that he very much wanted to be attentive to me but other people restrained him from doing so. For example transmission had been given to me but had been absorbed by the other.

Ana-hat-music of the spheres.

There is a sound ever peasant internally, which is not heard except by those who, by Divine Grace, have developed inner perception. This is Ana-hat Ajapa.

Be meditate on the heart. during the meditation be naturally go deeper and deeper, till we come across the natural vibrations which are sounded "Om". It is a clue that one has started touching the "Upper" which ultimately reveals its own character. When 'agape' is felt in the heart, it begins to travel all over giving its stress at the 'Plexus', till it is felt throughout the entire being. 'Ana-hat' really begins when one arrives on his march at the 'trikuti' or 'the cavernous plexus', if charging there is in full sway. In any case, if 'anahat' is not started while as abhyaasee has his reach in the 'cavernous plexus', then it is duty of the Master to start it at that point. This is the time mature for it. It can be take even earlier, but Master is only authority to judge it.


04th November 1929 :

Condition unchanged.

05th November 1929 :

At 10.00 A.M. I was going to court on an 'ekka'. On the  way a powerful thought of "I am the Guru" came in to being and I felt that I was the Master of the whole Universe, and that the entire world was running to my orders. I have described this condition in my letter which you (my Master) have perused.

06th November 1929 :

The thought of "I am the Guru" in sway

10th November 1929 :

No change.

11th November 1929 :

The inner condition condition came to the force. This happened at 11.00 in the miring.

12th November 1929 :

Felt some what uneasy at 10.00 A.M. Longed to sit in some forest and be freed from the house-hold worries which created heat in the mind. In the evening felt much anger and had its effect for a long time.

13th November 1929 :

condition for self-forgetfulness unchanged. It became more intense in the afternoon.

14th to 16th November 1929 :

No change. Felt liveliness at noon.

20th November 1929 :

At about 10.00 A.M., it was felt that all the souls were from the Guru Ji Maharaj. This state lasted for a short time. Thee was intensity at noon. The above mentioned condition comes to the fore frequently but has has not attained permanency.

21st to 23rd November 1929 :

Condition unchanged. Intensity increased.

24th November 1029 :

Much intensity prevailed during the day and it was felt as if my faculties were awakened and directly related to the 'Parabrahmanda' or 'macrocosm'

25th November 1929 :

In the morning I went to the house of a Physician to get medicine. I went by a short cut which passed through a grave-yard. I was about to reach the physician's house hen a spiritual state commenced, in which the effulgence of Guru Maharaj was pervading all over, and the condition of this effulgence was very pleasant. This though was coming in to being that it was I who made the trees grow and rendered them fruit - bearing, and bestowed fertility to the earth and so on. I tried to phenomenon. Nut the liveliness lasted for about two hours and then began to diminish. However this state was more in evidence in the jungle but comparatively less in inhabited places.

26th November 1929 :

Condition unchanged.

27th November 1929 :

Saw Guru Ji Maharaj and another saint in a dream. Forgot the dream but remember this much that I derived benefit.

28th November 1929 :

At night, at the time of going to sleep, I felt that there is thought line with the saints of the past and they are attentive towards me. Their eyes are focussed on me. I the night I dreamt that there is a guardian with a temple in it, and near the temple there is terrace. Lord Krishna is standing on that terrace on seeing me Lord Krishna came down the terrace and embraced me. I became over whelped with the love of Guru ji Maharaj and began to weep in His memory. One surprising thing which I marked was that while embracing me Lord Krishna merged with my body, and on the merger I felt that my body was subtle from head to foot. I was conscious of the sublet body just as a wrestler and a worshiper of physique experience sturdiness in the body. Even during sleep I felt myself to be wide awake after this dream. This state of feeling the body to be subtle lasted the whole night and was felt on awakening also.

29th November 1929 :

Condition unchanged. At 07.00 in the evening I felt that the eyes of the saints of the past are focused on me. I experienced this phenomenon when I went in to meditation.

30th November 1929 :

I was going to the court at 10.30 A.M. Felt at that time that I and the Master of the Universe. This Divine condition prevails all the time these days. On the slightest activity in the network of thought the process of feeling commences.

Revered Guide of both the worlds, may God bless you!

After salutations it is submitted that I cosier it necessary to inform you of conditions that have prevailed over me in the near past or are prevailing at present.

On first November 1029 at about 08.00 in the night inner condition expanded and by means of phenomenon a picture of my own condition came before my eyes. That condition pervaded the whole body from head to foot. So to say it had drowned in it. And that conniption was producing the idea of 'I am the Guru' from head to foot. That is to say every thing having been devolved in that condition had become real, and was proclaiming it by the slogan "I am the Guru" silently but enthusiastically. Courage was boundless. The feeling was present that I could do every thing, and I considered myself to be Master of every thing. For a while I remain absorbed in this thought. But having limitless courage and the coming of such thought, I took to be ego. So, coming out of the condition in which I was deep down, I remained diverted towards lighter thoughts so that the thoughts of possession and omnipotence (which I had taken to be ego) might not be experienced.

Remained diverted to this phenomenon for some time. Later on I retired for the night after taking my meals. At about 100.00 in the night I began to recite a bhajan "mine is God - and non else". Again that phenomenon came in to being. The above mentioned condition is frequently experienced during day time. Self-forgetfulness is experienced. The condition of forgetfulness and moderation mostly remains and makes me feel dissolution.

On 08.11.1929 I felt that events that are happening in town seem to be waving within me. on thinking of somebody, or on coming across somebody, his character and all the troubles and comforts of his future life are mirrored before the eyes. In case the thought grows stronger, that which shall happen to them in the next birth begins to become evident. I do not pay heed to this condition. Events happening in the town, and the atmosphere prevailing over the town, are constantly producing waves. Pain is frequently caused and, at times, acts like a stone in silent waters. These conditions often come intensely and I have been duly informing your Holiness because, to my imperfect thinking, that state was not to my linking and seemed to be a trap. The position is in keeping with the line -

"Enlightenment of intellect!
thou hast become my trouble"
.

At this time events which are happening and the events which are forming waives i.e., which have not yet happened, are both experienced. Some power particularly retsinas my thought from being inclined towards such events, and does not help in reading the present future events that are taking place in the town. This power puts the thoughts in to fetters and chains, but even then the thought runs to them to some extent, and waves remain as they are.

The other significant thing which is to be brought to the notice of your Holiness is as follows : ( this will reveal my moral condition to you). I am so much harassed in the house that at times I feel like running away from the house while at others I have a mind to cause injury to myself, though I am helpless. As soon I reach home either one or the other method is adapted that either I feel angry for nothing or I am forced to resort to indecency. This why I inculcated the habit of anger. Due to this I have to undergo many losses, as for instance the breaking of some article. Anger is mostly confined to the home only. In seclusion, when God is particularly benign, I find solace. Otherwise some such thing is presented, the acceptance of which is either against reason or wish and the not doing of which is advisable. Such things occur mostly when I return from the court, or am tired after hard labour. Some has said, "The thorns of the Homeland are better than roses and raihan." Anger flares up very quickly and for trifling matters, but when it subsides there is no animosity or ill-will. Rather I feel inclined to touch his feet. Because of having become habituated to anger at home, some excuse or the other is sought for becoming angry. A few months back this state had diminished to a large extent. Now it has increased a lot and tamper has often become peevish. Many spiritual problems and many insoluble propositions present themselves of their own accord, but when there is purity in great measure they are solved. The observations which I have been hearing from time to time from our saints help like axioms of Euclid in solving the knots, and act as lamps on the way side. But such things do not give me any pleasure as I am in the least inclined towards them. My only concern is with the Master.

May God bestow eternal grace on you.

After due salutations I have to submit theta before submitting my diary for your perusal I am nothing down some conditions in concise form. Thoughts of masterhood and omnipotence are always present; for instance the thought that it is because of me that there is growth in trees; I give life to animate objects, and all the activity in the world is a manifestation of my power. I am the Master of the entire universe; the warmth in the sun is from me; it is my law of nature which is working in the world, and so on. These conditions, as described by Lord Krishna in Gita, are being experienced by me and seem to be eternal. Love is becoming world-wide. The curtain of separate-ness has disappeared. The defects and imperfections of others do not come in to view. I pray every moment voluntarily for the well-being and good of man. And what ever I get, I share with all. When I find some one in trouble, or see somebody entrapped an any particular thought of worldliness or devilry, my hands go up in prayer as if it has become my second nature. I feel one and the same condition in side and out side. That is to say, the thought running in mind towards spirituality is felt to be in such a condition of subtlety that it cannot be likened even to the subtlest possible thing. In it neither any colour nor shape, nor any fervour, and it is always in the same condition. The same condition is felt to be pervading the whole world, but in a berry subtle manner. I am always respectful with a particular conditi


01st December 1929 : Left for Kanpur. Felt liveliness during the journey.

02nd December 1929 : Stay at Kanpur since afternoon. Felt intense liveliness.

03rd to 05th December 1929 : Condition unchanged.

06th December 1929 : Since miring it was experienced that every atom had a Godly condition, and felt affection for every atom. Meditating upward on the head it was experienced that an everlasting effulgence was descending over the head, and a saint was sitting there engaged in the remembrance of God.

07th December 1929 : The above condition unchanged. In the night saw in a dream that my Master sitting on the upper side of the cot (at the head-side of the bed) and I was sitting at the nether-side (foot-side of the bed). He told me that He was much pleased with me for I had worked very hard and, with my hard work, had merged in Him. He put His hand on that part of my face where beard grows and remarked that such and such parts of my face resembled His and He bestowed a boon upon me.

08th December 1929 : At about 10.00 in the morning it was felt that my thought was going ot such a place which had pitch darkness. The colour of that darkness coulees be likened to that time of the dawn when the face of a man is not visible. The same day I went to village 'Brnai'. There at noon I felt that a subtle current was emanating from my body which was giving life and freshening up the whole world.

09th December 1929
: At 08.00 in the morning there was much detachment (asceticism) in me, and I yearned to go to 'Lakshmanjhoolaa' at Rishikesh in the Hills. The imaginary picture had formed of Master's play (the acts of a deity as performed at pleasure, esp. those of the avatars - Rama Krishna) with it; I was like insane, taking food with Him and doing things which children usually do. The same day at about 11.30 in the miring I felt a desire to run away from the court to a field some where, where there was absolute solitude. No such place was nearby. So I was desirous to sit in remembrance of God in some species field at Lodhipur (a village) across the railway-bridge. But it seemed that the reins were in the hands of some body else who did not permit to go. In the evening every person seemed to have the form of the Master. His being was manifest in animate objects, minerals and vegetation and this condition became very intense in the evening at 06.00 P.M.

13th December 1929 : Condition remained unpleasant.

14th December 1929 : Condition remained unpleasant till 11.00 O'clock. It transpired that it was a Divine blissful condition. After 01.00 O'clock bliss was experienced but it was disturbed in the record-room. After that the condition was felt to be easy, so much so that the next day hollowness increased.

15th to 17th December 1929 : Condition was pleasant, and subtlety increased.

19th to 23 December 1929 :

No special change in the condition.

24th to 31st December 1929 :

Stayed in a village where I couldn't write the diary. I repeat that I feel that I am directly connected with the world above. Formally I used to see God. Now God sees me. Eyes of the saints of the past are directly focused on me and I often see the Divine glow of their eyes.

Master's reply :

My dear brother with blessings of your development I have to say that what you have described in respect of your progress and stages of development, May God make auspicious. They are not manifestation of ego, rather they are encouraging. You should be thankful for them. They will then disappear. If they attributed to God then there is no conceit. Since they are from God one has no hand in it. "This boon is not got by the might of arm if it is not bestowed by God, the bountiful". Condition of condition-less-sens  is good, and this is lasting. It is good to be tormented. Home is the school for tolerance and meekness. According to one way of thinking, patience in such things is considered to be penance, and is superior to other kinds of penances. So instead of sorrow and resentment one should resort to 'ghairat' ( 'ghairat' is a feeling that a person himself is at fault, although really he is not at fault). Repentance is that emotion when one, being abused and chided by others, feels as if one himself is at fault, and then one had to resort to patience. For others, jungles, seclusion and solitude are the ways of achieving patience, endurance, and freedom from the turmoils of the world, while for us the scoldings, taunts and scoffs of the family members, friends and worldly persons are true penance. God willing submissiveness and surrender also shall follow.

Reply to my letter from the Revered Mahatma Ji Maharaj ;

Dear brother,

Blessings. Got your letter and it gave pleasure to my heart. May God bestow His blessings and favours on you and take you to high stages. At one time I was anxious that none of my companions should so develop that even if they are not worthy to be dust of the feet of the saints of the past, they, at least, might not be a stigma to pay to my humble self. thank God! due to the blessings of great saints such symptoms are in evidence now which show that they enjoy the Divine blessings, and it is very probable that you, too, may be one of them. All this is the gift of saints, but this boon is not because of the might of the arm, and cannot be obtained unless and until it is bestowed by God, the bountiful. The love, companionship and affection of your preceptor is to be considered enough. By God he is a man of love. Love alone is a dynamic thing. May God keep you and others under the shadow of His benignity.

