“How the f#@&k is it possible I’m nearly 60?” Â
This was among the predominant themes at the 34th AOTW held in the Niagara region this year. Â
And while there was some limping and shuffling going on, it didn’t stop 10 Men signing up for a testosterone-fueled, bravado-filled weekend on the shores of Lake Ontario in the town of St Catharines. A nice big house, with pool and a great view across the lake, all the way to Toronto.
Chief organizer Rob Fleming managed to put together a compelling program that saw the following show up: Beaups, Boomer, Coney, Deano, Dinzie, Freud, Mowbs, Cruiser, Harps.
The only flaw in the plan was there were not enough beds, a failure on the part of the owner who thought straight men would double up in the same bed.
So it was a good thing this year that Mowbs arrived early so he could have his pick of the rooms, since last year he was stuck with his “tissue pillow” and narrow cot.Â
Friday night was spent in the usual fashion: catching up on the past 12 months and the goings on with family, work, the need for a little blue pill, and thoughts on our latest fantasy girls (now more likely to be in her 40’s tho).
Daryl has joined Leo as fully retired from the workforce. As an added bit of news, Daryl announced he was a new millionaire, having sold his north Toronto house from some obscene amount. Â
The rest of us who still need to work held some break-out sessions in the hopes of getting some advice and/or insight into how to stay relevant in the workforce full of bratty little millennials for whom the sun rises and sets on number of likes they get on their Facebook post.
As darkness fell, attention turned to two predictable Friday night activities: scrounging around for some wood for a decent fire, and BBQ sausage. What was different for Friday night was that most of us hit the sack by midnight. Â
It could have been the disappointment of the Blue Jays playoff loss, or perhaps someone found a few old Playboy mags to keep them warm given that the heat wasn’t working.
Saturday morning, Master Chef Mowbs made us all breakfast. After clean-up, the sun came out and so then did the first beer, cracked around 11am.  It was at this point that Daryl got a text, following which he announced he was no longer a millionaire as his house sale had fallen through. He debated whether he should head back to console Agnes, but in the end realized there was nothing he could do, plus that could be worthy of a vote, a precedent that was set in 2012 in Collingwood when Steve ducked one night to go to his son’s hockey game back in Kitchener.Â
Early afternoon, the taxi cabs showed up to take us to Strewn Wineries where we were going to engage in what was the most civilized of all AOTW events thus far: Â a cooking class.
Rob continued to surprise and delight with his event planning skills, as he had arranged for our very own AOTW embossed cooking aprons.  Once teams were established, and we’d taken our positions at the work stations, it was down to business.
In addition to us, there were 5 other students which included a hot mom and daughter combo which added some additional flavour and spice to the afternoon. And maybe a chubbie or two.
We had three women to educate and direct our efforts: Clair, Charlotte, and some bossy bitch whose name I’ve forgotten.  With their help and guidance, we managed to make a fantastic five-course meal over the afternoon, which included among other things, beef wellington and rustic mashed carrots.Â
For most of the time, Leo was glued to his ipad watching the Blue Jay’s second playoff loss of the weekend. This total lack of involvement did not go unnoticed, and was to become an important talk point for the rest of the weekend.
Several times we broke from the action and were taken into the dining room to eat what we had prepared and to have it paired up with an appropriate wine. The winery owner, Joe, explained why the wines went with a particular dish. At times Joe droned on a bit too much about “minerality”, “hints of lemon grass”, and “front of palate”, but he was a pleasant enough man who meant well.
With full bellies and an armful of wine and beer, we returned to base camp to settle in for a proper debrief on the day, and bonfire.Â
We kept finding new ways to introduce the new phrase of the weekend, "You've been trumped" (Thank you President hopeful, Donald). It dawned on us late in the evening that we had not yet watched a porn video, nor had the topic of everyone’s high school heart throb, Maris Uffleman, come up in discussion. A sign of maturing, or memory loss? At least our drinking abilities have not declined.  And Mowbs did offer up a cigarette if I stayed up a bit longer, so it was good to see the spirit of sharing was still alive and well.Â
Sunday morning it was off to Rockway Golf course for the annual 9 hole Best Ball. It seems the skills were a bit rusty, as the winning team (Beaups Leo Harps) managed to win with an uninspiring round of 2 over par.
Over beer, it was time to get down to the business of voting in a new AOTW Chair for 2017.  And while a number of us thought Beaups was a good candidate for next year given the lengthy time lapse since his last effort (2004 Niagara Falls), it was Leo who pulled out the “win” with 6 votes, Beaups with 3, and Gary with 1.
Leo seemed quite excited about his new assignment, and before the second round of beer arrived, he already had identified next year’s location.
Well done Rob on a most excellent weekend. Leo, we know you’ll kill it. Looking forward to a great turnout for our 35th event.  Â