dean of students

Deepening the Connection

Hello GJS Primary Parents and Caregivers,

In the October KONTAK article, we explored how to move past the "fine" brick wall by using specific, zoomed-in questions about your child's day. I’ve been heartened to hear from many of you who tried those prompts and discovered that, given the right key, children are often eager to unlock the door to their daily experiences.

However, once that door is open, a new question arises: What do we do with what we find inside?

Starting the conversation is the first step, but sustaining a culture of open communication is where the real magic happens. Now, let’s look at how we can turn those brief answers into lasting moments of connection and growth.

1. The Power of the Pause

Sometimes, we ask a great question (like "What was the hardest part of your day?") and when our child doesn't answer within three seconds, we jump in to fill the silence.

Children often need "processing time" to translate their complex feelings into words.

• The Tip: After you ask a question, count to ten in your head.

• The Result: Often, right around count seven or eight, they will find the words they were looking for. Your silence signals that you are truly ready to wait and listen.

2. Validating Without 'Fixing'

It is our natural instinct as parents to want to solve our children’s problems immediately. If they tell you, "Nobody played with me at recess," our first response is often, "Well, did you ask to join in?" or "Tomorrow, try finding xxxxxxx!"

While well-intentioned, this can inadvertently make a child feel like their feeling was "wrong" or a problem to be solved rather than a lived experience.

• Try this instead: "That sounds like it felt really lonely. I’m so glad you told me."

• Why it works: When a child feels heard and validated, their brain moves out of "stress mode" and into "problem-solving mode" naturally.

3. The 'Two-Way Street' Strategy

Our children learn how to reflect by watching us. If we only ask them about their day but never share ours, the conversation can feel like an interview.

• Share your 'Rose, Thorn, and Bud':

  • Rose: The best part of your day.

  • Thorn: Something that was challenging or didn't go well.

  • Bud: Something you are looking forward to tomorrow.

• The Lesson: By sharing your "Thorn," you model that it’s okay to have a bad day and that even adults face challenges they have to work through.

Turning Insights into Action

As the Primary Dean of Students, I see these conversations as the bridge between school and home. When you know that your child felt confused in math or proud of a drawing, you aren't just "staying informed"—you are building their emotional intelligence.

"Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment." — Brené Brown

A Challenge for This Month: Pick one evening this week to share your own "Thorn" (a small challenge) with your child before asking them about theirs. Notice if it changes the way they open up to you.

We are so grateful to be on this journey with you. Together, we are helping our students find their voices, one conversation at a time.

Warm regards