I have great hope from dear Rameshwar Prasad. He too is a man of love. May the all pervading bountifulness of God provide him with the patronage and affection of the great saints so that his determination of object may assume permanent shape. Brother, disciples are numerous and guides vey rare. These days even disciples are to be found very sparingly. This is a boon of the saints of the order that distinction cannot be made between the disciples and our associates, otherwise it is very difficult to be a disciple. When ever the associates get the effect of companionship or feel the breeze of gaze they, for a while, are awakened and again slip away when the fire becomes and stop attending the Satsang. Their personal attachment and emotion is in name only. But even this is enough that when ever a wave comes they begin to wave. They are men who keep the feet of their determination firm even without any goading. What is grievance against so and so? They are the companions of opium, charas (a resinous preparation of hemp, cannabis) and ganja. If these are used they are present. (those friends are they? They only smoke and slip away). When blessings of God descend  they also have a fit and then and the revert to their original condition. What is there to complain about pundit so and so. I feel perhaps in whole year the average shall be two months  when he flairs up. Even then there is sometimes a craze for news paper and some times for drama. The crux of the matter is that he alone is successful whom he attracts. You and I beat hands and feet for nothing. When the proper time comes all those people will come to the right path by and by. Emotions and sanskars (an inborn power or faculty) of every body body are different and, accordingly, there is a separate time for each one. I intended to go to Allahabad, but I have become old. There is much cold and so courage fails. Hazards of a trainer been loaded in a goods train was not considered proper. So I gave up the idea for the time being. Can't say what friends there, who awaited me very anxiously and who had take entire responsibility for all my comforts, will think. Now I intend to go to Konch, when ever it is ordained by Him and my livelihood takes me there. Shall go to Allahabad in February. Recently doctors in Europe have discovered that if the face has sufficient growth hair (which is called beard) there is a natural support to combat dental deceases, and troubles are lessened. So, if you feel inclined to have the courage to put up with the taunts and scoffs of people, then let the hair grow. Love to children.

Your well-wisher,
Ram Chandra
From Fatehgarh


IV

1930

Revered Guide of both the worlds. May you live long!

After salutation I have to submit that before nothing down my diary of January 1930, I am writing some thing as synopsis which throws light on my condition. In every atom of the universe i.e. in minerals, vegetation and animate beings I feel thee manifestation of the Real Being as I have mentioned in my privies diary. Now the difference is that this condition is becoming very subtle. That is to say this realization is becoming very subtle and delicate, but the feeling of "the world is nothing but the reflection of the face of the friend" prevails. The sense of self-hood and my-sens has totally vanished. God has bestowed on me the worldly comforts of house, zamidari etc. also, but I have not the least attachment to them. That is, due to your kindness I now don feel myself attached with any thing. So to say I have broken the links. The world seems to be playing a role in the theatre, and I am enjoying their play. And thereby I derive the same pleasure which men do when they see the drama after purchasing ticket and are happy.

There seems to be uniformity in love. Ties of relationship seem to have been severed. I have as much respect for my servant as for my respected father. I have as much love for the sons of other people as I feel for my own sons. I have as much regard for a dog as I have for my own person, as if my own existence and that of a dog are identical. I also consider gold and earth to be the same. I see the poise and the wicked with one eye.

The second phenomenon is that I often weep out of love for God's creation, and consider the remains of their food to be a secured Prasaad and get much inclined to eat the food left over by others. One may belong to any caste or creed, but I consider taking his left over food permissible as Prasaad. Existence seems to be non existent. Formally I used not to feel my own existence, and now the existence of none is left. A few months back I used to pay homage to my own self. Now take the entire world to be worthy of homage and respect. I feel darkness inside and outside too. Inspire of the light of the sun the notion of darkness is there. I feel the influence of the inner on the outer. Now wonder if the inner and the outer become one. One thing is always felt on meditation that the effect of he condition of the Master is pervading in to my inner self, and that is different from transmission.

For the last few days I have constantly been feeling that the sacred beings of the saints of the past are in oneness with my being. I cannot elucidate this condition further. There is spiritual ipso-facto absorption while sitting, getting up, sleeping or awakening, but this does not give satisfaction, and there is a craving for more absorption.

01st January 1930 :

Condition unchanged, but more intense.

03rd to 04th January 1930 :

No change.

05th January 1930 :

Love for fellow beings remained very intense and I often wept.

06th January 1930 :

At about 10.00 in the morning while taking meals I felt that people of the world and particularly wife and sons were selfish. This thought repeatedly came like an experience.

07th January 1930 :

The above condition prevailed and the following condition exists. "I become you, you become me. I become body, you become soul, so that none may say after this that I and you are different". All along the day condition remained like the after effects one feels after intoxication. It was unpleasant.

08th January 1930 :

Today also remained similar. At about one P.M. bliss was felt to be descending. Unpleasantness continued up to 06.00 P.M. only. At 06.30 in the evening a very forceful bliss descended. I began to recite this verse.

"Longing for sealing the head is now in our heart".
"It is to be seen how much strength there is in the arm of our assassin."

Condition was very inspirational and remained so far long. In the night saw a saint in a dream. Dreamt that I called upon him after partaking of some food at the house of a relative. The saint was relaxing on a cot. That day was Janmashtami. I submitted that the day was Janmashtmi and I had observed fast to bring digestion in order. He asked me with great affection to lie down on his cot. So I lay down. After that I do not remember the dream.

09th January 1930 :

In the morning condition remained very serene and pleasant, and this sentiment prevailed that it was permissible to partake of food left over by any body. I felt much inclined to do so since I felt that Guru Ji Maharaj was present in every body and the left over food would be equivalent to prasaad (propitiatory offering or gift, boon, blessing [food offered to an idol] the remnants of such food).

10th January 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

11th January 1930 :

No change. Felt from 05.30 to 07.00 P.M., that I was transmitting to the entire world with absorption. During the night the absorption was more intense.

12th January 1930 :

While sleeping in the noon I dreamt that at some place the floor was carpeted and some persons were sitting there. One of them asked me to explain the method of my sadhana. I did so and gave him strong transmission from the point of the heart. When I woke up I felt that I was transmitting. Absorption was intense during the night.

13th January 1930 :

Condition could not be experienced because of influenza, temperature and body ache though I felt oneness in condition.

14th January 1930 :

The above mentioned condition lasted the whole day. In the evening while I was sitting I felt that nothing has its existence. All the people seemed to be like pictures on the cinema screen.

15th January 1930 :

The above condition prevailed.

16th to 21st January 1930 :

Felt that I do not have entangling love for my mother, father and brother etc. Oneness in affection was felt. Ties of worldly relations also seemed to have been served.

22nd January 1930 :

In the evening sat in mediation. Intense condition of love was generated and I strongly felt on urge to recite loudly the following couplet of Kabeer ecstasy :

"Doors and walls are mirrors,
where ever I glance I see thee.
pebbles, stones and broken pieces
have become looking glass for me".

And clasping your feet I wanted to weep excessively. And in that very condition prayed that God may bestow more love on my brothers.

23rd January 1930 :

While I was having my meals at about 10.00 in the morning, I experience an emotion which urged me to pay homage to everybody, an I was paying respects from the core of my heart.

24th January 1930 :

The above condition prevailed. Felt at about 09.00 in the night that my my-ness and selfhood had totally vanished and that I had no attachment with any thing. Existence seemed to be non-existent.

25th January 1930 :

The above condition prevailed through out the day. At 05.30 in the evening when I was buying vegetables in the market I felt that the world was a theater and every body was playing a part, and that I was a spectator.

26th January 1930 :

The above condition prevailed the whole day. In the night I dreamt that I was sitting at your place with a Satsangee and you also were present. He sake me to transmit to him when I was beyond myself. You told him that I was beyond myself at all times. Then I left your place and went to the place of my late uncle. There Guru Ji Maharaj was sitting on the nether side of a cot with Pundit Rameshwar Prasaad. I remained standing as a mark of respect. Guru Ji Maharaj told me that I did not need to respectful as I was beyond myself. So I sat on the cot towards the upper end. Mahatma Ji asked me to partake of rice as my diet.

27th January 1930 :

There was much absorption during the day.

28th January 1930 :

At 10.00 in the morning I very much wanted to touch the feet of every body. Emotion of love for fellow beings was very intense. In the evening on returning from the Court I became enraged for not getting refreshment according to taste, and anger became intense at 09.00 in the night.

29th January 1930 :

The condition which had been prevailing for the last few days, that existence was non-existent, became very intense, and the existence of every thing seemed to have vanished. During the night pangs for union with friend God were very acute and on that count, there was a sort of nervousness. Condition was like that of a man who has been plunged to water and endeavours to come out of the water.

30th January 1930 :

Pains were acute in the morning also. Felt at 10.00 in the morning that there was no difference between me and a filthy dog, and there seemed to be darkness every where in spite of the light of the sun. Dreamt in the night that you strongly transmitted to me along with others of the assembly, and that I presented gold buttons to you as a mark of affection. You remarked that the buttons ought to have been accompanied by an apparel. I do not remember the dream after that, but I do recollect this much, during the dream, the contain was some what strange, the pleasure of which is known to the heart alone. Experienced a reeling sensation in the head on awakening.

31st January 1930 :

In the morning after meditation there was the feeling that the existence of saints of the past, of the Holy Prophet and of my self are all one and the same. This phenomenon was experienced through out the day. In the evening there was a feeling at your place that "I am every thing".

Letter to Master along with diary of February 1930 :

Revered guide of both the worlds! May you live long!

With respect I beg to say that before nothing down my diary for February 1930 I am writing down my condition. During this month over and above the condition which I have written to you from time to time, which seem to have assumed permanency, some new things have come in to being. The condition of "I am Brahma" or "I am every thing" prevailed and I have had fits from time to time. I deemed myself to be Rama, Krishna and other saints of the past the purity and bliss of the dust of whose feet cannot be compared with any worldly object, and are even beyond the comprehension of human intellect and understanding. When ever mention of any saint is made I feel that it is about me, and there arises not the least doubt or misgiving in this thought. It was also felt that it was not highest good, and I found my thought and surat soaring beyond this idea. The pangs were as usual. The sense of high connections were frequently intense and it was in such a manner that I felt the relationship with the saints of the the past to be very close, just as the water in two different cups becomes one when pored in ot one cup. Blessings of the saints seem to be raining down on me every moment. When I think of my God feel Him lost in the thought of my humble self. Rest is unchanged



01st February 1930 :

At 10.00. in the morning the feeling of "I am brahma" was very intense. In the evening when I went in to meditation with you I felt that I was in oneness with your being. A divine current did come from you, but this giving and taking seem to like a duty.

02nd February 1930 :

No change.

03rd February 1930 :

At 11.00 when I got up after taking food I felt that I was 'Rama' and 'Krishna'. At abbot 12.00 in the noon the feeling of "I am God" was experienced with intensity.

04th February 1930 :

Condition unchanged in the day. In the evening from 06.30 to 09.00 condition of peculiar intensity prevailed. In the night also condition remained intense and pleasant. Heart also throbbed a lot. I do not find the words to explain this condition. It will not be out of place to call this night the shab-e-qudr.

Shab-e-Qudr can literally be translated as esteemed night, or a night to be esteemed. Muslin believe that the shab-e-qudr occurs during Ramzan, and if a person remembers God during that night he acquires the merit of having remembered God for a  thousand nights. This term is used metaphysically in Urdu and Persian Literature.

05th February 1930 :

Condition unchanged. Dreamt in the night I was lying on a masher (canopied bed) and was indisposed. A dear relative was present there. There was some apprehension of cholera, but there was no pain what so ever. I was memory of Maharaj Ji. Beyond this I do not remember.

06th February 1930 :

Condition remained very pleasant till 10.00 in the morning. In the evening while sitting at your place I was in to Samaadhee for a fraction of a second. In the mean time some words reverberated in side me by themselves. The words were "what ever I have got I have given to you. What ever remains is also yours".

07th February 1930 :

Condition unchanged during the day. Dreamt after 04.00 in the morning that a group of fakirs was assembled. One of them who was called Swami Atmanand was also sitting and there was another person near him. I was feeling that Swami Atmanand was transmitting to me but I was certain that transmission was from my Guruji Mahraj. And I was weeping in memory of Guruji. In the mean time I also saw the Guru Ji. Beyond this I do not recollect any thing. I have never seen Swami Atmanand, but on inquiry, I cam to know that his features and face were identical with what I had seen in the dream.

08th February 1930 :

Condition unchanged

09th February 1930 :

In the night dreamt that Mahatma Maharaj had been with me for many days, and had transmitted to me a number of time during during Ji that period.

