Magical Mystery Tour

Magical Mystery Tour

(Daisy's Keeper crossover)

Chapter One: An Invitation

As told by Don

It was a dark and stormy night...I’m just joshing with you! Professor Donald Harper doesn’t start stories with that nonsense!

It was, rather, an invigorating fall day in New York City when I paid a visit to the Patterson place. “Jaime, my dear, are you busy?” I’d decided to pop in her parlor to see if she was available for a bit of chaffer; if not, I’d be on my way.

“I’m never too busy for you, Don!” I heard Jaime call from the kitchen; in short order, she joined me in the living room. “Today is ‘Take Your Daughter To Work Day’; George has Martha at the studio!” Her eyes lit up at the mention of her family, then: “George said I should take a load off this afternoon, but...I’m bored!” I laughed; Jaime isn’t one to mince words!

“In that case, I think I may have an exciting proposition for you,” I told her.

“Well,” she intoned, already impatient, “Let’s hear it!” I smiled.

“I’m getting there,” I assured her.

“A friend of Daisy’s is visiting; Robyn Stephanie Irving is her name. They went to vet school together. Robyn’s now a full-time biologist, I believe, and she’s come to the city to do research.” Jaime nodded; it was clear she was trying to keep her mounting interest in check.

“Cool. And big cities have the best research facilities, right?”

“That’s what I thought as well. But her research is proving a bit more...involved.”

“How so?”

“She has a top-secret warehouse that she uses as a laboratory. I think…” It’s unbecoming of a professor to speculate, but I had very little information to work with. “I think she’s building a time machine.” Even as Jaime raised her eyebrows, that telltale spark left her eyes.

“That’s...nice. Don, I’m not the biggest history buff…” I was afraid she’d say that, but I came prepared.

“I only said I think it’s a time machine. There’s a good chance I’m wrong; that’s why I need your help. Surely you won’t deny we’re a first-rate investigative team?” Jaime gave me a conspiratorial smile.

“You got me there.”

Jaime hates going anywhere unprepared--if she can help it. It was her idea to take the long way (well, by ghost travel standards, at least) while we worked out the details. As we took to the skies en route to Robyn’s warehouse, Jaime asked, “So...Does Robyn know about your...reappearance?” I took extra care in choosing my words.

“No. We knew each other before, got on great, but...For better or worse, she’s invested in her work. She’s not the type given to paranormal pursuits.”

“Gotcha. We’ll lay really low on this one.” I sorely hoped the situation would be as simple as Jaime made it seem.

Chapter Two: The Mystery Machine

As told by Jaime

The big moment had arrived. We were now outside Robyn’s warehouse, in full undercover mode and ready to rumble. “Ready for launch, Captain Harper?” Don got the twinkle in his eyes that he gets when he’s about to start something interesting, like he can’t wait to just go for it.

“Affirmative, Lieutenant Patterson.” And away we went.

We were in! For a scientist, Robyn was kinda--sloppy. There were crates everywhere, papers littered all over the place...But before I could ask Don if she was actually a mad scientist, we found what we were looking for.

The mystery machine--no capitals, it wasn’t a van like in Scooby Doo--was huge. It was covered in knobs and buttons on either side, with wires wrapped around a big hole in the middle. It’s hard to describe, but it sort of looked like a mutant airport metal detector. If this was a time machine, did Robyn have to go through the TSA every time she reached a different decade?

I was startled out of my thoughts by the sound of footsteps. Robyn rounded the corner. Hands on hips, she stopped to survey her masterpiece, smiling in satisfaction. “Looks like I’m finally ready to take this for a spin!” She seemed really proud of herself; I would be, too, if I built a...whatever this was.

She pressed a button. Then she tapped something on a keyboard (I think...I couldn’t see what it was because she was in the way). That made the circle light up, and...Whoa! It was a portal! But to where?!

On the one hand, Don and I would’ve loved more time to get a look at the machine itself and try to figure out just what we were getting into. But if we didn’t get our butts in gear pronto, we’d miss our chance to test-drive this thing. Neither of us can resist an adventure, so...with our minds made up, we were in there faster than you can say...pretty much anything.

That was anti-climatic, I know...But I want to get to the good stuff. I’d also like to tell you it was a wild ride, but I guess I’ve been spoiled by all the traveling by ghost-courier; compared to that, it wasn’t much. Sorry to disappoint you. But it gets better...I promise.

Once we were on solid ground again, I didn’t know what to make of it. In Through The Looking Glass, the Red Queen tells Alice, “it takes all the running you can do, to keep it the same place”; it was like that. Were we in Wonderland?

No--it couldn’t be. The reason I thought of Alice in the first place was because this looked a lot like New York City...where we just were. But then I got a good look around.

This place was cleaner than New York. The architecture was more artsy. It was super-modern and--bright--in a way that the Big Apple, as much as I love it, could never be. Part of me figured that Robyn’s invention was a time machine after all, and we were in some other city of the future. But the other part had a serious case of deja vu.

Why, though? Hmm...I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I thought about asking Don, who was, as usual, caught up in and captivated by his surroundings, assessing everything with his professor’s eye. But, no...it was right there on the tip of my tongue. I’d think of it in a minute. Besides, I didn’t want to spoil Don’s fun.

Then, out of nowhere, it hit me.

