ChayeiSarah
Chayeh Soroh
Chayeh Soroh
(For the TORAH portions of CHAYEY SARAH &TOLDOT)
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Rivka and her son Yakov (Jacob) trick the holy Yitschak (Isaac) [their husband/father] regarding the blessing:
Questions:
1. What led Rivka and her son Yakov (Jacob) to do this horrible-seeming deed?
2. Rivka says to Yakov “Do it, the curse will be on me”. Can one do an evil deed at the behest of one's mother, just because she agrees to take the responsibility, blame or consequences?! [And even though God wants that one should honor ie listen to one's mother, surely in tis case the obligation is cancelled by the requirement to honor one's father!]
3. How could a blessing sourced in God be acquired via trickery? (ie Wouldn't God withhold the divine energy needed to power a blessing?)
4. Why is it that God seems to love Yakov despite all this?
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Specifically, she understands God's communication to her not just as a prediction of an event that will occur but rather as conveying God's Will, ie that the younger son gets the blessing.
Even more importantly, she understands the higher-level intent - that God is conveying this to her because it is her mission, that it will become fact only if she takes action to make it happen.
She indeed ensures that the younger son gets the blessing, despite the havoc this would wreak in her relationship with her other son, and between these two twin sons, and with her husband the great patriarch Isaac. She thus acted despite the tremendous sacrifice it involved, because she understood that it was God's Will that she intervene, and she did it totally with holy intention.
Interestingly, what she did as a result utilized her full background/temperament including channeling 'inherited' negative characteristics.
Preface: As is often the case, the narratives in the Torah are presented in a way which makes it possible to interpret the heroes of its stories negatively, but with additional insight one sees the deeper level, where the actions take on a positive light.
This is also the case sometimes in our own interactions with people, where occasionally an observer of our action my have an initial negative judgment, which would be dispelled were they to have greater insight, so that 'judging favorably' is not only a moral precept, it is an algorithm for increasing the likelihood that one's intepretation of events is correct.
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Rivka's greatness included that she understood that the kicking in her belly was a message, so that she went to ask God, not a doctor. [God dictated the words of the story to Moses, so when the story says "she went to ask God" and then tells of the answer she receives, God is writing this, so it means that God is conveying that indeed she received this response from God (whether the message was relayed via Shem son of Noah , or via something like the 'urim vetumim' he had; whether this is considered 'prophecy' or not, it is similar in that it is a message from God, to her, and about here. And the literal translation of what the Torah writes is "she went to ask God, and God answered her".) ]
It is clear via a contextual reading that Rivka was acting in accordance with God's wishes: God had given Rivka a message "two nations are in your belly....the older will serve the younger". Rivka was a true hero - as was the case with the great prophet Abraham her father-in-law she understood that in many cases divine prophecy is not just a prediction but a mission - a life-task!
Rivka understood that since God had not shared this message (that "the older would serve the younger") with Yitschak, then when the time was right she herself was meant to act on this. She understands that the fact of God telling her this message is because for some reason Yitschak was not able to be part of this - and so there would turn out to be some way in which it would be up to her to make this happen (and as it turned out: to do so despite Yitschak, rather than just without his help). She did not know what it was she needed to do or when but later, when she saw that Yitschak was intending to give the blessing to Esav, Rivka understood that this was the moment, it was now that her destiny was to be fulfilled. Rivka intuits that If God had meant for Isaac to give the blessing willingly to Ya’akov, God would have given the message to Isaac, not to her, and she rose to the challenge - with great self-sacrifice - to make sure that events followed God’s plan as revealed to her - that it was Yaakov who was to receive the blessing.]
In this light, we can understand the enigmatic statement by rivka when she felt the commotion inside her womb "‘im ken lama zeh anochi" as meaning: ‘ok, this is unusual, what is this trying to tell me, what am I supposed to be doing about all this’. (maybe read it 'le-mah' rather than 'lamah'?) [So it is similar in this sense to Avraham's "Bamoh edah ki eroshenu?"] ie 'lamah zeh anochi" = "if this is indeed a message from God, then what is my part, what should I be doing"? [That’s why after saying this she went to consult 'God', perhaps via the prophet of the time, and we see from the story that she is righteous enough for her to be directly answered.]
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This enables us to answer the questions we raised earlier:
1. Of course the trickery on blind Issac seems horrifying, however Rivka was fulfilling God's intention that she make sure the blessing would go to Yaakov, and so her trickery was not for the sake of gain or manipulation or other impure motive, it was purely for the intent of fulflling God's Will;
2. We can now also understand the meaning and validity of her words of reassurance to Yakov that “it’s on me” - meaning that I was authorized by God to do this.
3 It is only because God intended that Yaakov receive the blessings that the transmission of the blessings to him 'worked' despite the trickery via which it was received. And Isaac himself realized this after realizing tha the had given the blessing to Jacob, telling Esav "and indeed he will be blessed!".
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Rivka's character:
We are given the prelude to all the above In the week's portion of "Chayey Sarah", where Rivka is first presented : we see that she is the embodiment of 'chesed' (loving-kindness). Then right at the beginning of next week's portion we see that she is very spiritual in going to ask God why she feels tumult in her belly, all in order to be able to understand her later actions in the correct light.
All this context provided in the passages of this week's portion should be enough to enable anyone who wishes to, to read the next parts of the story - regarding the cheating of Yitschak and Esav - in a way which shows Rivka in a favorable light.
As we saw above, in order to judge Rivka in context, we need to see the first part of the story, when God instructs her of her mission. It was NOT her judgement of what was right and wrong, it was her brave and righteous undertaking to carry out this very difficult divine task.
Of course we cannot directly and simply understand why it is that God calls upon heros to take such actions, why it is that history must work out in such non-straightforward paths, but there are many many Torah stories - and life experiences - which indicate that this is the reality of our existence (and of course there are many mystical insights and philosophical approaches which attempt to explain why this is all so).
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Rivka’s Main Qualification:
She came from a shady family, but was the embodiment of kindness and generosity. Because of her family's dodgy practices, Rivka able to see through her son Esav’s wilyness very clearly, and she had the courage to do the correct thing even though it was a rather harsh step against her own son. In contrast, Isaac was so accepting that he wanted to give the blessing to Esav – perhaps because he felt Esav needed it more.
Isaac grew up in the upstanding home of Abraham whereas his wife Rivka grew up in the home of sly Lavan: she not only recognized hypocrisy and evil, and was also familiar with her son Esav's slyness (inherited from the family as well), but very importantly she had 'inherited' via her background the slyness she then used as a tool to fulfil God's wish. Importantly, as indicated by the story of the camels, she developed the characteristics of chesed (lovingkindness), combining them successfully ('gvurah'?) to fight evil. Fighting evil does not make one evil – just the opposite; not fighting evil does not keep one pure – quite the opposite.
Noah was righteous, but (in the opinion of some Traditional commentators) the Torah relates via the words 'in his generations' in the sense of "even more-so" ie he was righteous despite the wickedness of his milieu. And we can similarly understand regarding Rivka's contrast to the others in her family.
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Rivka knows the family history, knows that the men in the family operate on a different plane: Yishmael was cast out only because Sarah wanted it but not Avraham, he was not clued-in the way Sarah was; and Rivka sees directly that Avraham sent Eliezer to Haran without a clear plan. Just as Avraham likes the 'wrong' son, she sees that his son Yitschak also likes the 'wrong' son. She sees that the men are not able to safeguard the lineage, ensuring Jewish survival, and Rivka understands that that is HER role.
