Responding Appropriately
Imagine you are looking through lenses that need to be cleaned. It is likely you will not be able to see the whole picture clearly. Along those same lines, imagine you are listening with ear muffs on. Will you understand everything being said? Cleaning the glasses and removing the ear muffs will help you better understand the situation at hand. The same concept applies to our use of language and nonverbal communication. When messages lack clarity, it makes it difficult for others to respond appropriately.
Clarifying a message in communication involves responding to the speaker with what you understand about their basic message to find out if you are receiving the message as intended. Clarifying allows the communicators to resolve any misunderstanding or areas of confusion. When you become skilled in the art of clarifying, you can be an excellent communicator, both personally and professionally.
Hone the skill of asking clarifying questions of people in situations where an appropriate response is crucial. Asking questions and occasionally paraphrasing (or restating in your own words) what the speaker has said also reassures the speaker that you are attempting to understand what they are expressing. Remember, building a positive communication climate includes recognizing, acknowledging, and endorsing the sender. Remember, also, to remain non-judgemental as you seek clarification.
Examples of appropriate clarifying questions include:
“When you said ___, did you mean (summarize your interpretation)?”
“Would you please repeat that? I’m not sure I heard you fully.”
“I’m unclear about what you are conveying. Can you help me understand?”
“Do I understand you correctly? Are you saying (summarize what you heard)?”
“So I can understand, would you offer some specific examples?”
It is also important to develop the skill of asking others when they need clarity from you. Communication can be complex; so, while what you are trying to convey might be clear to you, there are many reasons your message may not be understood as intended. Ask clarifying questions of your listener such as:
“I am not sure that I am being clear. Can you please tell me what you are interpreting that I’m saying?”
“What questions do you have about what I’m saying?”
“I want to clear up any confusion. How can I help?”
These questions and others can help you confirm whether you are being clear in your communication. We have discussed how to clarify messages, but how clearly are you communicating as a sender? It is a great idea to ask a trusted person to observe your communication and help you understand how your communication might be perceived. Ask that trusted person to evaluate and report on your tone, pitch, touch, body language, and facial expressions. As you continue to receive feedback, make adjustments to improve the clarity of your communication.
Clarity and Nonverbal Messages
Make certain as you listen to others that you are also paying attention to their nonverbal messages and behavior. If there is a disconnect between the verbal and nonverbal message, seek clarification. Likewise, make sure your own verbal and nonverbal communication is in alignment. Does your voice match your facial expressions? If you are excited about the idea you are presented and your voice is raised, that would match, wouldn’t it? Does your appearance match the situation? Are you dressed appropriately for the occasion? The ambiguity of nonverbal codes can make crucial conversations even more challenging. We will look closely at these communication challenges in the next section.