We weren’t in another time...We were in an entirely different dimension! We were in...Zootopia!

Chapter Three: Zootopians—They're Just Like Us!

As told by Nick Wilde

Carrots and I were walking down the street on a rare (okay, very rare) day off. I was in a good mood. The sun was shining, I was having a good fur day...and there walks by the most outrageously gorgeous vixen I have ever seen. This gal is a total knockout.

I forget myself for a minute...then realize Carrots is looking to knock me out for staring. I hold up both paws in self-defense. “Relax, Carrots! I’m only a mammal,” I shrug. “I have needs, you know.” The expression she gives me is Carrots for, ‘get real’.

“Biological needs, Nick?! Because we all know where that assumption got us.” I’m proud of Carrots for owning up to her mistake, and also kind of proud that she threw it in my face, because...hey, hustler. At heart, anyway.

“Give it a rest, Fluff. You know what they say about assumptions, right?” She doesn’t seem to, so I enlighten her. “To assume makes an ass out of you and me.” She looks startled--adorably so--then straightens. That bunny has a darn good poker face! (I taught her everything I know.)

“Who says I made any assumptions just now?!”

“I says. You thought that, just because I was admiring that vixen, I wanted to get busy with her.”

“Hmph.” The poker face doesn’t budge. I prod a little more.

“Didn’t you?” She looks like she’s about to crack. I try again.

“Didn’t you?”

“Ugh, Nick. Yes. Okay? Happy now?!” Yep. “Don’t you dare say that in front of any donkeys.”

“Who said anything about donkeys?” I walk a little ways in front of her, strutting and shaking my tail until she gets the picture. She bounds up beside me, and she’s winded--from running, or because she liked what she saw?

“Cheese and crackers, Nick!” She blushes. Yeah, definitely the latter.

“But Carrots…” She seems to be steeling herself for my next words. “Let me rephrase that...But Judy.” I’ve got her attention now. “I think we should follow that vixen. She seemed...lost, or something.” As soon she sees that my concern is legit--bam!--the old do-gooder Carrots is back.

“Why didn’t you say so! Let’s go help her! Come on!”

“I don’t know why I didn’t mention it,” I mutter under my breath. “Oh yeah, that’s right--some rabbit was giving me the third deg--ack!” The next thing I know, she’s dragging me down the street by my tie. Just, you know, the usual.

Chapter Four: 21st Century Fox

As told by Jaime

“Don--did you see that?!” We’d been in Zootopia for less than ten minutes before we saw Judy Hopps dragging Nick Wilde down the street by his tie.

“Indeed I did,” Don said, and smiled. “What is it?”

“What’s what?” I asked him.

“What’s that brilliant idea you just came up with?” He knows me pretty well, that Don!

“It’s not an idea so much as...a theory.”

“Oh?”

“Well...Judy never did that to Nick in the movie. And the times she did do it, she was just messing with him. Just now, she looked pretty serious.” I paused to gather my thoughts. “We might want to follow them and see what’s going on.”

“Right. And we might work out where Robyn got to.” That was a good point; she’d disappeared while Don and I were distracted by all this awesome Zootopia-ness. And now--drat!--Judy and Nick went left and disappeared into a crowd.

We booked it down the street, and Don spotted them rounding a corner at the end of the block. We caught up with them...and they caught up with the vixen.

“Can I help you?” Judy asked her.

“Yes--I’m looking for the Visitor’s Center?” She had a strange quality to her voice: a rasp, I guess, and a little bit of a lilt, but also an accent? She sounded the way you might expect a movie star to sound, but she looked very unassuming in a simple sundress. I couldn’t tell what her shoes looked like. Nick, on the other hand, couldn’t be bothered with those little details; he was too busy grinning like a fool.

“Well, Miss, today is your lucky day. Officer Nick Wilde at your service. I would be happy to escort you to the Visitor’s Center.” He was really pouring on the charm.

“Ahem.” Judy did not look happy.

Nick backpedaled. “I’d forget my head if it wasn’t attached to my neck, that’s for sure! This,” he said, gesturing to Judy, “is my partner, Officer Hopps. It just so happens you caught us on a day off, but we would both be happy to bring you there.” The vixen was beside herself.

“That would be lovely! Thank you, Officers!” Her obvious relief made Judy smile.

“Happy to help. That’s what we do at the ZPD! I’m not on duty today, so why not call me Judy? I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name--?”

“Robbie,” the vixen said. “Robbie Reynard.” I whipped around to lock eyes with Don, who was staring at me with a baffled expression that must’ve mirrored my own.

“ROBBIE?” we shouted simultaneously; it was a good thing no one could hear us in ghost mode.

“You don’t think…?” I started.

“I do think,” Don answered. “Very little about this situation surprises me.” I guess even ghosts have to consciously suspend disbelief once in awhile!

In the meantime, the trio had started down the street again; we followed suit. “That would explain our vixen’s nondescript appearance,” Don said as we made our way through the city--this time making sure to stick close.

“And her voice?” I ventured; Don nodded.

“Robyn was trying to disguise her own voice--rather poorly, I might add, come to think of it--and the rest was faint mechanical noises, and maybe some static.”

Just then, we noticed Nick trying to help ‘Robbie’ up a curb. He was being a gentle...mammal--?--but Judy was having none of it. She swatted at Nick’s arm; it would have been subtle, except for the fact that it startled him; probably because he was so wrapped up in his guest. He jumped, which jostled ‘Robbie’, and...Uh oh.

