WHY AM I DEPRESSED?

On the fourth week of lockdown, April 02 in class. We continued to share our stories and respond to the same questions that were posed on March 31, 2020: What is your pain presently? At what stage are you in now in relation to Lady Corona?

The atmosphere seems a little better. One more student claimed that she is better on the fourth week of lock down compared to the previous weeks. Many of her questions were answered. There was the realization that in times of crisis, we learn to be content with what we have like for instance, the food that are brought in to campus by the suppliers.

An otherwise peaceful and normal life and rhythm was perturbed by the onslaught of Lady Corona. To feel sad, angry, displaced, confused, lethargic, anxious of what the future might be, are therefore normal, under the circumstance. To actually acknowledge and express these feelings appropriately are important and necessary toward healing and recovery. Let’s consider the process that the Psalmist went through in the midst of an overwhelming personal crisis.

I. I thirst for the living God: The Psalmist affirms that as the deer pants for water so he thirsts for God (1-4).

Using the metaphor of a deer the Psalmist expressed that he longs (Heb.‘arag-long for, pants, craves)1 for God in the same way and as much as a deer pants (Heb.‘arag) for water. Extending the metaphor, he added that he thirsts for the living God (Heb.’el chai) and desires to once again experience God’s presence (1-2).

My tears have become my food means that he cannot eat on account of the daily taunting of his enemies. These continuously mock him saying: Where is your God? The situation caused him to remember and weep (lit. pour out my soul) before God. More so as he remembers in times past when he went to worship God in the temple (3-4).

A Thought: Times of can crisis either draw us closer to or drive us away from God, depending on how we receive and respond to the situation. For the Psalmist, his crisis drove him to desire God and to be in His presence.

II. I am depressed, but I will hope in God: The Psalmist acknowledges that he is depressed (5-7).

The Psalmist did not mince with words. Twice he admitted that he has reached rock bottom. First, he asked a rhetorical question as to why he feels depressed (v. 6). Second, he declared that he is depressed (v. 7). In both instances, he used the same terminology (Heb. shiyach, which is derived from shuach). While shiyach has the meaning to despair or melt away, shuach means to sink down, and it can refer to a depression of mind.2

The Psalmist acknowledges also that he feels restless (Heb. hamah - to make a noise, moan, be tumultuous, roar, turbulent, be restless,)3 but commands himself to hope in God. We find the same phrase of to hope in God in Psalm 42:11, 43:5, and 69:3. There is a twist in 69:3 in that the Psalmist of said psalm did not lie about how he felt–his eyes have grown tired of looking for and hoping in God.

The Psalmist in 42 did not betray a loss in hope. On the contrary, he looked forward to the time when he will yet praise God for His awesome acts of help and deliverance. The Psalmist resolved to remember to call on God while in Jordan, Hermon, and Mt. Mizar.

Then he shifts and sort of relocates himself where he could hear the mountain streams calling on each other to the sound of God’s cascading waterfalls. While in that sphere, he likenes his emotional state to God’s sweeping current and mighty waves. It is akin to what Jonah felt when Yahweh threw him into the ocean (cf. Jonah 2:3).

Questions: In what ways has this CODIV 19 pandemic left you overwhelmed, restless, anxious, sleepless, and fearful? Have you acknowledged these feeling before God?

III. I will sing and pray to the living God: The Psalmist resolves to sing and pray to the living God on account of Yahweh’s loving loyalty (8-11)

The Psalmist points out that despite what is happening around him, Yahweh continues to show His loving loyalty. Earlier, the Psalmist used the general term, Elohim to address God. Then he shifts to Yahweh, the personal and covenantal name of God. On account of Yahweh’s covenant relationship with His people and loving kindness, the Psalmist knows God will take care of him even in his darkest moments. He adds that Yahweh also gives him a song in the night– a prayer to the living God (8).

The Psalmist did bring his two questions to God: Why do you ignore me? Why should I go mourning on account of the oppressions of my enemies? The Psalmist expressed the same and exact questions in 43:2.

Then the Psalmist reminds God that He is his high rock (Heb. sela‘- a lofty rock, a fortress, a stronghold, a hiding place). Sela’ is used 6 times in the Old Testament with reference to God being David’s (2 Sam 22:2; Psa 18:2; 31:3; 71:3) and the Korahites (Psa 42:9) impregnable, high rock, and hiding place–inaccessible to their enemies.

The Psalmist recognizes that the taunting of his enemies continues to cut deep (Heb. ratsach-dash in pieces, smash, grinds, crushes)4 though his inner being. This is so because every day, his enemies mock him with: Where is your God?

Verse 11 is a repetition of verse 5. Indeed, if Yahweh is the high rock and secure hiding place of the Psalmist, he need not be depressed or feel restless. He did the right thing to keep hope and praise God for His presence and interventions upon his life.

Reflection Questions:

1. What descriptions did the Psalmist give about God in Psalm 42?

2. What principles did the Psalmist apply during a personal crisis and depression?

3. Having expressed your frustrations and feelings to God, what is He asking you to do to keep faith, hope, and fellowship with Him?

4. What is the God leading you to do to help you cope up with what Lady Corona has brought upon your life?

One of my students in OT 602 shared this in class: This virus is revealing all of what is inside of us– what is really in our heart. If we become more reflective, it has the potential to produce what is positive.

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