On October 4th, 1970, I was born in Aarhus, Denmark. From 1970 until Autumn 1974, my parents and I in an apartment at Langenæs Allé 28 in Aarhus. 

At the start of the 1970s, my mother and father sold the summer house they had built at P. Baatrupsvej 52 in Odder and bought a piece of land at Holmetoften in Højbjerg South of Aarhus. On the peace of land in Højbjerg, my parents wanted to build a house. For various reasons such as disagreements about house size, house design, and the speed at which to build the house, my parents canceled their plans of building a house on that piece of land. My mother told me that they wanted to sell the piece of land again. However, they found it difficult to sell the house, for example because of the first oil crisis in the start of the 1970s. 

Before having sold the piece of land at Holmetoften in Højbjerg, my parents bought a third piece of land at Skæring Skolevej 123 in Egå North of Aarhus. And with the help of an architect and craftsmen, they built a house there with a fireplace, a sauna and a beautiful garden. They also bought furniture and other things for the house as well as a car and a cat. During this time, the first oil crisis came. In Autumn 1974, my parents and I moved out of the apartment at Langenæs Allé in Aarhus and into this house. 

Asking my mother why she and my father invested in / bought land, houses, cars, furniture, kitchen appliances and many other things over a relatively short period of time, she explained to me that that was the norm at that time. Everyone did it. House prices as well as inflation were going up at relatively high rates, so people were eager to buy things fast. People were afraid of getting left behind - of not being part of the herd. My mother also explained that when neighbors, friends and/or family members had invested in / bought something, for example new plates and cutlery or new furniture, other neighbors and/or other family members bought something similar or better.  What I learned from what my mother told me, is that people were continuously comparing themselves with each other and wanted to impress each other by having bigger, better, and more beautiful things. What I understood is that people were competing with each other - including their family members and friends - to have a bigger car, a nicer house, better furniture and/or more beautiful, trendy clothes. And if it was not possible to have the same things or something better than what people, they compared themselves with, had, people became envious of each other. 

This envy, which people had in their minds and hearts, fueled negative emotions that resulted in people neither loving themselves nor the people, with whom they compared themselves. The assumption, which people based more or less their entire lives on, was - as I understood it - that when people had similar or better things, which other people had, they would gain more social status. And increasing their social status in communities, they were a part of, would help people feel more respected, more liked, more loved. As a consequence of this, they would become more satisfied, feel better and have better, more relaxing lives. As I understood what my mother told me, this was the story that people told themselves and believed in from the 1950s. There was no limit to things people wanted. The more things people had, the better it was for them. And everything had to happen quickly. 

Asking my mother to explain more about why this development was going on, she said that this development was a consequence of the situation during and shortly after World War 2. At that time, people had relatively few things. It was a time of scarcity. Also, communities were strong at that time. People had conversations with each other - on the streets, in trams, in shops, in offices, in production locations, in homes, in cafeterias, at discos. People helped each other with more or less everything. They had fun together. And literally, doors were open - even front doors of people's homes - so people could just walk in and out. This openness, easy access and welcoming culture further strengthened communication and trust. 

Over the years, these cultures, which had strong values of openness, trust, love and and helping each other, slowly moved to cultures that had more focus on competition, status, power and safety. Several developments contributed to this change. For example, people started moving from A to B by themselves using their cars - instead of together with others using trams / buses / trains. Also, people moved from apartments, where they had lived among many different people, to houses. The development of doors, windows, locks and hedges around houses, which people bought, contributed to strengthening individualism and safety - and reducing openness, spontaneity and togetherness. 

From the stories, I listened to, I understood that, today, several elderly people have contrasting ways of living embedded in their minds. On the one hand, they want many things fast, as they have experienced in their lives that getting many things fast led - to some degree - to a better standard of living. On the other hand, many elderly people want to keep everything, they have - just as they did when they were children. These two contrasting ways of thinking result, I learned, in many elderly people having large stocks of things in their homes that they want to hold on to. And when they keep buying things that - due to economies of scale, robotics and other technologies - are produced efficiently and at low costs - many homes of elderly people seemed to have turned into warehouses with stocks of things in cupboards / basements / lofts. A question that, as I understand it, is flowing the air and which no elderly person seems to ask, was: What was the purpose? What did we really want?