The sound was horrific. Not that it was all that loud, but it was all the more jarring knowing that, up until the second it happened, Nick and Judy thought that this was an actual sentient being.

They both stood stock still in shock. Then, Judy rushed up to Nick and hugged him. “Nick! Are you okay?!”

“Just barely,” he breathed. He sighed, then cleared his throat. “Somebody tried to hustle us, Carrots. We have a case on our hands.”

“No you don’t.” The voice came from behind a potted plant in the Visitor’s Center courtyard. “You just have...me.” Robyn stepped out from her hiding place.

Chapter Five: Take Me To Your Leader

As told by Don

In life, I had a lot of respect for Robyn. Although I often admired her from afar--her pursuits kept her busy on a regular basis, so she seldom had time to visit--I found her passion for science electric (pardon the pun).

But that was before I’d witnessed this...this atrocity! She’d made Nick and Judy care for this contrived creature...And now, had she lured them into some kind of trap?!

“I’m the real Robbie: Robyn. I’m a scientist from...a long way from here.” I’d never seen Robyn cry, but it looked as though she was about to. “I wasn’t going to hurt you, I...just wanted to learn about your culture. This...didn’t go the way I planned at all. I was counting on a random mammal to find me...Not the most famous Zootopians in the world!” With that, she burst into tears.

Lesser mammals might have turned tail and run the instant Robyn appeared, but, to their credit, Nick and Judy stayed put. I had yet another reason to regard my much-revered WildeHopps. (Yes; I, Professor Donald Harper, am a shipper. Those two make it so easy! But I digress.)

My belief in Robyn’s ethics was restored as well. Distraught, she threw up her hands. “I give up. I’ll head home now; what I did was inexcusable.” That she was willing to give up on what surely amounted to years of hard work in order to atone for her admittedly grievous mistake certainly counted for contriteness in my book.

But before she could take her leave… “Robyn, wait.” Judy’s paw touched her arm; a universal gesture of compassion. “Do you love your job?”

“Yes,” Robyn sniffed. “Very much. More than my self-respect, apparently.” She gave a humorless laugh.

“I thought so,” Judy smiled. “So do I.”

“Listen to the rabbit. What you did takes guts,” Nick grinned. “And this rabbit knows guts.” Judy’s eyes were still on Robyn, their violet depths brimming with possibility. When Judy spoke again, it was with the utmost gentleness.

“Follow me.” Robyn, shaken and uncertain, hastily deflected and stepped aside, withdrawing a wadded up bin bag from her pocket; humiliated, she bent to retrieve bits of the ill-fated robot. Thankfully, nobody noticed--not that her creation bore any resemblance to an animal at this point. It was mostly a collection of washers, bolts, wires, and bent and dented metal. Judging by her practiced aplomb, this was clearly not the first time one of Robyn’s experiments had gone awry. One got the feeling that many had...but none quite so spectacularly.

The deed done, she deposited the refuse in the nearest bin and joined her hosts on a nearby bench. Judy spoke to her with patience and warmth, as though nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred. “You want to learn about our culture, right?” Robyn nodded. “I think I know where you can start. And it’s a lot more fun than the Visitor’s Center.” Nick swiped a paw over his face, looking aggrieved.

“Oh, for the love of blueberries, Carrots…! Do not say it! Haven’t you learned anything from me?! What the heck--just watch and take notes.” He turned to Robyn, wearing an expression best described as ‘bad cop’. “Look, sweetheart, we’ll cut you a deal: we’ll tell you about our culture...If you tell us about yours.” But the faintest of smiles crept into his eyes.

Relief washed over Robyn’s face, and she smiled. “Yes, sir, Officer Wilde! But first, may I say...I am such a fan of both of you.”

“Oh, right, Weaselton’s documentary,” Nick spoke easily--though he seemed a bit miffed at the mention of said mammal. Propping up his chin with a paw, he went on. “We still haven’t seen it yet. Is it any good?”

“It’s excellent!” Robyn assured him. Jaime turned to me.

“Do they mean the movie itself?”

“Seems that way,” I said.

“So, Robyn!” Judy chimed in cheerfully. “Why don’t we start over and get to know each other, okay?” Robyn nodded, grateful for the reprieve. Meanwhile, Nick only offered,

“Your call, Carrots.” Clearly he was content to trust Judy’s judgement. Judy extended a paw to her guest. “Judy Hopps, ZPD.” Robyn took the proffered paw.

“Robyn Stephanie Irving--biologist by trade, anthropologist for fun.”

“And you know who I am,” Nick added dryly, ever-enforcing the illusion of self-importance. “Not to interrupt or anything, but what exactly is an anthro--whatever you just said?”

“Anthropology is a fancy way of saying, ‘the study of human culture’.” Nick studied her thoughtfully; as he spoke, curiosity crept into his voice.

“So you're a human? Like, an actual human? I've heard some scary things about you guys.” Both Judy and Robyn seemed simultaneously disturbed and fascinated by this revelation. Only after the words had left his lips did Nick seem to see the gravity of what he’d just said. “You know what? Let’s close that can of worms, and maybe toss it into the drink.” He mimed the actions, making both ladies laugh.

