Adulthood & Inner Child
Hailie's article dives into the depths of upcoming adulthood, exploring the methods available to handle the transition and maintain a healthy relationship with one's inner child along the way.
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Beginning Adulthood and keeping your inner child
Beginning Adulthood and keeping your inner child
By Hailie Zintzun
By Hailie Zintzun
Graduation is soon approaching and, with that in mind, seniors are getting ready for their head-first plunge into the adult world. This turbulent and exciting time reminds even those not yet faced with the reality of adulthood that the day will eventually come and take them on their own new paths. The transition into adulthood can be a daunting change. As more responsibilities and obligations start heading towards a person, it can be easy to lose touch with simple pleasures and the sense of wonder that came with their childhood. Still, there is hope yet. By learning some tricks to manage the stresses of adulthood and keep the presence of one’s inner child, an individual can go forth, ready to face their future without letting go of the joys from the past.
It is often assumed that, by the age of 18, a person is considered to be an adult. While this may legally be the case, there are many other factors that contribute to true maturity. Adulting is more complex than getting a job or a person living on their own. It requires a certain amount of learning and growth that comes with getting out into the “real world.” As Psychology Today puts it, “Adulting is a process. It takes lots of trial and error and hard reminders from life and expired relationships.” Many fear the connotations that come with being an adult. There are certain expectations, such as getting into a stable career, going to college, buying a house, and one day starting a family, which can sound off-putting to someone who has no idea where to start this journey or how to achieve these goals. And that’s okay. Adulting is not one-size-fits-all. There will be many different paths to explore with various roads that can take one there. One individual might want to skip college and go into the career force right away. Others might get their education and then start their own business. Sometimes, a person will start on one road and then switch to another before they finish. While this might provide some obstacles, in the end, every person lives their own life, and they must decide for themselves what they want to do with it. There is no predetermined plan that a person must be forced to follow. One of the first steps into becoming an adult is realizing this and coming to terms that it is up to the individual to decide their fate, for it is in their hands alone. However, it is normal for someone not to know where their road will lead the second after they graduate. It is important to know that there are people in the world who will still be able and willing to offer support and advice during these times, even if they are “adults” now. Not being afraid to ask for help is a sign of maturity, and is a skill seasoned adults practice themselves.
According to the Newport Institute, there are three criteria necessary to truly become an adult. They cite “Researcher and psychology professor Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, PhD, who coined the term emerging adulthood, zeroed in on two criteria that define the internal experience of becoming an adult.” The first is accepting responsibility for oneself. Learning that one’s actions have lasting consequences and being able to own one’s own actions and mistakes is an essential part of becoming a responsible adult. As a child, there is usually more grace and leeway allowed than for those in the adult world. Being able to successfully navigate this early on will help a person be able to build this skill and be more prepared for the realities that await in adulthood. The second criterion is making independent decisions. If a person has had difficulties with decision-making in the past, becoming an adult is a harsh reality check. The freedom of being an adult means that no one can dictate another’s behavior or actions. The caveat to this is that no one can stop a person from making bad decisions or deciding the hard ones for them. It is a valuable tool to be able to have logical decision-making skills. Thus, it is a reasonable scenario for decision-making skills to be a criterion for proper adulthood. The last (non-internal) criterion outlined by Arnett is financial independence. Having the means to support oneself is an important part of becoming an adult as it marks the point of true independence and financial self-accountability. As stated by the Newport Institute in regards to Arnett, “Only when these three criteria were achieved, he wrote, do young people make the transition to adulthood, and this typically happens in a person’s late 20s.” Therefore, it is reasonable to not have accomplished all if any of these criteria right away after high school. It takes time and experience to build any skill, adulting included.
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Despite being aware that adulthood is a process that does not magically happen the moment a person receives their diploma, it is possible that one still has a feeling of unease or uncertainty about this momentous-feeling transition in their lives. None to worry. There are some general tips and tools that exist that can help put some of these feelings to ease. If a person cannot decide what to pursue, going with what they find themselves to be interested in can a beneficial choice. It is always a good idea to check and see where one’s passions could lead, as following that path will likely be more fulfilling than going with one that does not bring a person any sense of joy or fulfillment. It can also be helpful for one to have the knowledge that they are not the only person going through this experience. There are people in the world who are going through the same process. If a person desires making a connection with people in the same boat, then perhaps consider joining an online or in-person group that discusses this journey and how each individual is trying to navigate it. Building a sense of community with others can make all the difference between feeling isolated and having a support system through this path to adulthood. Having a safe and trusted group to relate to can prove to be very beneficial during this time. Even if an individual is following all of the tips as previously mentioned, then there is still a chance that they may experience feelings of anxiety, depression, or other such emotions that can block them from reaching their adulting goals. Having the courage to reach out for support and guidance has the potential to change and improve these feelings, and remove such barriers.
With all that goes into becoming a successful adult, it is often that someone can forget to take care of their inner child. Innovative Psychotherapy describes an inner child as “a part of your subconscious that has been picking up messages way before it was able to fully process what was going on (mentally and emotionally). It holds emotions, memories and beliefs from the past, as well as hopes and dreams for the future.” Take this for an example. A person is walking down a section of their local grocery store. Suddenly, they smell a scent that reminds them of a specific memory from their childhood for an unknown reason. This is potentially a sign of one’s “inner child” communicating with them. Revisiting and exploring the pieces of one’s childhood that brought their child-self joy can be useful in determining how to keep that sense of childish happiness with them as an adult. While it may look a bit different, the core of the memory is usually still a prevalent key to understanding one’s own ways of finding enjoyment in life. No matter how busy or responsible a person becomes in their adult years, it is ever the more important to keep their childish wonder alive. By doing so, it makes integrating these separate stages of life more cohesive and bearable. As claimed by the Los Angeles Times, “And though these notions aren’t new to the world, recent research shows that experiencing awe and wonder can positively affect our mental and physical health, ultimately benefiting our lives.”
There are a few different methods to opening oneself to their inner child. Looking for the special qualities found within the normal, usually overlooked parts of life can be a good starting point. Noticing the way rain falls on a window, the smell of fresh coffee, or even taking note of a certain feeling are ways to do this. Allowing oneself to connect to their playfulness is another way to explore keeping their childhood in their older years. Whether that means occasionally engaging in a sport, dancing, musical activities, or collecting objects, these sorts of actions can reduce negative feelings and enhance overall fulfillment and satisfaction in life. Finding opportunities to connect to one’s inner child does not have to be a solo pursuit. Having other people to explore this with can be twice the amount of fun and provide equal benefits for both of you. Los Angeles Times states, “Swapping stories, making weekly or yearly rituals with friends and attending dinner parties are all great ways that adults can play.” Keeping parts of an individual’s childhood self is less about recreating the same activities, and more about producing similar feelings and benefits that came from having fun in the past. Just because a person becomes an adult, it does not make letting their hair down and prioritizing time for enjoyment any less important.
Adulthood is and will continue to be known as a journey that takes time and self-growth in order to manage. This being the case, having an idea of the tools and goals of becoming a true adult can prove to provide aid and lessen emotions of uncertainty. A challenge that comes in tandem with the trials of adulting is trying to keep the memory and spirit of the inner child. Exploring opportunities to get in touch with this phenomenon can make adult life a bit less stressful, leading to more satisfaction with its ultimate outcome. Regardless of what someone’s path will become in adulthood or the roads they will use to travel there, finding peace with their inner child and learning to recognize the signs of becoming an adult will allow for a person to create a solid structure in which they can start discovering their next destination.
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