[As part of this, after asking her son Yakov 'ish tam' (man of straightforward simplicity) to go totally against his nature and trick his revered father, she sends him to her family to shake him up with further training, and teach him the 'survival skills' he will need to encounter and fight evil.
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Rivka's cousin Lot had managed to be a tremendous master of kindness to guests in the most wicked spot. Although he 'redeemed the spark whose great holiness led to the warpedness of Sdom' and thus merited being the ancestor of King David and moshiach and was able to pass on tot hem the benefits of his struggles (see the commentary I posted last week re this), but was negatively influenced by his surroundings (perhaps it was similarly for Terach and those of his descendants who did not continue to Cna'an as originally planned but stayed instead 'halfway there', in Harran).
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Rivka managed to attain or retain purity despite her surroundings (maybe because she was young and not yet jaded or attacked, and this would be a good reason for choosing her so young), and thus was qualified for this delicate mission. That’s why Eliezer - with the help of the 'malach' (angel) which Avraham sent along with them - chose Rivka based on chesed, especially as she developed or maintained this trait in the horrible den of twisted people she was raised in (perhaps twisted by the effect of "the shells of powerful sparks" which they not so successfully tried to redeem). Rivka's triumph of character was remarkable, and also it meant that she had innate ability to overcome the type of evil prevalent in her household, and hopefully therefore be able to use the cunning when necessary, but to do so for the right reason, maintaining purity ('redeeming that spark').
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So Abraham was in this way able to get both aspects that he wanted in the match for Yitschak - 'chesed'(kindness) and family
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We can now also add the following in response to quesiton 4:
Rivka may have revealed to her son the divine message and mission she had received (note that this would be the revelation of the inner meaning of his name, that he was destined to struggle with Esav for the birthright.) She would have told this to him either when he was young but old enough to understand, which explains why he purchased the birthright from Esav - or at this point, when she was commanding him to take the blessing.
God in the Torah describes Jacob as "ish tam (guileless man, simple, honest), yoshev ohalim (studious rather than worldly and warrior hunter like Esav)", and God appreciated that he was willing to step outside of his nature to follow Rivka's command, in order to do God's bidding despite the terrible difficulty it caused, just as his grandfather Avraham had stepped out of his chesed (lovingkindness) to do God's bidding (exiling the older son/brother, which was the equivalent of what Rivka & Jacob were being asekd to do now), and as his mother Rivka had stepped out of the tremendous ethical self-dsicipline she had maintained all the years, overcoming it to utilize her oppositely-inclined family-inherited nature.....
Aside: The oracular message
Seeing the wording of the text makes it clear that:
1) the message from God is a type of oracular pronouncement: in poetic-type sections, and is specific yet somewhat unclear;
2) despite the prophectic prediction of twins, when the birth occurs there is surprise that it is twins.
The prophecy is in several parts: Gen 25:
כב וַיִּתְרֹצְצוּ הַבָּנִים, בְּקִרְבָּהּ, וַתֹּאמֶר אִם-כֵּן, לָמָּה זֶּה אָנֹכִי; וַתֵּלֶךְ, לִדְרֹשׁ אֶת-ה'.22 And the children struggled together within her; and she said: 'If it be so, wherefore do I live?' And she went to inquire of the LORD.כג וַיֹּאמֶר ה' לָהּ, שְׁנֵי גֹיִים בְּבִטְנֵךְ, וּשְׁנֵי לְאֻמִּים, מִמֵּעַיִךְ יִפָּרֵדוּ; וּלְאֹם מִלְאֹם יֶאֱמָץ, וְרַב יַעֲבֹד צָעִיר.23 And the LORD said unto her: Two nations are in thy womb, and two peoples shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.כד וַיִּמְלְאוּ יָמֶיהָ, לָלֶדֶת; וְהִנֵּה תוֹמִם, בְּבִטְנָהּ.24 And her days to be delivered were completed; and behold, there were twins in her womb.
שְׁנֵי גֹיִים בְּבִטְנֵךְ, there are two nations in your belly/womb
וּשְׁנֵי לְאֻמִּים, מִמֵּעַיִךְ יִפָּרֵדוּ; two nations will diverge
וּלְאֹם מִלְאֹם יֶאֱמָץ they will struggle , and at every given time there will be one which dominates the other
, וְרַב יַעֲבֹד צָעִיר. and the older will serve the younger .
The first part is not just about distant-future development but is also a prediction of something that will be evident soon, ie that twins will emerge (and of course what their destiny will be later, they will be heads of nations).
For the reader it is strange that at the birth there was surprise that it was twins, since we expect that the oracular prophecy would indeed be realized, so clearly the message was not known to all and the Torah is writing the story from the viewpoint not of God nor of the reader of the Torah but rather of those at the event.
And to Rivka herself, the fact of twins was a validation of the first part of the prophecy, ie that it was a prophetic messag eindeed.
Then when it was seen that the second son is holding onto the first, she understood that they had been struggling inside, and that this was the source of the tumult inside her that had led her to seek a response from God. And this was a validation of the prediciton of the second part of the message. So on her part, there was not specifically 'surprise' that she had borne twins, but rather the "vehinei te'omim" means it was a moment of momentous realization, that the message had indeed been prophecy.
And her greatness lay in realizing that the last part was therefore also meant to become true; and moreso, that IT WAS UP TO HER to see to it that it would become true!
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.Rivka's combination of extreme goodness and a wily cunning . How do the two work together in one person?
Cunning was in Rivka's genes and environment, and her task was to channel it for good, guided by her incredible selfless kindness; and to use it when needed at God's behest even at great cost to herself). Nothing is by itself good or bad, it is only how it is used that makes it so. Sometimes killing & war is righteous (eg the US vs the Nazis), sometimes it is evil, certainly if one can prevent the disappearance of the Jewish People using cunning rather than war (as against Lavan, or in modern times how Israel acts against many of our enemies), it is preferable, and the cunning act is then holy.
Just as Avraham was asked by God to go beyond his kindness, to do the opposite, but because God asked it of him (as we pointed out in our commentary), so too with Rivka, after she had labored to conquer the inherited bad traits, she was now was asked by God to channel them for the purpose of bringing about God's Plan.
Something similar with her son Yaakov, and later re Pinchas, as we'll point out in the appropriate parsha).
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So it is only when we see the end of the story that we understand why Avraham sent for a bride from that area, known for its cheaters, but on the other hand, selecting from there someone with chesed as a defininf trait, ie she was different than them but was not naïve, and could beat them at their own game if she had too (as indeed her son Yakov later on eventually did with Lovon (Laban) when he took refuge in that ancestral place, [regarding being cheated of his salary and then with the escape].
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[Abraham sends for a bride for Yitschak only after Sarah's death, however perhaps one can speculate that perhaps it was Sarah who guided his understanding that only someone with Rivka's combination of character and background would be able to achieve this.... and that was the intention of God's command to Abraham "Listen to ALL that your wife Sarah tells you", in other words, not just about expelling Yishmael to protect Yitschak, but also about guaranteeing the next step, choosing Yaakov over Esav, which perhaps - as part of some deep divine plan - Abraham was made aware of but not Isaac.]