“I like your name, Robyn,” Judy told her. “I have 275 brothers and sisters--maybe more since I was home last--and I always figured it must be hard to come up with names for that many kits.”

“Yeah,” Nick said. “Your parents picked a good one. It’s solid.” Robyn blushed a bit.

“Thank you! That’s very kind. I rather like it myself.”

“Nick and I have terrible middle names,” Judy lamented, adding, “Mine’s Laverne.”

“Piberius,” Nick put in.

“But you...You could be a poet with a name like that!” Judy added brightly. But then she seemed flustered. “I mean, it sounds poetic, but, hey!”--here, she laughed nervously-- “this is Zootopia, where anyone can be anything!”

“What Pollyanna means is, you have a really neat name, and there’s nothing wrong with being a--an--anthro--polifragilisticexpialadocious.” Jaime and I burst out laughing, as did Robyn and Judy; the former smiled encouragingly, while the latter looked adoringly at her fox.

“It’s ‘anthropologist’, Nick.”

“Isn’t that what I said?” They all laughed.

Everyone was silent for a moment, still recovering from laughter. At length, Judy pinned Nick with a longing, hopeful look. “Hey, Slick--Can I say it now?!”

“Argh!” Nick groaned. “No!” Then a pause. “At least let me say it.” Judy sighed in defeat, then shrugged.

“Works for me!” By the time Nick focused his gaze on her again, poor Robyn appeared considerably perplexed--and rightfully so. Nick and Judy have so many in-jokes that very few can keep up!

“About this culture thing...We all agree that to learn about Zootopian culture, it would be best to ask some bigwig, right?” Robyn nodded calmly, while Judy looked to be rapidly losing her patience. Nick just kept talking. “So, let’s see...You do not want to talk to Chief Bogo; he’s a major killjoy. Buuuuut…”--he drew out the word, no doubt stalling to irk Judy even further-- “it just so happens that…” Judy pinned him with a warning glare: Get on with it.

“Yours truly and Carrots here are really tight with the Mayor, so we'll help you out.” Nick was the epitome of casual, as though he hadn’t nearly waged war with the bunny beside him moments ago. It was obvious that he relished getting a rise out of Judy...and that for all her indignant muttering, she didn’t mind in the least.

Chapter Six: The Wizard of Zoo

As told by Nick

“So who is this enigmatic mayor of yours?” I almost choked on my tongue trying not to laugh--after all, we agreed to let the tourist pick our brains. (That sounds worse than it is.)

“Crimini!” I winced; now I’d accidentally bitten my tongue while trying to keep it together. Making a quick recovery, I gave Robyn the 411.

“Robyn, Robyn, Robyn. Our mayor is many things, but enigmatic he is not. I’d tell you just how great he is, but you probably wouldn’t believe me.”

“It’s not that Mouskawitz fellow, is it?”

“Mouskawhosit?!”

“Oh, I thought…”

“Wait, wait--Don’t tell me. Weaselton got book deals out of the doc and used them to spread propaganda. Mouskawitz ran against our buddy and lost. Not that he’s a bad guy or anything...He was a good sport about it. Weaselton, though, is a sore loser. He was always ranting about how he wanted a smaller mammal for mayor. He has delusions about becoming a lackey to the next Bellwether.” I shuddered.

“Well, then…” Robyn looked a tad uneasy; maybe I shouldn’t have unloaded that on her. But, on the other hand, she did say she was an anthro--whatchamacallit--so she must live for that stuff. Sure enough, I noticed she was scribbling away on a notepad with all the diligence of Carrots going through paperwork on a Monday morning. Scratch that--of Carrots doing anything, ever.

Speaking of...Hang on. Then why wasn’t she…?! Riiiiiight. She was holding out to visit The Wizard of Zoo.

“Can we go now, Nick?!” Called it--and she says I act like a kit?!

“You ready, Robyn?” I asked her.

“As I’ll ever be.” For someone who had been so bummed out earlier, she appeared to be pulling herself up by her bootstraps with a finesse that would make Carrots proud. I glanced over to confirm. Yup, called it again. The bunny was beaming. Or it could just be….The Wizard of Zoo.

“Alright, let’s go!” So saying, I stood and stretched. “Follow the Yellow Cement Road!” (That also sounds worse than it is.) “One word of advice though. Robyn, it’s almost Halloween, so..” She added that to her notebook, too; I’m sure of it. “...On the way to City Hall, if anyone asks, just say you’re headed to a costume party.” She and Judy both gave me weird looks. “The human thing is kinda new to most Zootopians; most only know you guys as the strange race who worship Weaselton’s doc.”

“And us,” Carrots added--but in a tone that said don’t they have anything better to do?!

Robyn shrugged.

“I can’t speak for everyone, but I could do worse.” I smiled in spite of myself.

“I knew I liked you.” Then, with a gal on each arm, I started down the street.

Robyn was stoked to take in all the sights. Normally, Carrots loves to soak up the city, but today--about as far from normal as you could get anyway--she was texting like a madbunny. A few passing mammals said, “Nice costume,” and Robyn thanked them demurely, thereby playing them like the master hustler I’d come to know. Brava.

“Whatcha doin, Carrots?”

“Just making sure we can pop in. We’re good.” I should’ve known. All hail The Wizard of Zoo!