14th February 1930 :

Throughout the day thoughts of this effect came to mind that it was permissible to have hundreds of meditation to lead a man to the path of God, or to free him from worldly troubles. At 07.00 in the night the question of wright and wrong engaged my mind. What seemed to be the right thing was being absorbed and the wrong discarded. One thought that came to the mind was that it was wrong to steel or rob. Satsang is beneficial and imperative, but there is no harm if it is missed because of mankind.

15th to 19th February 1930 :

There was much intensity in the condition. Due to the indisposition of my respected father I had to keep away and run hither and thither. Condition of moderation prevailed in the mind.

26th February 1930 :

During the whole day I had a feeling of high connection with in myself, and felt close relationship with saints, living and bygone.

27th February 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

28th February 1930 :

Went to Lucknow and, at 03.00 in the afternoon, while returning, the feeling of "All is Brahma" was experienced, but it was light. Further I beg to say that when I am in sami-samaadhee state, or drowsiness prevails over me, I feel hundreds soundless things. If attention is pid many of those things may be comprehended. As for instance, the 'wall has fallen down, get it repaired. I will make payment, or if I do not gulp this much wine my name is not Nannhu, etc.' Even after much thought I failed to follow the significance of this.

Revered Master of both the worlds. May you live long!

After salutation I beg to submit that after noting down my diary for March 1930 I am giving a synopsis of events for your perusal. During February 1930 the feeling of 'I am Brahma prevailed. Now in March 1930 I went on experiencing that "all is Brahma". Condition is being experienced to be that of "without all and with all". This will perhaps be illustrated adequately by the following verse -

I am the slave of the courage of that person who forges relationship with a thing under the blue sky, and still remains free from it."

For some days there was a feeling that you were casting your influence direct on the heart to mend it. Now I find the condition of heart much better than before, though sensuousness has its light attacks some times even now. But such attacks do not last for more than half a minute or a minute. Minds seems to be slightly inclined towards moderation. Uneasiness prevails in shape or the other every moment. At times, due it its becoming very intense, uneasiness overtakes me, and there is intense desire for union with the friend, and longing for reaching the culmination is heightened. The emotion of love and the subtle relationship or connection is not restricted to this world alone. Rather it is felt to be existing with the spiritual world and with innumerable saints of the past as well. A very close  and direct relationship with the saints bygone is felt and, whenever I meditate, the springs of Divine grace seem to be deciding from above. Identical condition prevails both inside and outside. Every the condition of moderation seems to be overcast and there is a feeling that reality is being revealed, just as musk and rose fulfill the role of their creation by emanating their sweet smells instinctively, irrespective of the fact wether somebody's mind turns towards the containers of perfumes due to their sweet smells, or not. That is to say such a condition has come in to being within me in which the region of thoughts has expanded, and its expansion is felt to a very large extent but which I have restricted up to Shahjahanpur only due to my narrowness of vision. Included in that expansion I find the well being of humanity, their protection from calamities and their property to be my duty, and the effect of my transmission goes on of its own apart, unconsciously. When I am quiet transmission comes out of the mind and spreads in the span of that thought. Transmission is very soothing and the thought needs of that place seem to be fulfilled by the transmission of my humble-self.

01st March 1930 :

Feeling of "all is Brahma" remained remained unchanged. Dreamt in the night that a saint transmitted to me. I felt a sort of sensation in the head near the jaw. Then I requested a brother to recite a song but I woke up before he started reciting.

02nd and 03rd March 1930 :

Condition remained unchanged.

04th March 1930 :

Saw a dream in the night I recollect some part, that is, I am going some where at times in a car, and at time in some other conveyance, till I have arrived at some place on a roof. There was a path on coming down the roof, but the staircase was broken and unstable. I felt that it would come down with a weight of one man. There was darkness as well. All the surrounding roofs were in the dark. I had my young son in my lap. I did not dare to come down the stairs. The thought of Guru Ji Maharaj was there with me alright, but at that tome the thought of some great Muslim saint also came. With the coming of the thought there was gas-like light all of a sudden, and I immediately got down the stairs with courage. After that I woke up.

05th to 09th March 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

10th March 1930 :

Dreamt in the night that I was escorting my elder aunt to Lucknow. On alighting from the train I saw there was an exit which had a ladder affixed to go up. I climbed the ladder but the door was so narrow that it was impossible to enter through it. I tried to go up through the narrow door along with luggage. In the mean time the guard opened the door through which I reached up easily. From there I reached Kanpur. I went on talking with a friend while eating my bread. Meanwhile I noticed that some revered saint was weeping. I consoled her. She embraced me, calling me her son. another revered saint was also there. Derived benefit from him. On the same night my wife dreamt that I have from Kanpur, had been attacked by a cow, and that I was dead.

11th March 1930 :

As usual felt grace descending a number of times in court and, as a result of that grace, I wanted to go to sleep.

12th March 1930 :

During the night that at the 'trikuti' the sound i.e. 'shabda' reverberated in a manner similar to a faint sound which is produced by the sprouting forth of seed of a gram sown in a field.

13th March 1930 :

There was excess of sensuality unto 03.00 AM after 04.00 AM the condition of the heart was much relaxed, similar to that of a driver who feels relaxed when his engine reaches the destination, and the steam and fire are extinguished.

 14th March 1930 :

Dreamt that I am in a house at Aligarh. The arrival of Baaraat (Marriage part) was awaited there. It was to arrive from Kanpur or Fatehgarh, and would include, among the relations, the Master and revered saint. I remain in that house, and three days passed weeping in memory of the Master. Then the Baaraat arrived and the revered saint sat on an elevated terrace. When I began to climb over the terrace three monkeys rushed at me. I ordered one of them to come beneath one tree and the other one under another tree. They obeyed my order. The third monkey took me up in a flash to the revered saint. He was very pleased and remarked that I had served well. Then I went inside the room. Weeping and uneasiness continued. All the people were entertained with cold drinks, while I was given a pint of brandy which I was permitted to partake of by the revered saint. After that i woke up. Saw that the morning was quite advanced.

15th March 1930 :

Condition of mind was very pleasant and seemed to be within my control, and sensuality was absent.

17th March 1930 :

Felt slight pain to the right of 'trikuti' at 09.00 in the morning.

18th to 21st March 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

22nd March 1930 :

In the morning the condition was such that I was giving mild transmission to the whole of Shahjahanpur. This condition remained intense up to 10.00 on the morning.

23rd to 25th March 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

26th March 1930 :

Of its own accord the thought of Hazarat Mohammad dominated in the night, and the same thought continued when I woke up in the morning.

27th March 1930 :

Felt much expansion in thought, and realised that the sphere of my transmission which I had wrongly taken to be confined to Shahjahanpur alone, due to my shortsightedness, extended up to a very long distance. By looking beyond, eyes become dazzled and the limit does not seem to be visible. I felt that all the inhabitants of Shahjahanpur were receiving divine grace from me, and their prosperity and well-being seemed to be my responsibility.

28th March 1930 :

The above condition remain unchanged.

29th March 1930 :

Dreamt in the night that I was on a terrace along with another person. Meanwhile a tiger came out of a den. After that came two cubs, and smoke came out from the ear of the tiger. Seeing the tiger I began to run in side the house, and started to close the door, but that tiger came inside and tried to attack me. Meditating on the form of Guru Ji Maharaj I grappled with that tiger for some time but how could a man match a tiger? At last the pows became free foam my grasp. The tiger tried to devour me. I went on thinking of Guru Ji Maharaj but due to lack of love on my part no succour seem to be arriving. Helplessly I requested for some moments reprieve. The purpose  of reprieve was to meditate on Guru Ji Maharaj for a few moments at the last moment but it refuse to give me time. Then I told the tiger that if it devoured me I would curse it, and it entire race would become extinct. Because of this fear the tiger let me go.

Reply dated 12th April 1930 from Mahatma Ram Chandra Of Fatehgarh, the Guru of this humble Ram Chandra of Shahjahanpur, concerning previous diaries -

"My dear brother,

May God bless you with longevity.

I received your detailed letters in respect of your conditions. They were a sours of pleasure for my heart. The descent of Divine light and effulgence is a blessing of God. I want to shed light on your conditions, feelings and experiences one by one, and all this will be possible when I have time and leisure. I have been traveling, and even now the travel has not ended. Possibly I will be going to Etah tomorrow or the day after, and thence to Vrindaban. Return shall be by the evening of 20th April provided the pain permits me to travel. It has been troubling me for the last two days but it is not felt all the time. I has been decide to hold the annual gathering in the Month of Moharram. Intimation will be sent later on. At present, descent of more grace effulgence is expected. This stage of "all is Brahma" is intermediary. It is not lasting, and neither should one stay at this stage. Providence helping, you shall get the good news of stepping beyond this stage. Amen. The condition of other people there comes to my knowledge through the letters of your preceptor. I am grateful to the God for the conditions which descend upon one particular person. May God bless him with the permanency of those conditions. Other either do not describe them or lack the ability to give expression to their thoughts. But I think they do not feel them. Most of the people go on doing podia ritualistically. The real urge and pang and restlessness is not there, otherwise they would definitely have experienced the conditions, and every day a new life would have been infused in them. Nevertheless even this is enough and thousand times better than doing nothing. Your preceptor probably becomes nervous. He should be consoled. He is tender hearten. He becomes disturbed by excess of worries and troubles.

Respects to all. Love to children.

Your well-wisher,

Ram Chandra From Fatehgarh."

Letter to the Master along-with the diary of the month of April 1930 :

Revered Master both of the worlds. May you live long!

After salutations  Have to submit that I am noting down the synopsis of my diary for April 1930. Later on I shall give the events date wise. Formally the condition of "I am Brahma" prevailed. Then I went on experiencing "all is Brahma". Now it is neither of the two. godly thought in the mind is diving either in an endless ocean or a limitless barren expanse, and is still engaged in collecting mother of pearls ultimately. Thought seems to be inclined towards 'layavastha' or total absorption. Intellect is becoming acute day by day. Condition remains peaceful and some density is felt in this peace but not-withstanding this peace there is restlessness uneasiness. O God! when will this uneasiness end? One thing worth mentioning is this, that formerly I did not deem my self to be a fakir* and in case I did so there would have been pure artificiality and hypocrisy. Now in the current month a condition has come in to being of its own accord which tends to give the feeling of this humble self of being a fakir*.

*Fakir - a person who has subsistence for self and family for some time; and 'mission (humble, meek etc.) is one who has no subsistence even for one time. In 'Tasawwuf', a fakir is one who has lost his self. An Apostolic hadith says : "I take pride in fakiri and fakir is from me". Another hadith sais : "fakr is the blackening the face in the two worlds". When the face is blackened, it disappears. Hence a 'Fakir' is one who is self annihilated, even in this case.

Conditions which have passed seem to be within my control. When ever I desire the condition already gone through it comes back, although the revelations are not with in my power, nor I am attentive to them. All times, the moment the thought goes in to some thing it becomes revealed. At others, I fail to see even the back of my foot. There is no interest what so ever in the affairs of the world. While indulging in every thing I find myself free from them. When I view the human-beings I find the direction of their thoughts downwards i.e. towards worldly affair instead of being upwards i.e. towards God. In the in-rush of affection I long to divert their thoughts upwards, and for doing that I process sufficient courage but lack of strength. Ego talks to me face to face, and goes on repeating different types of worthless things, and this phenomenon happens more during semi-samaadhee, meditation or drowsiness.

01st April 1930 :

Nothing particular was left in the conniption. It remained as usual.

02nd April 1930 :

Dreamt in the night that I was inside a house with you, and a great Muslim saint was seated in the court-yard. I sat down to the left of the saint and noticed that a hand was shaking hands with him. I began to weep excessively in the memory of Guru Ji Maharaj. On the other side Guru Ji Maharaj was visible in a verandah, and he told me that it did not behoove one to weep at the time of initiation. The saint said some thing to divine Master which employed that there was nothing wrong in my case due to my love. Then putting my head on his palm he initiated me, and recited two couplets which probably contained promise and commitment.The couplets were in Persian. I followed the meaning at that time but later on forgot it. After that I return to my house. I asked the cook to prefer five loaves of bread of very big size but she prepared only three and told me that they were five in number. Saying this she went away at once. I was very angry with her when she returned. When I woke up I felt that the hand which had been having a hand shake with great divine was that of Prophet Mohammad*.

*Bay't - Paying homage by laying the palm of one's hand on that of another - a pir by preference. In the beginning, the Prophet used to receive homage from the people accepting Islam. The homage that was received from some people of Ta'if near Madina is called Bay'tul Rodwan. Secondly, it was promos taken from those who volunteered for Jihad (as per Webster it means - a Muslim holy war, 2. CRUSADE = a reforming interprise under taken with zeal) ; and thirdly it was taken from searchers after truth. I was, however, a question wether it is sunnat or mustahab or wajib or fard. Those who consider it 'fard' (a religious obligation) bring in the hadith, "search after knowledge is 'fard' on all Muslims, male or female."

