AOTW 2022

40th anniversary

(Note to readers:  Thanks to Freud for taking detailed notes on all that preceded my arrival, but also afterwards, and so this summary is very much a joint effort.)

Whenever you hear “40th anniversary”, it’s often associated with a marriage.  And one that lasts THAT long is deemed a success. Or perhaps a miracle. To an extent, that’s what this special weekend was about:  A bunch of young assholes who came together four decades ago, went in different directions, developed different ideas of what is right and wrong, what’s good or bad beer, should you use a driver vs. three wood, or debate whether a hole is a hole.   But we stayed in touch.  Whether it’s this once-a-year event or something more than that, through those 40 years we’ve build a shitload of shared history and adventures together.   It’s forged a unique bond that most people when they hear the story – or see a picture of the trophy - are envious of.

And so this milestone event began on a Friday night, with Beaups, Mowbs, Deano, Scuiser, Coney, Potsy, Boomer, Guy, Nob and Freud at Mowb's Collingwood chalet. Boomer was quite happy and chatty early on, and for most of the evening.  Likely due to his early arrival and lots and lots of red wine.   And although this author was not around to witness said merriment, I did  make note of Leo’s sluggishness Saturday afternoon upon my arrival, and wondered whether there was as story here, worthy of a Sunday vote.

Last September Mowbs was nominated for this special coming together of AOTW members because he’s a great organizer, but also an exceptional cook (and has the full complement of fancy knives to prove it).  And on this, he delivered.  As was reflected in his attention to detail.  He oversaw the Friday night caterers who prepared an amazing dinner of Osso Buco which is a specialty of Lombard cuisine of cross-cut veal shanks braised with vegetables, white wine and broth. Served with Greek salad, Greek potatoes, chicken wrapped prosciutto, tons of red wine was consumed and finishing with a bourbon after dinner drink. 

Ever the planner,  Mowbs attempted a Friday night safety briefing for Saturday’s Skeet shooting.  However, nobody listened:  possibly a function of the “tons of red wine” as per above.  “How about the Poker run briefing, then...can we discuss this please?”  an exasperated Mowbs asked.    Guy responded, “Will there also be shot guns on the poker run?”  And so the attempted debrief deteriorates further.  Finally with both hands in the air and a “fuck it!” type gesture, Mowb's  walked away, turning his attention to another AOTW building block. 

The bonfire has always been one of the defining aspects of AOTW, as it provides a relaxing time away from the dinner table for side conversations to catch up on everyone’s life:   their kids, current health condition (“How many pills do you take everyday?  That many!!”), and plans for retirement.  It’s also quite often the time when the verbal sparring takes place.   While asshole behaviour is most commonly experienced as a form of  physical aggression, it’s also the case that it can manifest itself in some kind of emotional abuse.  Case in point: AOTW members questioning Freud’s work ethic and number of vacation days he has a year. A tad ironic given that most AOTW members now have 52 weeks of vacation a year! On a more upbeat note, Grandpa Boomer announces that he leaves for a Hawaiian cruise in 3 days. Boomer tosses back half a glass of red wine in one go.  Boomer shares stories of meeting Mel this summer during his maritime vacation.  Boomer refills his glass.

The next morning, Mowbs rustled up some greasy bacon and egg breakfast, providing the foundational strength for the day.  Soon the boys are off for the day’s main event.  

The original planned activity - Skeet shooting had gone sideways and Mowb's pivoted quickly to other firearms.   Event 1 was shooting beer cans and targets with a 22.    Five bullets each.  Mowbs was being very safe with the gun as he knows no one listened to his safety briefing Friday night.   Nob knocks 3 cans off.   Scruiser takes 2.   Nil for the rest of us.   Target shooting is next and the group fares much better hitting the larger format.  Guy and Floyd win the overall shooting competition and no one got shot!  So no inconvenient trip to the hospital.  Don’t laugh!   It has in fact happened  on at least two occasions in the past (Halley for punching a window after losing at cards, and Paul for kidney stones, although unclear whether those stones were a function of AOTW shenanigans.)