Chapter Seven: Mayor Horse’s Round Table

As told by Judy Hopps

Was it just me, or did Nick seem a little jealous that I was excited to visit Herb? I thought he got over that! I guess he did--mostly--but how silly of me to forget that there is no holding back the gigantic ego of the great Nicholas Wilde. Dumb fox.

When we got to City Hall, Herb was waiting for us in the lobby. He noticed me first. “There she is!”

“Hi, Herb! Thanks for letting us come over!”

“Well, I always have time for my second-favorite rabbit! Besides, this is far more rewarding than texting; I get to hear your voice and see your smiling face!” I don’t blush as easily as I used to, but when Herb says things like that...How can you not?! Nick rolled his eyes at me when I went in for a hug. I did the same thing I always do when he’s being a major pain-in-the-tail...Ignored him. But mid-hug, he decided to call a truce.

“Scoot over, Carrots.”

“Is it customary for Zootopians to hug when they enter a government building?” I’d almost forgotten that Robyn was with us! Before I could reply, Nick beat me to it.

“It is with this guy. Herb, this is Robyn. She’s new here, and she’s doing some highbrow research.” He smirked. “Right up your alley, pal.”

Herb walked over to greet our guest. “Robyn, welcome! My name is Herbert Hogden Horse, IV. “My mother is a mare, and my father is a boar. You can call me Herb.” He said it with a smile--just like he always does!

Robyn seemed to be enjoying the attention. It’s not just me; everyone loves Herb.

“Is there something going on out there without me?!” Hannah Hare barrelled into the room, laughing. A smiling Sam came up behind her.

“Without us, Hannah.” Sam is a bunny after my own heart. We had similar upbringings--we’re both native Bunnyburrowers from big farm families--and we both go after what we want. Hannah finds Sam a little intimidating, but that’s probably because she’s her boss.

“Oops, I mean us,” Hannah said, sounding like a scared kit who’d just been scolded. But Herb smiled at her, and she relaxed.

“Robyn, this is my wife, Sam, and our friend Hannah. Ladies, this is Robyn.” Once everyone was introduced, I explained,

“Robyn is studying Zootopian culture. I told her this is the place to be.”

As if on cue, Herb went into Mayor mode. “Robyn, would you mind telling us a little bit about your research?”

“Not at all. I studied biology in college, but I’ve dabbled in other life sciences as well. The purpose of this particular inquiry is to compare the lifestyles, cultures, and traditions of Zootopians to those of humans. Technically that falls under sociology, but as I’m not working for anyone at the moment, I just follow my whims. I love it all.” Amazing! But I wasn’t the only one who liked the sound of that; Herb did, too.

“As someone who has dabbled in many careers myself, I admire your efforts, Robyn.”

“Thank you.” I could practically hear the snarky thoughts in Nick’s head; he wasn’t happy that his one-time dream girl was paying attention to Herb. I was about to elbow him in the ribs when Hannah said,

“I know! Let’s do a round table!”

“Excellent idea, Hannah,” Herb agreed. “Second conference room to the left...Lead the way, my friend.” Hannah zipped out of the lobby and down the hall; we followed her. Once there, everyone took a seat. “Hannah, since this was your idea, would you like to do the honors?”

“Sure! Let’s see...Got it!” Though she was on the verge of laughter, she tried to sound official as she announced, “Mayor Horse’s round table is now in session!”

Chapter Eight: The Ring’s The Thing?

As told by Jaime

I don’t know who was more excited about this round table: Herb, Judy, Hannah, or Robyn--who were all there, looking eager to get going--or me and Don, who were watching and waiting with bated breath. (Thank you, ghost travel!)

Nick and Sam, though...They didn’t look unhappy, but it was easy to see that they were more reserved.

“Here’s something to get the ball rolling,” Nick said. To Robyn, he added, “When you know Herb as well as I do, you know there’s bound to be a story behind the thing I’m about to ask.” Then he turned to Herb. “What’s with the bling, Chief?”

“Oh, you mean this?” Herb held up his left hoof, which was adorned with a shiny gold horseshoe. “Well, Nicholas, I daresay that, although you’re an extremely competent cop, certain details--namely of the fashion variety--escape your notice.” I laughed; what a coincidence that Nick was wearing the same neon-green shirt he wore in the movie! I bet it’s one of his favorites.

Hannah laughed, too, and Nick glared at her; Judy snickered and shoved his shoulder. But I soon realized that Herb was only teasing, because he looked at Hannah and Judy with a stern stare that was strikingly similar to the one Don’s known for. But somehow Herb, with his soft brown eyes and relaxed demeanor, seemed less imposing. (Please don’t tell Don I said that; I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings.)

Once that blew over, Herb continued as though nothing had happened. “This lovely statement piece is my wedding shoe.” Nick turned beet-red.

“I didn’t know horses wore wedding bands--And--and I thought horseshoes were kinda old-timey.” Hannah was stunned, while Herb and Sam seemed to take it in stride. Judy laughed. “Hey, Nick, want to take your foot out of your mouth now?” Nick pulled himself together quickly and didn’t miss a beat.

“Nah--I think I’ll just gnaw it off and run.”

Undaunted, Herb smiled. “Before we cause poor Robyn to head for the hills, let me clear this up. The day before yesterday, Sam was a little shorthanded at the bakery, so I came in to help. I was put in charge of cakes, which was really a mistake, because I’m more of a cobbler kind of guy.”