03rd to 05th April 1930 :

Condition unchanged during the day. I did have the love feeling that my love was not confined to this world alone but was related to the spiritual world, and to the bygone saints as well.

06th April 1930 :

In the night I saw my Master in the dream. He was siting on a cot in my maternal house and ordered me to sit facing him. The preceptor, Pandit Rameshwar Prasad and my maternal uncle were present there. So also was my deceased cousin. Beyond that I do not recollect any thing.

07th April 1930 :

Felt more moderation in the condition.

08th to 12th April 1930 :

Condition as usual; remained moderate.

13th April 1930 :

At about 10.00 in the night I had a thought that my condition had commenced to be like that of a saint, and that much caution was needed.

14th April 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

15th April 1930 :

Condition was very peaceful in the night at bed time, and there was a feeling that a saint was transmitting to me from the seat of 'self'.

16th to 21st April 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

22nd April 1930 :

Thoughts of sensuality remained resounding in the evening, but as soon as they came they vanished like images in a theater and there was sort of circuit.

23rd to 26th April 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

27th April 1930 :

Had feeling that my condition was going to undergo some other change.

28th April 1930 :

In the evening had a pain in my chest. During meditation felt as if Mahatma Ji offered to message me if pain was very acute.

29th April 1930 :

Drizzle of thoughts very intense from 07.00 in the evening to 10.00 in the night. But they left as soon as they came.

30th April 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

Letter to the Master with diary May 1930

Revered Master of both the worlds! May you live long!

First I am giving the synopsis of my diary and will note the date-wise events after wards. In the head where thought is stationed, the condition is beyond both words and expressions. This much can be said that subtlety is on the increase day by day. The current which descends on the heart from above indicate subtlety in such a manner just as the feel of one grain of rice in a pot reveals weather the whole is cooked or not. The plan of political movement which is drawn in the mind is the plan of a battle-field. This I have verbally related to you. One note-worthy thing is that I feel I have taken birth in some heavenly sphere, and that my abode is there, and stay in this world is like that of a man who goes to the lavatory to ease himself. The condition of that place above can be described neither by the pen nor by the tung. Only an idea can be gathered from what follows, "just as if there is a star with its faint glitter in a clear sky at the time in between the dawn of the day and early morning. But the star vanish from sight and there is only a vague idea of the light; or it may be termed as pleasantness in a barren spot".

01st May 1930 :

In the evening I felt that the thoughts that have been soaring in space and thoughts which are connected to me are falling like moths.

02nd to 06th May 1930 :

Had fits of courage. Nothing else in particular was felt.

08th to 10th May 1930 :

The above mentioned political affair continues to prevail. The second thing which came in to being was the feeling that my birth was some where in the heavenly world, and I was a resident of that place.

11th May 1930 :

In the marooning satsang a problem occurred to mind of its own accord. Why is it that to an exterior looking man the grahsth fakirs seems to be apparently untangled in the affairs of the world? Since I am not much interested in this aspect I do not write the reasons for it.

13th May 1930 :

Death and life seem to be similar, and there was sos much detachment from the body that had somebody killed me I would not have minded it.

14th May 1930 :

The above mentioned condition prevailed.

15th 21st May 1930 :

Death and life seemed identical.

23rd to 25th May 1930 :

Condition was such "as if somebody was conferring grace on me".

29th and 30th May 1930 :

Felt as if the Krishna chakra was in motion to mend the Government, but there was much slowness. Nevertheless it has started moving.

Letter to the Master with copy of diary for June 1930 :

Shahjahanpur

Date - 06th July 1930 :

Master of both the worlds. May you live long!

After salutations I beg to submit that during the month of June my condition took a deep turn. The condition such prevailed prior to this was many times more intense. The existing condition can well be compared to a babool (acacia) tree which is neither green in the mont of shravan (name of the fifth lunar month of the Hindu calendar i.e. July/August) nor dry in the month of bhadon (Name shared by the third and fourth lunar asterisms). There is neither any effect of spring nor any fear of autumn. Formerly the thought was always diverted towards the mind, and I could intensify it at will, and I felt the condition of that point as well as the point where thought was stationed. Now none of these conditions exist. There is neither the conception of God nor His remembrance. Neither is total absorption felt nor self-consciousness. Nevertheless this conviction persist that I am diverting to Him, but being diverted is not felt. Some saint has said "Neither does thought reach there nor does wisdom has access to it ". This seems to be correct. Perchance a vast barren filled appears to my view for the fraction of a second, which intimates to me that that is my rendezvous, or the field of my activity.

Conditions such as the idea of possessiveness and power; seeing every one in the form of Guru Ji Maharaj; my love of God; considering the world to be a playground of nature; diversion of every body towards the world and ignorance of Real Being inspire of the fact that there are manifestations of the Real Being in every man; taking the above position to be the will of God and to regard man as hapless and innocent in this respect etc. ; all these conditions which were formerly experienced were felt this month also. The difference between the conditions that were formerly experienced and those which prevailed during June was only that the present was more subtle than the past, and stay in them was not as long. That is to say process of recurrence commenced but with more subtlety.

About three years back I had passed through the stage of fear of God which I had brought to your knowledge. That condition recurred this month, but formerly it had fear only while this time it had "loving fear"; just like a man who, having intense love for his beloved, keeps in his mind the caution that he may not deliberately or unconsciously commit any act which may go against the will of his beloved. In other words there is always fear in the background of such an idea, but this fear is now transformed in to love. The consciousness which I aspired to have since long has come to prevail because of your affection and kindness. When I get up from sleep I do not feel that I have been asleep, but experience that I was keeping awake. At times of awakening I feel that I have come out of samaadhee. Frequently on awakening I have felt that Nature is utilising me for some work. Undoubtedly there is this much difference between sleep and wakefulness that in sleep I act without control while in wakefulness I act with control. At times of awakening I realise what I was doing in the dream. The condition of the veils and chakras in which I sleep during my dreams becomes known some time like a vague idea. Methods of teaching come to their own accord to my comprehension in the form of symbols and metaphors, and my courage is increasing. Whenever I meditate I find the saints of the past and the present attentive to me like rays of the sun casting their full force on the equator.

Is this not a matter of pride for this humble-self to have the currents of divine grace (apart form the current which is ever flowing towards me), coming from the existing saints connected with me? I derive benefit from this, and the same condition prevails in this servant as is experienced by a subject. I have confirmed this many times and found it to be correct.

Due to kindness I have no worldly worries. There is worry only for the other the world. The more intense this worry, the stronger becomes the idea that I have not been able to provide for the otter world. I prefer death of life, and await it anxiously.

01st June 1930 :

The condition that usually prevails prevailed.

02nd June 1930 :

Saw a respected saint twice in the dream, and derived grace.

03rd June 1930 :

During the day the heart was fully charged, and the mind absorbed.

04th to 10th June 1930 :

I was on a journey.

11th to 14th June 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

15th June 1930 :

On looking at people I feel pity that they have forgotten themselves, and are involuntarily diverted towards the world under the influence of the destructive nature of time.

16th June 1930 :

God-fearing condition prevailed. Dreamt in the night that I was taking meals with you and another saint. I became tired of the food and began to take  a walk. Afterwards we three finished all the food. After that I went to a place where there was a house which had a gate. Some fellow satsangies were waiting there for a revered saint. I requested you to give a sitting. You asked me to conduct the satsang. I do not remember further.

17th June 1930 :

God-fearing condition unchanged. In the night I felt that some person with a dim silhouette extended his hands twice towards my heart.

18th June 1930 :

I dreamt that it was the occasion of Bhandaraa (spiritual gathering) and that I was lying with my feet towards the Master. Such a force had been filled in within me from head to foot that I could not getup. Although I felt that I was being unmannerly in having my feet pointing towards the Master, I was helpless. I asked to be lifted up by some body but no body was prepared to do so. Ultimately Master remarked that I was exhausted and some body was to lift me up. On this Pundit Rameshwar Prasad lifted me up. Then I had some conversation with revered saints which I do not recollect.

22nd June 1930 :

Sensuous thoughts kept intruding from time to time during the day. Dreamt in the night that some women were staying in my house (which was an old one and had now been reconstruct). I asked them to leave the house. they refused to do so. I told them I would see how they did not leave my house. They became silent which implied that they would leave it. (in view of my conservative ideas I took them to be the inmates of air). I asked those women to sit-down if they wanted salvation. One of them sat down. I began to transmit her. Then I woke up and felt that I was infect transmitting.

23rd June 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

24th June 1930 :

When I woke up in the morning the following the following verse was involuntarily on the tip of my tongue :

Even if the clouds pour the elixir of life
You cannot get fruit from a billow!
The rest is unchanged.



25th June 1930 :

Dreamt in the night that the Master was making circles in the air with one finger, and was explaining to me what was 'Fakir', 'Kabir' an 'Auliya'. He explained about reason of 'Auliya' and made me realised the condition of that region. I remembered it on awaking. Then I went to go to sleep again, and again dreamt that some people were assembled and that I was bitterly weeping in memory of Guru Ji Maharaj, And that he was bestowing divine bliss on me. I do not recollect any thing beyond this. When I woke up in the morning the condition was very soothing.

27th June 1930 :


Dreamt in the night that a saint inquired from me as to how the condition of virat is to be infused in a subject. I replied that probably its sketch was produced to be filled in the thought, and then transmitted to the heart of the subject, where it was then to be expanded by thought force. This was confirmed by the Master to be correct.

28th to 30th June 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

Letter to the Master with diary for July 1930 :

Respected Master Mine,

After salutations I submit that I had likened my self to a babul tree (Acacia) in the diary for June 1930. The condition is the same, but colorlessness and conditionlessness has increase to such an extent that bit inside and outside a colorless and condition-less state seems to pervading. One idea borne within me is this, that both my exterior and interior beings are beautiful, and I experience a sacred beauty. Particles of the body seems to be subtle and bright. One thing nevertheless produces fickle-mindedness frequently, that to say, both sacredness and profane-sens which are contrary are felt. A sacredness is experienced in the Brahmanda (The region of Universal Mind and pure matter. Second grand division of creation), and a profaneness in the Pind desh (Material-spiritual region, Region of individual mind and desire) particularly in the region of, and near, the heart; but when the condition of profane-ness prevails it is often felt that innumerable small currents are falling from the sky. An other reason for my fickle-mindedness is that during the month all my past failings, many of which were not even my thought, have been coming in to view.

A sort of individuality is experienced in the mind. By individuality I mean the subtlest possible form of ego, or perhaps the power of perception will be an apt interpretation of it. But this individuality, or power of perception, is simply rational, and seems to be mostly devoid of material attributes. I fail to understand what this phenomenon is. Is this the cause of non-existent being brought in to being? Or is this necessary for the maintenance of existence? Or is this a reflection or glimpse of any Godly condition? This is not in the least comprehended. What ever bliss directly descends on me is because of your extreme kindness and affection. The dredge thereof is always spreading outside through the heart, and when I meditate it is felt that Nature, within some circle, is warping with the tool of the unrest of my transmission, and this circle seems to be boundless. I experience an immense surge of power within, though it does not apply to the body. During the month of July thoughts of the creation of the Universe remained reverberating within me; but I cannot say weather this was reality or delusion. One thought which is frequently resounding is 'may I give up my body and become free'

01st. July 1030 :

At 03.30 PM, fluttering was experienced near the 'kanth chakra' (throat plexus) for a long time. There seem to be a whirling circle at that point.

02nd July 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

03rd July 1930 :

In the evening the heart was heavy and there was sorrow in it.

04th July 1930 :

It was felt in the night at 09.00 PM, that my condition under went a change. I felt like one whose eyes are blind folded and brought to some place, and the eyes are unfolded. Though such pa person will not know the way to that place, yet he will enjoy the climate of that place.

05th July 1930 :

There was realization that I was beautiful within and out side, and I felt a sacred beauty.

06th July 1930 :

The above mentioned feeling remained.

07th July 1930 :

I felt that all the samskars, leaving their seats, had gather near the heart, and were making me undergo the effect of karma. This phenomenon had existed since the last eight months, approximately, but I did not realize it. I realized it when it came to its end. This was why no single day was free from pain.

09th July 1930 :

I went on experiencing immense boundless power and courage within me.

10th July 1930 :

Dreamt in the night that a revered saint was seated on a chair to my left and was telling me that the house in which I live at present was in inauspicious, and that I was to continue living in the old house in which I resided formerly. I woke up. I had a notion that when a house is graced by the feet of a saint in-auspiciousness could not remain in that house. Rather the place becomes sanctified.

11th to 14th July 1930 :

Condition unchanged.