Aside
There's a famous hasidic tale (somewhat adapted from a story in Talmud/midrash):
A Rabbi says "everything is holy, everything that was created has its purpose".
A student responds "but what about atheism?"
Rabbi: "Even atheism was created for a purpose: when you see a poor person, don't be very 'religious' and say to yourself 'I won't give him money because that would be to interfere in God's way of doing things, if he's poor it is God's will' and don't say 'I don't have to help him, God will help him'. Instead, for that moment be an atheist!"
(Of course this was meant by the Rabbi somewhat tongue in cheek, there's plenty of reason for a God-fearing person to help the poor, as pointed out in the Talmud version, but it's a great story).
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So too, cunning and lying etc have their place, and can be holy as well (eg without great cunning by the country Israel - named after Yakov - its enemies would have had nuclear weapons long ago and perhaps used them to do what they have openly declared their goal is, to wipe Israel off the map).
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Judging Favorably:
It must have been wrenching and tragic for Rivka when she realized that to achieve her divinely-ordained mission she needed to cheat her saintly & blind husband and cause enmity between her twin sons. [Rivka may have only understood the message in general at first, but years later when she heard that Yitschok was about to give the brocho (blessing) to Esav she understood that she needed to now take a step, and did it despite great personal pain (cheating her blind old husband and causing enmity between her twin sons)].
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She understood all and acted as needed, fulfilling her destiny, albeit with great self-sacrifice & a high personal cost.
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If we had watched her actions from the sidelines, not having heard God's prophecy revealed to her, we would have judged her very harshly. So we can learn that even when we witness an event that seems clearly evil, it might in fact have been done as a result of greatness - as here, where a very kind person was in this way ensuring that God's plan worked out, and acting under the authority of a direct revelation from God as to what she must bring about, despite the wrenching difficulty and tragic consequences.
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So we need to be VERY careful when we judge others, despite what we see.
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Like Rivka, we too all have a purpose, and maybe receive a "message" about it in one way or another.
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May we all be blessed:
* to be aware that it's a message;
* to understand its intent;
* to know how to implement the mission;
* to be complete with the role we are meant to play;
* for it not to involve suffering, neither of our own nor of others.
* to have the inner strength to judge everyone favorably....
Isaac was so liberal that he wanted to give the blessing to Esav – perhaps because he felt Esav needed it more. But why was Rivka able to see through her son Esav’s wilyness so clearly, and do the correct thing even though it was a rather harsh step against her own son, but Isaac could not?
Because Isaac grew up in the upstanding home of Abraham whereas his wife Rivka grew up in the home of sly Lavan: she recognized hypocrisy and evil, and was also familiar with the slyness necessary to fight it. At the same time she developed the characteristics of chesed, combining them successfully (gvurah).
Fighting evil does not make one evil – just the opposite; not fighting evil does not keep one pure – just the opposite.
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Rivka's background & its relation to her role
Rivka knows the family history, knows that the men in the family operate on a different plane: yishmael was cast out only because sarah wanted it but not avraham, he was not clued-in the way sarah was; avraham sent eliezer to haran without a clear plan; avraham likes the 'wrong' son, yitschak likes the 'wrong' son. The men are not involved in the ‘practical’ realm of ensuring Jewish survival etc and Rivka understands that that is HER role.
As part of this, after asking yakov 'ish tam' to go totally against his nature and trick his father etc, she sends him to her family to shake him up with further training, and teach him survival skills.
That’s why eliezer - with the help of the 'malach' that avraham sent - chose rivka based on chesed, she was in the horrible den of twisted people, and yet was full of chesed. This was remarkable, and also it meant that she had innate ability to use the twistedness when necessary, so "be’di’eved" he got both things he would have wanted, chesed and family.
When we see the end of the story we understand why Avraham sent for a bride from that area, the cheaters, but with chesed, ie she was different than them but was not naïve and could beat them at their own game if she had too, as indeed her son Yakov eventually did with Lovon, with the sheep and then with the escape.
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How two enigmatic incidents can shed light on one another. Understanding Lavan's reaction/words ..... via another...:Yakov tells the tribes to give him their.... avodah zarah
After all, even today many people worship Go(l)d.
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What's in a name? Subtle politics!: shova-sheva (plausible deniability...)
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Preparing energies for their descendants to help them overcome their tribulations.
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The chumash makes it unclear why Sarah was in Kiryat Arba when she died, it soulnds like Avraham came there form living elswehre at the time; though he was in Mamre in Vayera, which is the general locaiton of where kiryat arbah is (but tha tit isn the hills of hevron not the plains of mamre), and Avraham kived in eretz plishtim yamim rabim, and made a whole pact with avimelekh about be'er sheva, but did Avraham and Sarah live together in the same place when she died!?
After the akeda it says Avraham lived in B Shova. (not sheva).
Could it be that Sarah heard about the akeda and went to stop them, and traveled from B Sheva towards har hamoriya and died in the middle in chevron?
Why did Avraham want to bury her there in K Arba, where did he live, he says 'ger vetoshav anochi imachem' and they call him nesi ewlokim, so what was he to them? Was he considered a foreigner, from Bavel?
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If Adam and chava were buried in the machpelah it must have been a secret, otherwise it would have been a central aspect of the purchase - why would someone sell such a plot?
Why doens;t the chumash mention the importance to Avraham of this plot? And of course to usnow it is important bec it is where the avos/imahos are buried, but that couldn;t have been the reason then! So what was the reason?
Maybe K Arba is wher ethe anakim were, and this was a siman to Avraham that Adam/Chava's kever was there.
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Eliezer gets to haran, but it dosn't say when he arrives, just that he parked outside the town towards evening. So maybe he waited until thenm both because that was when the girls came to the well, and because dusk was yitschok's special time.
Also with the return, they arrive just as Yitchok is coming in that direciotn 'lasuach'. Maybe Eliezer waited until that time to make his entrance, and arrived deliberately from that direciotn so that Yischak and Rivka would meet in that way?
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24:62 Right before Yitschok meets RIvka, he is coming from B'er Lachai Ro'i, which is Yishmo'el's special place, where the malach appeared and showed them the well and where they lived! Was he visiting Yishmo'el? Rashi says he brought Hagar to Avrohom that he should marry her! What inteference, like story with Ya'akov sons?! Or maybe a big zchus, preparing the way for him to meet Rivka!? Maybe that's why Sarah had to die before Yitzchok could marry! Ki beyitzchok yikorei lecho zera and that's why Yitzchok takes Rivka to Sarah;s tent, so that it wouldn;t be Hagar's, and that is why 'vayinochem acharei imo..", that he had fixed things for her....?
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Yitzchok was on the way 'lasuach', but saw Rivka and was interupted - so this is like the vayera story! even uses the same wording "vayisa enav vayar, vehinei.."! In that story the birth of yitschok is promised, perhaps as a result of his interrupting, and here Eliezer comes with the malach!? who is still involved, in order to make the conneciotn matzliach?!, so Y sees Rivka because of the malach... and Rivka's chesed and Eliezer's chesed are involved...
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Avrohom does not give guidance specific instruciotns to Eliezer, but send malach hashem along for hatzlocho.
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24:25: vayehihu terem kilah ledaber...vat'chal lehashkoso...ad im kilu lishtos..