“I’d put the batter in the cake pan, and I was leaning over the cookbook to see what the oven temp should be...Then--splat--my shoe falls in the batter. My hooves were a slippery mess--that must’ve done it--so it took me forever to rescue my shoe. Maybe not forever, but,” he admitted with a shrug, “Long enough that I ruined both cakes that were already baking….Plus, mind you, the one that had my shoe in it. And so ended my short-lived career as a cake connoisseur.”

Don and I looked at each other and cracked up. Gosh, this guy was good! Hannah was in hysterics, and Judy and Nick weren’t far behind. Robyn chuckled as she took it all in. Sam was silent, serene in the knowledge that she’d heard it all before...and loved every minute of it.

Gradually, the room quieted, and Herb pressed on. “Needless to say, I’ve been banished from bakery operations for the foreseeable future. My shoe had seen better days, so I decided to give it some TLC. It had been years since I had it professionally cleaned, but I figured that if ever there was a day to do it, it was then. And that, Nicholas, is the story of how I, a hapless horse, came to be in possession of the eye-catching accessory you see before you.”

The laughter started up again. I even applauded, knowing full well that none of them could hear me. There are just some things that call for a good clap, no matter what.

This time, it was Robyn who finally restored the group’s focus. “So, Herb--Do all married horses wear wedding shoes?”

“I wouldn’t say that; in fact, most don’t. If you work with your hooves for any length of time, they can be cumbersome.” That’s when he noticed Robyn’s notes. “While I admire a studious mammal, I do hope you didn’t record my entire mishap.” He was only teasing, though.

“Your secret’s safe with me,” smiled Robyn.

“I know plenty of horses who’ve exchanged other tokens on their wedding day: corsages, bracelets, pins...But the shoe is more traditional. Ironically, shoe-wearers are more often than not married to smaller mammals; the shoe bears the most resemblance to the rings they wear.” With that, he turned to Judy. Smiling, he spoke in a playful tone. “Now, I’ve done my part, Hopps. Paws where I can see them.”

“Spoken like a true ex-cop,” Nick grinned as Judy placed her paws on the table. That’s when I saw it...How could I have missed that?! She wore a whopping amethyst diamond on her left ring finger. Don and I exchanged glances again.

“WildeHopps are engaged?!” I can’t even remember who said it first, we were so psyched. None of Judy’s friends seemed surprised; I guess they knew. But Robyn was ecstatic.

“Oh my gosh! Congratulations!” Judy smiled and reached for Nick’s paw.

“Thanks.”

“Ditto,” Nick said.

Chapter Nine: Jealous Guys

As told by Don

I could listen to Herb talk for hours. The professor in me knew right away that he’s a very learned fellow. I was enthralled by his discussion of the wedding shoe’s significance. “For me, the wedding shoe was an obvious choice. Although I might seem outwardly straight-laced, I really am a hopeless romantic at heart.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Sam intoned, her soft voice at odds with her biting wit. By all accounts, she and Nick share certain sensibilities, because he sent her a look across the table that said, I feel you, pal.

Robyn smiled politely and said, “Even as a short-term observer, I can tell you have quite the partnership there.”

“You’re some hustler, Robyn,” Nick drawled.

“Excuse me?” Robyn was gobsmacked.

“Oh, puh-leeze. Every female mammal within a 50-mile radius has a crush on the Mayor. I would bet my badge that you’re one of them.”

“Nick...!” Judy warned through gritted teeth. I watched as she deftly slid her foot over and very deliberately brought it down on his own. She must truly be a “bad-bum” bunny, because the force of the impact was such that Nick cried out.

“Ye-ow!” He glared at her. “Watch it, Carrots.”

“There’s more where that came from if you don’t take that back and apologize.” As Nick narrowed his eyes, I have no doubt that there was a glimpse of the former hustler in them.

“You’re just trying to cover your tail. You’ve had a crush on Herb since the day you met him."

“I…” Realizing she’d been well and truly hustled, Judy relented. “Don’t...anymore.” Nick wore a triumphant grin.

“There. Was that so bad? All I wanted was for you to admit it.” Poor Hannah, looking on in wide-eyed shock, seemed fearful that the fox might turn on her at any moment. In an effort to ward him off, she turned to Judy.

“You can’t say that!” It was impossible to discern the battle of words and wits that followed, yet one thing was certain: It was every mammal for his--or her--self.

As rankled as I was by the sudden row, I haven’t the slightest idea what possessed me to turn to Jaime and ask, “What about you?” For a long moment, she remained silent--and then she got that gleam in her eyes, the one she gets when discussing something (or someone) she fancies. Minutes ticked by.

“A little.” Though it wasn’t very couth of me, I laughed.

“Quasi-romantic inclinations aside, have pity on your ol’ pal the professor. What does he have that I don’t?” Jaime sighed in defeat.

“Okay, Don; Don’t take this the wrong way. You’re larger than life. People expect you to be this stuffy professor, and when they get to know you, they see you’re not. But Herb walks into a room and just...by that alone, you can feel that he’s there for you. Does that make sense?” Certain she had hurt me, she looked crestfallen.

