Off The Hook

Off The Hook

Chapter One

I have a secret.

Because I hung around a hustler so long, I guess I’m kind of known for having secrets—but, then again, I always tell someone...usually Sir Horse. Guess what, though? I haven’t even told him yet. Anyway, this story isn’t about him. It’s about...Well, let me put it this way: If you’ve ever wondered why or how the heck a hapless hare like me ended up saving the WildeHopps from Captain Hook during a Disney shift gone wrong, this is the story for you.

Here goes nothing…

It all started when Johnny decided that we should officially stay ‘in the friend zone’ from now on. We’d been off-and-on as flirting partners/friends with benefits almost since I broke up with him, but it wasn’t working for either of us. We’ll always care about each other, but there were too many emotions in that middle ground. Part of me didn’t want to give up our unspoken arrangement, but I agree that it was tough. I owed it to Johnny to let him make a decision about our status for once. So that was it...for good.

I was sad for awhile—still am, sometimes—but I get that he needed space. If I’m being honest with myself, so did I. So I thought, ‘what do I do now?’

Johnny’s the only guy I’ve ever been serious about, and almost every guy I’ve ever crushed on was spoken for. (Remember when I confessed that little detail to Nick?)

To me, the thought of any kind of dating—face-to-face, online, apps, you name it—is worse than a root canal. I could go on and on about why that is—but I’ll spare you the details and just say it’s not my style.

I needed some time to myself, so I did some good, hard thinking through all my favorite pasttimes. My mind is the kind where things pop up constantly, like internet ads you can’t opt out of. If I’m hurt or sad or stressed, whatever-it-is will just stay there and nag me. I wanted something I could get sucked into, sit with for hours at a time and not get bored, as a way to unwind after work, and other times stuff gets stuck in my head.

I’ve always thought the art of voiceover is awesome. It’s like acting (which I wanted to do when I was little), but without worrying about cameras. (I’m majorly camera-shy.) I’ve never really wanted to do voiceover myself, but I still find it fascinating.

So, I went on EweTube and searched for stuff from radio and T.V. luminaries like Ed Whinny, Hans Condor and Caws Butler. (If I lost you there, just remember that I may be young-at-heart, but I have an old soul.) Sure enough, my plan worked—I had plenty to keep me busy, and nothing could tear me away from it all.

But when my friends Jaime, Don, and Robyn came for a visit, I was willing to make an exception.

Chapter Two

As soon as I heard they were in town, I called Robyn and made plans to meet up. (She has a really fancy phone that works across and within dimensions different from hers—she built it herself.) We all got together at L&P; it was nice and quiet, so I felt relaxed even though Sir Horse wasn’t there. (If I’m not working, he’s usually the reason I pop in.)

Jaime sat across from me, her arms crossed casually on the table. Robyn sat next to her, and Don hovered between them. (He’s a ghost, remember?) “What’s up, Hannah?” Jaime asked me.

“Not much,” I said, which is what I usually say when someone asks me that. “You?”

“George is off on tour again,” she answered, smiling proudly, “and I’m taking care of the kids.”

“Pardon me, dear Jaime, but that’s technically incorrect,” Don smirked instead of smiled when he said that. Don’s usually a smile kinda guy, so...I guess he picked it up from Nick?

Jaime laughed. “Well...yeah. My grandma’s visiting and offered to watch them.”

“Aww, that’s nice,” I told her.

“Hannah,” Robyn chimed in, “Are you sure there isn’t something you want to tell us?” She’s a scientist who studies other species for a living (and fun, mostly), so I felt super-self-conscious right then, wondering what made her say that: Did she see my ears twitch? My nose? My whiskers?

“Johnny and I decided to be just friends. For real this time.” They’d met Johnny on their last visit, when I’d given them the basic idea of our history. Even back then, it hurt to discuss the details. They all looked sorry for me; I didn’t blame them—I felt sorry for me, too.

Before we all made ourselves feel awkward with platitudes, I said, “Don’t worry, guys. I like flying solo. I’m an introvert; it’s what we do.” Robyn scribbled something down in her notebook of scientific observations—me and WildeHopps like to tease her about it sometimes.

“What’d you write, Robyn?” I asked with a playful lilt. Grinning, she read aloud:

“Even Zootopians can overcome relationship drama.” We all laughed.