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Hatzlochio/derech
Eliezer: "24:42 im yeshna matzliach darki asher anochi holech... 24:48: asher hinchani bederech emes (not clear if it is god or avraham he is referring to)
24:27 baderch nochani hashem", 'hahitzliach hashem darko"
24:40 Eliezer re Avraham, quoting him: "hashem asher his'halachti lefonov yishlach mal'acho itoch vehitzliach darkecha" 24:56 "vehashem hitzliach darki"
Emes:
24:48 Derech emes, and 24:27: Eliezer says 'baruch hashem...asher lo azav chasdo va'amito me'im adoni";
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'chesed' is supposed to be the key, but it is not mentioned as part of Rivka's actions or of elizer describing them, instead Eliezer 24;14 asks Hashem to do chesed for his adon; then 24:27: Eliezer says 'baruch ahshem...asher lo azav chasdo va'amito me'im adoni"; and then later when Eliezer asks them to release Rivka and send her he asks them if they will do this chesed to Avraham 24:49, so chesed is mentioned in a very different context
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Add to previous vort re rivka understandin one thing form another: we ar told in themiddle between akeda ending and burial of sarah, that rivka was born: and we are told that 'it was told to Avraham', so it is omportant that he knew. So maybe the fact that he heard about this birth made it clear to him that she was a shiddach for Yitschok?
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It says it was told to avraham, but sarah is not mentioned. so maybe she was already dead? Is this a hint?
Was it necessary that Sarah die before Yitschok could marry?
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We see that the avos did not overlap in ruach hakodesh, stories aobut them interacting with God etc So maybe also the imahos did not interact, in that they did not live at the the same time in the same place.
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: Eliezer finds rivka
Q: Why is the story of eliezer and rivka in parshas chaye sarah, ie why does all this happen after her death?
Answer: All this could happen only after Sarah died, if she had been alive she would have taken charge etc, but Sarah had to be out of the wife-selection process, this was meant for Avrahma nd Eliezer. Also, Yischak was ready to start being the next generation of the avot only after the akedah; also, at this point there needed to be room for his wife to be the matriarch, so Sarah’s time as matriarch was over, and so she died.
Q: Why didn’t Avraham himself choose a wife for Yitschak? Why didn’t he at least give explicit directions to Eliezer how to choose? If Avraham was not specifying that the girl be from his family, only from that region, then why bother sending Eliezer to his ancestral home at all – surely he should have said ‘find a girl from my family’ not ‘from the region where my family comes.
How did Eliezer dare make a condition? Why that condition? Why was he hesitating, waiting to see if God had given him success after seeing her fulfil the condition? And if he was hesitating, why give her the nezem etc? And why did he thank God only after finding out who she was? And when telling it over to her family why did Eliezer change the story of how he met Rivka etc, and how was he justified in doing so?
Answers:
Yitschak was special, an akeda, he needed a special wife. Best would be from the family, from shem and etc. But she had to be with midos, so eliezer was conflicted – choose family or chose based on chesed, and in the end he got both. If he went with family he would never know if he could have done better for yischak, but hashem made it happen that the best in terms of chesed turned out also to be form family. Eliezer knew that he was being sent to the family home to get a girl from the family, why else, but he wasn’t told that specifically, so that couldn’t be the criterion. So there was ambiguity in what had to happen. So that explains Avraham’s non-instructions, but he sent a mal’ach to guide eliezer, ‘shomer psoyim hashem’ avrohom trusted, eliezer made the right choice of condition and asked the malach to arrange it, and it worked. Of course the fact that the condition worked indicated success of some sort, but until it was revealed that she was family, he didn’t know if
it really was hatzlacha in the broader sense. [Also, the fact that rivka was the first one perhaps made it suspiciously easy, so he could be understood if he is wondering.] And that’s why now eliezer said that God had not withheld “chasdo ve’amito” to avraham, it was chesed and emet to avraham but also rivka had chesed which was the important criterion and also had the family connection (so why is this ‘emet’?), and ‘not withheld’ menaing that eliezer was not forced to choose between one or the other, so that one would be defacto withheld.
Imagine the family’s reaction if they realized that eliezer came to town and didn’t immediately come to thm, hs relatives. And if he didn’t first see if they had a girl for yitschak. This would be gross insult, all the town would laugh at the family and hold them in contempt that his relative, wealthy etc came to town for a shiddach and picked up an anonymous girl at the well and they wouldn’t even have known that eliezer was in town at all. So eliezer changed the story,. And how could he do that/ because actually he was sent to the town because et was where the family lived and clearly that was because the preferred shiddach was form family, and they so it was the truth in a way, and indeed eliezer only considered it a hatlacha when he found she was family.
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From all this we can see why eliezer has his name, or deserved it.
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Why did eliezer ask re place to sleep? And hay etc, and why wait to talk of shiddach til later, and why sleep over, or why mention it? Maybe bec it was important he arrive at sunset when the girls come to the well, so as not to be in town earlier, because lovin/besuel would find out and ruin it all, so it was necessarily evening so they had to sleep over, but why is it improtantn enough to b par tof the sotry.
If it was afer sunset and rivka was coming home with the water, they should all have eated together, a big festive meal for the guuset, especiallyas there was a shiddach. But maybe they gave him food separately because he ws an eved, a he made clear when he said ‘adoni avraham’.
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The greatness of Eliezer:
A was a king, defeatred the major kings in battle, malkitzedek and melech sdom recognized hi m as leader, but he didn’t cal himself king, his title of honor was eved hashem.
Eliezer was eved avraham, who was eved hashem
Eliezer was sent for shiddach – imagine who would this family trust to find a shiddach for …J A sent a malach to accompany E, why need E if have malach? Bec Eliezer was so special.
Eliezer’s descent is not explained in chumash, name elokai be’ezri where is this entoined. First to have name with el in it?look thru lists of names before him.
E davened to Hashem and was answered, had great siyatah dishmaya (maybe it was the malach sent by A, maybe it was zechut of A, but the fact is that A entrusted it all to him!)
But Avrohom was eved hashem as a term of affection, avid and also ohavi. But if your master calls himself ‘eved hashem’, then what better homnor than to be considered eved by your master. This parsha is about Avrom and his eved Eliezer who was so great that he was to be Avrom’s yoresh! So ‘eved’ is something special. God gives Avrohom the yerusha (eretz yisrael), gives his eved Avrohom and Avrohom to his eved Eliezer.
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Jews name their children after Eliezer!: Tradition to name after deceased: we don’t see this in chumash much at all, in Nach there are no “Avram Yitschak Yaakov Yosef Moshe etc”. But in our parsha we have Nachor, grandson of nachor [presumably after his grandfather died (ages work out, interesting that Avrohom Haran and nachor are said to be bron at a certain age of terach, as though they are triplets, but they were not, so there were ore years until the 2nd and 3rd were born, so the numbers can easily work out.]
Great non-Jews: Chanoch, who must have had descendants who revered his name and maybe continued his tradition. Shem had various children. Even Pharoah who took Sarah realized from the nega’im what the source was and took the correct steps. Malkitzedek (Shem?), Lot who was willing to put his life in jeopardy to save strangers.
Terach is first to go to eretz canaan.
Why did R Elizer and R Yishmoel have names after non-Jews (there’s nno R Esov or R Bil’om!) But nowadays noone takes name Yishmoel.