“Yes, it does. I felt it too. But I couldn’t quite make sense of it. I needed a second opinion because...I don’t play for that team.” My mouth curved upward into a cheeky smile, and we both burst out laughing.

While indulging in raucous laughter with my dear friend Jaime on a day that would boggle most minds, my own presence of mind must’ve slipped, because the next thing I knew, I heard Herb raise his voice above the din. “That’s enough. We have company.” A weary Robyn looked at him as though she might say, it’s a bit too late for that. I would’ve laughed if I hadn’t suddenly realized that Herb was looking directly at me. At us.

Chapter Ten: Unicorn Tales and Other Wonders

As told by Nick

So I’m sitting there thinking, ‘Cripes, I must’ve had too much coffee this morning. First I embarrass the heck out of my fiancee, then I start seeing things.’ I could swear I saw a human girl, about Judy’s age, and a human guy in his forties. Both had brown hair--hers long, his short. His eyes were a piercing blue, but hers were brown, with a little gold mixed in. She could be the girl-next-door, but he gave off a stuffed shirt vibe.

And something else. I’d been with Robyn all day, and she hadn’t said a thing about humans being radioactive. But the guy sure looked it. Everyone was staring at them. Even Herb, who didn’t strike me as that type. But, per usual, his face was completely unreadable, so at least he was withholding judgement.

Suddenly, a flicker of something flashed through Robyn’s eyes, like she’d just caught on to a big secret..

“Don?! Is that you?!”

“So we meet again.” He even talked like a stuffed shirt, and had the same unidentified foreign accent as Robyn. But--here’s the kicker--he smiled when he said it. Really smiled. And it changed his whole face, making me think he might not be so bad.

“How are you here?” Robyn asked him.

“Well…” I could tell by the look on his face that whatever he said next wasn’t going to be pretty, and...Was he stalling? I gave him major props for that one; I didn’t peg him for a hustler. “You see, my dear friend Jaime and I…” The girl waved.

“Hi,” she said nervously, looking like she’d rather be anywhere but here.

“...We wanted to have a look at your machine, so we snuck into your lab.”

“Sod that,” Robyn replied. Those two words--I’m guessing a phrase from her neck of the woods--were loaded. There was a mixture of anger, pain, and relief in her voice. “I mean: you left us years ago. I went to your funeral.”

“Thank you,” Don said with a soft laugh, and shrugged. “You really ought to expand your studies.”

“You mean to tell me that…?” Robyn’s eyes went wide. “You’re a ghost?!”

Whoa, WHAT?! Hold the phone! Could this day get any more insane?! Herb and his harem (Get it? One hare, two bunnies, close enough? No? Tough crowd. Anyway...) were still tight-lipped.

After what I’d seen that day, it didn’t surprise me that Hannah, a regular Nervous Nellie, was actually the first to speak up. Eyeing Don cautiously, she asked, “You’re a friendly ghost, right?”

“The friendliest,” supplied Jaime, smiling. At a loss for what to say, Don did something that made me like him from there on out...He went for a laugh.

“We come in peace.” That line is so cheesy that he got it.

Don may be an expert ice-breaker, but I was pretty sure I could out-cheese him...without incriminating myself in the slightest. “When Carrots here was a kit, her imaginary friend was a unicorn.” I grinned and put my arm around Judy; she didn’t even try to fight me on that one.

“Princess Sadie Sparklehorn. But she never came to visit me when I was stuck in a police briefing.” Carrots smiled, and I got the feeling she was actually enjoying the memory.

“Saved by the ghost,” Hannah breathed. Herb finally piped up.

“What was that, Hannah?” His voice startled her, and she stammered,

“N-n-nothing!”

“In that case,” Herb began, “I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you all a little story. I once dated a girl--a beautiful appaloosa mare--named Debbie. Debbie, for reasons heretofore unknown to me, thought she was a unicorn. As you know, I appreciate a good sense of humor, but about three months into the relationship, I realized she wasn’t joking. It was fairly innocuous in the day-to-day--she wore little horns she’d made herself. These actually made quite the fashion statement. I wish that had been enough to tip me off, but I was really into her, so I read it as a form of artistic expression, which I also have a deep fondness for. However, it turned out that she saved her most elaborate horns for our--intimate--moments. She said they made her feel sexy.”

The room roared. Even Sam, who more often than not seemed unimpressed by Herb’s all-around awesomeness, was yukking it up. I even heard her say,“I never get tired of that one”. When calm was restored, I decided to ask her the million-dollar question--just for kicks. “Hey, Sam...Do you have a crush on the Mayor?”

Don and Jaime got a good laugh out of that one; I don’t think any of us--not even me--really expected her to take the bait.

“On a good day.” That cracked Hannah up. Sam smiled.

“Today’s one of those.” Hannah, Carrots, and Jaime all said,

“Awwww!!!!!!!” Herb put his right arm around Sam while holding out his left, wedding shoe on display.

“That, my friend, is why I have a wedding shoe. Of all the marriage symbols for horses, it’s the easiest to spot; I need something to ward off all the advances!” Every gal in that room looked like she’d been caught with her paw--or hand--in the cookie jar. Then came the coy little smiles. At least they admitted it.

Little did I know that Carrots was watching me watch them and was about to strike. “Nick.” She said my name a little too sweetly, like she was about to hustle me, and hustle me good. “Before you get too attached to that stupid, smug grin, can I ask you something?” Uh-oh. She was in full-on cop mode now...No way was she waiting for an answer.