Chapter Three

After I recovered from my laughing fit, I noticed Jaime’s eyes light up. “Um, Hannah?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not usually the type of girl to give unsolicited advice, so stop me if I’m annoying you, but...” Hmm, what was Jaime getting at? She’s been known to ramble—as have I, so I get it—but that was an interesting way to start a statement.

“Robyn’s machine—the one we use to get here?--can be programmed to go to all kinds of dimensions. If you really think you can’t find a date here in Zootopia, then maybe you can use it to…?” I’m sure my eyes were bugging out.

“You really think I could find a date somewhere else?!” I asked, incredulous. “It’s a production for me to go across town—can you imagine me in another dimension?!” That was absolutely a rhetorical question, but Jaime answered it anyway.

“Yeah,” she said with a smile. “If I couldn’t, I wouldn’t have asked.”

Don—thank goodness for him—saw that I was overwhelmed and said, “If I may; that’s not usually the first thing one does when one’s just had a break-up.” I sighed in relief, but it came out as a nervous laugh.

“Thank you, Don; I was starting to think I’m way out of touch over here!”

“Besides which,” Robyn added, smiling warmly, “one ought to ask before one hires out my equipment.”

“Oops,” said Jaime, blushing. “Sorry, Robyn. I got excited.” She shrugged, giggling a little. “That’s me, always blurting stuff out.”

“Apology accepted,” Robyn told her. “We like you that way.”

I smiled at Jaime along with the others. I could understand where she was coming from; my mouth lags behind my mind fairly often. But, still, I thought, ‘Cheese and crackers!--Crisis averted!’ Then I caught Robyn assessing me again. She looked thoughtful and calm, but it was still unnerving.

“So, Hannah,” she began.

“Mm-hmm?” I hoped that my voice—and the rest of me—wasn’t shaking.

“We’ve established that you have no inclinations toward dating—Correct?”

“Yes, ma’am!” The formality was only a half-joke; I hate getting the third degree, no matter how well-intentioned it is.

“Well, then,” she smiled a small, sneaky smile, and suddenly I felt sick to my stomach. “I think I know someone who would enjoy your company.”

“But…!” I said.

“And it involves the machine.”

I felt like I was in free fall. The room spun a little, and I squeezed my eyes shut to get my bearings back. “Here’s—the—deal,” I said at length, feeling somewhat breathless. “I like you. I also trust your judgment—yours, too, Jaime. So...I’ll do it.” Jaime, Don, and Robyn were stunned.

Well, that made four of us.

And—please don’t tell them I said this—I was insanely curious about what Robyn had up her sleeve.

Chapter Four

Knowing how closely Robyn guarded her precious machine, I begged her to send me off as soon as possible. Nerves made me such a wreck that there was no way I’d be able to eat or sleep until I got this straightened out. I had to find out what would happen next.

I felt bad about rushing Jaime and Don, though; they had stuff lined up in the next few days and couldn’t afford to stay in Zootopia indefinitely while I went on my adventure. But they said not to worry—the kids would be missing Jaime, she said, and Don had promised to visit his own that afternoon. Even though I don’t have the patience or drive to care for little ones, I like them, and found my friends’ devotion to theirs very sweet.

“’Bye, Hannah!” Jaime said, hugging me. “We’ll be back really soon to hear how it all went.” When she said that, Robyn gave her side-eye. “I mean—when Robyn says it’s okay,” she laughed. “Have fun!”

“Fare thee well, Miss Hannah, until we meet again,” Don said. “Good luck.” With waves and smiles, off they went, stepping into who-knows-where, homeward bound. It was a weird feeling to realize that I’d be in their shoes soon.

After that, Robyn took me back to her Zootopian lab, housed on land owned by none other than Sir Horse, the most generous mammal there is. Speaking of, while Robyn made some calls on her fancy phone, she let me use her Zootopia-only line to call Sam. Between travel and—dimension-lag?--I wouldn’t be in to work for the next few days. And if it went well...Who knew?! I didn’t want to think of the alternative.

I didn’t give Sam all the details—if I thought about all this too much, I’d bail out—but she was very supportive and said she hoped I had a nice time.

I hung up wishing with everything I had that her words would come true.