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Avimelech: there are psychological motives at work. Even regarding 'asher lo yada et yosef' it is not clear what is meant, if it is a conscious psychological attitude, a non-conscious denial, or real ignorance of the earlier history. Same here. And the same with people and heads of state - Netanyahu's father Sharon and Obama's predecessor as AviMelech Bush, met and made a brit, but Obama never heard of nor mentioned it. The Saudi's didn't ask the US to bomb Iran.
Clearly the brit was not part of their relationship for whatever reason, and Yitschak had to make a separate agreement about the wells, Israel knows a lot about buying the same merchandise multiple times. The bottom line is that Avimelech's character is consistently sneaky, just that his MO is more cautious after his earlier brush.
It was convenient for Avimelech to pretend he didn't know Yitschak, that way he didnt have to return the wells he stole or plugged. But he couldn;t help himself with lust. So he operated surrepetitiously. He probably himself didn't know what he would do if it turned out that Rivka was Yitschak's wife.
Why would he be frightened if he neither remembered the earlier incident nor received a nevuah? If he remembered the earlier incident, he wouldn't need a nevuah, and should have behaved differently. His behavior was as though he 'didnt remember, never heard, wasn't told'. So when his fears from the first encounter couldn;t overcome his desires, he peeked, and was shown the truth in clear terms and received a stark warning.
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I don't need to rebut, there are various ways to explain/understand things, his and mine are two of many.
We all of us know human behavior, which includes denial, and Avimelech is famous for his denial " וַיֹּאמֶר אֲבִימֶלֶךְ--לֹא יָדַעְתִּי, מִי עָשָׂה אֶת-הַדָּבָר הַזֶּה; וְגַם-אַתָּה לֹא-הִגַּדְתָּ לִּי, וְגַם אָנֹכִי לֹא שָׁמַעְתִּי--בִּלְתִּי הַיּוֹם."
He could know of Avraham and still act as if he didn't. He could know he should stay away, and he'll instead peek in the window. Like Bil'am knowing God doesnl;t want him to go but going anyway, with some innner excuse.
So I don't think that necessarily one could look at this story and analyze it purely on cold logic, since people don;t do what is logical, especially when it comes to a man who desires a woman. One needs to use logic to think through what it is logical to assume was done by a man in lust who is into denial and is powerful enough to get away with a lot, but who fears a possibly greater power.
If Avimeleck knew of Avraham and knew that Yitschak is his son, then presumably Yitschak knew Avimelech and knew that Avimilech had known Avraham. If so, Avimelech had reason to be afraid to do anything, and in any case there had been brit between them etc. Avimelech said אִם-תִּשְׁקֹר לִי, וּלְנִינִי וּלְנֶכְדִּי so this brit goes for Yitschak as well, and if Yitschak felt Avimelech was not in denial about it, he would be trustworthy and could be told the truth. And so why not just say this is my wife, and Avimelech would stay away. From the fact that Yitschak felt that he needed to hide this, it seems that Avimelech would NOT stay away even if he knew. Avimelech's servants had stolen wells and he made protestations of innocence that sound very suspicious (see no evil hear no evil, know no evil), Avimelech himself took Sara without her permission, and he peeked in a window, he obviously is not a fine person.
וְכָל-הַבְּאֵרֹת, אֲשֶׁר חָפְרוּ עַבְדֵי אָבִיו, בִּימֵי, אַבְרָהָם אָבִיו--סִתְּמוּם פְּלִשְׁתִּים, וַיְמַלְאוּם עָפָר
In any case I think that because they were there a long time and Avimelech did not see any children, nor did he see Rivka pregnant at all, he assumed that she was his sister indeed, and it was possible to pretend this enough for him to justify to himself that he could peek in the window (which is of course evil in any case). Had she had children or been even in the beginning of a pregnancy, it would not have passed as an excuse (even if she is Y's sister, she is someone's wife). Of course this does not excuse his peeking in the window.
And Avimelch had said: וּלְשָׂרָה אָמַר, הִנֵּה נָתַתִּי אֶלֶף כֶּסֶף לְאָחִיךְ. so he agreed that the term Achoti could apply to a married woman, and so this should have been a code word to him from Avraham's son that Sarah is his wife, and he should have left them alone. And it does not constitute an untruth, a violation of אִם-תִּשְׁקֹר לִי, וּלְנִינִי וּלְנֶכְדִּי . He could ask permission this time, with the understanding that he could be politely refused. But he didn't, he peeked in the window.
So he knew and din;t know, was afraid and yet in lust and acting in risky behavior way, but a little prudent in case. Trying to push the envelope, to see what he could get away with.
But had the children been around, and Rivka and Yitschak and the children walking about, he would have stayed away, since it does not matter whether Yitschak is the husband, someone clearly is, and in any case he knows that 'achoti' includes hisband.
I guess this is all a little confused, but I think that people's motives are. Maybe I should work out exactly a specific scenario of psychological self-deception etc.
But in any case I don;t mean t refute someone else's way of seeing it.
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BTW:
Maybe there's something in this parallel/contrast
כ וַיַּעֲבֹד יַעֲקֹב בְּרָחֵל, שֶׁבַע שָׁנִים; וַיִּהְיוּ בְעֵינָיו כְּיָמִים אֲחָדִים, בְּאַהֲבָתוֹ אֹתָהּ.
וַיְהִי, כִּי אָרְכוּ-לוֹ שָׁם הַיָּמִים, וַיַּשְׁקֵף אֲבִימֶלֶךְ מֶלֶךְ פְּלִשְׁתִּים, בְּעַד הַחַלּוֹן
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Why Is This God Any Different Than Any Other God? Don’t Look a Gift God in the Mouth
Eliezer (Abraham’s assistant/disciple/servant) is sent to bring a wife for Isaac. He ends up at the home of Abraham’s relative Lavan. Lavan says “I have cleared the house” a rather strange thing to say to a guest. The Sages teach that Lavan was aware of Abraham’s views on idolatry and when he saw the gold presents given to his daughter by Abraham’s servant, Lavan became instantly “converted” and removed his idols to make his home “kosher” for his guest.
[24: 22] And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man (Eliezer) took a golden ring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold” [24: 30] And it came to pass, when he (Lavan) saw the ring, and the bracelets upon his sister's hands, and when he heard the words of Rebekah his sister, saying: 'Thus spoke the man unto me,' that he came unto the man; and, behold, he stood by the camels at the fountain. 31 And he (Lavan) said: 'Come in, thou blessed of the LORD; wherefore standest thou without? for I have cleared the house, and made room for the camels.'
AR: Perhaps there is a related explanation.Years later Isaac’s son Yakov (Jacob) flees there. When he eventually leaves Lavan’s home we are told [35:4] that Yakov’s family gave him “all the foreign gods which were in their hand, and the rings which were in their ears.”
Seemingly the jewelry was an aspect of some form of idolatry. We can now see the explanation for the events in the following: When Eliezer comes to Lavan’s home: “the man (Eliezer) took a golden ring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold ….And it came to pass, when he (Lavan) saw the ring, and the bracelets upon his sister's hands… he came unto the man … And he (Lavan) said: 'Come in, thou blessed of the LORD; wherefore standest thou without? for I have cleared the house”.
Why did he clear the house of his idols? Perhaps Lavan was simply substituting one idol for the other - after all, Gold is worshipped even today!