15th July 1930 :

From the evening some sensuous thoughts continued coming, but hay came and coming.

16th July 1930 :

The above condition condition prevailed. I had a dream in the night of which only a part is remembered - that I had a view of the Master. A revered sin came to my house to give transmission to you and did so. I am sitting sitting near you and so I also derived benefit from it. During the night the condition was very fine from 02.30 up to 08.00 in the morning. There are no words to illustrate that condition. My eyes used to open and then close.

17th July 1930 :

Throughout the day I was troubled and nervous without any cause.

18th July 1930 :

peacefulness was intense.

19th July 1930 :

The above condition remained as it used to be.

20th July 1930 :

I dreamt at noon that a revered saint gave me strong transmission. My head and, later on, my entire entire body became filled with divine bliss. I was half reclining and half sitting as if some body had jerks (or stats) in the state of drowsiness. The revered saint uttered some affectionate words which I do not recollect.

21st to 25th July 1930 :

Thoughts of the creation of the universe and its complexities remained vibrating.

26th July 1930 :

Dreamt in the night that each and every particle of my body was luminous and engaged in the remembrance of God. And that in every particle the bliss of bright nature was descending direct.

27th July 1930 :

Condition was very light. Extreme piety was experience in the morning. Dreamt at about three A.M. in the morning that I was meditating, and that two persons were seated behind me and requested me to be attentive to them also. So I began to transmit and those persons began meditating. When I woke up at 06.00 in the morning I felt that I was actually transmitting and that bliss was descending me also. In wakefulness also I went on transmitting continuously for about fifteen minutes with the same tempo.

28th July 1930 :

In the night I saw a saint in the dream and noticed that we were seated side by side. He remarked that my condition was getting intense at that time. And it was actually so. Then in the dream I went to the market and set on a cot and began to transmit to the entire world. Afterwards I came back to my house and found the saint present there. Beyond this I do not recollect any thing.

29th July 1930 :

Went on feeling colourlessness in the condition both within and without.

30th July 1930 :

Colorlessness continued to be felt within and without.

31st July 1930 :

Saw you and a saint in the dream but the dream is not remembered.

Letter to the Master with diary for August 1930 :

Revered Master of both the worlds. May you live long!

I beg to say that the condition which prevails at all times is not realised due to colourlessness, and subtlety in thought, imagination and intellect seem to be incapable of comprehending that condition. And that very condition I indulge in all the worldly and spiritual activities, and the identity of both these types of activities seems to be identical. what ever I do seems to be 'podia', that is to say, laughing, talking and all other acts seem to be included in 'podia' or worship and, while doing all these acts, I find myself free of them all. One surprising thing is this that when I meditate or do 'Japa'* (repetition in a low tone of an incantation, or the name of a deity)it is not realised as to who is doing it and for whom he is doing it. for example it is like a man who is delirious i high fever and mutters; or like a man who moves his hand and feet while under light anaesthetic, then he will not be aware of these activities; or like a man who scratches his body to relieve etching while asleep, and the etching is eased but the man is not aware of it on awakening. The thought of the creator has already deserted me and due to this a sort of slight remorse is felt for having become used to it. This activity lane was a sources of power of the heart. Nevertheless "i am happy in that which is Thin will". In the last diary I had noted that wanton thoughts and past defects had created disturbance by coming in to view. Now God be thanked that since the last week of August it is only in name. I feel a link and a tie with every atom of the Universe, and with the saints of my order as well as those out side it. 

*In the 'Ram Chandra (Laalaaji)'s school of spirituality' procedure of practice there are two steps; (01) "Dhikr" reads as "zikr" : Repetition of God's names. It may be vociferous, as in the case of beginner or it may be silent, in which the "Dhakir" reads as zakir (one who is doing the 'japa') forgets the words, and thinks only of the named. In another kind, both the doer and the 'japa' disappear, and the relish of the 'zikr' alone remains. And the step (2) is -  "Fikr"; To think on the attributes of God and the identification of Rabb (The Creator). "do not think on the "Dhat" (reads as zaat), but think on His attributes and His blessings".

Clarification about the truth of 'Sufism' -The theory of Immanence declares that God is every where present.The observer is one and the mirrors are multitudinous. The multiplicity of mirrors does not effect the oneness of reflection in the numerous mirrors. He is present in His reflections in all mirrors. The theory of emanation is compared to a pyramid sheikh extends from a point on the top downwards to base in expanding gradations. The symbol of immanence is a point in the centre, which expands all round towers the sphere. The first theory held its grond in the west from the days of Dionysius the Areopagite (middle of the six century) down to the fourteenth century. There was no tangible communication between the West and the East; and it cannot therefore be said that currents flowed from the East to the West or vicaversa. The third principal is the soul. The fourth is Nature. The theory of Alam-i-Mithal had just then put fourth its nebulous adumbration in the "daemon Theory". it did not as yet from a world by itself. But a daemon attached himself to each individual, like the Socrates' daemon who could tell him when a flock of sheep was coming from an opposite direction, and thus warn him to enter a side lane. Last comes the manifestation of the Universe. The links of the chain were thus forget by Noe-Platonist. They were burnished and set in concatenation by Muslim Philosophers who base their teaching on the Qur'an and Hdith.

The theory of Emanation is a discussion of the origin of things. It forms the province of Haqayiq (Greater mysteries); the other province called Dayaq (Lesser mysteries) is related to the mystical side of Sufism. The material super structure of Sufism has a Noe-Platonic basis; the mystical side, the Daqayiq, is an original attempt at the elucidation of the mysteries of life an is purely Islamic in origin.

Mr. E.G, Browne says that "Ibnul - Farid, like Muhiyyuddin bin' Arebi had no connection with Persia and so Dhun-nun  Misri ; and hence Sufism is not a manifestation of Persian or Aryan thought, etc. Too many of those who have written on Sufism have treated it as an essentially Aryan Movement, and foe this reason, this reason, it is particularly necessary to emphasize the fact that two of the mystics of Islam and perhaps a third, Dhun-nun Misry, were of non Aryan origin."  
                        

04th August 1930 :

Felt liveliness at about 11.00 in the morning. The condition was that of a deaf-mute.

08th August 1930 :

At 11.00 in the night felt there was a link with each and every particle, the Trinity and the saints of the spiritual world belonging to our order and to other order. I dreamt in the night that instead of Munshi Mata Prasad (who was staying here on that day) I was sitting in meditation and was reciting a 'mantra', and some force from within was urging me to recite it a certain number of times. Before that I had recitation of some thing else too. Side by side I was also meditating. I had recited the mantra eight times when I woke up.

10th August 1930 :

Dreamt that in a corner a snake was crying to climb up, and nearby there was the dead of deer which the snake had bitten, and above the head of the deer an elephant was standing on a niche with its trunk covered with clothe and was waiting for me to kill the snake. The elephant came down a bit. In the mean time the snake jumped and bit me in my right thigh. With the bite the snake became lifeless. I detached it with my hand.

12th August 1930 :

Had a lengthy dream in the night of which only some part is remembered. My Master was talking to some body. I saluted Him and He responded. Then I lowered my head. To me my own body and that of my Master were dimly visible. For some time I remained sitting respectfully with lowered head. After that I woke up.

18th August 1930 :

Dreamt in the noon that a snake like reptile crawled away from wall to wall. I was lying on the carpet in the room and Pandit Rameshwar Prasad was also present. The Master was sitting at some distance on the upper side, and another saint was lying by my side to the left. The saint transmitted to me and to Pandit Rameshwar Prasad. A condition of colorlessness prevailed with intensity. Its ecstasy was beyond description. Pundit Rameshwar Prasad tried to express his condition but the saint told him to relate it to me. Then I went away from the room and sat down in the middle of the current of a river where there was a cell constructed.The cell was full of water. I took dives and had a swim also. Then I saw a cow which had not gone to its owner for two months. While swimming in that cell I escorted to cow to its owner. Swimming was of such a manner that my entire body was under water while my head which was above water was in the lap of in a man. I know that man. He was the the younger brother of some Satsangi. He was also cursing me. The journey continued till I reached the bank of the river. I thought that the place was district Banda, and that Master was present there. The man in whose lap my head rested remarked that Mahatma Ji Had taught me very quickly. When I came out of that cell I told that man that he too was to learn from the Mahatma Ji, but he expressed unwillingness and disappointed.

19th August 1930 :

There was immense uneasiness in the noon and I felt compelled to run away from house. The heart was heavy. I wanted to wander away after bidding farewell to the world. There seemed to be poisonous substances in the atmosphere, and wanton thoughts of passion and lasciviousness seemed to be afloat in it. A picture of the thoughts of the world and its morals was on view. I went to sleep when I found no relief anyhow. When I woke up I was soothed.

21st August 1930 :

Had a feeling at 10.00 in the morning that each and every particle and leaf was engaged in the remembrance of God, but such is not the case with honourable man!

23rd August 1930 :

Felt at about 10.00 in the night that what ever I did was all 'Pooja'. It was also felt during absorption that a man, covered in a beautiful white shroud, was lying with me on my cot on my left.

29th to 31st August 1930 :

With whom so ever I sat, his uncleanliness made me uneasy; and if somebody had much uncleanliness I felt like vomiting. This condition developed in Mathura. I was there on those days. Once again I submit that I am not interested in conditions now, nor do I feel any pleasure in them. All this is a puzzle which appears before me again and again.

Letter to the Master with diary for September 1930 :

Respected Master of both the worlds. May you live long!

With due respects I beg to say that ever since my convalescence I feel spiritual convalescence also and relative conditions have said adieu and there is no interest in those conditions. Actually all of them were the illusions of Maya which appeared frequently like a jig-saw puzzle in different shapes, and diverted the thought towards themselves. This life of feelings has ended. Now there is neither mediation nor revelation. One condition only prevails all the twenty four hours. Nevertheless, when the flow of bliss descended with intensity, waives are felt within.There is neither fervour nor fury nor intensity though there is much courage. However, I term this condition as ecstasy. And if I do not term it as such it amounts to ingratitude for divine blessing.

I am in no mood to work. I like to rest lying like a log. subtlety is increasing day by day. But anger sometimes defiles the moral condition. Temper gets  out of control, and when tamper is out of control morality also disappears. Others are hurt and I feel sorrow. My heart tells me that it is only now that spirituality has started and as the saying goes, "Delhi os still far away". The thought of orderliness often resounds in the mind, and I surmise that its foundation, also, has been laid due to your extreme kindness.

01st September 1930 :

Feeling of uncleanliness of others has persisted, but the embarrassment noted in the diary for the previous month was not there.

02nd September 1930 :


I was sleeping at noon. I felt that abides in some extremely subtle cover, and at hand my heart was reciting a Ghazal and the thought of some mahatma was taking hold of the mind. The first line of the Ghazal had not fully penetrated in to my thought when somebody awakened me. The meaning of the first line line was that for mortal man just two yards of land are sufficient.

04th September 1930 :

Dreamt in the night that a saint had come and wanted give me a sitting but since the day had dawned during the dream I wanted to sit after disposing  after necessaries. I extended my hand to touch his feet. My hand was injured by the threshold. He remarked that it was punishment for not receiving the sitting. Then he put some questions to the gathering and said that those who agreed with the idea were to rise their hands. the people raised their hands. the last order was that those who were against materialization were to raise hands. I raised my hands.The saint remarked that I possessed all the powers.

10th September 1930 :

Went on feeling excessive power.

13th to 29th September 1930

Remained indisposed. Could not realise the condition during the illness. After that I began to feel a balanced state.

Letter to the Master with diary for October 1930 :

Revered Master of both the worlds. May you live long.

After salutation I beg to submit that the diary is becoming silent (uneventful) day by day. Even dreams are seen very rarely. Nevertheless with great endeavor I right what I can comprehend. Thought seems to be merged in the condition that prevails. This was what I wanted and it has happened, but the merging is not tho that extent which was in my thought. Unawareness, certainly, does prevails. This is realized in this way that I want to do one thing and begin to do another, or I want to turn in to some lane but move on a few steps ahead, or during conversation I utter some thing which I not mean. But simultaneously there is as much awareness as unawareness. At times liveliness increases; otherwise condition remains very light, and I often feel a very serene condition. Both inside and outside the notion of culture and civility have come in to being. The condition inside which was very respectful with added subtleness now remains respectful with a new pleasure. To my understanding that new pleasure is due to the fact that with respectfulness more humbleness and worship have been added. One silliness produced by my mistake is this that when someone misbehaves with me I feel offended. I fact inner uncivilly seems to be more offensive. At times, I feel myself to be "homage personified."

14th October 1930 :

Dreamt in the night that there was a riot between the Hindus and Muslims, and I wanted to go to the Court. I went to you and benefited from transmission. You asked me to go on looking towards yourself and said that no body would be able to harm you. More over, I looked like a Muslim probably because of the beard. After that I always went and witnessed the play of the groups of the Muslims. No body harmed me. On return you again transmitted to me and I went on viewing your form. This was a long dream which is not fully remembered.