At Easter 1975, my father said to my mother that he was leaving and wanted a divorce. That was  less than a year after we had moved into a newly built house at Skæring Skolevej 123 in Egå North of Aarhus. In shock, my mother reacted by going with me to her cousin Eva, who lived in Højbjerg in the Southern part of Aarhus. Eva, my mother and I spent Easter 1975 together. In the coming months, my parents worked on selling the house. It was challenging to sell the house at the start. After some time, my mother took the decision to change real estate seller. The new real estate seller, who got the job, sold the house relatively quickly. During this time, my mother also searched for an apartment, where she and I could live. She found an apartment at Elstedhøj 31 in Lystrup - not far from Egå. 

Asking my mother why the divorce happened, she told me this: Since I was born, my mother's focus had turned more and more towards me. My father became jealous of me because I got more attention from my mother than he got. My father felt uncomfortable doing things in the household such as cooking and doing things for / with me. He felt more comfortable and safe doing craftsmen work such as fixing things on the house. My father spent a lot of his time working. My mother and father spent less time together, communicated little with each other and and had sex less often. Through the behavior and a few words that he said once in a while about this period, I learned that freedom was important for him. 

To help me manage the changes following the divorce of my parents and change of homes, my parents made 2 decisions: Decision # 1: They chose to tell me that my father would be going on a long trip, and because of that, I would see him less often. My parents thought it would be better for me, if they explained the change in the family situation this way. Decision # 2: Because I really liked being at the kindergarten Højvang in Egå, my mother decided that until I started primary education at Elsted school in August, 1977, I would continue being a part of the kindergarten community Højvang in Egå.

A challenge I experienced following the divorce of my parents was that my parents had difficulty communicating with each other. Thinking back on this period, I recall that communication between my parents often happened through me. For example, my mother would say something to me about a situation that happened in our lives. When I visited my father, I would share what I had heard my mother say. It was not rare, I experienced, that my father had a different view of the particular situation. When I came back to my mother, I would share with her what my father had said. And it was not rare that she would disagree with the version of my father. In other words, I would often act as a mailman / a postman - transferring messages between my mother and father. And because my mother and father often did not agree with messages of each other, which I transferred between them, I would often feel negative emotions such as frustration, sadness and disappointment. Because I loved both my mother and my father, I would try hard to mediate in the hope that they could come to some sort of agreement regarding what had happened in a certain situation. That remained for years a very difficult challenge. 

Studying children, who experience that their parents divorce, and experiencing it myself, I learned that children of divorced parents may suffer from lack of self-love. I found two reasons for this: 1. When parents of a child divorce, the child may feel guilt, i.e. feel that it is his or her fault that his or her parents divorced and have the impression that he or she should feel shame for that. In other words, the child may believe that because one parent left the family home, she or he is not worthy of love. 2. After the divorce one or both parents may make efforts, which make the child believe that he or she is more special than others. Self-diminishment as well as self-aggrandizement are both damaging for self love. I learned this on page 114 of the book Love 2.0 as well as through personal experience.  The reason for this is that a human being is neither beneath nor above others. Self-diminishment as well as self-aggrandizement deny that. All people are fundamentally the same when it comes to their ability to think, feel and yearn for love. Everyone deserves acceptance, respect and love - even with our many imperfections. It took me more than 40 years after my parents divorced to learn that. Growing up I felt self-diminishment in several situations because my parents divorced. In other situations, I felt self-aggrandizement - not least because my father had, in some situations, a behavior which demonstrated that I was more special than others. 

In the period between the end of October, 1975, when my mother and I needed to move out of the house at Skæring Skolevej 123 in Egå North of Aarhus, and December 15th, 1975, when we could move into the apartment at Elstedhøj 31 in Lystrup, my mother and I lived for about 6 weeks in a Summer house in Egå that my mother had borrowed from some friends. During this time my mother was offered by friends of her, who lived in Egå, to store her things, before we moved to Lystrup. She accepted this offer.

Life in Lystrup with my mother was different than it was in Egå, where I lived with both of my parents. In Lystrup, my mother and I moved into an appartment on the 2nd floor of an appartment. That alone was quite a change from living in a house with a garden. Living with my mother alone and seeing my father only once every two weeks was also quite a change. I remember that when I called my father over the phone now and then, I felt nervous and had sweaty hands. Doing research about children of divorced parents, I found out, for example, that a child, whose parents divorce, may feel guilt, i.e. may think that is is his or her fault that his or her parents divorced. I think I felt such guilt and also some fear. As my friends of my mother lived in and around Egå, we drove to Egå relatively often. I remember, for example, that my mother participated in a gymnastics course in Egå, did athletics and also played badminton once in a while with some friends. Also, she regularly met with 3 friends to play cards and talk. For these sports events and social gatherings, I often came along. In Lystrup, I found new friends - mostly through school and sports. For example, I played football, badminton and tennis and met many other children through these sports activities. I also did things in my spare time with classmates from school. I recall that at Elstedhøj, where I lived, there were people of my age, who were interested in mopeds and fixing mopeds. As this did not really interest me, I mostly spent my spare time at sports clubs as well as in our apartment doing homework, playing the organ and communicating with my mother.