Eliezer’s Chutzpah in asking God for a sign
How did Eliezer have the chutzpah to talk to God, to ask God for a sign, and such a specific one at that?
Answer: AR: In 24:7 Abraham tells Eliezer that God’s ‘angel’ will be involved in the mission, where an ‘angel’ means the manifestation of God’s Will[1], and so it is appropriate to ask the ‘angel’ for help, and perhaps it is through this agency of the ‘angel’ that Eliezer makes his appeal to God. Also, Eliezer ask for help for Abraham, not for himself.
Furthermore: Eliezer’s asking God here is an act of self-sacrifice: the midrash tells us that Eliezer hoped Abraham would allow Isaac to marry Eliezer’s daughter, but this could only happen if his mission to find the woman was not successful, and so Eliezer realizes that his heart cannot completely wish for success, and so he prays to God to make the choice unequivocal so that he will not be able to fool himself into the convenient belief that the mission has not succeeded[2].
Also: Abraham talks of the ‘angel’ as being sent from God of the heavens, who who took Abraham from Ur, but Eliezer does not speak from chutzpah directly to the God of the heavens but from modesty appeals to the angel Abraham sent, to “the God of my master Abraham”.
God grants the sign, and Eliezer is unconvinced?!
Eliezer asks for a sign, something very specific, it comes to pass exactly as requested, and yet as stated in 24:21 he is still not sure that God has made his mission a success !? He asks Rivka what family she’s from and only after hearing it is indeed from Abraham’s relatives that he bows in thanks to God (24:26). If that’s the case, why not simply go to Abraham’s family first and then choose someone, maybe via a sign?
Answer: AR: Eliezer did indeed go to Abraham’s family, specifically to the well in “the city of Nachor” (24:10), Nachor being Abraham’s brother. Either the whole town was populated by Nachor’s clan and therefore all the women were from the family, or it was the city in which his family lived. So if this was the right town why would Eliezer not assume that if Rivka fulfilled the condition that God had indeed accepted the request for the sign and this was indeed the right woman?
Answer: Presumably Eliezer had meant the sign as a statistical filter: he would ask many women for water, of them probably many from Abraham’s family since it was the city of his clan, and the one from the many who would volunteer water for the camels would be the right one. But we’re told (24:15) that he had just finished asking for the sign when Rivka appeared, and so the very first person fulfilled the condition. This is suspicious: Eliezer must have wondered if perhaps that courtesy of giving water to the camels is the custom there and is not a fulfillment of the sign. So he waited to ask if she was also Abraham’s family.[3]
Was Rivka Truly Kind or merely a Puppet
AR: We see from Rivka’s behavior at the well that she excels in kindness. However if she watered the camels merely because God made her do it in order to fulfil Eliezer’s request for a sign, then the act does not demonstrate kindness!
AR: Perhaps God indeed caused her to act other than she would have, for example: she was a kind person but shy and modest and would not offer a service unbidden to a stranger so God gave her the strength to overcome her shyness and do what her kindness would otherwise mandate – offer to give water to a stranger’s camels unbidden.
Another answer is given below:
Davening to Know what to look for in a Bashert (& recognizing a divine response for what it is)
Rivka was not a puppet acting out Eliezer’s requested sign, rather Eliezer was looking for a sign and so God gave him the insight to understand what it is that he should be looking for in a woman for Isaac, specifically the characteristic that Rivka possesses of unusal kindness. So God is letting Eliezer know that the woman he is seeking will be so kind (chesed: note the word in 24:12) that she’ll volunteer to give water to all the camels, but Eliezer doesn’t realize that this is what is happening, that the words which he delivers as the specifics of his request to God was actually the response of God to the initial request for help.
[The words in (24:12) are the request for God to do kindness to his master Abraham: Abraham excelled in immediate fulfillment of God’s commands, and God immediately fulfils the request regarding Abraham: so immediately God grants the request by giving the appropriate understanding to Eliezer, but Eliezer says these words now as a request for a sign rather than as the answer: it is not a trivial matter to recognize a message from God for what it is.]
One of the major cities in Israel is Be’er-sheva (‘Beersheba’ in English); Be’er means ‘well’ (water-well), and the word ‘sheva’ means ‘seven’. So this town in the middle of the very dry desert is named ‘well-of-seven’.
But the word ‘shova’ means ‘swore’. And in fact the original name of the town was ‘Be’er-shova’! (swearing at the well!?)
One can perhaps venture that Abraham made a very clever pun with this name as we’ll see below, but for a reason which had political and familial significance for the future.
21: 25 And Abraham reproved Abimelech because of the well of water, which Abimelech's servants had violently taken away. 26 And Abimelech said: 'I know not who hath done this thing; neither didst thou tell me, neither yet heard I of it, but to-day.'
27 And Abraham took sheep and oxen, and gave them unto Abimelech; and they two made a covenant. 28 And Abraham set seven (sheva) ewe-lambs of the flock by themselves. 29 And Abimelech said unto Abraham: 'What mean these seven (sheva) ewe-lambs which thou hast set by themselves?' 30 And he said: 'Verily, these seven (sheva) ewe-lambs shalt thou take of my hand, that it may be a witness unto me, that I have digged this well.
31 Wherefore that place was called Beer-sh?va; because …….
AR: What is the natural assumption to make regarding the name? That it was called Beer-sheva (well-of-seven) because of the seven lambs; after all Abraham and Avimelekh make a big deal about there being seven of them, and they are the sign for their treaty about the well. Instead though the Torah makes a switch and says:
31 Wherefore that place was called Beer-shova (‘well-swore’); because there they swore both of them. !!!
AR: Now you know why I printed it above as Beer-sh?va, not to give it away.)
A very cute last-second unexpected punny switch! Why did Abraham do this?
Isaac would one day re-dig his fathers’ wells, and would give them similar names. He wanted on the one hand to keep the name Beershova to remind everyone of the pact which Avimelekh had violated, but not in so blatant a manner; so with political wisdom he instead called it Beersheva, the name that Abraham ‘prepared’ in advance and that Avimelekh expected at the time – and anyone hearing it would understand the implication!
History Repeats Itself, Again (“it’s déjà vu all over again!”)
Our forefathers had a history which was a foreshadowing the troubled history of their descendants. But by persisting they created mystical ‘pathways’ which would enable their descendants to prevail in similarlyadverse circumstances:
· Abraham and Sarah journey to Egypt and Sarah was abducted by Pharaoh (a generic name for the king of Egypt): a kidnapping rapist who then tries to blame the victims.
· They go to areas near the Plishtim[4] and Sarah was kidnapped by Avimelekh (the local king), another kidnapper-rapist who then tries to paint himself as a righteous person.
· Avimelekh’s servants harassed Abraham by stealing his wells[5]; Avimelekh denies all knowledge of this in a very unconvincing speech. So Abraham makes a pact with Avimelekh and a sign, so that posterity will know that he dug the well.
Does all this help? Of course not!
· Abraham and Sarah’s son Isaac and his wife Rebecca go to the same area, and again Avimelekh (probably a generic name for whoever was the king of that area) pesters them: he peeks into their window and learns that they are husband and wife rather than brother and sister – so presumably he peeked into the bedroom window. A voyeur-king, who then tries to present himself as an honorable man.
· Isaac becomes wealthy and the local people begin to get jealous and (see 26:16) eventually make him leave (sound familiar?). They probably figure that this exile, and being far from water sources, will impoverish him.