Letter to the Master with diary for November 1930 :

Revered Master of both the words. You may live long!

After salutations I submit that my condition is becoming such that "At time I sit on the highest pinnacle and at others I do not see the back of my foot."  At times condition becomes very serene with extreme subtlety and conditionlessness. At times intellect becomes so vivid that many tangles seem to be clearly untangled. At times the faculty becomes very intense so much so that every thought and human condition and their effects on the place, the atmosphere and space are felt in their original state without any adulteration, but the full current of transmission does not go to any side. It has frozen within itself. Contrary to this there exist such a condition when one hand see the other, and I consider myself to be so much fallen, timid (as if somebody has been robbed of his possessions by someone else), victim of wanton thoughts, and lost of troubles, that I give preference over myself to every man of the world who has not had even an inkling of Divinity. Nevertheless, one thing which consoles me is this that the cluster of incoming thoughts has the status of united guests, and in most of them offshoots do not blossom, neither are they remembered. Troubles which hover over the heart of nothing like moths sometimes produce a feeling similar to that of a snake which has been deprived of its gem. One such thought I have guessed (cannot say whether the guess is right or wrong) that this state is like an "Aawaaz-e- Dil" (voice of heart) or beat of a drum  to remind me of the goal. Mahatma Gandhi has said that the road of salvation passes through the jail. To my understanding the road to eternal salvation or immortal life passes through these thorns and weeds because, when this condition prevails, pangs increases limitlessly.

A whim or idiosyncrasy which remains with me, for nothing, is that I still feel it to be the first stage, that is to say, what so ever point I attain due to your extreme kindness and love seems to be the initial stage only. At times I do feel that spirituality has commenced, while at others I have the misgiving that all these are but events on the way, and spirituality has not yet even started. These things often keep me in doubt and do not pert any of the two things to stick. Though somebody has rightly said that where so ever one may reach it is the begging, not the end. One thing new has left by me during this Mont which is this, the courage you had conferred on me does not exist now because of some failing or shot coming of mine. Nevertheless I feel at the time of need like some weak and timid kashattriya (person of warrior class) who summons up courage and fervour on the mention of his clans' and nations bravery and, under the influence of family and national pride, some times acts beyond his prowess. I find the ties between the subtle and the gross in the body completely broken, parted like the waters of the river Nile. When I talk or so something, or utter words like "me and we" they are all inspired by subtle body, and the doer of the works seems the subtle body alone. This has been found after deep thought, though it is not essential that this feeling that subtle body is working should persist while working. While doing worldly or official work I do not realize who is working. The condition of the subtle being seems to be like that of an infant in which your influence is visible to be large extent. By calling it an infant I mean that the faculties are inherent in it but not developed.

I am constantly feeling that inside Maya is play a its role in its subtlest form and, according to my imperfect comprehension, I will term it as the last stage of Maya. That is to say after crossing over this condition Maya shall not trouble me. Fire burns man; and electricity, which is thousands of time s more subtle than fire, also does the same, but its action is very quick and intense. Burning from fire is felt but the phenomenon caused by electricity in the flesh of a second is not felt. A man may be safe also from the flames of the fire but electricity, which only an imaginary fire, finishes the business in the fraction of a second. The same is happening to me under the subtle Maya, and it is acting like a small quantity of bitterest medicine added to raw sugar. By giving expression to my thoughts I have done my duty. When I have entrusted myself to the real God, He is the Master to mould me as He likes. When was this humble self worthy to dare to be a worshiper of the all powerful Being? But this is a limitless bounty of the Master that today I am flourishing in the lap of your affection and the idea of "I entrusted to Thee my belongings, Thou knowest the calculations of loss and profit" is vibrating in my mind.

02nd and 03rd November 1930 :

Condition remained very very subtle and pleasant from 07.00 till 11.00 in the morning.

07th November 1930 :

Dreamt in the night that I was present at a particular place. At that place some person was saying that a man had written a letter to find out the condition of 'Aham Brahmasmi' from him, and had enquired as to how may steps there were to reach the stage of 'Aham Brahmasmi'. This letter was with a man and he was inquiring from me. By chance I happened to be ascending the ladder and the man went on inquiring. I went on telling him that he was right (I thought to tell him twenty seven in case he persisted). I was ascending the ladders and counting the steps. But on coming down I forget the count.

Letter from the Revered Mahatma Ram Chandra of Fatehgarh addressed to a preceptor.

Dear brother,

May God preserve your life. What is His will is His alone, and He alone is aware of proper opportunity. What I want is that I may bring out all that which is within me. But there is courage an courage alone. Circumstances and the pressure of exigencies do not permit me to act according to my wish. I will right what ever is I possibly can. It is enough if it is useful and beneficial, even though it is scanty. A hint suffices for the intelligent.

Because of your transfer from Shahjahnpur there is a likelihood of the function being spoiled. So on my own behalf and on that of my elders I invite the attention of brother Pundit Rameshwar Prasad to agree to take up this work in hand during your absence. May God him courage and perseverance. That dear one will, perhaps, establish a condition of honor after casting off that small portion of boyhood which is very negligible in him now, due to the demand of his age. May God help him. Brother Ram Chandra undoubtedly has ability and agility in this respect, but I am sorry that due to the restrictions of his father, narrowness of heart and space, and intricacies of his home my sagacity did not permit me for the time being to throw the responsibility on him.

I hope fro God that he will be benefited in a way better than the present one. I was to go to District Etah. I shall not go now. I shall consider it at some other time. A saadhak (aspirant) is staying here these days. Probably he will go to Kanpur on 15th. My regards and blessings to all. It is possible that you may have been transferred in view of the possibility of more expansion at Tilhar. All this is better known to him alone.

Ram Chandra From Fatehgarh
Dated 09.12.1930

Letter to the Master with diary for December 1930 :

After salutations I beg to say that all is well at your place and I, also, am quite well, although some drastic troubles have developed during the last few days.

Pundit Ganga Sevak is labouring hard these days. May God take him soon to the stage which is climax of longing. Since I have returned from the presence of Guru Maharaj I am turning in to clean state day by day, and am going back to the condition which prevailed prior to the beginning. The method of teaching is ipsfacto (by the fact it self) penetrating in to the  understanding without any effort in the form of symbols and metaphors. Rendering of this in writing is very hard and difficult with the expectation of some of obvious facts. Rather it is almost impossible for me. During the last month from first to eleventh of December I went on feeling that in every cell of the body a darkness pervaded, and immense power was experienced in every particle of the body. That darkness was not in the form of pitch or total darkness. But its shade was like that tinge of light which one experiences when one enters a room after passing through bright sunlight. In that condition he will undoubtedly feel darkness but he will also find a thin ray of light there. This feeing remained from first to eleventh December. After that the condition took another turn which could be grasped after its stay for two or three days. The condition was such from every atom of he body a state of dryness and sandiness (but not the least warmth) was experienced, and a condition of extreme solitariness or desolation was felt. Yet there was great conditionlessness therein. There was neither taste nor non-taste. If it is further elucidated in other words it could be  likened to desolate habitation which is completely unpopulated and which has been deserted by even the birds, what to say of human beings, and were there is neither spring nor autumn, nor cold nor warmth. In the last week of the preceding month uneasiness, restlessness and worry were very acute, and that uneasiness like that of a man who has been plunged in to water and is held by the scruff of his neck and make to remain under it some moment. A guess can thus be made regarding my extreme uneasiness. If a man, who is not fortunate enough to have the patronage of the saint and the savior, is made to suffer such uneasiness, it is very provable that he might commit suicide. In me this condition has prevailed for a long time prior to my association with Master, but not to that extent which I have recent ly undergone. and in this condition I yarn for the availability of some perfect guide who would take me to the august court of God. I thank God and am prove to my fate that God entrusted me to such a guide, the dust of whose feet even was extremely difficult to get. The uneasiness lasted a week then changed in to pleasure. somebody has rightly said "do not complain of anger since, in the ways of Homage, e who does not bear hardships never does arrive at solace". ("जाके पावँ न जाय बिवाई , सो का जानें  पीर पराई " / "jaake paawn na jaay na jaay bivaayee, so ka jaaney peer paraayee). Now my existing condition is that of a person sitting in a lonely place in a state of belonging-less-ness.

13th December 1930 :

At Fatehgarh I dreamt at about four in the morning that a saint was sitting in my carriage and, without saying any thing, he initiated* me. Then he recited some Arabic verses and embraced me. At that time tears began to pore down from my eyes. He wiped them off. After that I came to know theta he had initiated me. I told him that I had already been initiated and asked him why he did it. He answered that he did not know.

* During Rev. Laalaaji's day's the popular word or INITIATION was - "BAIYAT (initiation) ‘Baiyat’ has been formed from an Arabic word ‘Baiy’ which means – surrender or sell. ‘Baiyat’ is nothing but surrender or sell. The dictionary meaning of this word is; ‘ to become a disciple of a saint’. At one place Param pujya Laalaaji has used the word ’renunciation’ as an English translation of the word ‘baiyat’ which means- ‘self-destruction’ or ‘self-sacrifice’. So, the most appropriate meaning of the ‘Baiyat’ seems to be ‘total dedication’. Hazrat Abu Bakr ( Rahmatulla alaih) has at one place stated that “Brahmvaad is renunciation; take care that you don’t see anything else except God either in this world or the other world.” Means sanyaas from parlok and lok both. Actual sufi is one who has taken sanyaas from both worlds.Some people have started translating ‘baiyat’ as ‘deeksha’ under religious constraint, which is not correct. Those who have taken ‘Baiyat’ under Sufi silsila, know it well that this is not merely ‘deeksha’. The basic content of ‘baiyat’ definitely resembles Maharishi Patanjali’s “ Eeshwar Praanidhaan”. Because dictionary meanings of “Eeshwar Praanidhaan” are-From ‘ Ashtaang yog’ activities, perform chitt nirodh or transcend from mind. Surrender to God through bahkti. According to ‘baiyat’, ‘Piro-murshid’ (spiritual Gurus ) choose a definite and pre decided activity and accordingly implant a part of their spiritual earning, into the hearts of their disciples through their will power. Here word implant means-“Transferring a matter from one entity to another” Or, whatever matter stays in the hearts of spiritual gurus as a superior dwelling place and which are completely lighted like sunshine, those elements are transferred into the hearts of disciples whose hearts are still shadowed with less light or less knowledge. Just as milk turns into curd just by adding a bit of curd into the milk, similarly, result of ‘Baiyat’ is also the same. As time passes, The disciple also becomes like his guru completely- same form and same shape. In the same reference so many examples have been seen where all the differences between the teacher and the disciple have melted, to the extent that they even started resembling each other, as a result of change of the matter. Just as when any living being is produced, it first comes from father’s sperm and establishes in mother’s womb. Mother keeps that embryo in her womb till delivery, then after the birth, father helps in rearing the child. Teaches him, educates him in many ways, develops all the faculties of the child by taking the complete responsibility, until the child becomes capable and independent. When the father makes his son quite like him, he makes him his representative; leaves the responsibilities of house hold on his son and feels free. He thinks that he has done his duty. Similarly, the spiritual Guru, like father, through his experiences, inserts a part of his spiritual earning into his disciples mental faculties. Then, the disciple, like mother, develops that spiritual knowledge in six different chakras and experiences the power which results in inexplicable joy and happiness. The same insertion of meditative earning starts growing ( like an embryo in the womb ) in the disciple’s body through many developed yoga activities. As the time passes, a day comes, when there is no difference left between the Guru and the disciple. After maturity, the disciple starts feeling elevated, like boiling of the milk, and he wants to repeat the activities done by his teacher. Here, the teacher not only grants the permission to do so, but also, supports him and guides him throughout by his ominous presence. This system continues and remains active from eternity to eternity. The explanation of the principle of “One to many and many to One” is this only. Various religions, schools of thought, belief have been given the name ‘Nisbat’ by sufi saints. So, before we learn about ‘Baiyat’, it is important to know about ‘Nisbat’ in this context. Param pujya Laalaaji has explained this term, in one of his distinguished articles’ Praveshika sant mat satsang’. According to him-

“The secret behind incarnations of avtaar’s taking birth is that they came on this earth with a specific purpose and with special qualities. For example, Parashu Ramji’s incarnation was for the purpose of ‘Brahm charya- ashram’. He represents adamant approach of celibacy.  Shri Ramchandraji is the symbol incarnation of ‘Grihastha- ashram’. He has higher qualities of power, enlightenment and great knowledge. We get the darshan of his great personality and he has been called ‘Maryada purushottam’ or the best in mankind. Shri Krishna ji maharaj is the incarnation and symbol of ‘ Vanptrastha ashram’. We can see a good combination of knowledge and love in him. One can witness his beauty, his grand personality and sobriety in his form. Mahatma Budha is the symbol of renunciation, sacrifice and knowledge. Hazrat Yusuf Alaihslalaam for beauty and Hazrat Moosa Alaihslalaam for grandeur and also Jesus Christ is the symbol of kindness and forgiveness.”