“Did you or did you not express particular interest in Robyn earlier?” Oh, cripes. Might as well get this over with.

“Yeah, Carrots, I did. But that was when I thought she was a vixen.” Suddenly, everyone was giving me side-eye. “I mean an actual vixen. A canid. You know, same species as me.” Sweet cheese and crackers, the side-eye prevailed. “Do I have to spell it out for you?!” Silence; I had my answer. “I’m only attracted to vixens and does, okay?” Unlike Herb, I don’t get a rush from detailing these...tastes. It’s my business, you know? So having to admit that was a real thorn in my side. (See: Nick Wilde’s nightmare in eight words.)

Carrots saved me from the silent treatment. “Does? As in rabbit does?!” Not that this was much better.

“No, deer, Judy dear,” I snapped. “Of course rabbit does!” With that off my chest, I was able to take it down a few notches. “And you’re my favorite.”

“Aww, Nick…!” Judy put her head on my shoulder, and that’s when I knew that despite all the scumbaggy, rotten, downright deplorable things I’d said that day, she still loved me. And what a relief, because I don’t know what I’d do without her.

Nothing could top that, but by the end of that crazy day, we were all still friends. Herb could still look us in the eye, and Sam didn’t send anyone--what did Don call it?--up there. I only know that because, after all was said and done, he, Jaime and Robyn still agreed to give us a crash course on ‘Everything We Ever Wanted To Know About Humans, But Were Too Afraid To Ask’. It was a blast.

Chapter Eleven: How Sweet It Is

As told by Jaime

After our Q&A session, Sam invited everyone to her bakery. Hannah works there as a pastry artist, and she sacrificed a freshly-decorated cookie for Don to enjoy. Sam put out a platter of sweets for the rest of us, too.

While Don was regaling the rabbits with some of his best stories, I snuck away to explore the bakery. I noticed Nick and Herb having a heart-to-heart at one of the cafe tables. I tried to respect their privacy, but it just so happened that I overheard everything. Since Herb is an open book--and, well, I think Nick has learned his lesson--I’m sure they won’t mind if I tell you about it.

“Nick, if you had that much of a problem with me, why didn’t you say something?” Herb was giving Nick that Don-like stare.

“Because you don’t see it. You say you do, but what you’re seeing just scratches the surface. They--especially Judy--are really good at hiding it if they know you’re on to them. For you to get the big picture, that’s...literally not possible. You’re so...unpretentious. I used to be on the streets, remember? I’ve seen it all. But that, you can’t fake. If I told you, and you thought I’d accused you of something...I’d never forgive myself.” Herb’s expression softened.

“But, Nick, you should have…”

“I told Sam. She helped me through the brunt of it. But today was the first time it’s happened since Judy and I got engaged. Judy’s always telling me that I need to open up more, that I can trust her. I do, and I want to show her that, which is why after I proposed…”

“...You thought she’d stop looking for connections elsewhere.”

“No, that’s not it...I just hoped she’d tone it down with you a little.” Herb considered Nick’s words for a moment.

“I’m sorry you felt that way. But your actions today...weren’t the best way to handle it, to say the least.”

“I know. It’s been a crazy day, and I lost my cool. That’s not an excuse; it’s the truth. Judy means everything to me; when we’re not on the same page, it throws me for a loop. I could have used her in my corner today, but all she could think about was seeing you.” Nick laughed nervously. “Of course, that doesn’t account for me checking out a certain human-in-vixen’s-clothing.” He sighed. “I guess this was all my fault.” Herb gave him a reassuring smile.

“Nick, Judy loves you. She’s always going to be in your corner. But you have to understand that she expresses herself differently than you do.”

“You mean all the sentimental gook?” Herb gave him another major stare; Nick tried to brush it off.

“What? Oh, let me guess: Horses don’t like ‘the s-word’, same way bunnies don’t like ‘the c-word’.” Nick was proud of himself--not in his usual self-satisfied way, but like a kit who’d just gotten a gold star.

“Not necessarily,” Herb said, surprisingly stern. “But this horse...will let it slide,” he finished with a smile.

“Does this mean that I’m just going to have to accept that you’re all that and a bushel of blueberries?” Herb laughed.

“You said it, not me.”

“I messed up big-time, buddy; I’m sorry. Are we good?”

“Absolutely, my friend.” As they were getting up from the table, Nick went in for a hug. “By the way,” Herb added, hugging him back, “The fact that you just compared me to your favorite fruit is high praise indeed. Thank you.”

As they headed back towards the group, it was Nick’s turn to smile. “Any time, pal.” I may have needed to snag a napkin from the counter to swipe at my eyes.

Even with all the, um--bumps in the road--that day, I had an amazing time visiting Zootopia. Nick and Judy are even cooler than I imagined, and their friends are equally super. Before we left, WildeHopps made us promise that we would come back and visit. Robyn agreed that would be great...if we asked her permission next time.

I can’t wait to tell George about my adventure!...Except for the part where I had a crush on Herb. I mean--George has seen a lot of weird stuff with Don around, but...I don’t think even he would believe that. It’s okay...I’ll just keep it to myself. Or--I could bring him on the next trip and prove that Herb really is the bee’s knees…!