cabin- a wooden building with stacks of beds for layered overnight storage of bodies
cake (noun)- 1. a flattish, circular or rectangular, sweet dessert based on bread (loose sense), brownie, etc. 2. some other baked things that aren't actually cakes like pancakes
candid (noun)- a photograph surreptitiously taken of an unsuspecting person
candiru- species of fish that's only been documented swimming up someone's urethra once, and even that report is dubious, so shut up about the "factual horror", Cracked
candle (noun)- a type of slow-burning fuse
capture the flag- wussified variant of football designed to minimize injuries, removing all the fun of getting injured and leaving nothing but physical exercise, strategy, and teamwork
caravel- yet another kind of boat
caricature (noun)- a strawman portrait
carrel- an artisanal cubicle
cause célèbre- a pressing issue
caveat emptor- it's your fault if I rip you off
cell- a stall
centrism- a neutral political stance sitting between the extremes of egalitarian not-quite-free-market bureaucratic republicanism and not-quite-egalitarian free-market bureaucratic republicanism
cephalophore- a saint carrying his own head
c'est la guerre- the opposite of "this means war"
change one's mind— euphemism for committing apostasy
checkmate (interjection)- Q.E.D.— used in the hopes that stating victory will convince the debate opponent that you're right, preventing them from responding
cheer (verb)- to repeat someone's name loudly to help them focus
chemotherapy- treatment for cancer that better be effective, or else we are going to look barbaric to the future.
chilblain [CHILL-blayn] (noun)- an itchy-as-hell sonofab**ch that occurs after one walks 5 goddamn miles in subzero temperatures, Fahrenheit. The agonizing f**ker is also called 'pernio'.
chill/chill out (interjection)— thing said to forfeit an argument: "chill out, this is a debate, not a forum for you to hurl disagreements at me"
chill pill- a sedative or depressant
chivalry- the status of a man who, out of nothing more than the goodness of his heart, acts with politeness and kindness towards those whom he wants to have sex with
chosen people- 1. in Jewish terminology, Jews, who were told by YHVH, the Jewish God, that they were most important in the Torah. 2. in Christian terminology, Christians, who were told by Deity, the Christian God, that they were most important in the Bible. 3. in Islamic terminology, Muslims, who were told by Allah, the Islamic God, that they were most important in the Koran.
circle of life- the beautiful phenomenon where you get eaten by wolves. It's beautiful because it's normal.
circular logic- a phenomenon where a person believes one thing, which reinforces another belief, reinforcing the first belief. In computer programming, where this is known as an infinite loop, it locks up the program, causing it to reject any and all further input.
clabber (noun)- a food formed when milk goes bad but you insist that it is still good
classy- high-class, aristocratic
cloak (noun)- a shy cape
clover- common three-leaved plant famous for sometimes having four leaves
codpiece- a leathern condom worn at all times except during sex
cold call- when a person you never met who's probably bored out of their mind calls you up and just starts chatting. The perfect opportunity to make a friend.
collusion- synergy
coma theory- a popular fan theory that posits that the events of a story didn't happen but are actually fictitious.
comfit- a candy consisting of a sugar-capsule with a decorative almond in the middle
common sense ain't so common (proverb)- 1. what seems commonsense to one person may not be commonsense to everyone, i.e. common sense is not common to everyone. 2. my worldview seems obvious to me, so it must be obvious to everyone, but it isn't, so everyone else is wrong because they differ from what I think everyone else thinks and what everyone thinks is clearly right, therefore everyone is wrong, i.e. common sense is rare.
complicit- being a bystander, i.e. being an aggressor
compline- the final prayers of the day before driving home from church
confidant- a close friend or a memory hole
confidential- level of secret above classified but below strike-me-dead
connoisseur- a person who likes some foods and dislikes others, as a profession
considering- word added to the end of a compliment to make it backhanded. "You did a very good job, considering."
constitutional- valid, legitimate, moral
content (noun)- writing or other creative work viewed by publishers as something to fill books with.
contract (noun)- a voluntary legal agreement between a company and an unsuspecting customer
cookie-cutter (adjective)- identical because of a single template, much like a cookie cutter's uncreative nature used by factory workers
cooking (noun)- Crisco
cooties- informal term for ladypox
cord (noun)- a metal rope
cordial (noun)- a pick-me-up
corsepresent- a clerical estate tax
cottage (noun)- a luxurious cabin
couch (noun)- an upholstered bench
couvade- a tradition in some cultures where an expecting father lies in bed and groans to simulate going through labor, and occasionally plays dead after simulating parturition to simulate maternal death. Thanks to modern medicine, men doing couvade have to play dead far less often, and may also choose to get a placebo C-section.
crackpot (noun)- a member of the minority on a factual issue you are in the vast majority on
crematorium- a factory for the production of essence of human
cringe (noun)- a genre of comedy where you empathize with people, making you laugh
criticaster- a hater
crosier- a shepherd's staff held by a bishop in order to present himself as "one of the laymen"
crutch (noun)- (derogatory) something one uses to make something easier
cubby- a storage cabinet designed for those without any valuables
culprit- a defendant
cult- a religion that is not big enough to be dogmatic, but refuses to stay in its lane as independent spirituality until it becomes big enough.
cult of personality- a celebrity fandom
curate (verb)- to vet
curiosity killed the cat (proverb)- you best not be poking around where you have no right to, if you know what's best for you.
curmudgeon- an elderly person who does not treat their juniors with deference.
curtsey (noun)- a gesture wherein one starts to get down on one knee and propose but then thinks better of it
cylinder- an engine component that increases the engine's impressiveness.