Having worked up an appetite, it was time to head to Winifred’s English pub in Thornbury for lunch.  The group had a good greasy lunch with fish and chips. Our server Savanah received the largest tip of her career. Classy move from Mowbs. 

Next up on the agenda:  Time for the Poker run. Mowbs needs to go over all the rules again as no one listened the previous night.  The particulars in this case, if there is ever a desire to repeat the fun:

·         Bar 1a, a numeric Roman Emperor Bar - 1858 Caesar Bar

·         Bar 1b, noir ranger/star captain brewer - Black Bellows brewing company

·         Bar 2a directionally breezy for the Village People - Northwinds brewpub

·         Bar2b, Bulls 23 et chaud - MJ Bryne's Irish pub

·         Bar 3, cider and brew is crafty near lunch - Thornbury Craft Co. Cider & Brew House

·         Guidance on getting lost “Boarding ferry here” you are at a gay bar. 

Cruise and Beaup's finish first in the porker run. Leo and Rob win the card flop.   Yours truly arrived at 3PM and needs to catch up on all the developments thus far, and any early indications of poor form that may be vote worthy.

An excellent Saturday dinner was had at Prime seven Nine restaurant in Collingwood. Mowbs arranged transportation in a small school bus – again displaying a level of common sense and maturity that is often lacking at this event.   After getting settled into our chairs with drinks and appetizers, one of the assholes floats the idea of, “If you could, what would be the quantity and variety of ladies you would have in your personal Harem?”  Blondes and gingers with a variety breast sizes were popular themes.  The group was split on whether the boob’s ability to hold a pencil or two was a pro or a con.  Also, there was some difference of opinion on the virtues of plump versus skinny.   One important watch-out that did emerge and on which there was consensus:  Several days growth below the beltline would mean a “rough mount”, and should be part of the policy handbook given to all wenches who enter your harem.

Feeling fat and jolly (and maybe a bit horny), we all returned to the chalet for hot tub, more drinking, stories around the campfire, and some more ribbing. Yours truly was a “victim” of such attacks given his late arrival to the event:  it seems as though family matters are not a sufficient excuse for disrupting tradition, and was worthy of a vote, but not sufficient to change the eventual outcome.  By mid evening, several of other AOTW members attacked the living room couch face first.  Case in point:  We hear Guy snoring over the music and he is talking in his sleep about preserving Toronto's historical architecture.  I see a fairly large asshole crack appearing above his jeans and that disturbing image leads me to look for another couch to sleep on much later that night.  Deano makes an early exit to bed to try to get to sleep before Beaup's comes in and starts snoring.   And soon it was time for the other AOTW mandatory: sausages at midnight.   A few who earlier were on the couch managed to find a second wind.  Such is the power of tradition.  After having jammed back the tubular groceries, more of the crew bade good night, save and except for Harps, Scruiser and Nob who continued on until 4:30 AM, discussing what, we’ll never know.

We awoke Sunday morning to some rain, which raised a few concerns about whether this other important AOTW tradition might not be in the cards, but the skies did clear and set the stage for nine holes of golf at Cranberry. After much back and forth across the fairway, flubbed chip shots, and three puts, the team’s scores ended in a draw. It has to be said that the general trajectory of golf performance has tailed off over the years, as you’d think that best ball would and should see a net score below par.  But that didn’t happen.  A chip off with Scuiser hitting it closest to the pin gives the trophy to team Guy, Freud, Scruiser and Beaups.

Back to Chalet for lunch and voting.

Deano wins with an overwhelming and record-setting majority of votes (8 of 11). It was a decisive win, but not because his performance was deserving, but merely because his turn has come.  As has often been the case over the years, getting voted AOTW is more about duty calls than any kind of poor behaviour.  Will we ever see a true asshole again at this annual event?  To find out, make sure you mark your calendars for next year’s installment scheduled for Sept. 15-17. 2023 Thanks again to Mowbs for excellent planning, sound execution, a “safety first” orientation to the event, and the generous use of all 7,000 square feet of his party palace.