“We can see all the qualities mentioned above all together, time to time and different colours and sequence “all in one” in Hazrat Mohommad Sallaialah-vasallam. Here the total effect and virtues which were imbalanced in the past and when the behaviour of Arabs had become adverse and contrary to all the above mentioned virtues; and this was the reason that in order to balance the situation and take it to an appropriate destination Hazrat took birth, so that Arabs come on the right path, seeing  the reflection of his virtues.”

“That is why Shri Ram Chandraji maharaj is symbol of pure “brahmchari ’ by heart, Bharat ji symbol of wisdom, Shatrughan ji symbol of chitt and Laxman ji is symbol of ahankar. Shri Krishna ji symbolized pure heart, pure mind and pure soul a mixture of natural and super natural. Jesus Christ and Gautam Buddha’s symbolized blessings and Hazrat Mohommad Sallaialah-vasallam Hazrat Rasul arbi’s symbolized kindness, all these virtues have originated from truth.”

Incarnations of avatars do not have any tradition or system of disciples. They arrive in this world with a certain aim in life, complete their work and go back to the place they came from.

Fortunately or else what can be said that that Nisbat or flow of current , starting from Mohommad salle alah-aalahi and sallam is present today link by link and chain by chain in to silsilia- aaliya-nakshabandia. It is alive under the name of ‘Naksha mumra’ ( naksha bandia, mujdadiya, mazharia, Ramchandaria ). Please see appendix-B.

This whole world is like a wild forest, but almighty God is omnipresent here.(The Gita- 9/4 ). HE is present in every body’s heart ( The Gita 13/ 07/; 15/ 15; 18/61 ).Even though HE stays with people all the time, yet people can’t see HIM easily  because He is always hidden under the veil of ‘maya’ or worldly attractions

(The Gita 7/25), so  it’s a secret and it is difficult to see HIM. To whom the sermons about His secret to be given and to whom not, regarding this,  Rishi Shwetashwar says that such a person whose heart is not pure, who is a  lusty person, should not be told the secret  and is not worth giving sermons; even if he is our son or disciple.

The establishment of relationship between teacher and student, which is given the name ‘Baiyat’ has been explained in detail like this-

When a true inquisitive person goes to a spiritual teacher to learn about meditation, it is the teacher’s duty to keep his disciple on fast, continuously for three days; If possible in this duration he (disciple) should stay in an isolated room. In case he is unable to tolerate hunger then some light fruits and milk can be given to him. During this, as far as possible, he should recite some mantra, according to his religion. He should recite this mantra continuously, keeping a rosary in his hand. At the end of every cycle of rosary, he should pray to God that whatever good results in form of blessings from God, he has achieved from this prayer, it should be all be given through his would be spiritual teacher to Param pujya shri shri Laalaaji maharaj ( Samarth Guru param sant RamChandraji maharaj) and he should accept it. On the third night, after bath, the learner should present himself in front of his teacher. Then the teacher would make him sit in front with knees folded in vajrasan and make him recite Gayatri mantra. If the learner is a Muslim then he would be asked to recite Sure faathaa and ikhlaas or istigfaar. Then the teacher with his experience, would connect the disciple with  his Guru and silsila and make it the best experience for him by enveloping him in the colour and fragrance of his Guru and silsila. Half an hour or forty minutes after this activity, the teacher would say the following words-

“Tune Baiyat ki mujh jaeef ke haath par aur mere peero murshid Hazrat… ke haath par aur hazrat samarth Guru param sant mahatma Ramchandra ji( laalaaji) maharaj mai unke jumlaa  guru jano wa poori guru parampara wa tamam bujurgaan silsila aaliya nakshabandia ke haath par aur tune ahad kiya ki apne sab jism ke jodon ko seedhe aur sachche dharm par rakhega aur dil ko param pita parmatma ke prem mei dega.” Means you surrendered to me and to my guru and complete silsila and you promised that you shall be on the right path and give your heart to the love of god. During this the disciple should keep his right hand in the right hand of his teacher. After this in the same posture, disciple should say – “I accept Baiyat and I’ll stay on the path of religion and follow its ways. I give my heart to the love of God.” After this traditional activity, the teacher should make his disciple wear a new cloth by his own hands, in such a way that others should not come to know of it, teacher should give an appropriate mantra to his disciple, teach him the way to recite it and make him practice it in front of him.

During this activity, teacher does not accept any gift or guru- dakshina from his disciple, except that after the activity of ‘Baiyat’  any sweet brought by the disciple , should be distributed among the fellow brothers and sisters.
For ladies, the activity of ‘ Baiyat’ will be almost the same. The only difference will be that during this activity instead of ‘hand in hand’ a white cloth will be used. Its one corner will be held by the teacher and the lady would hold the other corner. This is first ‘Baiyat’.

The way saalokyata(same world), saamipyata( closeness), saarupyata(same form) and saayujjyata are four forms of ‘moksha’, similarly, there are four ‘baiyats’-these have been divided in four parts according to situations and classifications.

First baiyat is that whatever the teacher tells, it has be followed wholeheartedly with complete sincerity, and should reflect in deeds.

Second baiyat is that your heart, mind , intellect and ego should be under control after practicing meditation.

Third baiyat is when the disciple attains such a height and attraction that he is able to influence others through his behavior. He can inspire others to be on the right path and pray to God. This gives the permission to teach meditation to the newcomers.                        

Fourth Baiyat  is when the third Baiyat reaches its climax, one gets the same form as his guru then he is given the  permission to Baiyat others.

After the continuous practice a day comes when there is no difference left between the teacher and his disciple. This does not require a detailed explanation. It is required that submit yourself to your Guru like a dead body wash. Let guru do whatever is good for you and you shall not dissent. Guru will give you new life, and  take you to the spiritual heights.

Do hi raaste hain wafaa mei, aajmaa kar dekh lo,
(there are only two ways of faithfulness, try and see it yourself)
Khud kisi ke ho raho ya, apna banakar dekh lo.”
(either you sell yourself to somebody or make him to sell himself to you). "



17th December 1930 :

Dreamt in the night that I went to Mecca*. Hajis were present there. My head was bowed down. I felt that because of my choti (tuft of hair) people there would take me to be a Hindu and chess me away. In the mean time I moved forward to the place where the shrine of Hazarat Mohammad is located. The Shrine was totally red in color. The grave assumed the shape of Hazarat Mohammad, and it it seemed as if He was reclining. Smiling he remarked that my condition was very subtle and He blessed me to attain betterment, saying :

"Tumehn falah-e-daarain naseeb ho".
(May you be virtuous in both the worlds)


*"The Muslim Mosque is a vacant space - nothing to touch or see - a symbol of the house of the Supreme. The Muslim fixes his eyes on the point of space in front of him, at which he performs his 'sajdah' (prostration); and thus concentrates his attention at that point, according to 'Baidawai' who was a Shafi. When he prays, he is ordered to assume an attitude as if he sees God; and if he cannot do this, to imagine that God sees him. There is no symbol required to attract and concentrate his attention.

It may be remembered that the Arabs had worshiped gods and goddesses in the temple of Mecca. There were 360 of them. They were the embodiments of the different 'asthma', (names) of God. Mohammad (peace be upon him) emptied the temple of those graven images. Though the 'asthma' of God are recognized, the Dhat (read as 'zap') or individuality of God is not to be ignored and hidden behind the 'asma'. The extinction of the deities as intermediaries in the temple was the extinction of the embodiment of names in worship. The worshiper always stood face to face with the Supreme"
.

28th to 31st December 1930 :

In the night I saw Guru Ji Maharaj in a dream but I remember nothing. I remember only this much that I was blessed.

1931

Letter to the Master along-with diary for January 1931

Revered Master of both the words. May you live long!

After salutations I submit that I am laying before you my condition recorded in the diary for January 1931. My condition those days, as express by some poet, is this, "How can a falcon or a bird reach the environment of His elevation? Here our flying bird is with out wings and feathers". That is to say the Divine Being seems to be miles away, and the impression of His greatness and grandeur is imprinted on the heart. He is the monarch of the entire universe while this humble self is but an ordinary beggar. I remember a couplet of Zahir Faryabi which was composed in praise of the king of Persia and which is pure exaggeration, but it certainly casts light on my condition.

"understanding puts the story of nine
skies beneath its feet
so that it may kiss the stirrups of Qaizal Arsalam.
"

In this couplet, understanding atlas reaches unto the stirrups but the condition of this humble self is such and there is so much humility and humbleness in the mind that the stage has arrived "where the shield should be given up" seems to be applicable. it only seems to be the place of keeping quite with reverence. According to somebody, "Let there be no flattering as the court is legal".

There was a man who never saw his beloved. He fells in ardent love merely on hearing about the sweet manners and the beauty of the beloved. Only this much is known about the beloved that she is at a far distance which can not be measured even by the comprehension. There is only one hope left, that the bliss of seeing her is destined. And he (the lover) remains restless in his memory, having ties of love in these condition. His dearly beloved is far away foam him. And only his remembrance in extreme proximity is available to him. Such is the condition of this humble self, and it seems to be the state of the devotee. My general condition seems to be just like that of water. What to say of intoxication, not even the after effect is left. I water at least waives are cussed by the wind, but here even movement is not felt at the time of performing worldly and official duties. Senses and faculties remain sitting quietly in their respective spheres and, due to their good commission, The tasks are competed. The condition of faculties and senses is such as if death may have occurred of somebody. I do not even feel that I ever got the education of Divine Knowledge. In short I have become a total negative. What ever blessing there was is now with Him.

01st 02nd January 1931 :

Much restlessness remained in the condition.

03rd January 1931 :

Restlessness much reduced. Dreamt in the night that a saint a dear friend were present, and the saint gave light transmission to me.

4th January 1931 :

Condition remained pleasant; restlessness much reduced.

06th January 1931 :

In the noon felt a strong bliss descending from the mind on the heart. This lasted for about fifteen minutes.

9th January 1931 :

A thought came to the mind that a devotee could not reach His elevation and station.

10th and 11th January 1931 :

Same condition as above.

12th January 1931 :

In the evening felt that all the doors and walls demoted the grandeur of humility of self.

14th January 1931 :

Dreamt in the night that two Muslim young men were present at one place, and that I was also there. One of them gave extremely subtle and mild transmission to me. Considering that I could not have such tricks from strangers, I at-once devolved myself in Guru Ji Maharaj. He said that he was 'Nazir'* (he did not mean nazir of a court) and was giving transmission to me. I replied that I was aware of it.

* One who sees.

15th January 1931 :

Dreamt in the night that I was present at the abode of Guru Ji Maharaj and that a saint was attentive towards me. My condition was that of a deaf mute. He remarked that I was alright and was to improve my physical health (I was then victim of gastric ailments). He asked me to contemplate that the Ganges which contain all colors was flowing, and from among all those colors that particular was penetrating in to me which was the cure of the disease. He further added that this was the way to cure any other person who is down with some disease. With the help of your plexuses you should inject that color which is the cure for that trouble, in to the body of the subject, through the particular 'Latifa' or 'Center' which is the Plexus of that color*. Then he remarked that people sit in the 'Satsang' with their 'smoke-pipe' which was highly disagreeable to Guru Ji Maharaj. I then woke up. After that I again saw another saint in a dream. - Seeing him I was weeping vehemently under the influence of love. He also gave me  transmission an praised me. Probably the colourlessness of transmission was of high dissolution. He also remarked that the dear brother gives transmission but even then he is not conscious of it. forgetfulness of the self is so complete. (Wordings are not correctly recalled. Am writing from the idea).

*Shaikh Ahmad, the Mujaddid of the 11th Century has, according to the progress of his salik (ascetic) in the upward course, seen different colors at different stages. He, a Naqshbandi Mystic, is the discoverer of six positions in the part of human body between the neck and the navel, which have has called the "six subtleties", one encircling the other, much after the manner of Kundalini of Patanjali. The color of Qalb; about two fingers below the nipple of the left breast - is yellow; Ruh : (soul or Atman); just two fingers below the nipple of the right breast - is red; of Serr, (just  about the middle of the breast - white; "of khafi" in the forehead - is black and  "Ikfa" in the poll of the head - Green. A detailed study on the subject can be consulted in the book - "Tattw Prabodhini" by Mahatma Ram Chandra Ji (Laalaaji) Maharaj of Fathegarh (UP) India.