At a party organized by my godmother Gerda Rasmussen in the 1990s, my father told me that after he left my mother and me at Easter in 1975, he went to live with a woman in Højbjerg in the Southern part of Aarhus. It was the first time I had heard that. Later, my father met another woman, Karin. I recall that Karin's last name was Svensson and that her mother was Swedish. My father and Karin married in 1977. Karin worked as a primary school teacher and later as a school principal. My father and Karin settled in Aalestrup in the Northern part of Denmark. 

As my father spent a lot of time working, I spent a lot of time alone, with Karin and with employees.  What did I do? Some examples:

• I did my homework. 

• I cycled around on a bicycle that I partly made myself. 

• I played football with myself - mostly on the street. 

• I mowed lawns at the home as well as around company facilities. 

• I played "crocket" in the garden. Crocket is a simple version of minigolf with a wooden stick and balls.

• I communicated with employees about whatever they were doing. Sometimes, employees invited me to different activities. 3 examples: 1. I recall helping Knud, who worked on bending steel plates on a large machine. I recall that Knud put strong focus on safety which I appreciated. As he had organized a steel in the machine, he told me when to step on the pedal so the steel plate would bend. 2. I recall that Gunnar Krabbe, one of the first employees, invited me to a speedway event at Høvel close to Aalestrup. We watched world class speedway with several great Danish speedway drivers. 3. A third employee invited me to come with him as the drove products in a truck to a variety of customers. We had a great day. Karin had made a lunch package for me. When we got to a customer, I recall that we unloaded products and brought them to the place they needed to be, so the customer was happy.

• I worked with technology such as computer, video camera, and audio equipment. 

• I listened to music.

• I helped Karin do things in the garden. 

• I bought groceries with Karin. 

• Sometimes I helped Karin prepare whatever she was doing for students she served. 

• I also recall helping Karin once in a while to prepare meals such as breakfast, lunch and/or dinner. 

Over several years, I visited Karin and my father every 2 weeks on the weekend.  On Friday afternoon, I took the bus from Aarhus to Viborg. In Viborg, I was picked up by car - usually by Karin. On Sunday, my father drove me from Aalestrup to Viborg. And I then took the bus back from Viborg to Aarhus. In Aarhus my mother picked me up. 

Like my father, my mother also started new relationships after she and my father divorced. My mother had a relationship with Daniel, a man who came from Bizerte in Tunisia, had studied geology in Paris and London and later come to Denmark to live. I recall that Daniel had a dry cleaning shop at Jægergårdsgade in Aarhus and also liked to sail in his sailboat based at Egå marina at the Northern part of Aarhus. Daniel was married and had a son. As he was a muslim, it was, I learned from my mother, not a problem to have relationships with other women. My mother told me that she and Daniel had a wish to go on a long sailing trip together. My mother asked my father, if I could live with him during the time they would go sailing to the Southern part of Europe. My father did not think it was a good idea, as he was afraid that something could happen to my mother. So my mother and Daniel did not go on that sailing trip.

Years later, my mother had a relationship with Auke, a man from Holland who worked on an engineering project in Denmark. My mother told me that she and Auke loved each other a lot and planned to buy a house in Aarhus. From my mother I also learned that when Auke's wife, who lived in Holland, got diagnosed with cancer, my mother chose to end the relationship with Auke. My mother referred to this decision of hers as unselfish,  heart breaking and necessary.

Throughout my life, my mother had a really good friend, Hans Holst, an entrepreneur who lived in Thorsager with his family. I recall that Hans helped fix a lot of things in our home. Hans was also very interested in playing the organ, and he inspired me to start playing the organ as well. Today, I very much appreciate that Hans Holst encouraged me to play the organ and help me learn more about music. Hans also brought my mother meat from animals he had hunted with friends in other countries, for example in Scotland. I recall that when my mother celebrated an anniversary at the dentist school in Aarhus, Hans came with food that I helped him serve to guests who participated at the event. Hans died from cancer.