· He goes to the area where his father Abraham had dug the wells, and where he had made the pact with Avimelekh, and, true to form, all the wells had been filled in! Without water he will have nothing; no sheep, no wealth.
· So he digs a new well, they find water, and the people living nearby claim it as theirs. He digs another, finds water, and again the same thing, they take it from him,.
· Finally he digs one and they leave him alone. He showed enough persistence and willingness to work the land and create resources despite whatever they threw at him, and finally was ‘tolerated’.
· God appears to him and blesses him; he remains wealthy and powerful and seeing that Isaac is still powerful despite all their efforts to exile and impoverish him Avimelekh comes to visit him: Isaac says “you threw me out of your land, what do you want now?!” and Avimelekh says he wants to make a pact of friendship, after all they have always been friends! And so they sign yet another peace treaty.
The forefathers went through these cyclic events so that when their descendants experienced these same trials they would be fortified with the merit of their ancestors; with the spiritual tools inherited from our forefathers we can overcome all obstacles.
AR: Interestingly, we do not find people mentioned in the Torah naming their children after their ancestors: this did not happen until much later in Jewish history. (Perhaps because history was still ‘being made’)
However the practice of using the names used by ancestors does appear in a different sense:
· When Abraham’s son Isaac re-digs his father’s wells in the future, after they were covered up, the Torah tells us that he wishes to give them names similar to the ones given by his father.
· Jacob gives the blessing to Efraim and Menashe that they will be called in his name and the names of his ancestors.
[1] See philosophical discussion re Abraham’s 3 guests (Vayera).
[2] One could of course interpret this in the opposite way as well.
[3] Abraham excelled in immediate fulfillment of God’s commands, and God immediately fulfils the request regarding Abraham.
[4] Plishtim means ‘invaders’; these are the Philistines who settled on the coast, after whom the Palestinians of today are named though they do not necessarily have blood or ethnic connection to them.
[5] today the Lebanese are stealing Israel’s water sources and even today this is considered a cause for war: in those days this was considered certainly no less seriously.
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Rivka had ruach hakodesh not nevuah, knew what esav thought , to kill Y. Same for lidrosh et hashem.
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Re Rivka, Devorah http://www.ou.org/torah/article/vayishlach_from_devorah_to_devorah
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RE Samson family, at Chayim Eliezer's bar mitzva:
E was A’s shamash on theior trip abroad (war), and Z was the rov’s shamash on their mission..
Eliezer was sent by Avraham on a mission to a foreign land, so was R Ch Eliezer as a young man (lucky that the mssion didn’t involve returning – tzedoko tatzil mimovess)
E chose rivka bec of chesed, and z chose name of chofetz chaim fo yeshiva as a way of teaching aobut chesed etc.(ch ch also wrote sefer ahavas chesed)..and so if the ch chaim was named for his sefer, and Z named his yeshiva for the person and sefer, then Z chaimcould say his nakme chaimwas also after the ch chayim
Abraham was very liberal in his treatment of Yishmael, and it was necessary for God to inspire Sarah to take matters in hand.
Yitschak was very liberal in his treatment of Esav, and it was necessary for God to instruct Rivka to take matters in hand. If not for them, the descent of Abraham and Isaac might have been through Yishmael and Esav.
Continuing in this tradition, Rachel and Leah encouraged Yakov to leave Lavan, their own father, who they realized had betrayed them, in order to protect their childrenfrom Lavan's influence.
The matriarchs were the trend-setters, determining who would be the true descendants of Abraham, and what their character would be.[3] In order to judge Rivka in context, we need to see the first part of the story, when God instructs her of her mission. It was NOT her judgement of what was right and wrong, it was her brave and righteous undertaking to carry out this very difficult divine task.
How were Rivka (Rebecca) and her son Yakov (Jacob) allowed to trick the holy Yitschak (Isaac) regarding the blessing? How could Rivka say to her son Yakov “Do it, the curse will be on me”. Can one do an evil deed at the behest of another if that other person agrees to take the responsibility, blame or consequences?! And how could a blessing granted by God be acquired via trickery?!
As is often the case, the Torah makes it possible for those who wish to interpret the heroes of its stories negatively to do so: but it is clear via a contextual reading that God had given Rivka a prophecy, a message that God had not shared with Yitschak - that "the older would serve the younger". This was all for a reason, and Rivka understood that when the time was right she was meant to act on this. If God had meant for Isaac to give the blessing willingly to Ya’akov, God would have given the message to Isaac, not to Rivka. Instead God is telling Rivka this message, and she knows that it is for her, meaning that somehow Yitschak was not part of this - somehow it would be up to her to make this happen. Later, when she saw that Yitschak was intending to give the blessing to Esav, Rivka understood that this was the moment, and rose to the challenge to make sure that events followed God’s plan as revealed to her.
And this also enables us to understand the meaning and validity of her words of reassurance to Yakov that “it’s on me”. And it is only because God intended that Yaakov receive the blessings that the transmission of the blessings to him 'worked' despite the trickery via which it was received.
Rivka is presented first in context, in order to be able to understand her later actions in the correct light: she is the embodiment of chesed, and she is very spiritual in going to ask Hashem why she feels tumult in her belly, and she is righteous enough for her to be directly answered. Rivka's greatness included that she understood that the kicking in her belly was a message, she went to ask God, not a doctor. We can understand the enigmatic statement by rivka "‘im ken lama zeh anochi" as meaning: ‘ok, this is unusual, what is this trying to tell me, what am I supposed to be doing about all this’. And that’s why after saying this she went to consult 'God' (or the prophet of the time). The message to Rivka was understood by her not simply as prophecy, but rather as being meant as a prescription for her future proactivism, and indeed it gave her the impetus for making sure that the younger indeed received the brocho; in other words, her greatness lay in not treating the message as information, a passive prophecy of the future, but rather understanding it as her mission - ie to ensure that the younger son gets the blessing.
All this context provided in the passages should be enough to enable anyone who wishes to, to read the next parts of the story - regarding the cheating of Yitschak and Esav - in a way which shows RIvka in a favorable light.
Why was Rivka able to see through her son Esav’s wilyness so clearly, and do the correct thing even though it was a rather harsh step against her own son, but Isaac could not? Isaac was so accepting that he wanted to give the blessing to Esav – perhaps because he felt Esav needed it more; Isaac grew up in the upstanding home of Abraham whereas his wife Rivka grew up in the home of sly Lavan: she recognized hypocrisy and evil, and was also familiar with her son Esav's slyness (inherited from the family as well), and she had the tools necessary to fight it. At the same time she developed the characteristics of chesed, combining them successfully (gvurah). Fighting evil does not make one evil – just the opposite; not fighting evil does not keep one pure – quite the opposite.
Rivka knows the family history, knows that the men in the family operate on a different plane: Yishmael was cast out only because Sarah wanted it but not Avraham, he was not clued-in the way Sarah was; and Rivka sees directly that Avraham sent Eliezer to Haran without a clear pla. Just as Avraham likes the 'wrong' son, she sees that his son Yitschak also likes the 'wrong' son. She sees that the men are not able to safeguard the lineage, ensuring Jewish survival, and Rivka understands that that is HER role. [As part of this, after asking her son Yakov 'ish tam' (man of straightforward simplicity) to go totally against his nature and trick his revered father, she sends him to her family to shake him up with further training, and teach him the 'survival skills' he will need to encounter and fight evil.