The next thing I knew, Robyn said, “Everything’s all set.” Just like that, I was in free fall again. Robyn put her hand on my shoulder, then gave me a side-hug. I wondered if she could see the questions in my eyes; I’d never traveled so far by myself before, let alone been on a date. Sure enough, she said, “Don’t worry, Hannah. He’ll be right there waiting for you. And don’t forget, I’m a scientist—I know a thing or two about chemistry.”

She had a point—and a funny one at that.

She sent me off laughing.

Chapter Five

When I wheeled into the machine, my laughter stopped. For a second I thought I was seeing things...I was sitting still, yet suspended in mid-air, spiraling--

Down,

down,

d

o

w

n,

like Alice in my favorite book. But this wasn’t a dream; that much I was sure of. The rest? I had no clue. All I knew was that I was in free fall again. Just when I felt I couldn’t stand the suspense anymore…

I was there. Sitting in what looked to be a modest cafe. It sort of reminded me of L&P. “Hello there. You must be Hannah.”

That voice. Like treacle. (I was thinking about Alice again.) Warm, smooth, and in no hurry. I turned my head to see who it belonged to and spotted a strikingly handsome gentleavian in a subtle grayish-blue dress shirt and blue jeans. This was in arresting contrast with his bright red feathers. That seemed to be his sole color, save for a bit of blue on his wings and streaks of silver on his head. As much as it pained me to admit it, I was smitten.

“That’s me.” I pulled up to the table feeling like I’d just run a marathon—even though I only use my paw to drive. “I’m Hannah Snowshoe Hare,” I said.

“Lory Birdton.” He said this with a smile that put me in hare paradise.

From there on out, I was on autopilot. I hoped my daydreaming wouldn’t cause me to mess this up.

“Thanks for doing this on such short notice,” I said. “My friend was driving me crazy with suspense, so I nagged her to get the show on the road.”

“She has a good life, that Robyn. Always sticking her nose in a book and discovering all kinds of wonderful things.” He smiled thoughtfully at that, making me grin from ear-to-ear.

“Is she a friend of yours, too?”

“Oh, more like an acquaintance, really. Her studies have her traveling so often, I’m surprised she has time to relax. I don’t envy her that.”

“Me, neither. I have no idea how she does it.”

“I imagine her work is something like mine—you have to love it in order to make any gains at it.”

“Yeah. I love my work, too; I’m a pastry artist. You?”

“Robyn loves to keep us guessing, doesn’t she? I was hoping she’d fill you in so I didn’t have to brag. Oh, well. Ever heard of Disney Parks?”

“Have I?! I don’t get to go as often as I’d like, but I love it there! They’re some of my favorite places in the world.” Lory beamed; I melted a little.

“Mine, too. They’re quite the characters there, and because they’re in such high demand—like Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde, I suppose—some of them have enlisted me to take over their dialogue in shows.”

“Really?!”

“Or been coerced, as is the case of Captain Hook, who thinks he’s above pulling his weight. So his agent called me in. “I’ve been ‘pirate enemy #2’ ever since.”

“Next to Peter?” I asked, enthralled. Lory shrugged.

“Unfortunately. But I might as well have fun while I’m at it.” He laughed, but I could tell that he was just as nervous as I was.

“That’s a good way to look at it.”

“It can be difficult to deal with testy villains, but I can’t say I’m sorry they shirk their responsibilities—I enjoy being in their shoes.” My expression was somewhere between a smile and a grimace; on the one paw, I liked seeing Lory so happy—but on the other paw, I don’t do scary. I’m all about rainbows and sunshine, and that suits me just fine.

Lory watched me with curious (and irresistible) brown eyes behind square-framed glasses. “You’re not a horror junkie, are you?”

“Guilty,” I said. I meant it as a joke, but was left wondering why I suddenly felt that way, even though I had zero regrets.

“Oh, that’s quite alright, y’know. I have plenty of other tricks up my sleeve!” My eyes went wide.

“Ed Whinny!” I burst out laughing. “My absolute favorite!”

“So you know a thing or two about voiceover,” Lory observed, in his own voice. I shrugged.

“I know it’s my favorite art form—as a fan, anyway. I’ve figured out that you don’t have to be good at something to enjoy watching—or listening,” I grinned, “to it. In fact, sometimes not having the talent for it makes it all the more intriguing.”

