Fix the Barriers, Fix the Behaviors - Managing Reassurance-Seeking

Managing Reassurance-Seeking

Why Some Students Need Constant Reassurance

In band and music classrooms, some students seek reassurance almost continuously.

They ask:

“Is this right?”
“Am I doing it correctly?”
“Should I do it again?”
“Can you check mine?”

This behavior is often misinterpreted as attention-seeking or a lack of independence. In reality, reassurance-seeking is commonly linked to anxiety, executive functioning challenges, and low confidence in internal feedback systems.

For many students, especially those with anxiety, ADHD, or learning disabilities, uncertainty feels unsafe. When expectations are unclear or tasks feel open-ended, students look to adults to confirm that they are on the right track before proceeding. The reassurance is not about approval — it’s about reducing cognitive and emotional risk.

Why Reassurance-Seeking Increases in Music Class - The Science

Music classrooms intensify this need because:

Feedback is often public and immediate
Errors are audible
Tasks happen in real time
There is rarely a single “right” answer that feels obvious

For students who struggle with self-monitoring, the internal question “Am I doing this correctly?” becomes constant — and verbal reassurance becomes their primary regulation tool.

How Structure Replaces Reassurance

Research on executive functioning and self-regulation shows that external clarity reduces internal uncertainty. When students can see:

What to do first
What comes next
How long the task will take
What success looks like

they rely less on adult validation and more on the structure itself.

Managing reassurance is not about telling students to stop asking questions — it’s about designing environments that answer the questions before they need to be asked.

Structures That Reduce Reassurance-Seeking ~ Effective supports include:

Visual task sequences (checklists, slides, learning sheets)

as we have covered in previous pages....this supports executive functioning and anxiety

Clear success criteria (“Play this three times with correct rhythm”)

Rubrics are great, so are checklists - I laminate these self assessments so we can reuse them in class.

Bounded tasks with start/stop points

when students are asked to record for their weekly practice challenges they are told they can only record themselves 3 times, then submit the best of the 3 videos...this gives students who need to do it until it is perfect an excuse to accept that their best is good enough.
when students use the practice room, timers are invloved so that we use our time effectively
We have lots of rules in band...neurospicy brains like rules...- the rule of 3 is big one in our classroom and research supports this. If we can do something 3 times correctly then we know it.

“The quality of repetitions matters more than the quantity; correct repetitions are what drive learning.”~

Adapted from Ericsson, K. A. (2006)

Consistent routines that remove guesswork - as we have discussed on other pages.

Written expectations that students can reference independently.

All my students have binders with dividers, the back section is resources and includes a fingering chart and other things they may need to reference.
Fingering Charts and Bulletin Boards are visible to support students.

I tell my students it is important to know how to cheat...meaning do things that make life easier...so if you can look around the room and find the answer, then that is something to be celebrated. Honestly, with phones they have the entirity of the world's knowledge at their fingertips, they need skills that support searching and vetting information.

I encourage my students to use their environment to solve problems.

Big Fingering Charts

Wall of Musical Knowledge

Order of Sharps of Flats

Build Internal Leadership:

Students must ask the person next to them, and then their section leader before they ask the conductor for help with things like fingerings, note names, or if they can't make a sound etc...
Give anxious students responsibilities like taking attendance - this gives them a sense of power and control and reduces the anxiety...calming the brain will help them focus more in class

Opportunity to learn at own pace with online supports:

My Google Classroom contains a section with practice tools and games, recordings of our pieces to play along with, instrument specific scale tutorials and more.

These supports shift reassurance from “Am I okay?” to “I know what to do next.”

Why This Builds Independence (Not Dependence) - More Science

It may feel counterintuitive, but providing more structure upfront leads to greater independence over time.

When students are not spending energy:

Interpreting vague instructions
Monitoring for mistakes
Waiting for adult confirmation

they are better able to:

Self-check their work
Persist through uncertainty
Take appropriate musical risks

Over time, the need for reassurance decreases — not because students were pushed to be independent, but because the environment made independence possible.

Why This Reduces “Behavior”

High reassurance-seeking can look like:

Frequent interruptions
Off-task behavior while waiting for help
Anxiety-driven avoidance
Over-dependence on the teacher

When expectations are explicit and visible, we see:

Fewer interruptions
Longer periods of sustained work
Increased confidence
More consistent participation

Not because students are being ignored ~but because they feel secure enough to proceed on their own.

Reassurance-seeking is a signal of uncertainty, not weakness.
When we reduce uncertainty, the need for reassurance naturally fades.

click on the button to learn about managing PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)

Managing PDA