Rivka's cousin Lot had managed to be a tremendous master of kindness to guests in the most wicked spot. Although he 'redeemed the spark whose great holiness led to the warpedness of Sdom' and thus merited being the ancestor of King David and moshiach and was able to pass on tot hem the benefits of his struggles (see the commentary I posted last week re this), but was negatively influenced by his surroundings (perhaps it was similarly for Terach and those of his descendants who did not continue to Cna'an as originally planned but stayed instead 'halfway there', in Harran).
Rivka managed to attain or retain purity despite her surroundings (maybe because she was young, and this would be a good reason for choosing her so young), and thus was qualified for this delicate mission. That’s why Eliezer - with the help of the 'malach' (angel) which Avraham sent along with them - chose Rivka based on chesed, especially as she developed or maintained this trait in the horrible den of twisted people she was raised in (perhaps twisted by the effect of "the shells of powerful sparks" which they not so successfully tried to redeem). Rivka's triumph of character was remarkable, and also it meant that she had innate ability to overcome the type of evil prevalent in her household, and hopefully therefore be able to use the cunning when necessary, but to do so for the right reason, maintaining purity ('redeeming that spark'). So Abraham was in this way able to get both aspects that he wanted in the match for Yitschak - 'chesed'(kindness) and family.
So it is only when we see the end of the story that we understand why Avraham sent for a bride from that area, the cheaters, but with chesed, ie she was different than them but was not naïve and could beat them at their own game if she had too, as indeed her son Yakov eventually did back there with Lovon (Laban), [regarding being cheated of his salary and then with the escape].
Perhaps it was Sarah who guided his understanding that only someone with Rivka's combination of character and background would be able to achieve this.... and that was the intention of God's command to Abraham "Listen to ALL that your wife Sarah tells you", in other words, not just about expelling Yishmael to protect Yitschak, but also about guaranteeing the next step, choosing Yaakov over Esav.
Judging favorably: It must have been wrenching and tragic for Rivka when she realized that to achieve her divinely-ordained mission she needed to cheat her saintly & blind husband and cause enmity between her twin sons. [Rivka may have only understood the message in general at first, but years later when she heard that Yitschok was about to give the brocho 9blessing) to Esav she understood that she needed to now take a step, and did it despite great personal pain (cheating her blind old husband and causing enmity between her twin sons)]. She understood all and acted as needed, fulfilling her destiny, albeit with great self-sacrifice & a high personal cost.
If we had watched her actions from the sidelines, not having heard God's prophecy revealed to her, we would have judged her very harshly. So we can learn that even when we witness an event that seems clearly evil, it might in fact have been done as a result of greatness - as here, where a very kind person was in this way ensuring that God's plan worked out, and acting under the authority of a direct revelation from God as to what she must bring about, despite the wrenching difficulty and tragic consequences. So we need to be VERY careful when we judge others, despite what we see.
We all have a purpose, and maybe receive a "message" - may we all be blessed:
to be aware that it's a message;
to understand its intent;
to know how to implement the mission;
to be complete with the role we are meant to play;
for it not to involve suffering, neither of our own nor of others.
to judge everyone favorably.....
The 'shorter' version
Matriarchal wisdom:
Sarah's influence on Yitschak's marriage match: Sarah chose Yitschak over Yishmael and God endorsed that choice telling Abraham to do whatever Sarah tells him. Yitschak's wife would have to choose between twin sons, and Rachel and Leah told Yakov they had to leave their father Laban's home lest it be a bad influence.
God told Abraham to listen to Sarah "in everything she tells you", in other words NOT just the specific issue at hand re casting out Yishmael to protect Yitschak. My interpretation is that God was referring to what she told Abraham regarding the importance of making the right choice for Yitschak's wife, and she instructed Abraham to choose not his pupil/servant Eliezer but rather a family member of theirs (Sarah was Abraham's niece).
Sarah was (prophetically) pointing at Rivka, who embodied the prime combination - extreme kindness despite growing up in a cheating environment, with the wiley cunning she inherited from her father which was crucial in engineering the blessings going to the right son. Cunning was in Rivka's genes and environment, and her task was to channel it for good, guided by her incredible selfless kindness; and to use it when needed at God's behest even at great cost to herself).
channeling a bad trait for good
Note that in the Jewish conception nothing is by itself good or bad - whether money or power or fame etc - it is only how it is used that makes it so. Sometimes even killing & war is righteous (eg the US vs the Nazis), sometimes it is evil, certainly if one can prevent the disappearance of the Jewish People using cunning rather than war (as against Lavan, or in modern times how Israel acts against many of our enemies), it is preferable, and the cunning act is then holy.
A famous hasidic tale (somewhat adapted from a story in Talmud/midrash): the Rabbi says "everything is holy, everything that was created has its purpose", and a student responds "but what about atheism". Rabbi: "Even atheism was created for a purpose: when you see a poor person, don't be very 'religious' and say to yourself 'I won't give him money because that would be to interfere in God's way of doing things, if he's poor it is God's will' and don't say 'I don't have to help him, God will help him'. Instead, for that moment be an atheist" (of course this was meant by the Rabbi somewhat tongue in cheek, there's plenty of reason for a God-fearing person to help the poor, as pointed out in the Talmud version, but it's a great story).
So cunning and lying etc have their place, and can be holy as well (eg without great cunning by Israel, its enemies would have had nuclear weapons to destroy it long ago).
..
taken from other email:
Toldos: Vehinei: they were surprised that it was twins: this is a hint that Rivka didn’t tell anyone. And if she had doubts about the reality of the prophecy, this dispelled them.
Like Yosef whose dream was in order to create the events which led to the realization of the dream, rivka’s prophecy was meant as a prescription for her future proactivism, not a passive prophecy of the future (Yona also of course). When we see the end of the story we understand why Avraham sent for a bride from that area, the cheaters, but with chesed, ie she was different than them but was not naïve and could beat them at their own game if she had too, as indeed Yakov eventually did with lovon, with the sheep and then with the escape. Also we can understand rivka’s enigmatic ‘im ken lama zeh anochi’ as ‘ok, this is unusual, what is this trying to tell me, what am I supposed to be doing about all this’ and that’s why she went to ask God. Like M Rabenu w the b bush, seeing noticing stopping, remarking on it ‘asurah na v’er’eh e hamareh hagadol hazeh, lamah lo yiv’ar hasneh’...”. (Note also: ‘hazeh, lamah’ like ‘lamazeh’)
Rivka knows the family history, knows that yishmael was cast out, that sarah wanted it but not avraham, he was not clued in the way sarah was, also that avraham sent eliezer to haran without a clear plan, so she understands that the men in the family operate on a different plane, avraham likes the wrong son, yitschak likes the wrong son, the men are not involvled in the ‘practical’ realm of ensuring Jewish survival etc and that is her role. And after asking yakov ish tam to go totally against his nature and trick his father etc, she sends him to her family to shake him up with further training, teach him survival skills.
That’s why eliezer with the malach that avraham sent chose rivka based on chsed, she was in the horrible den of twisted people, and yet was full of shesed, this was remarkable, and also it meant that she had innate ability to use the twistedness when necessary, so be’di’eved he got both things he would have wanted, chesed and family.