25th January 1931 :

At about 09.00 in the morning a mild bliss was experienced for many hours. Through out the day condition remained intense and like that of a deaf mute. It seemed as if bliss has filled up to the brim. There was an urge to sing. I went on singing a couplet -

"jab tak tan naahen galat man naaheen mar jaat
tab lagi soorat shyaam kee, sapnehun naahin diktat"

"जब लग तन नाहीं गलत, मन नाहीं मर जात।
तब लग सूरत श्याम की, सपनेहँ नाहिं दिखात।"


(As long as the body is not reduced to dust and the heart is not dead, wajhun! the face of the beloved cannot be seen in a dream)

A thought came to me that bliss was continuously descending on the marriage party which the Master attended at Delhi, and that the effect of the bliss was coming to me. Throughout the day condition was as above. Saw a saint twice in a dream and derived bliss from him to such an extent that in my dream I used to fall down under the influence of transmission. at this stage I used to feel all the time the divine wave coming from the Master and entering in to my heart. More over, when ever he transmitted to anybody I used to get my share at my own place. This happens when total absorbency or 'Layavastha'.

Dreamt in the night that a respected saint was with me, and that he transmitted to me. Beyond this I do not remember.

Letter of Revered Guru Ji Maharaj dated 12.02.1931.

Dear brother,

Blessings to you. I have received your letter. I had gone to Orai with another saint. We retuned yesterday. All conditions that you have mentioned are worthy of thanks giving. This is the blessing of dissolution of nothingness, After which, God willing, the bliss of eternity will be conferred from that August Shrine. Eternity is bestowed in keeping with that degree and condition which prevail in the state of dissolution. What explanations are to be written in respect of your dreams? The main thing is the object. The signs have been deemed sufficient. Time has been saved by not going in to details. Rest is well. God willing I shall be present at Mainpuri from the 15th to 17th of February. From there I shall be going to Etah where the annual gathering is to be held from 20th to 22nd. Regards and blessings to all.

Ram Chandra from Fatehgarh

Letter to the Master along-with the diary for February 1931 :

Revered Master of both the words. May you live long!

after salutations I beg to say that I am endeavoring to note down the conditions mentioned in my diary for the last month. condition is such that it is impossible to express by word of mouth or in writing. Nevertheless I put up before you what ever I have been able to grasp with my intellect. It will perhaps be correct i term my condition as "nothing what so ever". The condition now is all most similar to what it was at the time of commencement. this seems to me that I have come back, after visitations, to the point from where I had started. Condition remain some what depressed, though do not complain for it, and this discouragement has become routed in the thought so deeply and strongly that has made me forget completely the inner poser and condition. Things which were felt physically have now vanished from the inner vision, and such a condition has been produced as if some body forgets his own powers due to a curse. Once there was a condition that I had the audacity to say "get up by my order". My condition is this that I am afraid even to say "get up by the order of God". Every thing is subject to the Master, and governed by His will. I feel that I am a senior an much removed from God, and destitute. I have not collected Tosha (belongings) for the nest world. Nor can I do any labour to make a Parmarth. Thinking thus again and again I often feel like weeping over my condition. I feel the pleasures of death in life, and have become totally devoid of intellect. Tulsidas Ji has composed a couplet in Ramayana which comes true in respect of my condition :

"One without feet can walk
and with out ears can hear
the handless performs tasks
of different kinds".

The inner condition is that of a curious misgiving and statelessness. Low thought or emotions, which arise, do not bring any change in the self, nor is any alteration or change felt in it. the position of thought is such as if rubbish and straws go on floating on the water of the Ganges but fail to pollute it because of the extreme purity of the water. The same thing which is within is found to be in every particle of the universe and throughout space, and on seeing  the external conditions  the inner condition becomes known. Now I find that due to your kindness "the eyes of the bubble have seen the face of the water"

!01st February 1931 :

Dreamt in the night that Guru Ji Maharaj gave transmission to me, and I was weeping under the influence of love. He remarked that I could not stand at all. In the dream some one told the Guru Maharaj that I part took butter every day. Forgot major potion of the dream. During the entire night the condition of mediation prevailed.

07th February 1931 :

Dreamt that I was at the residence of Guru Ji Maharaj Maharaj along with you. The Guru Maharaj gave me transmission and went in side the house, and direct me to ask any body who came to sit and wait. Soon a very good looking and health person came. I gave transmission to him. That is all that I remember.

10th February 1931:

Had many dreams in the night but forgot them. Only this much is recollected that some body told me that my turiya condition had commenced.

13th February 1931 :

While going to Lucknow in the train I had the feeling at about 07.30 A.M. that reflective influence had reached some high point, but the condition had not been revealed by then. If Satsang could be had that would have revealed it quickly. At 02.00 in the after noon At Lucknow some forgetfulness in the condition was felt.

14th February 1931 :

Dreamt in the night that a saint was giving transmission to me. After giving transmission for some time he remarked that because of his love he had given transmission in excess, and it was fortunate that he had noticed it, otherwise I would have died. During the day forgetfulness in condition unchanged.

18th February 1931 :

While sleeping in the after noon I dreamt that i was in some house. A man arrived and began to call a friend of mine employed in the Court. I asked him what he would do. He replied that he had come after deriving immense bliss from Hazrat Baqibllah and he would not speak to me. A voice from inside my heart told me that the man was telling me a lie since Hazrat Baqibillah was giving transmission to me. Such an immense bliss descended that I was lifted about an arms length above my cot. After that I woke I woke up.

Dreamt the same night that a saint was giving transmission to me and to some other fellow disciples.

20th February 1931 :

Dreamt that I was in the Court and my condition was sunk to such an extent that I was not conscious of my physical being.

21st February 1931 :

From 04.00 to 06.00 in the evening much absorption was felt and I experienced bliss to be descending from the mind.

Letter dated 10th March 1931 :
From the Revered Mahtma Ram Chandra Ji of Fatehgarh

Dear brother,

May God increase your span of life. Thank God That your letter brought happy tidings. The reply of your previous letters has been kept in abeyance with the idea of answering later on. One further point to note was this that at the end of every sentence in your letter there was a part which was itself enough for the reply. The same thing is noted in your last letter also. It is difficult to give replies to such letters which have the form of replies in themselves.

The condition which prevailed before the start is felt in the same manner now also. This the phenomenon of "He is first, He is last." The soul has come back to the place from where it had started. A volume is needed if it is to be described in detail. And further the sense of reverence also restrains me because this is a Divine secret. with the infusion of the soul in to the human body all the attributes and characteristics, and the powers of understanding and sense, were inherent at their highest perfection. Emotions across in connection with the creation of the Universe. The attention and diversion of the soul went on going towards matter. Balance ceased to exist. there remind no moderation in the inherent conditions, until all the emotions became dead.

Now the teachers bring again in to action the dormant emotional conditions with the help of transmission and bliss. This is done to such an extent that in the teaching process of our order they make it start from the jazb (absorption) and after getting all the aspects of jazb (absorption or intense spiritual intoxication) completed, they bring the disciple back towards sullook (path of spiritualism) and then they they get all the stages of 'suluk'* completed. This is alone is the ultimate 'suluk'*. That very condition of moderation, which prevail in human heart and souls at the start, comes over now. the intervening conditions and stages are waves. from them it cannot be known as to what place is, nor where it does abide. Now in reality the man is in the form of a man whereas prior to this he was an animal in the form of man. When is reality found in waves? There is no question of start and reach here. What exists, exist. Weakness, passions and emotions are in imperfection only. There is no trace of waves and passion in perfection. There is peace when all the attributes become moderate. This is the state desire-less-ness  inspire desire. Such condition prevails either when heart has been exhausted, or is that of a heart which has got solace. While doing any thing the heart becomes monotonous in the end i.e. it becomes subject to up-ram. If it is for the reality, well and good. If it is worldly even then it is heartening because once again in the period of ascension starts after it. This is the practice of the travelers on the Divine path.

"Get-up with my order" is a middle stage which is against the sense of reverence because it is disrespectful for a seeker to term a monk as a saint, and is a contradiction of reality also. Nevertheless the condition of "get up with the order of god" indicates the right and proper condition. It is pleasurable for a seeker to have extreme divine faith and contentment which is the after effect and result of "get up with my order". But the condition of the former contains reverence and gives the happy news of "nearness of the being". In the nearness and companionship of the being the 'saaiik (one who is established on the path, and has advanced for on it) is blessed with the effulgence of the being. There is world of difference between the effulgence of the Being and the attributes of the Being. Should one not be pleased on remembering the attribute of humility of Hanuman Ji? When ever any one reminded him for his power he used to remember his power. Is our aim to eat the eat the mangoes or to count the leaves an trees? Is it not a great achievement if a 'Saalik'*, inspire of having thoughts of discouragement, is also to perform a task which many boasters can never perform? What will be the state of displeasure and wrath of a Master when a secant of his boasts of possession of power in his presence and behind his back? It is just possible that on account of his pride and act of usurpation he may be discharged from his post. But another servant, because of his eternal nearness and personal closeness, and because of his service, may find such a hold upon his master that all the powers may be given to his by the mater. And if that servant uses those powers in such a way that he associates the name of the master with every action, I feel that occasion will never arise for any misgiving in the heart of the master, and he would never feel that his kingship would suffer, and so he would never dispose the secant from his office after forfeiting his powers.

*The "Mu-rid" is the pupil, as opposed to the 'Murshid' (the spiritual Master), Pier or Shaykh (the instructor). Sufi in general are called - saalik, "wayfarers", as being travelers (on the road to heaven, salvation).

Considering one self to be a sinner and subject to a wave is the height of human gentlemanly rather, this is special blessing and kindness of God. You have written that you often weep because of your condition. It is a pity that one weeps while being fed with ghee and pudding, whereas he is happy on chewing dry gram. This very condition is termed Big Dagdha (frying of the seed) and, due to this, freedom from slavery results. To weep in this condition is due to foolishness and lack of knowledge. How can one thank God for this blessing? So remove this misgiving and foolishness', otherwise this will constitute in gratitude for the blessings of God. Then you yourself write that you derive pleasure of death in life. What does this contradictory writing mean? Condionlessness a symptom of arriving at the boundaries of self. But you are at present stuck with the thought of conditionlessness. These conditions of conditionlessness are identical. The Gracious God will create this condition also. The dream of 07th February is probably regarding the 'hukkaa' (smoke-pipe).It is nothing more than this. That of the 13th February is quite plain and needs no explanation. All the remaining dreams are ordinary and simple, and do not require explaining.

Blessing to children and salutations to all. All the letters have been sent. Letters for persons whose addresses I do not know have been written and are kept. Blessings.

Ram Chandra from Fatehgarh.

*The suluk of the Patriarch Abraham is borne out of by the Qur'an. The story that Abraham was brought up in a cavern; and at the end of three years brought out of it, is only an idea of the commentators; and similarly no more importance is to be attached to the story, that he made the remarks in his sixteenth or fortieth year as maintained by Maimonides and are Abraham Zucuc; or that he made them by way of argument to convince the idolators amongst whom he lived, as observed by Muslim commentators. The fact is that the remarks refer to the 'Suluk' of the Patriarch. When he progressed in his 'Suluk', he saw a star in the dark recesses of his heart; and said : "This is my Lord", and when it set, he said : "I do not like that which sets". He saw the Moon rising and setting; and so also the sun rising and setting, and made the same remarks. His conclusion was : "I turned my face to words the Lord who created the heaven and the earth; I am a Unitarian and not a Mushrik".

Letter to the Preceptor along with the diary for March 1931 :

Respected brother,

After after due salutations I have to submit that due to the extreme kindness of your good-self the thought and discrimination of state and statelessness has not remind. Now the condition can be interpreted thus along that what exists does exists. I am neither wise nor insane. There is neither separation nor union. There is neither connection not detachment and there is neither seclusion nor assembly. "Nothing is hidden and nothing is manifest", is the condition now. The thought of limit and limitlessness has vanished from the heart. The sense of time and length of time was imaginary, and does not come in to comprehension. Past, present and future seem to have indicate identical form. From tis I arrive at the conclusion that my sphere of activity, or rendezvous, is at that point which free from the bonds of Time and Space. And really when a glimpse of that point is had for a fraction of a second the condition there of (which can be expressed by word of moth or pen) seems to be samasam (balanced), and free of bonds. Patience and contentment are certainly being felt, and the condition of submission and surrender is intense.

I consider every one to be a servant of God. If any body is wealthy or a man of position, my heart does not attach any special importance to him on that account. The status of the Raja, the pauper and the the fakir, all the three seem to me to the same. If some body is a Governor, my heart is not inclined towards him on that account. This state has come in to being since last moth. My heart makes me realise that now is the beginning of my spirituality. Delhi is still far away.

01st March 1931 :

At Aligarh in the morning when I was free from podia I had a feeling that the subtle current was flowing out from some high point in the mind. When I reflected over it I found out that there was some sanyasi (one who has renounced the world or an ascetic) at Aligarh to whom transmission was going off it own accord. On enquiry through thought, It was found that he was lost in the depths of 'Alame-Kabir' (Macrocosm) through which I have already passed. I pleased on finding his love to be true.









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