I hoped that wasn’t too forward. I meant it, and in a really good way. But when Lory laughed, he sounded just as nervous as before. “Ugh!” I said, disgusted with myself. “I’m sorry. My friends say I tend to spread compliments on thick. I never believed them, but maybe they’re right.” Lory smiled.

“I may not deserve that kind of praise, but I’m sure your friends do. Nonetheless, your honesty is very flattering.” When he smiled, I was in free-fall again, but this time it was the greatest I’d felt all day.

In my favorite book, there’s a part where Alice says, “I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'” When I left Lory late that afternoon, I think I had a pretty good idea of how Alice felt. Except that instead of feeling less myself the way poor Alice did, I felt more like me. All my life, I’ve been lucky to have lots of great folks around me, but I’ve never felt the kind of kinship I seem to have with Lory.

I felt like a whole new snowshoe...and yet I felt pretty much the same. It was, as Alice would say, “a very curious sensation” indeed.

Chapter Six

It was a long time before I managed to gather Judy, Nick, Jaime, Don, and Robyn for a get-together—everyone had been crazy busy, per usual. I strolled into L&P singing the chorus to “Let Me Roll It” by Paul Macawtney and Wings.

My dimension-traveling friends knew the deal, but WildeHopps had no idea why I’d invited them. They thought it was just a regular hang-out, and were glad to see my out-of-town guests.

“Hannah,” Judy asked me, “why didn’t you wait until Herb and Sam could be here? They’d love to see these guys, and...” She trailed off, grinning at Jaime. “Vice-versa, I’m sure.” When the First Couple told me they had official business today, I convinced them to let me borrow the bakery for this powwow...and there were no questions asked. Gotta love those guys.

“Because,” I answered, noticing that our visitors wore grins matching my own, “I have some news, but I’m not ready to share it with them yet.” Judy’s eyes lit up, and Nick smirked.

“Whoa—must be major!” He eyed the trio of happy travelers with mounting interest. “Spill, lil’ snowshoe. What’ve you got?”

Rather than answer Nick right away, I invoked his very own tried-and-true “answer their question with your own question, and then answer that question” method.

“Remember—oh, I don’t know—about a month or so ago, when Captain Hook almost—ahem-- ‘outfoxed’ you, but I saved your sorry hide?” I knew Nick would never admit to having needed help, so I wasn’t surprised when he said,

“Why, you little…!” and pretended to lunge for my chair.

We all laughed. I smiled, super-pleased with myself, and asked, “Wanna know how I did it?” Of course Nick had to add,

“Duh!” It hardly mattered how annoying he was, because I was itching to talk. I told them all about my wonderful time with Lory, and how I ended up figuring out the persnickety pirate’s hidden weakness.

“No way!” Judy said, beaming in awe.

“Yes, way.” I laughed at my own joke.

“Since I owe you my life,” Nick said with a genuine smile, “the least I can do is say...That’s pretty impressive, ‘lil snowshoe.”

“Thanks,” My admission had made me shy all of a sudden. I should’ve realized Nick wouldn’t let me get away with anything too easy…!

“So are you guys a thing now?”

Before I could answer, Nick whipped out his phone, typing like a madfox. “I would say there’s a high probability, considering the lyrics to that song you were singing...” I wasted no time putting on my old PR hat, the one that was half-hustler, all hardball. Crossing my arms, I eyed the fox in front of me suspiciously.

“Can it, Wilde.” The wiseguy’s green eyes widened in surprise...I couldn’t help but laugh, which sent my street-cred scattering.

“Actually,” I said, feeling bolder now, “Neither of us has any interest in romance or anything that goes with it. We aren’t social butterflies by any means, and we can appreciate being alone with our art and our thoughts. It so happens that we enjoy each other’s company”--as I echoed Robyn’s words from the day that seemed like a lifetime ago, I caught her smiling at me-- “and we’ll catch up whenever it suits us at the same time. That’s all there is to it.”

Judy, Jaime, Don and Robyn cheered their approval of my speech, while Nick just smirked at me. “Well, lil’ snowshoe, it sounds like your night out was off the chain!” I smirked back at him.

“No,” I retorted, “it was off the hook!”

Even as everyone laughed at the apt joke, I couldn’t help but think of how meaningful it was in other ways. The sense of freedom I gained that day helped me see past others’ expectations—however well-meaning they might be—and find more fun than I ever thought possible.