Communication Conflict Styles

The way in which we communicate can instigate a situation or diffuse it. In a model that examined the level of open communication and the degree of concern for others, four distinct communication conflict styles evolved: aggressive, passive aggressive, nonassertive/passive, and assertive.

Aggressive individuals are direct but inappropriate in how they express their discontentment. They show high levels of communication but low levels of consideration for others. They may attack or blame others and use disconfirming behaviors that escalate the conflict. Telling a group member to shut up, rolling our eyes at someone’s suggestion, or mocking someone’s work are all examples of aggressive communication styles.

Passive Aggressive individuals indirectly convey their aggression. They demonstrate low levels of communication and low levels of concern for others. This communication style is emotionally dishonest and often mean. Scholar George Bach identifies five types of passive aggressive behaviors: pseudoaccommodators, guiltmakers, jokers, trivial tyrannizers, and withholders (Bach & Goldberg, 1974). Pseudoaccommodators pretend to agree or accommodate to the needs of other while secretly planning to not do whatever they agreed to do. Guiltmakers intentionally make others feel guilty or bad. They will agree to do something, but then make the other person feel responsible for any hardship that occurred due to the accommodation. Jokers use the guise of humor to say hurtful things. Trivial tyrannizers intentionally do small things to annoy others. Witholders punish others by holding back something valuable such as affection.

Nonassertive individuals are passive and accommodate the needs of others. Nonassertive, passive individuals show low levels of communication and high levels of consideration for others. They may at times be indirect and hint at what they want from others instead of directly asking. These individuals may also seek to please others at their own detriment. An example of this is a group member who takes on more work than she ought to or who hints at the fact that he needs help but does not directly ask for it.

Assertive individuals honestly, appropriately, and directly convey their feelings, thoughts, and needs without coming across as demanding or evaluative. Assertive individuals are highly communicative and highly concerned not only with their own needs but also those of others. Assertive individuals are empathic to the emotions and the needs of others while being confident and clear in expressing their needs. The assertive style is the preferred conflict style because it resolves the conflict without escalating the problem.

Creating Assertive Messages

Since the way in which we communicate can diffuse situations or instigate them, it is helpful to learn how to construct assertive messages. An assertive message has five components.

First, describe the observed behavior in confirming, nonjudgmental terms. Avoid evaluative words or overgeneralizations such as always or never. Stick to the facts and remain objective. Compare the following two statements .

Descriptive statement: “I didn’t receive your portion of the group project on Friday.”

Judgmental statement: “Why are you always late with your work?”

The descriptive statement is a fact that is not open to interpretation or argument. The judgmental statement is likely to lead to a defensive response.

Second, provide two possible interpretations of the observed behavior. Be sure to word assumptions as questions in the same way you would for a perception check. Avoid seeming as though you are dictating or assigning blame. Building on the previous example, one could say, “Perhaps you were swamped with other tasks, or maybe you forgot?”

Third, describe how the behavior makes you feel. Although this adds a personal element to the message, it is important to remain confirming in language choice. Saying, “I feel you are inconsiderate” may lead to a defensive reaction because it is an evaluative statement, whereas expressing, “I felt stressed out” may lead to a more empathic response. Focus on what you are feeling, not on what you believe the other person felt.

Fourth, describe the possible consequences of the other person’s actions. What happened or could have happened because of the observed behavior? Again, be clear and assertive but avoid sounding judgmental. Continuing the earlier example, “When portions of the assignment aren’t turned in on time, it slows down other elements of the project and creates a backlog for the team.”

Fifth, state your intention of what you would like done or where you stand on the issue. Be confident about what you want or need, but be careful not to come across as arrogant or demanding. Adding the final step to our scenario, one could say, “I would like to know your progress on the project.”

So, if we put all five components together the final statement would be: “I didn’t receive your portion of the group project on Friday. Perhaps you were swamped with other tasks, or maybe you forgot? I felt stressed out by the missing document. When portions of the assignment aren’t turned in on time, it slows down other elements of the project and creates a backlog for the team. I would like to know your progress on the project.” One might initially feel discomfort at delivering an assertive message, but the benefits of a clear, direct message increase the likelihood of a satisfactory resolution to the problem.

Summary

As we have discussed in this chapter, conflict is natural and omnipresent. Therefore, it is inevitable in our small work groups. Conflict is nuanced and can occur due to perceived incompatible goals; it can be instrumental and utilized in constructive ways; and it can be subtle and even unacknowledged. Conflict can be both harmful and beneficial to groups. Of the four types of conflict, task conflict is the most beneficial due to its ability to improve decision making and strategic planning and to inhibit groupthink. Although some conflict may be beneficial to the group, too much conflict can inhibit group progress. There are ways of mitigating each specific conflict type such as allowing conflict-free brainstorming and following it up with a thorough analysis by the devil’s advocate, minimizing group differences while embracing diverse ideas, evenly distributing or even rotating group responsibilities, and negotiating a redistribution of resources. Furthermore, conflict is a necessary stage in group decision making as noted in both Fisher’s and Tuckman’s group models.

The ways in which we manage conflict, or our conflict management styles, reveal the degree of concern that we have for ourselves and for others. These styles provide a framework for understanding how individuals manage conflict. In order to promote a supportive environment and positive communication climate, we ought to use confirming communication and behaviors. By strengthening positive emotions and reducing contentious negative emotions, we strengthen the trust and cohesiveness of the group. Furthermore, using confirming and assertive messages not only diffuse a negative situation but also create a climate that is positive and open and that helps groups function more effectively.