Memories from the weekend;

Attendees:

Halley, Leo, Deano, Cookie, Harps, Mowbs, Freud, Scuiser, Coney, Beaups and Guy.

Absent: Rod, Nob, Mel and Potsy

Winner; Freud

A landslide victory. 9 of 11 votes!

The 2004 AOTW was held where else? The honeymoon capital of the world, Niagara Falls!

Beaups as official AOTW designate selected a destination that was equally out of the way for everybody. But as all assholes know, when assholes get together its not about the location, its about…………..what is it about again?

Friday

Arrival day, some of the usual suspects had scoped out a couple of the local “tracks” (I am speaking in golf terms) and played away the day. And the usual arguments ensued about who had the best shot of the day, remember that sand trap shot that I hit with my putter, Leo almost had a birdie, Scott almost had an eagle etc etc….

The anticipation for a raucous weekend was ripe as each of the members arrived at the swank Radisson Niagara Falls looking for the suite where they could find libations, flatulence and full on camaraderie. That “suite” ended up being Beaups twin bedded room.

So amongst “is Nob coming? “ and “where’s Dinzie” plans were made for dinner in the hotel sports bar. A quick series of wadka tonics before we all sat down en masse looking as if we were going to ride tonight to save England, knights of the templar type of set up, ordering racks of ribs, steaks, grilled this and that and lots of lickher. The waitress was fascinated that 10, 11, 12 or 13 assholes still convened albeit more placidly after all these years.

John Halley showed up just as dinner arrived. Some asked again “if Nob was coming?”

Well once the bill was divided and everyone had a chance to short the waitress. Did someone see Rod? Rod, where is Rod? We headed out for a cultural dalliance to the “ballet”. Recommendations courtesy of Scott and the Ontario Slow Pitch Soft Balls Association.

It did not take long to scope our “jam your groceries asshole-licking lesbians” who promptly mesmerised the assembled crew as they writhed on the table. Some of you were surely snapping one off to the memories of the event back at the hotel and beyond.

Now this is where it gets a bit blurry for me (Cookie, the author).

It appears that I cannot find my glasses and I have no idea where they could be?

The night rolled on in the Beaups Suite, not sure what time it went to? Late I am sure by the bleariness of the eyes the next morning. I do recall someone asking, “is Nob coming” just before the lights went out.

Saturday.

Another glorious day in the land of assholes. Off we go to the private enclave and exclusivity of the Beechwood G & CC. Now and forever regarded as Belchwood. For a reference on the frivolities and happenings at Belchwood, please refer to every other AOTW golf game from the past ten years or so.

No day is without its event. This one being no exception. As all of the lads leave to head back to get to the Niagara Whirlpool Boat, its discovered that Beaups’ cheap Land Ranger/Rover/Explorer/Jimmy/Toyota would not start. Something to do with an electric starter or transmission. Too bad Beaups is exempt from the competition. But thank God Leo was there to get it all fixed. Just as we are pulling out I overhear someone say, “ Is Nob coming”?

It’s a busy day lads. The swirling waters of the might Niagara River await!

Along the way we stopped off to Lenscrafters to pick up my new glasses!

There may have been a lunch at Hooters before we headed over to Niagara on the Lake, but frankly I am not sure and for sure no one recalls the waitress’s face.

When you think about it there have been quite a few aquatic themes starting with the very first AOTW river rafting, including of course the theft of one tin boat for a midnight row somewhere outside of Peterborough. Black eyes and Houseboats complimented the concurrence of our affection for water-based activities!

But nothing really compares to the bone-crushing, scrotum shrivelling experience of a wall of white Niagarian water slamming you back into your bench seat. Scream like a girl all you want, we are not going back to the dock until after this next wave……… Good choice Beaups!

The lure of gaming has no immunity with this group of assholes. The Casino called loud and it called clear. We all headed over there later that evening after pizzas and beer in the Beaups Suite. I recall a hockey game and a lot of men lying on beds together. They say what happens on the road, stays on the road.

Just before we left the room for the casino, one asshole asked, “is Nob coming?”

Now gaming stories and fishing stories have a lot in common. The catch is always exaggerated.

But truthfully in full form the author did win a $300.00 jackpot. The best part about this win is that it didn’t have to be shared with Pablo (Paul) as on the Big Hawk Lake World Poker Tour two years running!

Having taken my winnings, I headed immediately back to the hotel to prepare my bags for departure.

Due to an early arrival in my bed, I am not sure what happened this evening. Rumour has it that there were some stories about men on beds, and warm beer in the Beaups Suite.

Sunday

It’s Sunday and that means it A Day or Asshole Day for one lucky asshole. After a group, greasy breakfast to quell the turbulence in our gullets we headed down to the Falls for the nomination ceremony.

Deservingly, Floydski won. By a significant margin if I recall. Floyd in good form quaffed his “due” and took it up the ass like a good asshole.

In the end we all trudged up the long hill back to Radisson (Mike ran to demonstrate his enviable athletic prowess over the rest of the trolls) and we all did the ubiquitous “ great to see you’s” and departed en masse.

When I got home there was a message from Nob.

Apparently he was not coming this year!