conflict

Stop and think, are you in a conflict currently? If not, what was the last conflict you had? Take it one step further and note the many conflicts that you have experienced in your lifetime. Chances are they differ in circumstances and relationships. However, what you should recognize is that conflict exists, and will continue to take place in your life.

Conflict can take many forms: a very loud argument between friends, the silent treatment a partner may give the other, or a physical altercation. Conflict if utilized correctly can deepen and strengthen a relationship. Folger et al. (2018) define conflict as the interaction of interdependent parties who perceive incompatibility and the possibility of interference from others as a result of this incompatibility (p. 28). In order to fully grasp what conflict is, let’s break this definition into its various parts.

Components of conflict

Interaction

In order to qualify as conflict there must be an interaction between individuals. Hocker and Wilmot (1985) state for a conflict to exist it must be expressed. The interaction can either be expressed through verbal communication or nonverbal communication. Many may only associate conflict with screaming matches or harsh words. However, conflict can also be expressed through nonverbal communication. For example, if your roommate repeatedly leaves dirty dishes in the sink you could express your unhappiness by declaring to your roommate, “This is so gross, I am tired of seeing your dirty dishes!” Conversely, you could roll your eyes, sigh loudly when you see them, or avoid the situation by continually cleaning the dishes. All of these serve as a way of expressing your unhappiness, thus providing interaction between the two parties. Conflict exists when both parties are aware of it. If one party is simply upset but has not expressed this then conflict does not exist.

Interdependent Parties

Interdependent parties are individuals who are connected in some fashion. Donohue and Kolt (1992) stress the more you enter conflict with someone the more you admit you depend on each other. In the scenario from above if the two roommates do not resolve the dirty dishes then the living situation could continue to downward spiral providing an unhappy living situation for both individuals. In many instances if conflict goes unresolved then the relationship satisfaction will decrease. Even if you find a roommate, neighbor, or co-worker frustrating, you will need to find a way to work through the conflict together or risk continued unhappiness.

Perceived Incompatibility

According to Cupach et. al (2010) “Interpersonal conflict involves two people who strive to achieve goals that may appear incompatible” (p. 4). In our roommate situation if you want a clean sink, then it appears your roommate will lose by having to clean their dishes immediately.

However, in reality a myriad of solutions may exist. Consider these possible solutions: dishes need to be cleaned by a certain time, a rotating chore chart, or using paper products. If any of these solutions solve the conflict then the perceived incompatibility disappears, thus ending the conflict.

Unfortunately, many are unable to see that the incompatibility between the two parties are in fact a perceived incompatibility. If both parties work at the conflict the frame of mind that you are in it together, then solutions may arise, ending the perceived incompatibility.

Scarce Resources or Rewards

Conflict can also exist because you believe there is not enough of something to go around. Scare resources can be both material or social (Van de Vliert, 1997). For example, time is a resource and can often lead to many conflicts. As a student you have many obligations. You have to decide what warrants your time, if you choose one activity over another you can see how this can result in conflict with another area.

Conflict exists. It will take place in all your relationships. The first step in understanding conflict is recognizing its various components. Learning how to navigate conflict is crucial to managing relationships.

Summary

In this Module, we defined conflict and looked at its various components individually. Conflict exists when it is expressed, or an interaction takes place between the interdependent parties. Interdependent parties rely on each other in some way and because of this interdependence there is a perceived incompatibility usually over a scarce resource or reward. A scarce resource or reward is when there is not enough of something and only one party can obtain it. Conflict when done correctly can enhance and grow a relationship.

1. What’s missing?

Create scenarios missing elements of interpersonal conflict. Have students explain why it is does not meet the definition of interpersonal conflict.

Example: Susie is upset with how loud her upstairs neighbors are. However, she has not said or expressed to them how irritated she is, why is this not interpersonal conflict?

2. Perceived Incompatibility

Create scenarios with perceived incompatibility, and have students rewrite the scenarios to have compatibility including multiple solutions. Bonus: have students act out the scenarios.

3. Scarce Resources or Rewards: Discussion Questions

Consider you must choose between studying for your Communication course or attend your friend’s birthday party, which do you choose? What is the scarce resource? If you choose to study, how will that impact the friendship? If possible, how can you accomplish both studying and attending the party?

Cupach, W.R., Canary, D. J. & Spitzberg, B. H. (2010). Competence in Interpersonal Conflict (2^nd ed). Waveland Press Inc.

Donohue, W. A., & Kolt, R. (1992). Managing Interpersonal Conflict (4^th ed.). Sage Publications Inc.

Folger, J.P., Poole, M.S., & Stutman, R.K. (2018). Working through conflict strategies for relationships, groups, and organizations (8th ed.). Routledge.

Hocker, J.L., & Wilmot, W. W. (1985). Interpersonal Conflict (2^nd ed). Wm. C. Brown.

Van de Vliert, E. (1997). Complex Interpersonal Conflict Behaviour: Theoretical Frontiers. Psychology Press.

Interdependent: parties who rely on each other in some fashion.

Interpersonal conflict: the interaction of interdependent parties who perceive incompatibility and the possibility of interference from others as a result of this incompatibility

1. Grey’s Anatomy Conflict clip

Watch the Grey’s Anatomy clip and discuss the conflict. Note the various parts of conflict exhibited in the clip. You can find the link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geDcACgdWtk

2. TedTalk: How Understanding Conflict Can Help Improve Our Lives

Discuss this clip and the various parts of the conflict example presented. Have students pay particular attention to scarce resources and perceived incompatibly. Bonus: have students share when a conflict has helped them grow in a relationship either with partners, a group or with the class. The link is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdDQSHyyUic

3. Interdependence Conflict

Watch The Big Bang Theory Authorship Conflict. Utilize the clip to discuss interdependence in conflict. You can view the link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FtIDDo6Brk